Daugthers Weight Problems

A.,
Your timing could not be better. You AND your daughter can attend a lecture this evening by a Physician's Assistant that has turned her health around through food choices.
It is called "Nutrition 911 - Rescuing Our Children" and will be held at the OP Marriott Hotel in Overland Park.
Giving your daughter opportunities to educate herself about her health and future may give her the tools to make changes that will last a lifetime. The lecture is at 7PM. It is free to the community. There will be a couple hundred people there so don't feel like you are the only one concerned about children's health. Please email me at ____@____.com to RSVP and for a flyer and more information. You will love the education. This is a first step to empowering her to turn her health around. Please don't miss it!

P.

I was your daughter in high school. Size 14. My family tried to help... my grandmother tried to do weight watchers through the mail with me (she lived in another state). My mom had me in a diet group she was leading. That group was the first time I told people my secret wish. I wanted to look like a good friend of mine who weighed 90 pounds. People in the group were mortfied because that was too skinny for me. In fact that girl was in the group to gain weight! So I told them what they wanted to hear but inside I still wanted to weigh 90 pounds.

I didn't lose any weight until I was in my twenties. Then something traumatic in my life happened and it sparked that deep desire to be thin. The well-meaning comments of the past came back to me and I ended up with an eating disorder which I still struggle with to this day.

Please hear me as if I was your daughter speaking to you twenty years from today. If it takes every ounce of willpower in your being please don't say anything more about her weight. Trust me... she is recording it in her heart and mind. Don't let anyone else within your locus of control to say anything either. I remember word for word what was said to me by my family. I can promise you she says enough to herself internally every day.

What can you do? I wish more than anything my parents had not allowed me to quit sports. In fact, I wish they had forced me to play sports. I was allowed to sit in the house and watch TV. I had cereal for snack after school. She didn't cook much. We ordered pizza and ate it in separate rooms. Without using weight as a reason, I would have her get involved in a sport through school or community. Have the whole family get involved. Say it's about spending time together as a family. Anything other reason than losing weight. My brother was chunky but he lost weight in football.

Remember... your daughter is the same precious person inside... regardless of the package. Just love her while she's still home to be loved.

My best to all of you.

You mention her weight alot but not her health. You say she is a "pretty girl but has a belly" One is not necissarily related to the other. Sometimes, a person in a size 14 can be much healthier then a person in a size 5. Every body is made up differently. The concern should be reguarding the food she consumes, her activity ect. Second, a belly does not take away from her looks. If you go at her reguarding her weight, she is going to close you off. Try getting her to play tennis with you, go hiking ect. Empty out the house of bad snacks. Get rid of the chips, sugar snacks and replace them with fruits and veggis. Ask her doctor where her risks are for diabetes and where she stands with that and let her know and give her all the info. That's about all you can do at her age.

Hey A.,

I can relate to your issue.

I was a very obese teenager. At 16 I weighed 215 lbs and was a size 18-20 in pants. I had family who approached me lovingly and did what you did with your daughter. It did not work for me either.

One thing I can tell you is that I hated exercising, and maybe your daughter does too. It took finding the right exercise to eliminate that dislike. Try and see if she likes swimming laps, that works a LOT of muscles, and horseback riding works your lower core muscles. I know the riding lessons can be pricey though.

Maybe she just needs a partner. Eventually, it took getting my other heavy friend to join me in the weight loss. We walked, ate right and so on. Both of us dropped the weight, so it was great! And we gained a stronger bond.

Worry to a degree. I am not saying to dismiss any of your concerns completely, but dont get on your daughter hard core and then be lovey the next day. Bi-polar conditioning is not helpful and confusing.

Also, get her more involved in the food prep. Sometimes doing activities like this, without her consciously knowing that she is learning to eat and cook healthier can help.

I really hope that you can find something that works for her.

A.

