Dating Advice

I met mine on plentyoffish.com its free and there are some keepers on there both me and my mom found some extraordinary men that to be honest I didn't think existed anymore lol

I met my husband of 13 years at a Scottish Dancing class. Neither of us are Scottish (LOL). Stop "looking" and find things to do that you enjoy - something that's a little bit different. That way, you'll meet people that are a little bit different as well. Make friends first. You'll feel more confident when you enjoy who you are, and then when you meet someone you want to get to know better, you'll enjoy them more as well.

I've been single a long time and I agree it's hard to find a decent man to date. I actually had a man tell me he will never love anyone aever again because he had his heart broken but wanted to get laid. Yeah, I said good-bye.
My best advice is to tak a class in something you are interested in. It could be anything from an art class to wine tasting, just make sure it's a class a man would also take. You could volunteer at a museum, or for a local theater group or at your child's school. Just getting out there and meeting people will hopefully introduce you to other people; who may know a nice single man.
Be careful though in giving out your address even your email address. I had one guy cyber-stalking me, every time I booted up the computer he was there messaging me. Until you know them well meet them at a public place.

I agree with the suggestion to find some hobbies. If you are doing stuff you enjoy your self esteem rises. You also will meet like minded people. Well that is if you don't go I want to do biking cause I want to meet a fit man. Nope you need to do biking because you enjoy biking or you will be miserable and it will show.

I divorced five years ago and met tons of guys all over the place. A few I actually dated. I met my current husband at a microbrewery near campus where I was working on my masters. I love craft beer so here I met a man that brews his own beer. Okay we have a ton of other stuff in common as well but that is the point people who have the same hobbies tend to have a lot in common.

Hey guys don't go dissing the bars, that is where I met my husband! :p

Why don't you focus on your children and let things fall into place.

When you are actively searching like this, you seem to miss some obvious things. Stop searching and let him come to you in time.

I completely agree... keep your children FAR away from any man you choose to bring into your life, especially girls. Your children should remain #1 priority. TOO many horror stories of about men coming into homes with children and not having good intentions.

If you are looking for a man to marry, go to the places where men are that want to marry (dating web sites or church) and not just for a bed partner for the night(Bars).

I agree with the other posters that suggest taking classes where you have an interest. I took a PE class called "Ballroom Dancing". I found my wife in church through friends I made at church. You can find good men at church, but they are more likely to be against adultery and out of wedlock sex.

It all depends on what you are looking for. "Good men are hard to find, but not hard to keep."

Good luck to you and yours.

J.:

i would NOT push a relationship.

Find a hobby that you like - a book club or SOMETHING like a sport or something you are truly interested in and you MIGHT meet someone there. If you aren't religious - you don't have to be hard core - if you believe - you might find someone in a bible study group with the same core values as you - someone who is searching for answers and wants a partner in every sense of the word - not just a sex partner, etc.

Be friends first. You might be surprised how much better it turns out when you are friends first.

I wouldn't date a guy from a bar unless that's your thing. I guess I am older and wiser - the bar scene isn't where I would want to find my dream guy.

You might find him at work. I know you are looking to get into the IT field - and you will be surprised at how many single guys you will find there...guys that you can talk shop with and understand what they are saying.

If your child is into sports - there are single men out there taking care of their kids too.

My biggest thing is NOT to look desperate. Don't look at every man as a potential husband. Look at them as friends and let it develop.

Honestly I don't feel that single parents should date until the youngest child is 18. That way they can leave if they don't like the situation. You're better off playing the lottery. Dating as a single, divorced parent rarely rarely rarely ends well, and it saps your energy in the meantime. How does it not end well? Here you go:

Situation A: You meet a guy you really really like, but wait to introduce him to your kids until you're sure this is the real thing. Then you introduce them and your kids don't like him. Do you stay with him anyway? Leave the man of your dreams for your kids?

Situation B: You decide to introduce the guy early on so that you don't end up in Situation A. Your kids LOVE him and bond quickly. Now you end up finding out that he's not the one. Do you stay with him for your kids? Or do you leave him and put your kids through another loss?

