Crying It Out???

I wouldn't do CIO if he gas reflux because it will just make it worse. Also, he may need another med. My DD went from Zantac to Prevacid at abot 6 weeks.

Hi Kristy
I am so sorry you're going through a rough patch. I have posted on this (CIO) before. There are a lot of moms will deel convictions when it comes to this topic. I am not going to 'pressure' you towards my way or the highway.
I have twins. Needless to say, first 6 months i don't remember. I was a zombie. i don't think I slept, but I did lose a lot of weight. I was against CIO. I couldn't, wouldn't even consider it. That put a strain on my marriage as my husband was pro CIO completely, so, since I was against it I was the one staying up all night with the girls.
At about 6 months of age they kind of settled down with sleeping. They were sleeping ok compared to before. Well, at around that time I started rubbing their backs to put to sleep. Big mistake. That wanted that same routine for a long time. Around 15 months of age one of the twins just became a sweetheart with sleeping, 7 pm to 7 or 8 pm. The other one, no. not until age of 2. actually i rememeber during their 2nd birthday party I promising myself that after that day things were going to have to change. I went to the bookstore and read through a bunch of books pro and con CIO. Well, didn't really follow any of those.
The very next night. I put one of the girls in her bedroom, kissed nightey night and left the room to get the otehr one. not a peep. went to the 'difficult' one. Brought her in her bedroom (separate form her sister's), kissed her nightey night told her i will see her in the morning and left.
she cried, as she usually did. i'd say for about an hr, maybe not that much. i sat by the baby monitor and stayed there while she cried to make sure her cry didn't change to 'i am in pain' cry. it didn't. it was just 'mad' cry. she finally fell alseep. i also expected for that to last for a few days to weeks. well, the next night she cried for a minute or so. soo, short. and stopped, and talked a bit to herself and then fell alseep. during that second night she woke up once or twice for a few minutes crying and fell asleep again. and that was IT.
So, i don't know what would have happened if i had done CIO months earlier. maybe not as successful. i don't know. but i know by the time they turned two i just couldn't do it anymore. i couldn't go without sleep. i wasn't any good to them with playing and stuff nor to myself. iw as surviving on coffee during the day.
now my girls are 29 months old. sleep in the same room, in toddler beds and i do the exact same thing. kiss, talk a bit and leave. sometimes they cry for me, sometimes not, but i don't go in unless they're sick. i also think it did them good. they're happier during the day, have more energy, and just in general better attitude.
now, if i were you and dealing with a colicky baby, i don't think i would do CIO so early. i think i'd let him get oevr colicky stage and then do it. i am saying this only because i don't like thinking kids aren't feeling well and on top of it they're having to go through it alone. but i really don't know, because on the other hand i can tell how tired you are. i hope you are able to find a middle ground to help you through this stage
hope all works out for you
V.

It sounds like you have my little Joey. He will be three in February, and his is still very high maintanance. We were in a very similar situation when he was an infant. I had to hold him 24/7 for the first four months, and I slept in a different room than my husband because I was afraid my husband was going to roll over on him. My doctor told me it was enough, and that if I couldn't listen to him cry, I should go to dinner with my friends and let my husband handle it. That's exactly what I did. I have never been so nervous in my life, but when I got home, my adorable little 4 month old son was sound asleep in his crib. My husband said he cried for a total of about an hour, and he kept going in to check him. The nights to follow he cried less, but it took about two weeks before he went down without crying. I wish you luck, and I completely understand how you feel. It's so hard to be the best mom you can be when you aren't getting any rest. I'm here for you if you ever need to talk. I am also 28, and have Joey, and Olivia, who just turned one. We also have a daughter who passed away at 14 months old.

I agree that your son is too young to CIO. Do you breastfeed? My husband is a night owl and took the midnight feeding so I could sleep from 8 or 9 pm until my DD woke at 3 or 4 am. (I breastfed, but pumped so he could take this feeding. Getting her used to a bottle early was a good move. It allowed me sleep and us freedom to go out and have a babysitter. It also helped when we stopped breastfeeding at 8 months.) It's amazing how much better you will feel if you can get 6 hours of sleep in a row!!!
We did do the CIO at 9 months. It took 3 days. Of course, we had to do it again after a family vacation (Inlaws in the same small cabin and I couldn't let her cry at night) so we had to retrain when we came home again. It does work. It is hard. When DD is sick, as she was this week, you just resign yourself to caring for their needs and comforting their discomfort, regardless of sleep. (I gave exams this week in high school for seniors on less than 3 hours of sleep!) In the end, that's what parents do.
Of course, it helps that my DH is very involved and takes his turns!

