Daydreaming Child at School

I would just ask for clarification. TALK to the teacher, calmly, and ask her exactly how is it a behavior problem, and ask for concrete examples. It sounds like there's a miscommunication between the two of you.

I think your ETA is very odd, you say he is daydreaming but then claim he has a good attention span. It can't be both. I get that being a parent kind of by nature makes you in a constant state of denial but you need to listen to everyone, not just the ones who say what you want to hear.

They are telling you because at some point it will catch up with him. Have you ever asked yourself how he gets his homework done while the teacher is teaching? It isn't because your son is Einstein, it is because the work is easy but it will get harder and at that point he will have some massive sloppy habits. I am sure they are also pointing it out because they have to go over whatever they said while he was doing his homework. Do you think that is fair on the teacher?

Stop acting like ADHD is a behavior disorder, it is an attention disorder. That is where they get the A. My older kids were the most well behaved kids in the class and they were also very much ADHD. I am not saying that your son has ADHD, I am just saying that nothing you have said shows he doesn't have it. Keep your mind open because I can tell you these kids are a nightmare in high school if they have never learned to structure and control themselves. I have seen a lot of kids crash and burn and really if you go through the questions here you will see it over and over.

Good luck

I think you pose an excellent question. Why is this a problem? That's exactly what you need to say to the teacher. Ask the teacher to explain to you why it is a problem. Ask her (or him) what the problem is, how the daydreaming is causing an issue and what it is that she (or he) would like you to do about it.

The fact that a teacher suggestion you take him to a doctor makes me wonder if there's a little more going on than just daydreaming. I remember a roommate said that people thought she was daydreaming and it turned out to be epilepsy. I'm not suggesting that at all. I'm just wondering if there's something the teachers are seeing that they just haven't done a good job of explaining to you.

I think you need to ask them what they think the problem is.

ETA - Wait, how do you know he doesn't have ADHD? I would never have guessed my son had ADHD, but when his doctored diagnosed him and then explained why and what he saw in our son and what the teachers were saying and what we (the parents) said on our forms, I learned something. I also started reading more about it.

I get so annoyed when I hear people say, "ADHD is over diagnosed in this country!" I'm not sure that's really true. Doctors are not usually known for diagnosing things unless they are really sure. I think sometimes teachers suggest possible ADHD, but that doesn't make it true. Only a doctor can make that diagnosis. I do think ADHD is very much misunderstood in this country.

Look, your son may or may not have ADHD ... or any number of things. You need more information. You need to learn why each of his teachers individually have told you that he daydreams. That means each of them have made a point of telling you this. Contrary to popular belief, teacher do not really sit in the teacher's lounge talking about their students. There is something going on, and you need to find out what that is.

Please do not rule out ADHD or anything medical. Just ask questions and keep an open mind. Find out what it is that the teachers are observing.

I'm a daydreamer. My mind can wander-- and if you looked through my report cards as a kid, chances are you would find lots of references by teachers to my inability to focus on what was happening in class. Recently my son was diagnosed with an Inattentive ADD. Guess what? My little apple did not fall far from the mama tree....

Consider getting your son evaluated. It's not a bad thing and a thorough eval will give you a peek into both his strengths and weaknesses. Kids with ADHD/ADD are capable of hyperfocusing (where they are focused on one idea/topic/activity to the exclusion of everything else) and this is very confusing for parents. We see our children with long attention spans at home because they are *interested* in what they are doing. School may not be as interesting or engaging and so kids can sort of 'click off' and go into their heads.

By the way, I'm not saying your kid 'has' anything.... really, I'm not. I would expect, however, that if teachers are repeatedly giving you this info, it's a good idea to dig a little deeper, even if only to reassure them "we've had him evaluated and the psychologist says....".

And Julie S is right. I did okay up until middle school and then my grades started to suffer in classes I wasn't interested in. I was just daydreaming--- harmless, right?--through the classes I had problems with because I wasn't interested enough in asking for help. I daydreamed through the 'boring' classes because nobody gives a cahoot about the Canterbury Tales and Middle English. In our house, I sometimes refer to myself or Kiddo as "lost in space". It's work to bring our little spacemen down to earth. Please listen to the teacher-- you may find you have a very bright boy who needs just a little bit of help from the adults to manage this tendency. There is nothing bad in knowledge-- it is liberating.

It seems like you're after something here. Fishing. Multiple teachers have indicated a problem with your son's focus, yet you're insisting the problem is the teachers. All of them. And you act insulted that he could possibly have ADHD when you clearly don't know much about it.

Look, your kid might be the gifted genius you clearly think he is. There...I said it for you. But he also has problems in class that he needs help with. Yes, not paying attention IS a problem. Stop trying to change the teachers and work with your son. If he has an attention disorder...or not. This isn't an issue that's going to just go away or you can push off onto teachers and employers for the rest of his life. Put aside your pride and do what needs doing.

If he's that far ahead in all subjects, maybe he's bored and needs more challenging work. Also, the "daydreaming" could also be seizures. The teachers may be bringing this up to you to give you a heads-up to have him seen by his doctor, without alarming you about possible seizures. I work in criminal defense and we had a case where a young man drove up on a sidewalk and killed a couple of children and their parent. It turns out that he was having a seizure. He had had "daydreaming" incidents all his life; turned out he had been having seizures all his life! Take him to the doctor.

