Dealing with Neighborhood Chidlren and Their Parents

Don't take it out on the kids until you find out what REALLY happened. Girls can be bratty at this age and say inappropriate things.

Go visit the mom and strike up a friendly conversation. Butter her up with lots of compliments about her daughter: she plays so nicely, my daughter likes her, blah, blah. Then say something like: You know she said something interesting the other day, and I was wondering if you could shed some light on it... she said, '... liar' comment. I wonder if my daughter said something to Megan to upset her or there was some kind of confussion that we could clear up, yada yada. don't pin in on Megan and her mom, just suggest there was a mistake.

If mom is a b... about it, drop it and move on. Let the girls have a friendship without the pissy mom. don't write off the relationship b/c of ONE comment. If things continue... then consider dropping them. Hey, neither of you are moving anytime soon!

Hi Y.

You're hurt- and possibly more.
Don't punish the kids for their parents-- of which you're not even sure of.
Kids say a ton of things-- fabrications they hear said-- things they know hurt or upset.....
At our home-- we all play together or no-one plays. If someone can't get along-- they go home. If they whisper, say mean things or exclude-- they go home and we tell the parents why. And when conversations come up-- and they will forever- we just call and inquire.
"just curious"- Megan said this to my daughter-Did something happen at your house. I'd like to know if she misbehaved or if I just overhead a joking conversation at the wrong time." Assume the BEST-- you might be wasting all your energy on negativity that is misunderstood.

If not-- then deal with it as you need to-- just don't punish the kids for their parents.

To peaceful resolve---

About me: 48 yo perfusionsist, wellness coach for nationwide online biggestloser where you win big $, and mom to 7 yo twin girls who also get caught up in friends drama

B. J

I understand that you are upset. Kids say mean things sometimes, and if Megan couldn't or wouldn't give you an explanation, my guess would be that her mom didn't even say it.

I think you are overreacting, understandably, but I think you need to take a few big breaths, let things settle down and allow your daughter to resume her friendship with this little girl. I wouldn't even say anything to her mom...not this time. If it happens again, or another upsetting conversation takes place, wait 48 hours and then go talk to her.

You sound like a great mom and the "mother tiger" came out in you, full force!

C.

Well, I don't know the history you may have with your neighbor, if there have been any issues in the past between your children, or if you are a bit resentful of the fact that you are constantly taking care of her child without so much as a thank you or any acknowledgement at all, but....in your neighbor's defense, she may have been using your daughter as an example while speaking to her daughter about lying. As in "You know, all kids lie sometimes, even your friends"...and maybe didn't specifically mention your child. I have used similar phrasing with my daughter when speaking to her about lying. I believe my exact words were "Everybody lies at some time or another, but that doesn't make it right."
I would suggest that before you make such a drastic change in who is allowed to play with your child, you speak to your neighbor....I suggest calmly. It may just be a mis-understanding. Children are great repeaters, but sometimes take things out of context, or don't repeat all of what was said.
Good luck!

I understand that the parents don't need to be best friends in order for the kids to play together, however, Megan is spending an awful lot of time at your house and with your family and you don't seem to know very much about her family. As a parent, I would certainly want to know what kind of family my daughter was spending so much time with. On the flip side, I would not let a neighborhood child spend so much time with my family without checking in with her family just to ensure that there are not issues with me doing that. You need to take responsibility for your role in this too. I would use this opportunity to get to know her mom better and check in with her to see if it's ok that her daughter spend so much time with your daughter. Also, you can lay down some ground rules if needed, like dinner at your house once in a while is fine but not every day, etc.

Good luck.

I wouldn't be so upset. I have noticed that what children say may or may not be true. If you didn't hear Megan's Mother say your daughter lies, then you don't know if Megan is telling the truth.

I have found that the best way to tackle these kinds of problems is to show my child how to best deal with the situation. If it happened at my house I would teach my child to say, "I am sorry to hear that." Then drop it. Megan is trying to get some attention and she is old enough to seek it in a better way.

If you teach your child right from wrong and how to not be hurt by what others think or do, you will have a much happier child. Teach her to stand up for what is right and not cow down to what others think. I would thank God for this learning moment that happened right under your nose. So much happens when you aren't able to listen that you need to use every moment like this to teach your child proper behavior when you have the chance.

