Hi Moms -
A couple weeks ago we had to put down our 13 year old dog, who we've had since he was 7 weeks old. He was very sick and and has been for awhile now. We tried preparing our girls (6 yrs and 4 yrs) as much as you can, knowing that the time was coming soon. But now that it's here, our 4 year old is having an extremly difficult time dealing with the loss.
I am not trying to minimize her feelings, as I am having a hard time too, after having him for 13 years, but I need to find some way to help her. I gave her a picture to keep and now she walks around holding it and crying, we let balloons go to send "up to him", read her a book from the library and that set her off again, and of course she just looks at the pictures in the book and cries. I keep telling her that it is okay to be sad, and he will always be in her heart and she can always tell him she loves him, but nothing seems to work. I know this will take time, but I am hoping someone has an idea that will help her cope/understand. It is just breaking my heart watching her. The past few nights she has pretty much cried herself to sleep, holding a picture of him. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
PS - Another puppy right now is not an option :)
Hi Tami,
I wrote an article on this topic for Chicago Parent earlier this year. Maybe something in there can help you.
http://www.chicagoparent.com/article.asp?aID=55941315.###...
Best of luck!
M.
http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm
We lost our cat last October and my daughter was really fond of her. She was able to print this poem, personalize it with the cats name, frame it and put it on her wall to remember her by. It seemed to help bring her comfort.
Oh this is soooo sad. (and, no... I wasn't going to suggest a puppy right now!)
You have really done a great job handling this - really and truly! It's not easy and time will heal. Very compassionate. There's nothing easy about this. It is important for her to grieve and, eventually you will be able to replace the tears, with conversations about good times that the family had with your beloved pet. Having a special spot in the garden, a special flower bed or even planting a new tree, in his honor, and watching it grow every year (giving credit to him as it grows taller and taller), can give you comfort and can always be referred to, fondly, as your "pet's garden".
Great job, Mom. I'm sure it's very hard for you, too. The balloon send-off was just a very lovely gesture! My pup was 17 years old but my kids were much younger, and I do remember how hard that was.... time does heal. Good luck to you.
I feel for yours and your daughters situation. I too went through this with my 4 year old when we lost our dog after a loving 16 years. I just knew that dog was gonna out live us all and be willed the house,lol. I too did what you did including the balloons. Yes time is the best answer sad to say. I helped my daughter put together a photo albumn of happy memories and we laughed and cried but mostly laughed. We planted a small tree just for him to hike his leg on and my daughter loves to daydream under it. I told my daughter that though we loved and needed our dog that God needed him even more to help guard the gates of heaven and he is at his best guarding the gates when she is having good thoughts and happy memories instead of being sad. Her laughter lets him know that his job in heaven is of upmost importance. I hope this helps.
I am very sorry for your great loss. You did a great job preparing for it.
The care hotline is a free service ran by veterinary students who are trained in grief management. Perhaps having her talk to one of them can help her to sort out her feelings or they may have more ideas for you. The web-site included may have other ideas as well.
sorry about your loss.
We lost two dogs in one year. we borrowed a copy of Dog Heaven by last name Rylant (I can't remember the first name) from our vet. My son (7 at the time) read it about a 100 times. It really helped him to know our two dogs were playing with the angel children.
good luck
N. g
We lost our dog this year, too, and it still hurts. Surprised me. But I don't have her to take walks with, she slept with my son every night and he feels her absence and I still expect her barking when I walk into silence. You will probably get a lot of answers for this. Another dog isn't an option for me right now either. But perhaps there is another pursuit or activity that would really interest her. It will not replace her loss, but will help readjust. You didn't say how old she is so I can't go on about the benefits of piano lessons and guitar lessons or tumbling or getting a guinea pig but you know. If it is really bad for a very long time then perhaps a pastor or teacher could have a good long talk with her. aww, so sorry to hear this...
Only time help's the loss. let the kids be sad they loved their dog they should be sad. One day you'll notice the crying will be gone. I think losing something or someone you love is sad, but it is a natural part of life. look at adults that have never lost a love one , and when it happens they can not cope. Missing, crying, being sad, that's all natural.
I recommend these resources...
http://drphil.com/articles/article/282/
http://www.mothering.com/health/accepting-gift-grief-and-...
http://www.mothering.com/health/coffee-cups-and-cowboy-bo...
http://www.mothering.com/green-living/chicken-lessons
http://www.mothering.com/my-darling-clementinea-child-and...
http://www.mothering.com/dealing-death
Best wishes,
J.
Sorry, I didn't see your P.S. before. I have owned dogs most of my life, and the oldest dog I ever had was 15 years.) So, you did a great job taking care of him since he died at 13. Typically, dogs can last between 10-14 years.
It's okay for your child to grieve..I did too when I was younger. It takes time to get over a pet, but let her know that dogs do age faster than people, and the dog is as old as grandpa or great-grandpa and he had a wonderful life. I think sometimes children don't understand that concept and they think dogs should live as old as people.
Tami-
I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. I'm currently in the process of preparing myself and my son for having to put my 14 year old dog to sleep in the next few weeks. Your ways of preparing your girls were wonderful, and I hope you don't mind if i use a few.
I hope your little one comes to terms with her grief. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you and your family.
--Cathie
We just had to put down our dog too. She was only 6 but was terminally ill and took at huge turn for the worse recently. We too had been preparing my 4 year old that kasha is very sick and she might die but we really have to hope she'll be ok. So we took Kasha to the vet when my daughter was napping. when she got up we told her that Kasha had died. She too has had a rough time. We encourage her to talk about it and I think it has helped that she has a stuffed animal that looks like Kasha. Then she can hug and talk to the stuffed animal. she too keeps asking about getting a puppy but I told her we have to think about it and that puppys are a lot of work. We have 21 month old twins and the thought of potty training 2 boys and a puppy seems a little overwhelming to the parents. So I'm hoping the stuffed animal option will help you out.
Good Luck!
Jenny
I think you are handling the situation as best as you know how. Treat it the same as you would if it was a family member, if she wants to talk, just listen. I really think it is a mistake for parents to avoid letting children have pets because they are concerned about what would happen if the animal died. My mother thought that after our first pet dog died. But I feel that it made dealing with the death of human loved ones much easier. It's all part of the learning process of life.
We lost one of our dogs last year. The book "Dog Heaven" helped our son quite a bit. He still reads it and talks about Ginger, but it did seem to comfort him.
Good luck.
J. R.
Hi Tami,
So sorry for your loss. Pets are members of the family and they are hard to say goodbye to. We went through something similar with our daughter and dog. We read Dog Heaven as one mom suggested, as well as a really pretty book about how all things - from plants to people - are born, live and die. I asked at Barnes and Noble and this was one they recommended. The vet that put our dog down gave us lots of grief support materials, including a set for kids. Ask your vet for suggestions. I think affirming your daughters' sadness and giving them the space to work through it is good, too. Letting them know how sad you are is helpful, too, so they know they're not alone. We had our dog for 10 years and when you are that used to someone being around, it is a hard transition. We were reminded of her all the time and it was very sad. But, time really does heal. We still miss her, but in a happy, remember the good times kind of way vs. the raw, heartbroken kind of way. You'll all get there, too!
Hi Tami,
I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your dog. When we had to put our 11 year old dog down my son was also very upset; so much so that he wrote a poem in school entitled "My Dead Dog." It was a beautiful tribute to his beloved Bailey. Someone suggested that my son create his own book in memory of his pet. The book encouraged my son to draw and write about how he was feeling. It was something he created that he could treasure for always.