I wouldn't try to force the issue. It will only make her more self concious and could make her start to do drastic things to lose weight. I would, if you haven't already, take her in to see the doctor and have blood work done for diabetes. My friend's son is overweight and was worried and had him tested. The doc said his sugar levels were fine and he is good, just large, like his dad. Since diabetes runs in your family and she is heavy you may want to do that just in case. If you already done it and she is fine, then just lay off of her and let her be. Just keep the healthy foods available. Good luck and God Bless.
P.S. You may want to start excersizing as a family. Like going on family walks. That will be helpful in everyones weight loss.

I think it's great that you love your daughter so much and are so concerned with helping her. Are you familiar with the Love and Logic approach? I think some things to consider are that she needs to know that she is able to make her own decisions and that she is responsible for those decisions. It doesn't matter what you do or want or say - it's up to her. That said, she needs your support. If she really wants to lose weight, but doesn't know how, or doesn't think she can, or eats for emotional reasons, she'll need help. I would look into the source of her eating. Ask her to think it through and together you can come up with a plan. If she seeks it for comfort, suggest she do something that makes her feel good - a craft, some time with family or friends, listening to music, watching a movie - whatever it is that comforts her other than food. If it's from boredom, think of things she can do instead, like playing a boardgame, doing a puzzle, etc. Sixteen is a tough age. Is it peer pressure? Does she fear the opposite sex so she eats to discourage their interest? It could be something more serious like a hoarding complex or something that needs to be evaluated by a professional. Hang in there and keep focusing on the positive with her. Good luck!

I can understand how difficult and sensitive this issue can be. I think one of the most important things you can do is lead by example. Losing weight involves an entire lifestyle change and it is not easy to do alone. Make sure her support system is willing to also go 100% as to not sabatoge her effort. She is 16, so she has freedoms to make her own choices when it comes to her body, but you can do your part as parents by making sure you bringing/preparing only healthy food at home. Make exercise and activity a priority for all family members. Invite her to go on walks with you. The walks will not only offer an outlet for exercise but a perfect opportunity to "bond" with her at this incredibly emotional and exciting time in her life. Try to not "get on her" about her weight, as that will only place focus on the issue and may make her vulnerable to feelings of failure. She will have to be the one to make the changes in her habits. This is not a problem us mommies can magically heal. Diets never work, but healthy and balanced eating and daily exercise does. It is a very simple equation- Calories in must be less than calories used. Maybe you can find a health mentor that can relate to your daughter. That person can offer nutrition and exercise education as well as meet the emotional wellness aspect. Good Luck-:)

My daughter is almost 20 and has the 'belly' and she is not incredibly tall. She is heavier than I'd like to see her but it is her body. She gained not only the freshman 15 but more. I backed off big time when she asked me not to say anything about her weight any more. I made one last comment "if you decide you want to loose some weight and I can help you in anyway let me know".

She has got to want it. I can't want it for her.

A., I have to say that even though you obviously love your daughter and are concerned for her health, a size 14 is not fat. At age 16, you can be sure she's being pressured from every angle, and the one person who needs to be the most supportive of her no matter what is you.

She may not be doing anything simply because she's being pushed towards losing weight...it's amazing how quickly people (including myself) can turn around once they quit hearing about it every day on repeat. I went through a relationship where all my ex did was hound me about my weight, so I did nothing. Now, I'm in a very healthy relationship and guess what? I am *choosing* to lose weight and get back in shape.

Honestly and this is going to sound mean but I've got to say it because at 16 I was wearing size 18-20. Quit harping on her wether to her face or behind her back. I understand worrying but unless the doctor says something is wrong it probably is just her metabolism is slower than others. I've struggled with my weight all my life and I hated my family for accusing me of eating wrong when I love healthy food and sure once in awhile I would indulge myself. But I've had shaky self confidence because my family made a big deal out of my weight. Make it a rule to say I love you not I love you but... because the but puts conditions on your love in a young person's thinking.

But it is a good idea to remember that she probably hears a lot of mean and cruel things at school. bigger kids get teased horribly unless they are star athletes.

Otherwise just love her and support her and do physical activity together and be happy that you both are alive and well. Encourage her to find new things to do other than sit in front of the TV with or without you. Even just walking around a local mall is a form of excersise most girls don't mind.