Overreacting, I think. Sorry.

You are taking word of a child as straightforward truth. I am a teacher, and I know from years of experience that children do NOT always report things clearly. Children frequently mishear or misunderstand or misinterpret or misrepresent things that other people say to them.

There are many, many possible explanations:
*Megan heard her mother say that about a different child.
*Megan's mother said that about Megan ("Honey, you are telling too many lies," and Megan wanted to lash out at somebody.
*Someone, somewhere, lied to Megan, and now Megan is very interested in the topic of lying.
*Your daughter said something like "there are fairies in my backyard" and when Megan told that to her mother, her mother said, "Well, honey, actually that's not really true, there's no such thing as fairies."

Calm down, take a step back, and when you're totally relaxed and mellow, just take the simple step of talking to Megan's mother. Say, "Megan said _____ and I was wondering if you knew what that meant."

No need whatsoever to ban kids from your yard.

It's not about you. It's not an insult. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU. Your daughter would probably feel a lot better if this sort of thing didn't freak you out and make you angry. Try to remember that with children, things aren't always clear.

There is another topic at hand, however. Do you feel taken advantage of by Megan's mother? This has nothing to do with Megan's statement, but it would be totally reasonable if you were feeling frustrated. In this case, again, just talk to Megan's mother in a calm, friendly way.

Good luck! I hope it all gets worked out and your neighborhood stays happy!

I can totally understand your frustration with this situation. I think that a couple things may be going on. First, due to the time that the child spends with your family, it sounds like her parents may being lazy about pareting, and passing off their daughter to others. When the daughter comes home with her side of a story, I'm guesing that they aren't really delving into what happened or challenging her to do wht is right, but blaming the other child (your daughter).

That being said, I would calmly go on an information gathering mission and speak with the other mother- adult to adult- no children present. After some friendly banter, I'd open by letting her know that you heard that she thought your daughter was lying. I'd say that you would like to find out the details so that you can correct the sitaution if need be, as you don't want this sort of thing to continue. Thank her and let her know that these things are important for you to know so that you can help your child be the best that she can and in the future you would appreciate her coming directly to you if she hears something of concern. After you gather the details, Then I'd speak with your daughter privately to try and figure out what situation the neighbor was referring to. I would be open to the idea that your daughter might have told her friend something incorrectly, as so many parents are so convinced that their children are correct and blame everyone else as your neightbor has, that sometimes we miss things that we should handle.

I have two thoughts: one, if this mother truly thinks your daughter is lying and therefore is a bad influence on her daughter, she needs to stop sending her daughter to your house to be supervised under your rules. Obviously, it doesn't BOTHER her much that your daughter is a "liar." I would be irritated too.

BUT. I actually just had this conversation with my neighbor; his daughter and her best friend come home from school with "stories". The other girl's mother, who doesn't seem to realize her own daughter also makes up stories, believes his daughter is the instigator and the one who causes the problems. Instead of saying your daughter LIES, perhaps the mother should have said it was a made up story; it was in her imagination, etc. Kids make up stories for everything, and whether it was your daughter or hers doesn't really matter; the point is that the mom doesn't believe what she heard. Maybe she is trying to teach her daughter about lying, maybe the daughter even told a story, mom said, well, that's not entirely true, is it? and the daughter said, then it's a LIE! Remember that what got back to YOU may also not be what the mom truly said but rather is the daughter's interpretation.

If you want to get to the root of it, call the mom under the guise of disciplining YOUR daughter--"Megan came over and said that you believed my daughter has been lying. I don't want my daughter lying, so I'd like to know more about the situation in which she was lying to you." Mom will have to explain herself or to realize that HER daughter took words out of her mouth inappropriately or is herself lying.

I'm a little confused. Did this comment come from the child or the adult? In any case, saying nothing never solves anything. Very often, young children overhear conversations (from many sources), pickup on one word and think they know what was said but completely misinterpret the whole conversation. I would ask either the child or the adult "how" they meant what they said or ask specifically what they think the lie was about. There is probably a misunderstanding on both sides.