Wishing you Z's
T. B
Mom to Katelyn, 13.5 months

Wow... I remember those days... and they were NOT fun!! My daughter was colicy too (FYI: I switched her to a formula called Nutramagin (sp?)and there was a big improvement).

Anyway, I let my daughter cry it out and I remember it only lasting a few days. Of course, it's important to check on the baby to make sure their leg isn't caught in the crib or that they haven't thrown up/have a dirty diaper, etc. I'm sure by now that you can tell the difference between your son's terrified/hurt/tired/hungry cries, so that's helpful too.

My strongest suggestion to you is to look at the clock when he starts crying. It seems like an eternity when you hear your baby's cry, so looking at a clock helps you to realize that it's actually only a few minutes.

Maybe you can get one of those fancy monitors -- the kind that allows you to SEE your son.

All I can really say is that IT DOES GET BETTER!! I just commented to my husband last night that we couldn't ask for a better sleeper!! Every night I read her a couple of books, brush her teeth, tell her to kiss daddy good night and then she gets her blankie and stuffed monkey and she's off to bed!! I would have NEVER thought she'd turn out to be such a good sleeper. (She's almost 2 now but has been doing this for about 6 months now.) It's all about having a routine... they find security in that.

I'll be thinking of you and really hope everything works out!!

J.

after trying many different things, at 5 months, we finally tried letting our very strongwilled daughter cry it out and it worked wonders for us. i have heard that you should wait till they're at least 4-5 months old before doing this though, especially if your child is colicky or has reflux. if you would like to try a non-cry it out method first, i would recommend the book "the baby whisperer." it worked for many of my friends and is actually a very good book for helping you learn to "read" your baby and some of his needs.
as for other books, i would toss out the baby wise book. i started out with that one,too and then heard a lot of bad things about it (just google it and all of the bad press will come up). the best book on sleep training that i read was "healthy sleep habits, happy child" by marc weissbluth. very helpful. i have also heard that "solve your child's sleep problems" by richard ferber is very good (he's kind of the originator of crying it out or "fereberizing").
regardless of what you decide to do, the key is consistency. it took us more than a week to sleep train our daughter, partly because my husband and i were doing different things.
it wasn't easy, but our daugther became a great sleeper and at 3 1/2 still is. you just have to find what works best for you and your child.
good luck.

11 1/2 weeks is way to young to let him cry it out especially if he has colic and is hurting. He is still too young to sleep all that long.
I personally do not believe in CIO, but thats your choice. Mommies of babies are tired, they don't get alot of sleep, thats just part of being a parent. It will get better!!

I have 5 children, the oldest is 20 and the youngest is 9, as painful as it is, you have to let them cry, IMHO. However, I usually would be peeking in to make sure they're alright.....I would let them know mommy's here and that it's time for them to go to sleep. I didn't do this for the first 2 and they slept with me until they were 7 and 5. Some people really believe in the family bed, but like you said, I wasn't getting the best sleep that I should and I didn't have personal time with my husband.

Hi, First I want to say, hang in there it does get better! I know you've heard that before but it does.
Have you considered changing his reflux meds or his formula if your formula feeding? My 17 month old struggled with reflux since birth and we changed his formula from regular to soy then to lactose free. We also changed the dosage on his Zantac a couple times, then we tried a different med. Cimetidine (generic prilosec) worked for him. Neither of my boys are really good sleepers, they both still wake up in the middle of the night (the older one is 4) but I tried the "cry it out" thing and I couldn't do it.
What is his bedtime routine? Do you play music for him at bedtime? I found with my youngest that if I played music for him, he went to sleep a bit easier and if he woke up in the middle of the night I could turn the cd back on and he'd go back to sleep easier.
I think the whole process of figuring out what worked to get him to sleep took a couple weeks (between formulas and med changes, and learning about the cd player) but it was worth it.
If you start feeling depressed see if someone can watch the baby for you for an hour so you can get some air or do something nice for yourself. You need a break too.
BTW, my youngest's reflux stopped shortly after his first birthday. He's been reflux free for about 5 months now and sleeping much better.