Eating healthier is great no matter what size you are, but don't forget about being active. Encourage things like walking, riding bikes, bowling, working in the garden, sharing the housework, throwing a frisbee, etc. If the whole family is involved, your daughter won't feel so pressured.

Hi A., I wish I had some wonderful advice for you that would solve your problem and ease your mind - but I don't. But my family is going through the same thing with my youngest sister, she is 13 and I'm sure weighs close to 200 lbs if not that and a little more. We have tried everything. I even gave her a healthy diet/weight loss book and a work out video for teens (I got them from Leslie Sansone's web-site, her workouts are great!). I told her that we could all harp on her but without the tools she'd never be able to do anything about it. I don't thing the DVD has even seen the player. My mother also did weight watches and tried to get her to go along (she had not choice at dinner!) but that didn't help either. My sister is now living with my Grandmother and Grandma thinks that she gets up at night and eats when they are all asleep. The bottom line is there really isn't anything you can do but be supportive and be there for her when she is ready to loose the weight and then be her biggest cheerleader. I have 3 sisters all together, us older 3 are all dieting and excersizing, we had hoped she would join in, but so far she hasen't. I'm going to see her this weekend and I'm going to try again. We have diabetes and heart problems in our family so we are really concerned for her. Keep doing what you are doing by being a good example and just keep loving her the way she is and be ready to be her cheerleader! Good luck!!

I also believe that a size 14 is NOT very overweight. In fact, my blood boils just thinking about it. I've struggled with being overweight most my life. BUT, I maintained a perfect weight for me for almost 10 years as an adult. The problem is, my husband was convinced that all "real woman" should wear a size 8. WHATEVER. I would get so frustrated. I'd lose 10 more pounds. Then he would still make snarky comments so I'd give up and gain 15. I'd lose 20 the next time and when I'd get sick of dieting I'd maybe gain 10 or 15 back. I bobbed all over the place and my self esteem was just about all gone until I got up enough gumption to be really ANGRY! But by then the damage had been done and I've spent the last 10 years fighting the battle of my life.

I recently lost 31 pounds. I still have about 30 more to be just considered overweight and not obese. I have 40 more to go to be in a nice healthy weight category and I want to lose another 50.

What is working for me is to eat almost nothing but boxed meals. I eat lean cuisines, healthy choice, south beach and weight watchers meals. I enjoy the variety and can have up to 4-5 per day and still have room for an apple and a banana at some point and on days I only eat 3 of the boxed meals I'll eat fruit 2-3 times per day plus a container of yogurt.

I gave up almost all sweets and all soda. I water down juice to the point that it's just flavored water. BUT I REALLY want this. I don't give a rats behind what anyone else thinks and I'll decide when I'm happy with my weight. I'm in a size 18 now and getting pretty darn close to being able to get into some 16's. Only I had to lose 25 pounds before I even dropped a size.

If you really love your daughter you need to back off and leave her alone. See if she likes these dinners just for the sake of being able to eat good healthy portioned foods. If she does and you are willing to spend the money on her, it is at least portioned controlled and you can let her pick out her own dinners at the store.

Suzi

This brings back so many painful memories for me. I went through the same thing with my family. I was even told by other adults "you have such a pretty face if only you weren't so heavy". It still hurts me to type those words.

Tell your older daughter to back off and leave her sister alone. Shes not the parent an it isn't her problem.

How would you like to get up every morning and have your body be the center of everyone's attention? Have it talked about and examined and complained about. Thats what is happening to your daughter. Trust me she feels bad enough being at school and being teased she doesn't need it from her family. Home should be the one safe place to be.
If you are eating healthy and have healthy food around then you have done all you need to do. Trying to control her wou't fix this.

I would say that you should just not talk about her weight anymore because it is better to focus on making healthy changes as a family as a whole. Make sure there are healthy snacks in the house and not junk food. Make family time something like going for walks, riding bikes together, buy an exercise dvd that is upbeat and dancy and do that with your daughter ( make it fun, you can laugh and joke while you are doing it) when you put the emphasis on something other than focusing on her it may be that she is more receptive to it. Also after reading the responses it dawned on me...I Am a size 14 and I would not consider myself over weight, maybe I would be happy if I lost a few but I am a Very healthy, active person! If you make her feel bad and she has a negative body image that will make the problem worse and not "help" as you say you want to...just some things to keep in mind.
Lots of luck
B.