C. J.

I hate to say it, but you are over reacting somewhat. Hearing this you should have questioned her on what a lie is and why she thinks your daughter lied to her. Other then that, you should remember that sometimes kids say something like that for whatever reason is known only to her. Maybe your daughter did say something and when the little girl went home and told her mom she might have said something about maybe it was a lie, who knows. You could always talk with the mom and find out what was said. Another thing to remember is sometimes kids lie about what someone says. My little niece would tell me "my mom says I don't have to take a nap" or something else which I know her Mom didn't ever say that, but she thought that I couldn't argue when it was her mom that said that. She is only 3 and has learned how to manipulate in such a way.

If you don't want to talk to the mother, or can't without being open minded about it, then just let it go and remember that the only one who is going to remember this incident is you. So don't hold it against the little girl and let the friendship blossom. One thing you should do in any case is talk with your daughter about how sometimes people say something hurtful and it makes the one saying hurtful things in the wrong, not the one who is being hurt. She needs to know that even if this mother said that, it should never have been repeated to her. Do so in possitive ways and not teach her to talk bad about others.

It may have just been "Megan" misunderstood a lesson her mom was trying to teach her! It could have begun with Megan's mom was telling her that everyone lies sometimes and Megan misinterpreted it and told your daughter that she lies. An example of what may have happened is:
Megan's mom saying " everyone lies sometimes"
Megan " even (insertt your daughters name) !
Megan's mom "yes even (your daughters name)!
And then she goes over to your house and is "repeating" the conversation and you heard the worse part and just assumed it was something terrible! If I were you I would talk to Megans mom and let her know what you heard and find out exactly what happened! I too am the mom who's house all the kids hang out at but in my case it is not neighborhood kids it is all the kids at our Church! I am called the Churches official babysitter and believe me it comes with alot of issues! There are always misunderstandings! Good luck!

I understand your anger, but what I find sometimes is that kids repeat things completely out of context. Unless you ask your neighbor, you don't know what exactly was said about what. Did she actually use the word "lie"?

I also know that kids are not immune to boasting or exaggerating, especially if they feel that they are competing with someone else--even over small things.

It sounds as though Megan might have talked with her mother about something(s) your daughter said that Megan believed wasn't true.

The important thing is to talk with your daughter. What does *she* think about what Megan said? Does it bother her? Does your daughter think that she exaggerates things?

My son (6) will lie to me. He tells me things that are exaggerated or simply not true. When I press him on it, he will say, "No, that wasn't the truth." And I reiterate to him that I like when he tells me the truth because then I trust him and it's important to trust each other.

Some "lies" are worse than others. It's one thing to exaggerate about how many eggs you found at an Easter egg hunt, it's another to say someone at school kicked you in the face when it didn't happen.

I would address this more as an issue between the girls. "Since the two of you are friends, maybe you didn't know that one important part of being friends is always telling each other the truth. It creates good feelings because then you know you can trust each other. If you want to know if something is true, ask your friend. And that friend should tell the truth."

Again, I don't blame you for feeling angry, but it seems like this can be resolved between the girls without having a confrontation with your neighbor.

It's hard, but the best thing you can do is calmly talk with the mom involved. Something like, The other day your daughter made a comment I'd like to ask you about. She said you told her my daughter lies sometimes. Because we value honesty in our household, will you please tell me what lies you've heard my daughter tell so that we can clear up this situation? Most of all, stay calm and unconfrontational. You don't want to be at odds with your neighbors and you don't want your daughter to lose friends over something that may be a misunderstanding. Perhaps you and the neighbor will even become friends and can take those walks together with your daughters.

Hi Y. -

I am the mother of a 4 & 5 year old and we are just beginning to deal with kids telling kids things that aren't true. We have told our kids that the child who gave the misinformation may have thought it was true, but we then clear up the facts for our child. I agree that it is not right to tell a child that their friend lies, unless it is a friend who really has an issue with lying and you are trying to explain it to your child.

I am also a very sensitive person and get so upset any time my child's feelings are hurt. I really have to work on this as she gets older.

The only thing I want to say to you is that you might want to give Megan's mother the benefit of the doubt. Megan may be saying that her mother said something that she really didn't say. I know you are very upset and I don't blame you, but the decision to stop being with Megan so much seems to be tough on your daughter. I don't think you are being too sensitive, but I think sometimes those of us who are sensitive have to really suck it up and help our children deal with these issues, without taking drastic steps, even though they may be warranted. If it is possible for you to talk to the mom and tell her what happened and that you are upset about it, maybe you will find that she didn't say what Megan repeated.