Good luck, K.

Oh Kristy, being a new let alone first time mom is extremely trying! I totally know what you are feeling right now. My first born is almost exactly what you describe your little man to be. I tell ya, it does get easier. They try your patience beyond belief and then add in the wonderful ingredient of exhaustion... that bakes up a big ol cake of insanity! You will learn that letting them cry, isn't going to hurt them. They will learn to sooth themselves. Start out in small intervals. Take for instance, it is nap time, turn the monitor off, lay the little man down, turn music on and enjoy a nice hot shower and then don't feel guilty! First time moms alway feel guilty about the "me" time... be it 10-15 minutes in the shower or a walk around the block WITHOUT the baby. Let him cry, then when you get out of the shower, give him the pacifier again, and then dry your hair, put on your makeup (even though you know you won't be going anywhere, it just makes ya feel better)then give him the pacifier again, and head off to do something else. the time inbetween will get longer and eventually he will learn that the crib is the place to sleep and rest, not with mommy. My second born was much easier because I learned that my coddling will only put the icing on my insanity cake. you will soon learn to turn off the cries. Have you seen the lady on oprah that discusses the "secret language of babies?" I tell ya, it is true. you will learn, if you haven't already, they have a cry for everything and once you learn which ones to tune out, you will be saner... trust me been there twice

Hi Kristy...I can totally understand where you are coming from. I have a two and three year old son and both of them had colic. My three year old is totally different from my two year old. My three year old wouldn't sleep in his crib, he slept with us, he didn't like the car seat etc. We started giving him gas relief drops the brand name is mylicone or something like that but we bought the target brand so much cheaper. But as the sleeping in his bed goes I can't remember but I want to say when my son was 4 months old we would let him cry it out. He hated his bed. Cried every night. He too got mad and would throw. Eventually the throwing up subsided. We also attached the binky to his clothes so eventually he got used to it and found it himself and put it in his mouth. But I will tell you it will be tough to let him cry it out. Like you said you can go in every 15 to reassure him that your are there. I don't think I would rub his back but I would say shhh mommy is here but it's time to go to sleep. Maybe even try some lullaby music in a cd player. My boys still listen to music while falling asleep. Now with my second son, never slept with us, great sleeper, loved his crib and never cried to go to sleep. He had his nights and days mixed up so he didn't sleep through the night til about 4 or five months old.But each child is different. If you don't get your sleep you won't be able to function as a good mom. At least that is how I felt. They will be able to detect you are not happy, thus making them unhappy. I hope this helps! Good luck and happy holidays!

I don't belive in crying it out. I read the book secrets of the baby wisperer and I used tips and tools from that. I think that when you let a baby cry it out it teaches them that no one will come for them. I also belive that when they do stop crying they do so b/c they have given up. I never want my children to think I would not come for them.
I also have a reflux baby and he screams in his car seat. I actually had to move him out of the infant one. I think that makes their tummy hurt. I moved him to a britex roundabout when he was 6 weeks old b/c I couldn't take the screaming.
If you need any support please feel free to email me.

R.

I know where you are coming from, it can be exasperating, but thinking back in my experience with my 1 year old daughter, which was also a cry all the time baby, I beleive that a young baby like that cries for a reason and should not be ignored. I happened to ignored mine and my daughter's crying spells turned out to be ear pain and ear problems, she didn't have any of the symptoms associated with middle ear infection, like fever etc., and my ignoring her cries eventually lead to bursting of her ear drum. What I am really saying is although you are exhausted from lack of sleep, give your baby that body warmth he craves, 'cause before you know it he will be asking you for the car keys, enjoy every terrible moment of his infant years, they go too fast!

Sleep is important because you need to feel your best, so you can be the best mom you can be. No sleep = cranky mom. Which you will end up getting frustated with you son, and that will only make matters worse. My son slept in his swing, a lot the first six months. He loved the rocking motion. It soothed him to rock ALL the time. He felt snuggled. I hope this helps. Also Lavender bath stuff, it helped to calm him down. I stuck to a strict routine, and that helped as well. GOOD LUCK. And don't be afraid to ask for help. If someone offers their help, let them hold the baby while you take a cat nap. You'll feel better.

