Daddy Issues!

It's always a safety net to save up money and assume to go Motherhood alone. You will never go wrong with planning ahead.

Before I made any decisions about whether to stay or go I would do my best to get back on the sex wagon. Men need sex in order to feel loved and valued. If your bf isn't getting sex then he isn't feeling loved or valued so of course he isn't feeling great about marriage at this time.

Start having sex again, wait 6 months then discuss marriage and see where his head is at and how you are feeling. For the sake of your daughter you should try and work it out with this mine. She needs her daddy there, not just on the weekends.

Have sex with him so he doesn't leave? That is a terrible suggestion...please don't allow yourself to be used and force yourself to let him "have his way with you"!!! The two of you need to sit down and have a calm, adult discussion about what each of you envisions your lives being like. It sounds to me like the two of you are so busy fighting with each other that you have forgotten how to just TALK...without accusing each other or pushing each others' buttons. You both need to stop and think about the fact that you obviously care about each other...and you both surely love that sweet little one of yours...so you both need to be willing to compromise and be considerate of the other one...that is the way a real family works...whether there is a marriage certificate involved or not.
I must say that Luci's Mom is right about some other points...you are certainly sending mixed messages..if marriage is important to you...your move should NOT have been to move in with him and start a family without being married. But in the eyes of the law you have what is called a "common law marriage"...and both of you have rights and duties.
I just feel like the main thing missing in your relationship is communication..and it is one of the hardest things to do...you may need to go to a counselor....a pastor...someone who can be the "referee" and help the two of you really talk to each other !!
Good luck to you

There is one thing that I know for sure...having sex, even if you don't really feel like it, is infinitely easier than being a single mother. If that is your biggest issue in this relationship, I suggest that you find a way to get over it and make it work.

Not to be overly harsh...but, if you wanted to get married all along, why did you stay with him this long and have a child? Most men don't value the importance of marriage the way that women do. By stayong and having a child together, you've sent the message that it isn't a priority.

Don't get me wrong, I think that he should be more understanding, that he should help around the house, and should help with his child...but, really, you're considering splitting up because he WANTS to have sex with you?

The fact that you have already brought up shared custody has sent him the message that you are out of the relationship. You have to decide if you want to try and repair it.

Good luck. Single motherhood has its ups and downs...I wouldn't change much about it. But having another adult in the house makes everyday life
so much easier.

I don't think u are over reacting at all. It's normal to want to take the next step and get married. But if he's just going to get upset when u just mention marriage, maybe you're better off on your own. I'm not saying to leave him... U need to do what's best for u and your child. And I know how u feel about the humping your leg while bent over... My hubby does the same thing. All day, everyday... Groping me, spanking me, etc. And I feel the same way about my body, and don't see how he can find me so sexy, but he does and I just try to accept that. Although it's hard, and I don't want to get naked, bc I don't feel sexy. Hang in there, it'll all work out!!!

I don't think a wedding vs not a wedding is the issue here. No man or woman wants to be put on the spot about making a decision about marriage. Let that subject drop for now. Besides, the "honeymoon stage" seems to be over for most couples with a young baby. Adjustments need to be made. Not every fight or disagreement or misunderstanding needs to result in the end of the relationship. Are you both committed to raising your daughter together? Then commit to work through this.

It also sounds like you need him to be an equal partner in raising your daughter. How involved is he in caring for your daughter? Are you exhausting yourself while he gets to go on like he did before? If so, no wonder you don't feel sexy towards him. Talk about his needs, talk about your needs, talk about your daughter's needs and see if you can both see things from the other's perspective.

You are a mom now and your first priority is to your daughter. She NEEDS her father in her life so you need to put every effort into making this relationship better. Even if you dont marry and end up going your separate ways in terms of living arrangements you must remain very friendly and share the rest of your life with this man! go to couples counseling, read books about making a marriage better. Forget about the ceremony for now and concentrate on making the relationship better. why should he be ready for marriage when he's getting the vibe you're not really into the relationship? Dont bring up marriage until the relationship is better. Obviously sex is a big problem and you need to think about what could make you feel more ready for sex. After you've put a lot of thought into it discuss it CALMLY with him. Do you need more sleep? more help from him? more romance? Tell him this is what I need to feel sexy and ready for sex. I kinda think the I haven't got my old body back is just an excuse, he clearly thinks you are sexy and hopefully loves you for more than the size and shape of your body. You're not feeling sexy because you're exhausted and feeling more like a mommy than a girlfriend and that is NORMAL. Unless he is mean to you and a horrible father try to give your daughter the best gift ever - her father. I'm not saying go have sex I'm saying it doesnt sound like your at a place where you should be thinking of leaving him (unless you've left a lot out of your post) We're all tired and not feeling sexy right after childbirth, give it some time and ask him to give it some time. then tell him what you need to make the relationship better(counseling, help around the house, help in the middle of the night)

Sounds like your boyfriend doesn't understnad what it is like to be a parent and completely exhausted and not very understanding towards you wants and needs. Sounds very selfish. You two really need to talk about your relationship but it does sound like you need to be prepared to be a single mother as he does not seem very mature.