Bottom line, I guess I am saying to just be sure you don't end up punishing your daughter for the mistakes of others. She is going to have to deal with a lot of lying kids and adults in her future and she might as well learn that most important thing is that she know the truth and she know that you will always be there to tell her the truth and support her.

You sound like such a kind and loving parent. And a really great neighbor. Don't let other's behaviors change yours.

Good luck with everything. I hope you can work this out and have a fabulous summer.

To be honest, yes, I think you are overreacting. It would appear to me that you are doing the exact thing that your neighbor did, which is to make assumptions. I would approach the other mother, explain what you heard, and ask for an explanation. Since it seems like a very emotionally charged issue for you, I would strongly suggest you write a note, wait 24 hours, review/edit it, then send it to her. I have a 10 year old stepdaughter, and she oftentimes confuses things her mother or other people say, so this may simply be a case of that.

I am kind of laughing right now....everyone can say that you are overreacting UNTIL it happens to them. I feel for you.....I would be mad too!
Call up the mom and just ask if this is true. Tell her, because if her daughter is saying hurtful things then she needs to discipline her daughter. If the mom really did say that then you can restrict playtime with your daughter.
If the "Megan" speaks for her mom ever again, tell Megan that you will call her mom and ask if she said that.
Either way, your daughter does not need to be treated like that. Just asking honestly can not hurt. Tell her too, how it makes you feel! Most likely it's a misunderstanding but I can hardly blame you for being hurt. You are just a mom who wants to protect your child from hurtful words like the rest of us! :)

It sounds like these people should be very greatful to you for doing all of that with their child. I wouldn't put restrictions on the child not coming over because she didn't do anything (her parents did). But keep talking with the girl and figure out what prompted her parents to say that. Maybe (hopefully) it was taken out of context. It sounds like you do wonderful things for this girl and she probably looks dearly up to you. Take a little while to relax and calm down then talk to the girl again.

Maybe I am missing something here? Perhaps you should just have a conversation with the mom. Children often distort what they hear. I will give you an example.. my son came home from daycare and said that he wasn't allowed in the treehouse but all the other kids were. That the daycare person wouldn't let him. He also said the daycare ladies son was preventing him from getting into the treehouse. When I asked about it, it turned out that she was afraid they would fall, and that she had taken the ladder away and none of the kids should be up there. (it was a miscommunication). I know it's hard to take these things, but obviously this mom trusts her child with you and your children enjoy playing together, so I guess my advice is that before you cut them off, perhaps you should talk to the parent.

Sorry to put this so bluntly, but "Yes" you are overreacting and too sensitive. Honestly, I would say "Shame on you". I hope you don't handle all situations like this or your daughter is going to learn some bad habits from you. Unless you heard it directly from the horse's mouth, you need to gather all the facts. You don't know if the neighbor girl's mom really said that. You need to ask her "politely" and not in a rage. Little girls (and boys for that matter) say things that may not be true. Talk to the mom.
That being said, if she admits to saying it, you should express your disappointment in a calm manner. You're still going to be neighbors and you don't want it to be uncomfortable. Also, it is not the little girl's fault so I would still let them play together. Maybe just tell the mom she needs to supervise and be there as well.

