Daughter Isn't Adjusting to Our New House

I read that another person wrote to lock the door! WHAT!!!

That is just nasty to do to a child.

I think that you should sit down and talk to her and ask her why she wants to sleep with you and daddy and not in her new room. Just take the time to listen and let her talk.

You never know, she might be seeing things or hearing things that you can not see or hear.

She is only coming to you at night because she is scared and she is looking for you and daddy to protect her and keep her safe.

I would let her sleep with you until she feels ready to go back to her room. She is too young right now to just tough it out on her own in her room.

If she is scared to be upstairs by herself then help her feel safe by giving her what she needs right now.

She needs love and kindness and to know that it is ok to come to you for her needs. She does not need tough love right now.

If all of the times before she has always sleep in her own room until now, it is clear that she is a wonderful young lady and that there is just something bothering her and scaring her in the new house.

Because I am a Christian this is what I would do. I would take a Bible and I would open it up to

(Psalm 4:8) I will lie down and sleep in peace, LORD, you alone keep me safe.

and I would leave it open to this page, and I would leave it right by her bed.

Then I would pray with my daughter ( in the room ~ Together )
out loud. I would pray to Jesus to keep her safe and to fill her heart with peace and joy and to give her sweet and beautiful dreams.

Then I would go and get a dab of cooking oil on my finger and I would anoint the room in the NAME OF JESUS CHRIST.

I would ask the Lord to send his angels to protect her.

I say all of this because this is what I have done for my children.

God Bless and take care.

From one mother to another.
:)

Just out of curiosity, has anything weird been going on in the home, like sounds? What does she tell you is wrong? What is she scared of?

try a tyke light?
my son sleeps with his!
http://www.amazon.com/MOBI-70150-TykeLight-Blue/dp/B000UL...

Hi, S.. Well, you've probably gotten a whole lot of advice (I haven't checked my e-mail for a while, sorry), but I'll put my 2 cents in just in case I can be helpful.

I'm willing to bet that in a 2-storey house, there are more noises than in a single-storey house. She may be scared of these noises and not able to sleep because of it. You might try reassuring her that it's just the wind, and nothing can hurt her. Try putting protecting angels in her room to reassure her that it's OK to be up high in the air if your religious views permit this (she may be afraid of heights, too). Otherwise, try putting pretty fairies with wings in her room and let her know that nothing can happen to her when these are around.

I can't think of any other reason why a sweet little girl woulndn't love to have a nice, big, new room in a beautiful house. She sounds scared. She needs to know that it's OK to be up high. See if you can get her to draw a picture of the house and what she likes about it -- then ask what she doesn't like about it. Ask her to draw her room and what she likes / doesn't like about her room. Maybe then you can reassure her that everything is OK and she can relax.

She may also be reacting to the stress of moving and letting go of her old house, old neighborhood, old friends, etc. Did you bring all her old toys with you? She may be missing a toy that she saw as a protector or guardian. You will want to replace it somehow.

I hope that your daughter comes to love your new house as much as you do, and that nights become perfectly peaceful again.

Peace,
Syl

Hi S.,

Change is so hard sometimes on our little ones. Things that we do not understand as upsetting can take them so off balance. Your little one is feeling seperation anxiety. While you see it as just upstairs, they see it as I am not near mom and dad. I wish I had some pearls of wisdom to help you out, but these things can be tricky. You are just going to have to find something that makes her feel comfortable. Try letting her pick a new night light, or start a new special bed time routine (that now that she is a big girl, she can pick it) or maybe - leaving the door open now is a good idea.

I hope you and your little on can find the right fix. We had a very hard time getting our eldest daughter out of our room. We went through all kids of things until we found one that worked.

Good Luck

Congratulations on your new home! At least your daughter won't run away like our cat did when we moved. I have an idea that might work: set up a schedule for sleeping in her own room, one step at a time. First, let her pick out a special toy such as a bedtime bear, which can ONLY sleep in her room. Then set up a schedule, one step at a time. Each week she can spend three nights in your room, then next week two nights, then one night, then no nights. She can pick the nights, and in the morning she will find a magic sticker under her pillow to put on a chart. When the chart is filled up, she gets a special activity, like going to the beach or whatever she likes.

In the meantime, you have given me an idea for a children's book that I can write. What are your children's names, so I can name the characters after them?

hello S.,

well at my opinion, you can go 2 ways in your storie, separatly or together

for sure there is a physical aspect of your daugther disconfort ( change , bigger place , and usually it takes times) i have myself 2 girls of 6 and 4 and we moved few times since they`re born , and each time it takes a little period before they feel "home".
just talk to her, and share the excitement of having a new house that is yours, and see what will make her happy to make it at her test, like new decorations, maybe having a little party over , and for the night maybe to keep a little ligth...

In an other hand, she maybe also sensitive to a vibration in the house, that you don`t see. house have history and memories ( who used to live in before, which nrj they printed in the wall, sometimes if it`s a new house it can be the influence of the neighbourghood... well there is different possibility...

I have a master degree in education and psychology for children and I am an intuitive couselor, for many years i give spiritual guidance, to help people to self-empoerement. I gave in the past some advise in similar situation
it`s probably not very complicated, maybe some cleansing of the house with white sage and some meditation will do the tric `
on the internet you can probably read things about it and any whole food carry sage
you can also contact me if you like, i will be happy to help you! my number is ###-###-####

I wish you and your family all the best
sincerly
I.

Lock the door-- let her know you will be doing this so she doesn't freak out finding it locked. That way, she has to knock and wake you and you'll be able to walk her back to her bed.

Go to Build-a-Bear and have her create a special stuffed animal that will protect her and keep her safe. She can kiss a heart and say whatever she wants to say to it and then place it inside the animal before it gets sewn up. Then she can dress the animal in whatever will help make her feel safe and happy-- they have a Superman outfit or maybe a Fairy Princess

Find out if she WANTS a nightlight before getting one. Some kids sleep better in the dark because lights create scary shadows

DEFINATELY get something that drowns out sounds. Both of my boys have air filters in their rooms. We originally got the first one because he has asthma/allergies, but then I realized it really does help him sleep better becuase he does NOT hear every little sound. They are expensive but WAY worth every dime. If you get a good one, it really does keep the air clean and you can get one that you just vacuum the fliter periodically instead of having to buy new ones.

You have to tread lightly with how you handle this-- you want to make sure to support her and make her feel safe without dismissing her fears, but you also don't want to cater too much to her fears because you don't want to feed them. The Build-a-Bear stuffed animal may also help with when you are in a different part of the house-- the animal can be with her when you aren't there by her side-- both day and night

Hi S.,

I am not a young woman by any means but I actually remember moving into our new house when I was 4. It was a horrible experience and yes, it was on two stories. I remember so many different sounds that were not in the old house and it scared me to death. There were shadows on the windows and I remember sleeping with the sheets over my head so nothing could get me. It's funny now but it sure wasn't then. And believe me if it is still this vivid in my memory, it must have been traumatic.

My suggestion if you don't want her in your room is to go with the nightlight idea along with some soft noise. Something that will cover all those bump sounds that scare little ones. Is the baby in the room with you or in his own room upstairs? She may feel separated from the entire family not just you. If he's in his own room, reinforce that with her that he has his own room also. Maybe you could move him into hers??? This kind of fear is not rational but it is very real. As much as I remember this, I don't ever remember being comforted through it. Do that for her :)

God bless!

M.