Crying It Out Turned Him Crazy!?

my son at that age cried when I set him down as well and went to do something... and I did not let him CIO until he was closer to 2- 18-20 mo. We had to take him from a crib to toddler bed or mat because otherwise he would have made himself fall out (very tall for his age)

Bring him everywhere with you... put him in a babyseat in the kitchen or wherever you are working so he can see you right there. Or better yet, if you can find a comfortable sling, get him hooked up in back of you... mei tei... or one of the many other back style carriers that are out there. After the stress of CIO at night he probably needs to feel close to you... give him that connection.

"Studies have shown that most babies who are left to CIO don't cry less, but rather they cry in a more disturbing way and cling to parents more and take longer to become independent"

"You go against your own biology when you consciously desensitize yourself to your baby's signals and shut down your instinctive responses."

"When no one responds to baby's cry the baby has two choices: He can cry louder, harder, and produce a more disturbing signal, hoping desperately that someone will listen; or he can give up and become a "good baby" (that is, a quiet baby)and not bother anyone"

"What goes out of a baby that is left to cry is trust: trust in his ability to communicate and trust in the responsiveness of his caregivers"

-Dr. William Sears

There are so many resources out today that can give you alternatives to CIO. I recommend anything by the Sears doctors and also The No-Cry sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

I could go on and on about this but I am going to leave it at that for now. If you would like specific resources or would just like to talk please PM me.

The problem is the cry it out does not work on all babies and I dont like the cry it out. He has now realized that when he cries you do not come so he knows when you put him down you are going away and so he goes into an all out cry. Babies cry for a reason, its their only form of comunication. I would go back to trying to soothe him to sleep. My son would not sleep on his back. I finally could get him to sleep in the cuddle u pillow (a version of the boppy) because it keeps him upright. He could have problems with acid reflux. Now my son sleeps longer. But i never let him cry it out. Try other methods to put him to sleep and make sure he is in a deep sleep before putting him down. If he is in a light sleep he will wake up when he realizes your gone. Find out what works for your son. He is crazy becasue he knows your going away though and wont come if he needs you. Try different sleep methods and positions. THis one may not work for him. Plus if he had breathing difficulties he could be in a habit to wake up at certain times or waking himself up because hes afraid of the old breathing issue. Just comfort him. It will be tiring at first i know but once he gets back to realizing your there for him then it will get back to normal and he will put himself to sleep on his own when he is ready. Also try white noise; a fan, a machine with different choses such as waterfalls, and these may help him. Also try something new so he doesnt realize he is going to sleep. Since the old didnt work.

Until he realizes that you are going to be there for him when he cries now you may have to let him sleep on your chest for half the night or all night just a couple of nights. Then he will realize your there for him. This will reverse what the cry it out did. Trust your insticts doctors dont always know whats best. You are a good mommy so go with that.

I realize that it may seem feasible to just let him cry it out, but really it may be attention and love, warmth and affection that he is really seeking. I suggest nurturing and fostering this while he is young. Rejection may have a lasting impact on him mentally and may hinder his development of relationships in the future. Let him cry it out carefully... but don't forget to foster independence in him as well.
Good Luck.

N. ~ I absolutely agree w/Andi (& Dr. Sears!). There are options to letting your child "cry it out." It's a method that can result in hysterical, needy, insecure children.
Follow your instincts as a Mommy. Your son is TELLING you (the only way he can @ 7 months) that this isn't working. His "freaking out" during the day illustrates that he's scared you're going to abandon him.
Our children NEED reassurance; they need us to comfort them, to calm them, to BE THERE for them. To abandon a child in the dark of night to "let him cry it out" is terrifying to him. How's he supposed to know when you go into the kitchen to cook or laundry room to do clothes, etc. that you aren't leaving him for 6-8 hours like during the night?
Try bringing him with you to each room. My kids LOVED those bouncy chairs that you attach to doorways; they could watch me cook, do dishes, etc ... & play w/their toys on the tray (plus exercise their legs). Having me in their line of sight really seemed to help.
I also recommend a Maya Wrap. I brought my youngest home from the hospital in one & even today (@ age 3!!!) I use it w/him occasionally (on the hip now, of course). Your hands are free, and feeling my body heat & hearing my heartbeat calmed him when he was upset; he could sleep in the Maya Wrap while I went a/b my chores!
BEST of luck to you. Follow your instincts & Listen to your child.