Has the doctor checked her thyroid. My mom has a thyroid problem and it will make you gain weight. I would have them check it just to rule that out. Good Luck!

My sister, Nancy, has lost over 100 llbs. She has become a mentor for many trying to lose weight because her story involves many health problems due to her weight. She had to get a pacemaker etc. She had so much difficulty losing until she found CINCH. It seemed like everytime I saw her she was so obviously smaller and was unable to exercise much because of her health problems. She no longer is on all the medicine she was taking and her blood work comes back normal everytime she has it checked. Because of her success our entire family is getting healthier because she has us all on CINCH. If you are worried about your daughter you may want to contact Nancy. Please email her at ____@____.com com or call her at ###-###-#### She won't try to push you into anything, she really does care and has been there. She would be a good mentor for your daughter. In fact, she has a daughter the same age.

Good luck,
M. Ann Raghebi

I know this is gonna sound Crazy but I hear it works give her her favorite candy or cookie 3 x a day in moderation. then she will not be craving everything in the house once she gets what really satisfies her.Ive actually lost a few pounds this way and I eat less for Dinner which is good. You do not want to eat after like 8pm.if you go to bed at 10pm.have her get filled up earlier in the day not after 8 munchies so she can have time to burn energy. Give it a shot. Good luck

Hi A.,

I am not a doctor but I am wondering if stress is causing the problem?

Would she be open to the idea to talk with someone? And by that I mean a trained counselor, personal life coach, etc?

I know a fabulous gal who can work with your daughter over the phone. She has worked wonders for me and many others. If you are interested, please let me know and I will pass on her information to you. It is worth a try!

Best Wishes,

J. Hobbs

Good Evening A.,

It looks like you've gotten some good thoughts already. I too think that a size 14 isn't that big of deal. But you didn't say how tall your daughter was. I'm 5' 7" and would love to get back to a 14! But if she's just a few inches shorter that could make a difference in the way she looks and feels.
I also believe that we as a society focus WAY too much on a slim body instead of overall health. Being of normal weight does not mean you are healthy. You (the family) may be eating fairly healthy watching fats/calories/points but how many chemicals are you ingesting?
This is what I do. Check out www.YourKitchenCoach.net What I tell people is that I don't worry so much about the carbs or calories but the chemicals. Start reading labels. MSG is a big deal and actually what is used to make lab rats fat so they can do obesity studies. But the food manufacturers have figured out that we know what MSG is AND the government helps them and says that if it is less than 95% (I can't remember the exact percentage but it's something like that) pure MSG it can be labeled as "yeast extract" and anything that says "autolyzed" or "hydrolyzed" is a form of MSG.
Also High Fructose Corn Syrup is NOT natural, I don't care what the commercials say! Think about it. . . HFCS is in soooo many inexpensive foods that to make the quantity needed to use in all those products most comes from genetically modified corn. AND a recent discovery, overshadowed by the bad peanut butter, is that many HFCS samples are tainted with mercury! Google "risks and dangers of mercury" and just read!

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it may not be as easy as just watching her fat intake or calories. There is a lot of evidence out there that says all these man made chemicals in our food like products are not natural to us and our bodies don't know how to handle them. The best is just get back to basics, fresh whole foods. Believe me, Weight Watchers is a fantastic program and in my opinion one of the very few that actually deals in real life. But my issue with WW is that as long as they can assign a point value to it and you can count it your good. And that most WW leaders have little to no actual training in nutrition but were successful with their weight loss program. I do not believe that artificial sweeteners are safe and telling me to microwave my vegetables in a plastic bag is wrong on so many levels. Both taught and believed by WW and many other weight loss groups.
It sometimes is not enough to have fresh fruits and veges in the house. An apple can sit in the basket for days before someone eats it at my house. But if I just slice it up and put one on the table at dinner, it's gone! Same with vegetables. If I have broccoli/cauliflower/carrots/peppers cut up and sitting on the counter OUT OF THE FRIDGE funny how they disappear!
I also recently discovered a whole food line called Wildtree herbs and foods that are chemical free!
I would be happy to talk to you privately if I can help in anyway. You are a great mom who has nothing but love for your family and want to see them happy and healthy. We just have to get there!

