Daughter Thinks She Is "Connected" to Another

I remember crying once as a teen because I realized that Andy Gibb was never going to meet and fall in love with me. Lol!

If she is otherwise normal (for a teen), I would take this opportunity to have conversations about healthy relationships, etc. Don't belittle her feelings, but gradually introduce topics of emotional health, codependency, etc. you don't want her to loose her passion and caring and innocence, but also want her to see that linking emotional state TOO much to someone you care about isn't healthy love either.

Ok, I am going the other way and telling you to put your antena up and take her to counseling. Eccentric plus obsession makes me alert. Not saying she is crazy, just needs to check out her mental health. Think of it like going to the medical md when she has a fever and a cough. If more people were as comfortable in checking their mental health out we would have fewer problems in this world.

Yes, this is a phase and this is a teaching moment. This is a great time to get your daughter information on boundaries. She is spending her time felling responsible for someone else's well-being and that is only the path of frustration and co-dependency.

It sounds like your daughter can be empathic and sensitive to others. This can be a valuable tool in life however, when we don't understand how to actually use this we have a tendency to be misguided and think that we are helping someone else through our processing the emotions for them.

Your daughter could use some understanding of how to separate and allow each person to have their own journey. It would help her to understand that as much as we would like to make life easy and hurt-free for other people, this is not possible. We each have our own journey through life and need to experience everything we are experiencing.

Also, there is a difference between support and fixing. Support is about listening, sharing, and caring. Fixing is trying to make it all better. The reality is that the only way that it can ever be better for someone else is for them to work on their own inner healing.

I, too, suggest that you go along with it. Sympathize with her when she's feeling sad or down. I suggest that this is a phase and will pass quicker if you don't make a fuss about it. Remember your teen crushes? This is a teen crush. I'm assuming this is a famous singer and not someone she actually knows.

I felt that way about John Lennon when I was a teen - as long as she doesn't do anything stupid like run away from home to be with him, don't worry about it. It's a phase and it will pass.

Roll with it unless your gut is screaming "Something is way off" or if there are other signs of things that make you scratch your head. By itself, this seems like a typical adolescent imagination. Either way, I would try to keep the dialogue going and when she says "You don't understand." I would ask her to say more and help you understand.
Blessings

I recall being obsessed with Jon BonJovi when I was a teenager (he's still a hottie IMO :). When he got married I was besides myself, because I didn't have a shot anymore.... whaaat! As an adult, I now see the the absurdity of it.

I think you need to be concerned if it's impacting her life - is she avoiding friends and social things because she is so upset? Is it impacting her school work? Is she treating you differently? If the emotions generated here are not impacting her everyday life, then I would say it's just being an overly emotional teenager. If it is impacting her life, she needs counseling immediately.

maybe just 'go along' with it. This singer is, after all, a person so why not just treat it as a person she cares about.

Music is a powerful gift. The best musicians can evoke emotions in even the most hard-hearted of individuals.

I am fond of Joshua Bell, who has done an album called, "Voice of the Violin". This album has pieces where you feel like this instrument(a gorgeous Stradivarius) is telling you a story. There has been more than one occasion where my son has stopped everything to listen to Bell, and has cried at the beautiful music.

That said, I am sure you(most likely having had your own crushes), can empathize with her and talk to her about your teen crushes. If it seems like more of an obsession than a crush, then have someone talk to her.

Be her advocate, parent, and friend in this. Channel your feelings from the day you had your "crush" and talk to her about it, then ask her if she thinks you still "don't get it".

Hang in there Mama!

Wow, what great responses! Thank you! She is actually going to start therapy on Thursday for a variety of reasons I won't go into. But this thing with the musician really reminded me that she hangs her hat on others way more than her own head and I need to be much more mindful on how I react or don't react.... I do think the thing with this particular musician will fade in time... First it was David Bowie and he is now passé. I thank you again for taking the time to write.

The good thing is that she's communicating with you and feels comfortable sharing her feelings. Most teens shut their parents out. Many teens get obsessive crushes. What concerns me is her saying she can "read his emotions." Does she mean that literally, like she can read his thoughts? That would concern me and could be a sign of an issue that needs treatment. I would try to clarify that with her as gently as possible, so she continues to feel comfortable sharing with you. Is there any other behavior she has that concerns you?

It's normal in my life, since I was a little girl. How long has she been having these experiences? I didn't have any words for any of it until I read a book called ARE YOU REALLY TOO SENSITIVE? by Marcy Calhoun. This book changed my life and made me feel empowered to interact with people. (I still try to keep my distance, though.) It gave me the language for what I was experiencing. Maybe she can read it or something like it and see what resonates. I wouldn't want to influence her, but she might need the language to express what is actually going on with her. I think that a good counselor can help her. Please pay attention if she says that she is uncomfortable with the counselor.

I still have to back off when I find myself "over-relating" with certain people I see from afar and even some TV characters!! (My husband and I laugh about that, because I get really attached and have to consciously disengage.) I've been able to know when certain people I've never encountered--other than through the television--were sick or would die. I remember being 14 and feeling suicidal because of a person on TV. I could feel whatever it was (don't even remember) that was going on with them, and I my heart just grieved with her/him like it was my own situation.

I'm not saying that this is what's going on with your daughter. I pray that she'll find her way through it if it is. I just think that you should have ALL the information that finds you when it comes to taking care of her. i am so glad that she feels comfortable enough to share it with you. Good luck to you both.

You can 'care about ' a person but feeling 'connected' is not the same as a crush on a singer, movie star or other. I'm glad you're going to get some therapy or counseling. This isn't normal.