Hi Kristy:

I have an 8 month old little boy and first regarding the spitting up threw the nose, yes that is normal, sometimes.....
It usually happens when there is so much coming up all at once and it can't all get out of the mouth quickly enough it finds the next best passage...i.e. the nose. If he has acid reflux then that is probably the culprit.

As for the crying it out. I did do that around 3 months and it did work, but I didn't completely leave him in the room to scream all night, after a bath and his last bottle for the evening, when I knew he didn't need anything else and he should have been content, I would lay him down in his crib and yes he would cry but he knew that I was there and I would rock him a little and he would go to sleep, this made for a great routine and helped him get on a schedule.

However, I too am a first time mom and the number 1 thing I have learned is that babies are going to do what they want when they are ready to no matter how much we intervene, like sleeping through the night and even eating solids and things like that. I remember trying the old wives tale of giving the baby a little bit of rice cereal in his bottle at about 2 months old so that he would sleep through the night, and the only thing that happend was that he got bigger but still wasn't sleeping through the night.

My pediatrcian also suggested that I let him cry it out because even at 8 months old my son doesn't always sleep through the night, and usually babies won't until they hit about 10 or 11 months. he used to but once they start teething things get really bad and they wake up in pain all thorugh the night and are really crabby during the day.

I suggest, that if you have someone to help you out 4 days a week (by the way good for you, I wish I had that) and he is sleeping a good portion of the night try not getting him up during that intermission when he gets up but it does take about a week or so before you might notice results and it might break your heart but it works.

All though I want to add that you're supposed to pick them up at least once every 10 minutes (I did at least every 5) and also just be mindful that at 3 months old and some other intervals down the road he will be going through growth spurts where he will need to wake up and eat in the middle of the night because his body is doing a lot more work and he will be a lot more hungry than usual.

other than that, good luck...and enjoy this time because it doesn't last long!!!

Kristy:
I have just read "Sweet Dreams: A Pediatrician's Secrets for Your Child;s Good NIght's Sleep" by Paul M. Fleiss, MD. It is a wonderful book. I just ordered it and want you to borrow it. I should get it next week. In the meantime I have a copy from the library and I would be happy to let you have a look. It is a very gentle approach to sleep and in NO WAY advocates crying or leaving your child alone. Your child is unique so don't compare him to other babies and their sleep habits. He has his own patterns and you have to respect them and love him for them. I promise this book will give you a loving approach to dealing with your high needs baby.

I went through this same struggle.

IMO, it's much too early. I think they suggest somewhere around 6-9 mo. It took 2 days and I never let him cry for more than a few minutes.
Every child IS different but for the most part it takes 2-3 days for any transition. You need to READ THE BOOK though. I got it from the library. After I read it I discovered most of the people against CIO totally misquote things in the book because they never actually read it. You will also find that Ferber did not recant what was in his book as someone earlier misguided you to believe. (She apparently didn't even read the article she posted for you because it states that Ferber stands by his method.)
BTW, if you haven't read the book I'd like to clarify this common misconception spread by those who did not read it but are against it: you don't just abandon your child to cry. You go in and comfort them but you do it without removing them from the crib. He gives a suggested time table starting with 5 minutes and increasing in time. It works even if you do it for just a couple minutes at a time so long as you don't pull them out of the crib. That gives them the reassurance that you are there for them but teaches them that crying will not get them removed from the crib.

First of all - this does get better. I wasnt in quite the situation that you are, but I felt the 'guilty scream' inside too. I read all about the 'cry it out' method...and in theory maybe it works. I tried it a few times, but she's my baby and that much crying felt just miserable for me internally. It didnt feel 'right'. I've also read books that say to cradle the child for every cry. After 3 yrs I know that isnt entirely realistic either. With the special colicy situation you have at the moment, in my motherly opinion your baby needs the extra snuggles. As for your sleeping - is there a close trusting friend or family member near by that can come to your home and watch him for you a few times a week so that you can take a nap? I celebrated in disbelief the night my daughter slept for 5 hrs straight! I kept checking to make sure she was breathing like every 20 min. I thought something was wrong cause she was still sleeping. With time, babies just work themselves out. Keep up the good work. I know its hard and for me, it felt like I was doing everything alone. Daddy was a help, but he's a dad, he gets to do the fun stuff, Mommy does the hard work that never ends!

hi, I have a son who will be 3 in feb when he was an infant I let him cry it out. If he was fed and clean but still crying I would walk away and check on him every 10 -15 min. I had to for my sanity. My son learned to comfort himself and never needed to be put to sleep. I have always been able to just lay him down wide awake even now.