I'm a grandmother and have a slightly different perspective than some of the other comments. My daughter & 2 grandkids live 3 blks. from us we we see them and their friends frequently. My daughter, also, is the neighborhood Mom and is one of those types that let's anybody & everybody play in her house & yard with her kids. She, also, has lots of problems similar to the one you have. She also feeds them when they aren't called home to supper, takes the whole neighborhood for walks in the evening, etc.
My advice to her (from experience) is to limit the number of kids at a time, who they play with (not just everyone who "appears"), and the amount of time they spend with your children. It is not in yours or your daughters best interest to be the neighborhood "doormat". Your daughter will feel safer, more secure, and show more respect to you and her friends, knowing that Mommy has set rules for her and her friends when they come to play. My daughter was feeding and caring for 2 neighbor girls aged 7 and 10 nearly every night of the week. They were well behaved & disrespectul and she felt sorry for them because their mother neglected them while entertaining her boyfriend, etc. Most of the time the mother didn't even know the girls were eating supper at my daughter's house. My daughter is single, has ADD, on welfare, etc., and I tell her (this should apply to anyone) that if parents do not care enough to know where and what their own children are doing most of the time, they are just using my daughter's generosity as a free babysitter & free restaurant at her expense.
She needs to limit her children's time with those type of children (even if it isn't their fault and she feels sorry for them, like my daughter does)and seek out playmates for her children who have parents who know where they are, feeds them meals at home, has family activities alone with their own children, and keeps a close watch on their daughters friends when they come to her house. There are enough children in this world that parents shouldn't feel that they have to "settle" with whatever neighborkids are available for playmates for their children. There are children at church, playgrounds, YMCA's, sports activities, music lessons, school, etc.

There is a saying (not sure how it goes) that chidren "Learn What they Live", or they "Live What they Learn" - either one is applicable. Even though there are bad children from good parents and good children from bad parents, our own children will be exposed to family dynamics and spiritual values they have observed from their friends and their friends parents. It is so important that we shape our children's & grandchildren's lives while we still have a certain amount of "control" over who they spend their time with. At age 9 your daughter will very soon spproach a critical time in her life where your influence over her and her friends will be greatly diminished.
Sorry, I didn't mean to be preachy. This topic is close to my heart because I can't get thru to my daughter on this either. Her son's best friend's mother is an alcoholic (been sober 2 wks. now). The boys are 7 but the neighbor boy is already showing signs of aggression. My daughter lets our grandson spend a lot of time at their house and with a severe drinking problem, how does my daughter know what kind of supervision they have or what kind of "drinking" habits the family has?
This may sound extreme to some of you who wouldn't let your children play with alcoholic parents but too many parents are letting their children spend time with other children who do not share the same home values. The saying that "One rotten apple spoils the whole barrel" is so so true. There are too many good kids from good homes who share our similar family and spiritual values. When it comes to our children, why settle for less?

I would really try not to get too upset over this. It's possible that the little girl told her mom something about your daughter that wasn't true or that was misinterpreted. My son plays with a little boy that lies all the time, he's over to our home all the time and I feed him a lot too. I think there is a lot of jealousy going on. I've caught him in lies and I always call him out on it.
I suggest you ask the little girl why her mom thinks that your daughter lies. I would tell her that you were hurt by those words because it's simply not true. Set the boundries with the little girl.
She clearly wishes her mom took her in the way that you do. You're right to set boundries with this family. If she ask why she can't go with you then I would tell her the truth. Tell her that if they think your daughter is lying about things then it's best that they not spend so much time together.

Chances are - if you talk to the mother you would get a different story. That's an idea too.

Good luck!

I would invite the other mother over for coffee and a talk. She may be upset that her daughter is spending so much time with you and your family. She may be feeling left out. I grew up in this horribaly dis-functional family and my Mom was always nice to everyone to their face and said the meanest things behind their back. My dad was the nicest guy when company was there and mean as they come when it was just us. He would scream and hollar at us for the littlest things and everything was all our fault and we were all stupid. When someone would invite me to spend time at their home to play my Mom would tell me ' they don't want you' what would they want you for they have kids of their own they don't need anyone else's kids over there'. I'm 54 and my Mom is still with me and the sting of those words is still with me. But no one knows of the things she said because I never said anything. My point is that we never know what is going on in other peoples homes. This mother may honestly feel that you and your daughter don't want Megan playing at your house and that you are just putting up with her. She may believe(as I did)that no one is really nice it is just a put-on. It took me a long time to honestly believe that some people are nice and truely sincere. Maybe you can have this mother over to talk and really get to know her, this may all stem from a true self esteem issue on her part. I would say don't shut out Megan you may be the only nice person she knows.

Something to think about is maybe her mother did not say you lie sometimes. Sometimes kid misinterpret things or just plain make things up for attention or reaction or whatever reason. Talk to the family if you have issues. You might find out it is just a misunderstanding, at the very least you will feel a lot better and then your daughter will not feel like she is being disciplined for what her friends are saying!