N. -
Hate to hear that you are going through this.
My advice is do what feels right to you.
If it doesn't feel right letting him cry like that - and I am sure that it doesn't, then don't.
It may be seperation anxiety, or the fear that you will do him like you do at bedtime and that is what is making him show out.
Stop letting him take so many naps in the daytime. Get him on a schedule, to me it seems he isn't on much of one.
Let him take a midday nap and then set him a specific bedtime.
Yes he may have to adjust to that and yes some crying is fine. I still let my 3 yr old cry herself to sleep some nights.
Unfortunately parenting has everyone writing their own instructions. Do what feels right to you.

How is your bedtime routine with him? Sometimes if you can get him in a set one, I know its hard to do, but that may help with it. There really isn't much advice not knowing much more than doing what feels right to you as a parent.

Try getting him something else to soothe himself, my daughter had a blanket. You may want to try that maybe a stuffed animal or something to that effect.

The older they are, the harder and longer it is. I did the crying it out thing with 2 at 3mths, and it only took a few days, and they did GREAT. One, I did at 6mths, and it took us a full week and was really hard (they understand more and are learning how to get what they want with their screams by that point...yes, it's true, even at 6 & 7mths). Give it a week, some people it even takes 2 weeks. I promise it will be worth it, it's just going to be a rough one or two weeks, but he will be sleeping through the night soon and everyone will be much happier in the long run.

This is the best parenting video we've ever seen. We have checked this out for every baby (yes, we wanted a refresher course every time to get it right). If you can find it at your library or cheap online somewhere (maybe ebay), get it. It will tell you EXACTLY what to do step by step.

"Your baby can sleep" - by Dr Stuart Tomares

Also, this will help him learn to soothe himself back to sleep when he wakes up. Like I said, I've done this with all 3 of my boys and will be doing it in a few months with our new baby-to-be. I have 3 of the happiest kids in the world, never real separation anxiety, and no trauma from doing this. :)

I tried the "crying to sleep" with my first child. It lasted all of about 4 minutes. It did not work, for me or for him. I couldn't bear to hear him cry. I am a firm believer that little babies cry because they need something, even if it's just so their mommy will hold them. Babies need to be held and reassurred. They need to know that when they cry, you will be there for them. Crying is the only way they can call for you. I held all of my children when they were babies. I held them until they fell asleep and then put them in the bed. Sometimes I would hold them all night or let them sleep on my chest. Or I would lay next to them for a while until they were almost asleep (when they got a little older). They are now 10, 6 and 3 and have no trouble at all going to bed on their own. They get in their beds awake and go to sleep on their own after I tuck them in. They all sleep through the night and only come running to me when bad weather (very loud thunder and bright lightning) wakes them. I don't think your child will be a terrible sleeper if you hold him until he falls asleep or rock him or whatever you do to help him fall asleep. You cannot spoil a baby by holding them when they need you. I brought them with me everywhere I could. Yes, it can be draining, but I think that's just part of it. I wouldn't have changed it for anything. Consider this a bonding time for the two of you. They aren't little babies forever, they grow up so fast. So take advantage of this time and get in all the snuggling you can. You'll be glad you did.

There is also a program you can find online called "Sleep Sense", I forget how much the small fee is but it really works. It helped me get my 22 month old sleeping in his own room when he was used to sleeping in our room while I was pregnant with my 13 month old and using the same program my 13 month old has been sleeping through the night since he was 3 months old. Hope it helps.

N.,

Have you tried putting him in a bouncy seat or eggersaucer when you are fixing dinner, so he can see you and you can talk to him.

I had to do this with my son, now 19 months, he would cry until I was in his line of vision, once he saw me he was fine though.

W.