In good health,

Lori Krause, RN
____@____.com

well, considering the average female in this country wears a size 16, I think she may be okay. Is she tall or short? That also plays a part. And I agree that what she is eating and her activity levels are a hugs factor as well. I was an overweight teenager and having my family constantly critisize and critique me made the matter worse, not better. She may have self esteem issues. Just love her, take care of her, LISTEN TO HER, and relax. God will take care of her.

You can not make her be motivated to loose weight. Just keep encouraging her in a loving way. Ask her if she wants to go for a walk with you to encourage exercise. Continue to have healthy habits yourself and be a include her in your successes. Make sure that she knows you love her no matter what she looks like. Most of the people that I have know who are majorly over weight have emotional issues that are tied to their eating habits. I'm sure that all the normal teenager issues do not help with that. Try to find the reasons behind the problem instead of addressing just the weight or she will always struggle with it.

Since size 12 is average in this country, I don't think she is really fat either. However, its never a bad idea to watch fat and calories. I just would buy only healthy foods and not have any of the "junk" in the house available to snack on. I would relay it as "getting healthy," though and not having the focus on losing weight. There is always room for all of us to get healthier. But, really, I wouldn't tell her she is fat or overweight. She will give her a complex and make her feel ugly about herself and make her focus on her outward appearance too much when its a hard age and they are dealing with that in a really hard way at that age anyway. I'd totally lay off the being fat and worrying about her weight. You do the shopping probably, you have a responsibility to get your house healthier as well. All of our kids get more calories than they need and its the consumer's responsibility to fix that. www.foodfacts.info you can find nutritional value and calories, fat, everything about fast food restaurants that is very helpful. We all eat too much of that too. Helps make wiser choices when eating out. American portions have drastically increased in the past 30 years, hamburgers at fast food have gone from 1.5 ounces in 1960's to over 8 ounces now. Had to look that info up at work about all of us eating healthier. That is a BIG problem for all of us too. Just chose smarter as the consumer. There are healthy choices eating out too.

I understand your concern, but what were some of the keys to your weight loss success? You were ready and determined to do it. You were sick of being overweight and wanted to do it for you. Of course it's dangerous to be overweight, I'm not saying that it's not, but I think she needs to be ready to lose the weight on her own. Who cares if you nag her about it, she's 16 and you are her mom, that's just background noise to her. Same with her older sister. Like she's never been teased by her before and can't tune her out. It sounds like she could use more positivity so that her self esteem can rise and she can decide on her own that she is worth the diet change.

I'm wondering how tall she is. What is her BMI? For example, I'm a size 14, but I'm h/w proportionate and within my healthy BMI range. If I lost 10 more pounds (which I do every summer just from increased activity) I would be dead center of my healthy weight range, but still a size 12. I am just wondering, because my mom used to get on me for how "huge" my clothes were and how big they made me look when I was a size 10-- yet some doctors actually thought I was anorexic b/c I was so thin and bony at that size. I am just tall and athletically built. I just want to caution you about falling into the "clothing sizes" trap-- focus on her BMI, which gives HER the power of changing the numbers, not some arbitrary fashion rules.
Also, try family physical activities. Walk together, take up gardening (also good source of fresh fruits & veggies), bike the katy trail, swim together... It's good for everyone, all the way around. I know the hardest part for me is getting off the couch after I get home from work & picking my son up from school to take my son to the park or to run around at the Science Center or something, but I always appreciate it later. :)
Good luck!