There is a reason "Megan" seemingly spends all of her free time at your house and around your children. Maybe you and your family are somewhere safe where she gets attention and interaction.

Does Megan lie? Perhaps she was making this up for whatever reason. Maybe Megan misunderstood what her mother said to her. Maybe she'd been talking to her mom about something that she discussed with your daughter, and the mom didn't share the same opinion, and Megan interpreted that as "lie." Or, if she can't explain herself, than perhaps there is nothing to explain. Kids sometimes say things for attention or just to see what the reaction will be....you never know.

The thing with kids is they often move on from things faster than we do...we consider all the implications of what they have said, and dwell on the possibilities of "what if". You should ask yourself what having Meghan around was worth to you and your daughter, and move on from there.

Yep - I agree with the others - find out the details first from the neighbor - but I'd wait to do it until you can ask her with the intentions of fact-finding vs. fuming (take the emotion out of it so that she won't get defensive). you are a very generous neighbor to let her child come over and spend all that time at your house, and it sounds like your daughter enjoys playing with her, so I don't see any reason to put a stop to that as long as you talk to the mom, and then also talk to your daughter about the comments that "Megan" made and how they made her feel and what you can do about it (ie., talk about how when these comments are made, it's good to get clarification on the details - I think that would be a good lesson for your daughter as well to not jump to conclusions without having all the facts).

GL - let us know how it goes!

I totally understand why you are mad. I would be too. But you're right, you shouldn't make your daughter pay for it, or the other kids. Your problem is with the mom next door. You need to sit down and talk to her about it, and get things figured out if you can. It's not her daughter's fault that her mom told her that either. Good luck!

Yes, you are overreacting.

This is an excellent situation to teach your child how to respond and how to act.

When someone offends you (which happens all the time in adult life, as you and I both know) the best thing to do is to "give them the benefit of the doubt".

You have no idea what the conversation was that was between daughter and mom. So, for you to say that the other mom should say that it was a misunderstanding and then you overreact and say that the other girl can not play anymore is a bit hypocritical. Having friends takes effort, and your little girl needs to learn how to roll with the punches, and like it or not, you are her most influential teacher.

It's not bad to be mad. Just be careful where you go with it.

Also, you could tell your daughter, that you don't think that she lies, but remind her that it isn't good to do so. Again, a good opportunity for positive reinforcement.

The other girl, Megan, sounds like she might have a home life that doesn't allow as much quality time with her parents as you have in your family. She is benefiting from you in more ways that you will ever know. In 20 years she will look back and think what an amazing woman you are and how good you were to her. She is grateful for you and your family.

Treat others how you would want to be treated is always a lot harder than it sounds. Practice makes perfect.

Good luck!

Okay, I didn't read the other posts, so I don't know if this was said or not, but, here it goes. First, take a breath! Next, realize that what you heard was SECOND HAND, from a kid. I'm sorry, but kids hear things wrong, kids make stuff up (who knows why, but they do), and they say mean things just to get a reaction sometimes. Maybe your neighbor said that, maybe she didn't. The only way you are going to know is if you confront her. And, I would do it in a very non-judgemental way. Something like, "Megan and my daughter were playing yesterday and I heard Megan tell my daughter that you said "...." Did you say that? I haven't witnessed this, so if it is a problem, I want to know about it so I can work to correct it." That way, you are letting her know that you don't appreciate what she said if she did say it (inferred), letting her know her daughter potentially lied, and also being a "good mom" in trying to raise your daughter well and teach her not to lie. Win-win. If she admits to it, maybe your daughter has a problem you don't know about and you will be aware to watch for it. If she denies it, she'll probably apologize for her daughter and the behavior will stop.

If Megan made it up, I'm sure her mom will be livid with her and she'll get the picture. That should be enough to change her behavior and still allow her to be around your kids. We are human, we make mistakes. This can be a way to show your child how to forgive (or be forgiven if she was indeed the offender). Great live lesson. Either way, please don't write her off until you've dealt with the mom- the sooner the better while things are easier to sort out and memories are fresh. If you sort things out and Megan still continues to have poor behavior, then limit or cut off ties with her. Kids need to be shown mercy just like adults do, so please try that route first, and if it doesn't work out, then feel free to limit contact with her. I know talking to the mom will not be fun, but it is the only way to get to the bottom of it. Good luck.