Gifted kids get bored and daydream. Anxious kids daydream to escape panic inducing situations. Kinesthetic learners daydream when they don't have enough opportunities to move around. Not all daydreamers need to be brought back down to earth. Read this book: Dreamers, Discoverers & Dynamos: How to Help the Child Who Is Bright, Bored and Having Problems in School (Formerly Titled 'The Edison Trait') Paperback – January 19, 1999
by Lucy Jo Palladino
It is a fantastic book - I'll bet you see your son in it.

ETA: This all being said (and do read the book), your actual question is why is it such a big deal? As someone who has a past career teaching, it is distracting to the teacher and the other students to have a disengaged child. It's rude to ignore your teacher (and why would you want your child to be rude to his teacher?) and he is missing and will miss important information. The book will give you the reasons and suggestions, but just because you're okay with him doing it doesn't make it okay.

Yes, definitely ask why it's an issue, given it's not affecting behavior or his work. If his behavior and work are only great because they're on him constantly to stay on task, then it would be worth asking the pediatrician for a referral to a child psychiatrist or neuropsychologist for an evaluation. If it's ADHD-inattentive type, the doctors can make a big difference in helping him out. Another thing to consider is whether he needs to be in a GATE/honors class. If he's excelling academically, he may just be bored in class and letting his mind wander.

I'd ask them if they can give him more material to enrich his classroom experience. I might also have him tested to see if he's gifted so he can be in classes that won't be so boring.

IF IF IF he's really ahead and done with his work then there isn't any issue. If he isn't completing his work without being brought mentally back to class every few minutes then he might need an evaluation to see if he would do better with some ADD or ADHD medication.

It sounds like it's not daydreaming so much as he's bored.
In school they keep every child moving at the pace of the slowest student in the class - it's incredibly boring for the brightest kids in the class.
Our son always had a book on hand that he could read once his work was done.
It might help if your son is allowed to help other students - but you/he just have to figure out how to keep him engaged.
We tell our son "Slog through he boring stuff as best/fast as you can - and then we can go learn anything you are interested in outside of the classroom.".
So he's built rockets and catapults, done his own science experiments at home (Mentos and Diet Coke, etc) - once of his catapults he managed to use as part of a history project later on in high school.
Never let the school limit what your son is learning about.
They often teach to the SOL tests - and there's SO MUCH MORE he could have fun learning about.

So what are they suggesting - I think you need to ask them to be blunt. If it's ADD (the ADHD that is more about inattention than hyperactivity) then ask for specific examples. The thing is, you can say you need to know examples because you want to check with your doctor. You haven't observed at home, so can you please give me more information, etc.

Similarly, can you volunteer one morning and observe for yourself?

I think until you have more specifics, it's really hard to tell what it is and you need more info to go to your doctor too.

I had kids who were bored, but they generally were chatty and would be disruptive after they finished before other kids. They were allowed to do other work. So maybe (if it turns out you think your child is just bored) that could be an option? Take some suggestions in with you when you see the teacher.

Good luck :)

Request in writing that you would like to have your son to have IQ testing. Perhaps he is gifted.

Updated

Request in writing that you would like to have your son to have IQ testing. Perhaps he is gifted.

How old is he? What grade? I'd look into giftedness as well. If it is such an issue for the teachers, what do they want him to do? What is their plan? Surely they have one... if not, I'd suggest you go to one of the gifted websites and do some reading, and see if you can come up with ideas to suggest for him.

My daughter always finished her assignments in class well before the allotted time was up. She was allowed to bring in a book from home and read if she finished her work early. (This was in 3rd grade). She preferred to read rather than color or other things, but she had work sheets (and some coloring sheets) she could do as well. A folder of options, in fact. They were quiet things that didn't disrupt the other students who were still working, but didn't leave her bored stupid.
You don't want the teacher giving your child busy work just to be busy... it should have some value and not be punitive.

I also have experience with teachers who take issue with kids doing "homework" at school instead of home. I really never understood why, but my son got in trouble a few times for working on homework at school. Ridiculous, but true. So I'd find out what exactly your child is doing that is disruptive or a problem. Daydreaming, in and of itself, isn't really problematic, in my opinion, if he's finished with his work. But if the teacher is actively teaching, he might miss something, and I could see how a teacher would feel the need to call his attention back to her speaking. Unfortunately, for some kids, particularly many gifted kids, they "get" the material early into the teaching time and are ready to do the work... while more typically learning children need the repetition of hearing it 3 ways and instructions repeated as well. It's frustrating for the student and teacher.
A faster paced classroom might help, but knowing exactly what the daydreaming is causing a problem with would help point towards a solution for some situations.

next time it is brought up tell the teacher it happens when he is bored and that she should find a way to challenge his intellect rather than just call it a behavior issue.
i had several teachers say the same thing about me when i was in school, and i was bored. my homework was done, and i couldn't listen to the teacher ramble on about something she had already taught me.
a few of my teachers were good and had further learning worksheets for the bored students to work on while they were working with the rest of the class. maybe you could suggest this to her

If the issue is brought up again, look at the teacher and say 'Then challenge him'. This looks more like a teacher issue than a student one. Other options are having him help other students once his work is done, gifted and talented testing, a book at his desk he can read, skipping a grade (though this one should be considered from all angles as there can be many consequences), or a project that will keep him focused during downtime (I doodled and wrote stories).