My daughter is nearly nine and is an organizer. We were at Target the other day, and I was trying something on while she waited right out side the door. Well, there was a rack of hangers and I came out of the dressing room to find that she had organized the hangers by size. She said "Look mom! I organized them biggest to smallest!" She was quite pleased with herself. Tonight, she's in her room organizing her toys, all of the Petshop toys together, barbies, CD's, they all have thier own place. Now, she doesn't get upset at all if things are moved, she's just fine when things are in a little disarray, and is quite capable of making a mess, it's just that she prefers things to be orderly. Her teacher even remarked at how nicely she keeps her desk-all the time. My question is when does this become a problem? She's doing great in school, has a handful of really great friends, and doesn't seem to have any other issues, but she asked me tonight if I noticed at how easy she fell asleep when her room was clean. She said when things are a mess, she has a hard time falling asleep, because she lays there and thinks about the mess and what should go where. I kind of understand, I'm like this as well-have a hard time relaxing if there are dishes in the sink or laundry in the washer-but I don't present this to my girls or expect them to keep things as perfectly neat as my older daughter does. They have a few simple chores, feeding thier kitties, and keeping their laundry put away, but nothing unreasonable. Now I'm sure this sounds crazy to some, I'm questioning why my daughter is so clean, but I'm just worried that my daughter would rather organize than be a kid! She turned the radio on and organized her closet by color last weekend, and it's not unusual to find her organizing her dresser, bathroom cabinets, etc. She seems perfectly happy organizing her room while my other daughter is doing art work on the table. I love that she is such a clean, organized child, but how do I prevent this from becoming an obession? For now, we just let her do her thing. We don't make a big deal of this, not over-praising because I don't want her to think that we are only happy when she's organizing, and I don't feel it's right to tell her not to do it. Don't know what to do, so I take the middle ground-when I see that she's working on something, I just ask her if she's having a good time (it's always a "yes") and tell her that if she's happy organizing, it's OK with me, but if she wants to play, read, color, that's Ok by me too. Anyone have an extremely organized child?
From a psychiatric point of view, many things that are considered psychiatric disorders are also on the spectrum of normal behaviors. If it is not a problem, then its not a problem! As long as she can do normal things even if things are a mess, and doesn't freak out if something gets messy, it sounds like you are a lucky mom!
She sounds just like me!
Wow... can she come to my house for a while? My daughter is 26 now but when she was your daughters age she collected paper, junk mail, every gum wrapper she ever had and liked to have food in her room. I finally had enough when I seen some crackers with peanut butter sitting in her underwear drawer, not even wrapped. I took rice and colored it black with a sharpie and set it around an open sucker on her dresser. She came home from school and seen it and yelled that "MOOooOOOMMMMm" She asked what that was and I didn't lie, I said "looks like mouse turds!" Which it certainly did. I told her if I was her I would go through the room get rid of any food and papers not needed. She looked at me with big eyes and said "why do mice eat paper?" I said "No they make nests out of it and have babies in it" After that she was a neat freak also. See, be glad you didn't have to go to that lengths to get the neatness installed in her...lol. Actually it will only be a problem if she lets it interfer with her life like the other moms said on here. Count your blessings and know she has her destiny in order already. My daughters was set at 2 or 3 when she cut her brothers hair and I told her "don't ever ever cut someone's hair again!" She became a hair stylist!
Hi D.
I do have a daughter-- one of my twins. She DOES however get upset when things are moved out of place-- so count your blessings.
Even at the small age of 9 mo-- she took all the spices out the drawer and arranged them in a pinwheel by size, and color cap.... I went oh- oh. We asked our Doc friend and he said she just got both of our OCD behaviors all wrapped up in one. We even challenged he one night to mess up her night stand- we'd give her a dollar (she also saves$$) and she could turn things sideways-- but when I said nope more-- and piled things in disarray-- she couldn't do it-- gave the $ back and put things in order.
Now we just know-- and don't try to push it. Her twin sister is a complete opposite-- so as they get older we have them work together to help blend the extremes.
Doc says -- no worries-- Why complain about someone being a neat freak unless it's a problem. It's your daughters way of feeling in control of what she can be-- cuz there are SO many things she wants to be at 9 years old and can't.
Enjoy it.
About me: 49 yo perfusionist, wellness coach also doing a nationwide biggest loser for $$ online, wife, and mom to 8 yo quirky special twin girls I wouldn't change at all.
That sounds like my mom! LOL She said she was always neat & clean when she was growing up. She still loves to clean & organize. She almost always cleans something when she visits my house, or my brother or sister's houses. She doesn't over stress about it or anything, it's just how she is. It's never been a problem. She actually works for herself cleaning houses; has been doing that for years. She just likes to clean!
I think you are already taking the right approach with her. You've let her know that she can always play, color, etc. But that she can organize as long as she wants & is having fun!
I say let her be. Maybe she'll be a professional organizer when she grows up. As long as it does not interfere with normal life she is fine.