I'm sorry this has turned into such a hurtful situation. It sounds like you were upset not only at what you heard, but also because of the apparent lack of gratitude for all that you're doing for your daughter's friends.

You got some great advice already. Calm down, talk to the girl's mother in a calm way, making it clear that you are trying to clarify the situation. It's true that this is a good chance to model for your own daughter how to handle situations where your feelings are hurt, possibly by someone saying something that isn't true (a situation she's likely to encounter herself, at least once in her life). If you still feel like your neighbor doesn't understand or appreciate what you're doing for her daughter, that's a separate issue, one that you may want to deal with as well, perhaps by explaining how you feel or by establishing ground rules for the kids (and parents of kids) who play at your house.

But it's far too early to conclude that your neighbor definitely said something unkind about your daughter. I know that as a day care provider, the kids in my care sometimes get into heated arguments over perceived insults or supposed rule breaking. And sometimes, just to stop them from tearing one another's hair out, I have to remind them not to believe everything their friends say. (For example: Just because he said you can't play with the blocks, that doesn't make it true. He doesn't make the rules.) Take some time to calm down. Find out the truth. Then deal with the truth as it is. Everyone involved will feel much better.

My two cents? I think you've had it with entertaining, feeding, and supervising Megan, and her statement pushed you over the edge.

Personally, I wouldn't want someone else's kid over at my house 24/7, especially for mealtimes and snacks. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Megan's homelife isn't the greatest, but that's really not your problem. I think you need to establish healthier boundaries with Megan. I wouldn't feed her anymore--this is her parents' responsibility. I would also establish more structured playtimes, and let Megan and her mother know what they are. If Megan comes over outside of these times, tell her that you are having family time and she should come back at the appointed times. If you continue to let Megan come and go as she pleases, you are only enabling her parents' neglectfulness. This is not a healthy situation--don't let your own family get dragged into it.

As for her comment... Who knows if it's true. Kids stay stuff all the time. It might be taken out of context, it might be exaggerated, it might be a total lie. I don't think Megan's comment is the issue here.

I agree with Shelly K....most likely 'megan' made it up just to get a reaction or had been told by your daughter that she was wrong and in self defense, said what she did. You shouldn't get involved in childrens arguments, they need to work them out for themselves and unless you've heard her mother say this, I wouldn't worry about it or contact the mom about it (unless 'megan' says it several times, then I would let her mom know what's being said but not go expecting to get an explaination but rather to make her aware of what's going on). Honestly hun, this is just the way kids of this age talk to each other. They are in the 'one-upmanship' age and some girls get into it more than others. Your daughter will learn how to handle it on her own.

Yes, I think you are over reacting.
This is coming from a 9 y/o girl.
Perhaps speaking to the mom would be the best way to approach the matter.

All parents think their kids are perfect. We had an incident with our neighbor girl where she tried to take a toy (without asking, which is stealing) from our home. When I confronted her she LIED and said she did not have it, even though I could see it. She finally gave it back.
When I spoke to her mom I could tell her mom was mad and didn't beleive that her child her child would steal or lie.

I am not saying your daughter is a liar. But you should try and speak with the mom if you are so upset by this. Good luck.

I have to say that sometimes children put more of a spin or simplify stuff their parents tell them. Maybe the little girl went home and was talking to her mom about something that happened and her mom tried to explain to her that people someimes lie. Who knows it could be telling someone they look good when they really don't type of thing and the little girl interprets it as lying. I think you should talk to your daughters friend mom before you put your own spin on things. Everyone interprets things their own way. For example I was on the phone the other day with my daughter and I asked her to go ask another person a question. Well I could her her in the background asking the question in her own interpreted way and it came out really rude. It therfore sounded like I was being completely rude and I was not. So before you get your undies in a bunch go talk to your neighbor.

Y.,

You have to take what kids say with a grain of salt. It could be that Megan was upset or looking for a reaction and made that up. It could be she misunderstood what her mom said. It could be her mom just said something she later regretted. What kids say can't be dissected and analyzed like that with any kind of accuracy because kids just say stuff. I wouldn't let it bother me.

Good luck,
S.