I would have her do weight watchers with you. Good luck

Good morning...you have already gotten a lot of good advice, I dont know what I can really add to it.
First of all, I do not think that a size 14 is unusually large, of course I dont know how tall your daughter is, or what her BMI is. I have struggled with my weight for the past 15 years or so, last year I found a great website SparkPeople.com and was finally motivated to get on a healthier tract and I lost almost 50 lbs. BUT, I hit a plateau, got frustrated and threw it all to the wind, now I have gained back about 40 of the lbs that I lost with all of that effort!!!
I can tell you that nagging and fussing is NOT going to work, your daughter has to be motivated from within herself to make changes. I think that by having only healthy options in the refrigerator, by modeling good food choices for her, coming up with fun ways to include exercise in the family dynamics, you have done all you can do and the rest is really up to her. Be positive with her, let her know that you love her no matter what, I can tell you that nagging her about her weight will have exactly the opposite results that you are seeking because she will just turn to food for comfort.
Good luck!!! And hug your daughter for me!!

BACK OFF MOM! When I was 16 I was wearing 14s as well. As far as I'm concerned she's virtually healthy compared to most of America and thank GOD she's not size 0 or 2 and bone skinny. Your girl is curvey.

I understand the health issues. They run in my family too, but so did being big boned and I didn't have a lot of control over that...my mom's dresses from when she was in her 30s didn't even fit me when I was 10 because she had been such a little thing. As long as you (or anyone else in the family) is riding her butt about the weight issue NOTHING will get done other than hand to mouth and more food going in. LEAVE HER ALONE! When and if she is ready she alone can make that decision. NO ONE can make or force her to do it. Just let her know that you love her NO MATTER WHAT HER SIZE IS and if she wants to lose weight or needs additional support or help you all are there for her 24/7 and will support whatever she decides. The more nagging, lecturing and harping you do on this will only breed resentment and force her weight to go up.

Obviously the girl knows what medical conditions run in the family so she is educated on that. So leave her be. The more you bring this up the more she is going to resent you and buck WHATEVER you say and you threaten your very relationship with her. As far as I'm concerned weight is one of those topics like religion, money and politics...you just don't bring it up in polite converstion without being prepared for a fight. You have stated your opinions and concerns, now leave it to her. She is nearly a grown adult and needs to take responsibility for herself for good or for ill but further pressure on this topic will only breed resentment and ill feelings. Take it from one who's been there.

I have been told that I have been rude in my response to this posting so here is my reply to that:

I respect the fact that you feel I was rude in my posting and that's fine, as you are entitled to your opinion. But you also need to respect the fact that you asked for other peoples opinion as well and you should respect them. Not everyone is going to agree with you. I apologize if you felt I was rude, I was being sincere in trying to drive home a point.

I understand your concern for your daughter. But I've dealt with weight issues my entire life and the more people try to force or "encourage" someone to lose weight the less self esteem they have about themselves and they generally end up putting more on. For someone to be successful in this venture THEY have to want to do it. It's just like being an acoholic, a smoker, or a gambler or any other obsessive compulsive behavior...it has to start with the will and desire of the person. You never, not once in your posting said anything about HER WANTING to do this diet program...it was all about what you wanted for her. As parents we can want the moon and the stars for our children but wanting it isn't always enough. But loving them for who and what they are no matter what is the greatest gift you can possibly give her. I truly wish only the best for you and your family.

I would have to totally agree with a lot of other moms on here. A size 14 shouldn't be considered "very overweight". It is really sad to read the words you're using. You went from "women's sizes to NORMAL sizes" or "she is a pretty girl but just really has a belly". You obviously know what it feels like to be overweight and supposedly how it is to have someone on you about your weight... so give the poor girl a break. If I was constantly reminded about how I had such a pretty face, but I just needed to lose weight then I would probably ignore everyone's "advice" also. In fact, I have been that overweight teen. It is something that I had to really struggle with even into my very early adult life. I also had a mom that would constantly tell me what a pretty face I had and it irritated me beyond belief that someone could be so shallow.

I'm guessing since you were overweight that she's learned unhealthy eating behaviors from early on. Learned habits are very hard to break. Just because you have lost your weight and are now "normal" doesn't mean she's going to be able to do the same thing so easily. She's not quite 16 and you have people harping on her quite a bit it sounds like. You're using diabetes as your reason, but I think it's going beyond that. Do you really want her to have a distorted vision of what's ok? I'm not saying she shouldn't lose weight, but is this really the right way to go about it? Is potentially pushing her into some kind of very life threatening eating disorder really worth it?