My favorite thing is to organize! If she is happy, let her do it. you could get her a note book and then just help her be balanced by showing her how to organize her day and time too. That way she can schedule play time and coloring time, reading and homework etc... Give her things that you need her to do and would like her to schedule in her day too. Let her be as in charge of her day as much as she can. As long as she is happy and balanced with life, I would just look at it like a talent and a strength.
E.
I have an extremly unorganized child but I think you are doing the best thing possible with your child. If she's happy then let her do it. As long as she doesn't "freak out" when things get messed up. Thats a precursser to her possibly having OCD. But sounds like your daughter has some fantastic skills she has identified and is exploring. Let her enjoy it. Just like you wouldn't stop your other daughter from drawing too much, right? I thin it's great I wonder where she will apply that skill when she is older? That will be a wonderful asset as an adult.
It only becomes a problem if it interferes with "normal life". If she won't leave the house if something is out of place, etc.
All my books are organized by type, then in alpha order by author(about 400 of them). If I knew the Dewey Decimel system they'd be organized by it. I enjoy organizing them. It brings back the memory of the story. My clothes are hung according to type and color. Maybe your daughter is similar? I would suggest a notepad and pencil by her bed so that she can write down the things she wants to get done the next day so she doesn't "worry" and not get sleep. What a great Mom to be so diligent about your daughter's happiness and for recognizing this could go overboard.
Keep up the great work, D.
S.
PS Maybe she can come over and teach my son a few things? :-)
It is probably just part of her personality type, and may go along with her being creative, and somewhat sensitive at times. The organizational skills can really be a gift to her in the future. I read a really great book called "Personality Plus" by Florence Littauer, that talks about personality types and really looks at strengths of each. It was so helpful to me for relating to my husband and kids (and everyone else!)...I highly recommend it!
i dont know when it becomes a "problem", but i feel like there were times in my life that i struggled with this exact same issue! LOL. i was a highly organized child living with a cluttered mom and a very messy sister. LOL
i suppose when it interferes with life in general, or when it bothers her or frustrates her that she "has" to do this. right now it sounds like something she LIKES to do which is different from something she cant help doing.
you can talk to her doctor, but it sounds like its not a problem right now. maybe the going to sleep is an issue.
what you can do to help her is to make her room extremely easy to "organize" with baskets, shelves, bins, whatever she would like. you dont have to buy them, they are not hard to make if anyone in your house is crafty or likes messing with building things (your husband? have a son? or even a neighbor?) that way she could paint and decorate them herself. also, make sure that she will have the time at night to put her things away so she can set her mind at ease.
its not always possible to have everything organized every night, so teach her ways to relax and refocus that thinking into something she can relax with. she sounds like a mom!! one that was really helpful for ME, is to tense up my whole body for a minute or so, squeezing every muscle tight like a fist! then let go, and focus, literally whispering to myself to relax each body part starting at your toes. relax your toes, relax your feet, letting go of a deep breath for each relax. it refocuses my mind on relaxing, instead of thinking about cleaning. typically, i never make it to my head because i fall asleep.
heres a few more things to consider. like i said, my mom and my sister were both messy. are you among the more cluttered types? im not saying that this CONTRIBUTES to her organization, but you can use that to your advantage. if she wants to organize something, perhaps she can help you to clear off one surface in the house. you might thing its a horrible project, but she just might enjoy spending that time with you and it might be something you can share with her and talk with her while doing it. my mom still "brags" to this day that i could take one day and clean the whole house. she literally can not do it. LOL. she tries, but its just not a part of who she is. it is a part of who i am, and im glad to be able to help my mom out that way. its important you do this with her because otherwise she will put things where you cant find them LOL
anyway, i dont think its a problem, but find ways to help her relax when she cant organize everything. ;)
I would watch her very closely. I had a friend who did this. When she was in her twenties, one night she sat for an hour in her living room, looking at whether or not her curtains were straight and the same length from the floor all the way across. She knew then she had a problem.
The problem is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
My husband has it, although his isn't with tidiness or organizing (don't I wish). His is excessive worrying and fretting over things.
There are different subsets of OCD; excessive attention to organization is one of them. Another one is excessive washing/cleanliness. Another is fretting and obsessing.
It is very possible she will need help with this, especially if it becomes worse. Many with OCD also struggle with perfectionism. Please, watch her and get her help if it becomes very controlling or overtakes her life. My husband hates his; my daughter, unfortnately, also has OCD. It isn't an easy thing to live with. My husband and I have been helping out daughter cope and find other ways to rid herself of her worries other than fretting and obsessing.
I wish you all the best.
D.:
I can understand your concern... 9 year old girls are "supposed" to be messy, right??
I grew up in a family that borders on OCD, so I can understand the concern, but we are all just very strong type A personalities that enjoy the feeling of a clean and organized home. My grandmother, mother, aunt, sister and daughter are all alike in that way. It seems that you are too...perhaps she is just a lot like you.
Unless it begins to interfere with her ability to otherwise function (as in, I can't do this BECAUSE my shirts are in the wrong order), I'd just let her be. We all have creative outlets, perhaps this is hers.