I cannot agree with Luci's Mom.
Having sex when you don't want to or feel like it (over time) is your choice, and if you give up your dignity over time, that *IS* much harder than being a strong, independent, single mother. Speaking from experience, I highly recommend that you never lay down and spread just for the sake of making him happy. If YOU don't want to, or you are not into it, then don't. Sex and intimacy is a MUTUAL deal. Period. Both of you should address that asap. He needs to stop the guilt trips and pressure, and you should stop teasing him about his needs or making him feel bad for wanting you (instead be honored). Just talk about it.

This is not a big enough issue to throw the towel in over.

And 2 years is not a magic number for marriage proposals. If he isn't ready then that means you BOTH are not ready, because - again- that is a mutual deal! lol

xoxo

What I have learned from 9 years of marriage and 3 kids is this: men need and want sex (but mostly NEED it) ALL THE TIME. They don't care how tired you are at the end of day b/c you took care of a baby all day. They just don't care. Their penises don't know that we are sleep deprived! The only thing their penises (and them) are thinking is "Must get an explosion, must get a release." Then they will think "we don't feel like masturbating AGAIN today - must get it from wife/girlfriend - if not, we will have to stray." That is what I wholeheartedly believe. Is it unfair to us? HELL YES. Is it fair that we have to give our men sex when we don't want to? Hell no!! Did anyone tell us that sex is a woman's burden? NO NO NO they did not! (at least nobody told me). So here is my point, Lucy - you will probably ALWAYS get what you want (a marriage proposal, etc.) if you give your guy plenty of sex. If you are too tired do put out at night, then give him sex way before your bedtime, around 7:00 or 8:00. At least that way you won't be doing it at 11:00 or midnight - that is definately more of a chore than at 7 or 8 o'clock. If you and your boyfriend are on the couch around 7 or 8:00, just say, "Wanna have sex?" And do it right there on the couch. This way, when it is time to go to bed, you can literally go to SLEEP w/o worrying about if he is going to start up with you in bed. If you give him sex all the time and if you STOP asking him about getting married, he should (he better!) propose! I would give it 6 months. Make it an experiment. If you give him sex all the time for 6 months (and stop asking about marriage), and if he doesn't propose in 6 months, then you will be more than justified in bringing it up again. But you need to give it a full 6 months! If, after 6 months, he appears not to want to get married when you mention it, then you need to run away from him fast and find someone else. Good luck with your experiment if you decide to do this! Oh, and don't worry about your body image. As long as you are giving him sex, I don't think he will care if you need to lose some weight!

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Honestly, I don't think dads have even a tiny clue how a woman/mom feels that 1st year after a baby is born. I've never been more tired in my life and sure we would all love to return to the carefree days of having sex whenever you want but then reality gets in the way more often than not. As the baby gets a little older, things definitely get easier and the routine/time settles down. If I were you and wanted to get married, I would NOT settle for anything less. You owe it to yourself and as a roll model for your baby. He either steps up OR steps out of the way.

I am a counselor, so here is some well researched advice. You and DD need to work this out with open understanding, good communication, and no finger pointing. 1) the level and intensity of sexual relations goes down immediately after the birth of a baby, it is to be expected, but father's often feel neglected because of this. 2) try to treat his complaints lovingly and set aside time to spend one on one.. 3) You feel that you need more commitment from him, ....you do. You have a mouth to feed and a baby 100% dependent upon you. You need to know he is there through thick and thin. You are putting him "on the spot", but he put you on the spot when you had his baby. He must understand that you will feel more secure and be a better mother to his baby if he commits to his family in a formal public ceremony (e.g. marriage). 4) Babies do best when both parents are there to support them. Try to work this out. It helps if you see his side of this. New dads often feel overwhelmed with responsibility and feel that they are getting less attention than before. You feel warmest and sexiest when he is helping out. This is not manipulation, it is the basic fact about families, we need each other, and when we support each other, we all get what we want. It is unrealistic for DD to think that life will go on as before. He will often want sex when you are tired. Whatever he can do to help you will reduce your fatigue and make you more open to his advances. NOT A GAME, JUST THE FACTS OF LIFE.

You're both putting too much pressure on each other.
You don't want to have to have sex when you don't feel like it and he doesn't want to be forced into the marriage thing if it makes him feel put on the spot.
You have a 7 month old. That fact is solid.
I think you should both get some counseling so you can talk about all the things you feel and learn to communicate them in a healthy way.
I personally think that the marriage thing is a side note to how you feel about your body and how he makes you feel if you are too tired to be intimate.
Being married won't solve either of those things. Take one thing at a time.
Be careful about drawing a line in the sand just yet.
Married or not, the first year with a new baby is tough.
You've already got the baby. The cart has been put before the horse, so to speak. No judgement intended....just work on things at hand. Marriage, as you know, can come later. IF it's the right thing.

Best wishes.