Make sure that she knows you love and care for her no matter what...she may really suffer a blow if she feel she's not "right" or "good enough"
Explain to her why you are worried about her, and help her to learn good food choices...and back it up by what you buy at the store and eat. There are lots of books out there. Does she have any interests? Can you turn those interests into a motivator or as a reward for getting healthier?
My other suggestion would be...to make sure you turn off that tv/computer and do things as a family to get moving. Take a walk each day...do a yoga or a walking dvd (yes they have these) indoors if its yucky outside. It's not just about food.

Good luck to you and your daughter.

Wow when you first started I thought you were going to say she was a size 22 or more but 14 come on. The problem with this world is we commericalize skinny. I have no idea what it feels like to be an overweight teen, but anyone being a constantly reminded they are over weight can do more damage than if she had a health problem. I would give her as you did the information she needs and have healthy foods (not rabbit food) in the house and lay back. Dont badger her with it cause it may be what is keeping her from loosing weight. Encourage a walk with her. If you have a dog or she has friends I would perhaps tell her you will pay her so much for each mile she walks a week.

WOW, 10 responses & 1/2 of them are geared toward saying that a size 14 is not all that bad OR maybe your attitude toward this is part of the problem! I love honesty!!

I have to agree with those 5 responses: while your daughter may be overweight & is wearing a size 14 & as you say "she has a belly", WOW....even if you are approaching this from a standpoint of LOVE....WOW, you are seriously messing with your daughter's mental health.

She's almost 16, should know what's right/wrong, & will not make any changes until she is ready. Your attitude, whether it be approached from love or not, is not helping the situation. Think about it....you all are "on" her for her weight...doesn't it seem as if you are saying to her: we're not like you, we want you to be like us???? When dealing with self-esteeem issues, this is like a slap in the face! It doesn't matter to her if you're saying this from a health/love standpoint....what she's probably hearing is: that's ugly, that's not healthy.....therefore, you are ugly, you are not healthy....therefore you are not as good as we are.

It does not matter how you say it....she's going to hear the negative. Even if in her heart she knows you love her unconditionally, she will not lose that weight until she is ready. & she may be 40 years old before it is important to her.

For the sake of your relationship & her self-esteem, PLEASE back off! Love her unconditionally! & the reason I feel comfortable in stating this would be that you asked/begged complete strangers for advice about your daughter's "belly".

Leave her alone.
Making a big deal about it is hurting her far more than the weight ever will.
A size 14 is NOT all that heavy, and the time will come when she does something about it for her own reasons.
In the meantime, clear the junk food out of your house. Provide healthy stuff only (with nothing said about it), and set the example by doing healthy things like walking, and "playing" outside.

I am not sure where you live, but here in KC, Children's Mercy Hospital has a program called PHIT. It is a weight control program. In it the kids meet with a doctor, social worker, physical therapist, and dietitican. After several meetings with the above they start meeting weekly with other kids. They set reasonable goal and help increase activity. My daughter is involved and is really enjoying it and has made great progress. Check into a local children's hospital to see what is available. Good Luck.

A.,

I am not a doctor but I am glad you're concerned about your daughters health. I am in the health and fitness business and have access to numerable doctors and information. Is it your daughters health that you're concerned about, is she sick a lot or is it more her weight, that you're concerned about your family's health history?
B. C

I hope this doesn't sound mean or rude but I think the fact that you are refering to your daughter as "very over weight" when she only wears a size 14 is probably contributing to the problem. I am sure she feels self conscious already and then if her parent who is supposed to love her unconditionally is down on her about her weight if will just make her feel worse and she might compensate with food.
I went through this as a child so I know how it can make you feel when you feel like your parents think there is something wrong with you because of your weight.
I know that you are just trying to help your daughter and are worried about her but setting a good example (which you seem to be doing) and helping her make healthy choices will do a lot more for her health that trying to make her lose weight and having her yo-yo up and down.