K.

11 1/2 weeks is too young to let a baby CIO and you really you don't even have to do that. I highly recommend anyone having infant sleep issues read "No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantly. She outlines the sleep habits of infants so you can understand how much sleep they should be getting at each stage and how to help them get to sleep on their own without letting them cry for long periods of time.

In the meantime, you may want to take naps with him during the day to get more sleep. Also try going to bed early, like 8:00 so that you get in a couple of hourse of sleep before you have to nurse/feed him. Have your husband watch him between 8 and 10 and ask for more help in watching him during the weekend so you can catch up on sleep.

Hope that helps!

At first I wasen't going to reply... but my little voice in my head kept nagging me.

1) I personaly don't believe in CIO. check my posting history to read more......My son was "high needs" and I held/slung him when he was younger.

2) Just a FYI that Ferber man basicly recanted his sleep method last year.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/Health/story?id=1317690&GMA...

I know, believe me, I know what it's like going w/out much sleep, my son was a HORRIBLE sleeper until 15mo.

Have you tried co-sleeping full time>? I know it's not for everyone and we try not to do it now, but back then It was a way for me to get more sleep, but I was nursing and working full time.

Dr sears has a whole section on his site for sleep problems.
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T070100.asp

I truly hope you find something that works for you and your family and soon! But believe me it will get better, it just might take a while.

Blessings

First let me say that crying it out absolutely works. BUT not at that age. He's too young. I did it with my daughter when she was 9 months old and by the third night she slept great through each night. He's much too young for it. Crying it out gets two thumbs up from me as long as the child is older. It doesn't last long and you need to check on them but you just don't spoil them by constantly picking them up and letting them out of bed.

However, my son was exactly like yours, acid reflux, colic, etc. It was awful trying to get him to sleep. Let me let you in on a little secret about kids with colic and reflux. They can't sleep on their backs. They will keep waking up crying each time the reflux happens. Kids with this condition must sleep with their heads elevated (put something under his crib mattress at the head of his bed) or on his stomach. I know people will cringe (but it's what the experts used to recommend a decade ago for all children). My sister has five kids and has put all of them to sleep on their bellies. I gasped ... how could she do that despite what the "experts" say.

Well, my son went two months barely sleeping at night, it was awful, just what you are going through. Finally I took her advice and put him on his stomach to sleep at night. PERFECT! From that night on he has slept wonderfully through the night. He goes to bed at 8 pm and sleeps right through until about 5-6 am. When I took him to the pediatrician I told him that's what I was doing... his response? "That's what often helps kids with these problems..."

Try it, you will be thankful. Just make sure his crib is clear of things, No stuffed animals. And don't use blankets in there. Either put him in warmer pajamas (a one piece with legs) or put him in a sleep sack at night.

Trust me, it will work and you will be happy.

Also, for the reflux... it helps if you put a little bit of rice cereal in each bottle (I put 1/2 teaspoon per 2 oz. of formula). The rice cereal adds weight to the food and will keep it from coming up and burning him as much (the reflux). My pediatrican also recommended this...

Best of luck..I followed all these things and my son is doing great!

ok
yikes
i only have a secind
but like the previous posters i want to say that
your baby is very very yiung &
your baby is in pain
& even uf your baby isnt in pain he is still refluxing and the actual act can be uncomfortable to say th e very least
also: try
good night sleep tigh
and the no cry sleep solution
if you do a google search yoiu will reada lot of negative responses to ezzo...
HTH

Dr. Richard Ferber is the expert on childhood sleep problems and has a book titled "Solve your child's sleep problems". I bought it at Barnes and Noble. It will walk you through the stage you are in now and how to let him cry when he is older. I agree that he is too young now. When he is about 5-6 months old, he will be ready and able to sleep through the night. And it will only take a few nights, it did for me. It is harder on you then them. If they are sick, you should check on them, otherwise, NO. Read the book, it will clear things up!
Elevating the head of the crib will help for the reflux, so will rice in his bottle and the addition of solid food at mo old.
Good Luck, I was you. It gets much better at 6 mo old