Situation C: Everything works out, you love the guy, your kids love the guy. One week you don't like his choice to go play cards with his friends instead of going to your kid's ballgame. You yell at him "Hey, I don't think that's right - you signed up for this. You knew I had kids, and you signed on to be involved in all of this." Next week he has it out with one of your kids about something - doesn't matter what - and you don't like how he handled it. Now you're saying "Don't you dare speak to my kids like that. These are my children and you have no right." You think this won't be you - but it will be. It's human nature because you're trying to put your kids first. No relationship can take this kind of pressure, which is why almost all repeat marriages, especially those including blended families, end up in divorce. So now you split and once again, another loss for the kids.

Don't date.

Parents without Partners? (http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org)
Friend of a friend?
Any married girlfriends with husbands with nice friends?

Be very careful with your girls and new men please! There are some sick-o's out there!

Have you tried Meetup.com? They have all sorts of groups that you can join and get out with others and make friends. These aren't dating groups, they are groups created around specific interest. Some are limited to singles only (and often specific age ranges). You can always look for groups that you are interested in (outdoors, running, movies, wine tasting, politics......). Often meeting people with your same interests is a good way to go...

I am a member of several (mostly outdoors stuff and Womens social groups). You have to try them out. Some will be a good fit and others won't. There are only 2 that I really participate in. It took a while to find the groups of people that I really liked being around.

J., what are your interests?

OK, I may not be the best person to answer this since I have been married for 12 years to my high school sweetheart, so not a lot of dating experience. But IF I ever found myself in a position to start dating I think this is what I would do.
http://www.highlifeadventures.com/chicago/singles/social_...
It is designed for singles to meet people doing things they enjoy. I don't know how much it costs or how "successful" it is, but it sounds like a great way to get out and have some fun with the potential to meet people (guys and girls) at the same time. It seems like less pressure than a one-on-one first date.

My only suggestion, and it worked for me was: Sit down in a quiet moment and daydream up the qualities you're looking for in a man/relationship. I think it's really important to have those values in mind when dating/assessing men as future partners. At first I had only a passing attraction to my husband— he was a friend, but getting to know him and figuring out that he had everything I was looking for in a partner was the turning point in our relationship! (Married 14 years, 2 kids!) Good luck!

I met my husband on eHarmony. We've been married 7 1/2 years. Did you try that site?

Good luck to you. It would be hard for me, too!

I don't think you're going to meet a good, long-term man in a bar. I mean, they're in a bar, looking for a chic..not a relationship. You know?

Anyway, I totally agree with the other responses. What interests you? Take a class and meet some people. Even if it's just female friends. They are bound to have other friends! It's all about broadening your social circle. You may not meet a man in the class, but you will meet people. The more people you meet, the more you have a chance to get close to others.

On meetup.com you can find all sorts of local hobby meetup groups and single parent meetup groups these arent for dating but you would have fun and possibly meet someone at them with the same interests. there are also singles fun meetup groups and things like that. I am sure there are a bunch of sites that do this. I've used meetup for connecting with other parents for playdates and also for meeting friends. Also J. because your friends arent single doesnt mean they cant go out with and without thir husbands and have fun at a bar or somewherefun where you could meet someone. What about your friends spouses friends?
BTW if you ever need to talk I was with my ex from 14-26 so I was in the same boat...never dated except my ex...

So funny...you should of course date! :) It is healthy for you and for your children to understand good, solid, functioning relationships. It is good for them to know that we make mistakes but that relationships can work. :) So places to meet guys..classes doing things you like or would like to do (art classes, cooking classes, music lessons like guitar :). Go to the health club. Sounds funny but keep your eyes open at the grocery store, Starbucks, etc. I heard once that Home Depot and some of the home fixer type stores are good places to go and ask for help. :) Get your girlfriends to go out with you..doesn't matter if they are single or not. Go out and have a good time. Go to concerts...many of them now seem to be a huge party. :) There are groups for single parents on meetup.com. Get involved in your daughter's school and be active in life...if you are out and about, you will surely find someone to connect with. Good luck and enjoy. :)