Crying and Whining

the book Parenting with love and logic has changed my approach to parenting. I love it. They sell CD's and DVD's which are funny and inspiring, too! Be strong and loving! Good luck!

It's definitely a good thing that you don't just drop everything to do what he wants you to do. Sure, it would stop the whining at that moment, but it would also reinforce to him that whining works and gets him what he wants. Explaining to him in whatever vocabulary works for you that whining will not get him what he wants, that asking nicely and politely in a happy voice is the way to get him what he wants, then being consistent, is the key to long-term success. It will be really hard to hear the whining and the crying, but in doing so, you will be teaching him an important life lesson. Good luck!

It's a phase, and it's infuriating, isn't it? It could be a reaction to the baby herself, or just a result of his observation that, when a baby cries, she gets Mom's attention. So, he cries and he gets carried, cuddled, etc. You can try making a distinction between the baby's restricted life and his ability to do more fun things because he is older. Then you have to tie his behavior to those fun things. Big kids use their words and get to .... (fill in the blank). Babies who cry usually do so because they are so tired, so they go to their rooms to nap....or whatever. You can tell him you don't know what he wants when he whines, and you'd like to be doing some fun big-kid things instead of listening to two crying kids. Be patient and give him MORE attention when he behaves in a more age-appropriate way. Maybe not worry about the clean-up help so much as the right words and lack of whining? Then when he gets rewarded for normal talk, and he gets out of this phase, you can get him to help you with the clean-up! Let him know how FUN it is to do these things with him. And try to stay sane - I know it's SO annoying!

We're going through the same thing right now. My 2.5 year old son has also been crying & whining all the time, I think its in response to my 10 month old daughter who's learning to walk & occupying more of my time lately. We started to ignore his whining the last few days & remind him to use his big boy words and its been working. We've also been trying to boost his confidence and make a big deal out of him helping us do things around the house & doing things to help with the baby, so far so good.

Good Luck....the whining & crying sure grates on your nerves!

I think this is pretty normal for boy of his age.
It sounds to me like he is really giving it a go to the extreme. Altho the whining and crying are pretty typical he sounds like there is a bit more going on here.
Yes, it could be a delayed reaction to the new baby.
My advice is always to have the child checked out by the doctor. Little children do not have many ways to communicate sophisticated problems other than whining and crying. If he has something going on that is causing him distress or pain you need to know that before dealing with the fussy tizzies.
If he checks out ok, then deal with it matter of factly.
Do not cave . Just stay calm and firm. If he comes to you whining, tell him, I cannot understand you when you whine like that. If you talk to me using your voice then I can help you.
You could tell him Mama cannot always do everything you want right away. Sometimes you need to wait until I am free to do this or that. Then tell him you love him, ask him if he can be a big boy and be patient for Mama.
I live in a home with a three year old grandson...when he gets the whinies I get him laughing doing silly things. Looking under his shirt for the grumpie that is hiding for one thing.
When he is giggling then I ask him what he wanted.
This too, shall pass, and he will be on to next obnoxious stage.
Tincture of time.
Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

I think it's mainly the age. Ignore the whining and praise positive actions he does (be specific - "thank you for helping me clean up", "great job getting your own tissue", "good work getting dressed!")

Good luck - we went through this with my daughter a couple months ago. She still whines occasionally, but hardly ever since we started using the tactics I just described.

I think it might be a delayed reaction. Or, maybe you haven't been 'THANKING' him enough and making a big deal out of it when he HAS put on his clothes, gotten his own tissue and helped you to clean up? He might be saying: "She's taking me for granted! I'll show her!" Not that he is a mean little boy, just HUMAN! I would say the same thing!!!!!! So the next time he does any whining, just squat down to his level and say, "OK, that's enough of the whining and crying! It's not necessary that you do that. Now I want you to tell me why you are whining when you used to do this for yourself (getting tissue or whatever). Do you think mommy doesn't appreciate it and is spending too much time with the baby?" and just the fact that he is getting your attention may make him feel better. Remember, praise him, praise him for anything he does to make your life easier. Spell out your thanks for him.

This is hard b\c myson did it too when my daghter was under 1 but old enough to start finger foods and crawl. I noticed it started when she got a little ore independent but still cried from fustration when she couldn't do things. So she was whinning alot more (normal) but then my son started to do it I think for the attention even though he didn't do this when she was born. I finally had to start showing him that when h whines she doesn't always get hat she wants so it won't work for him. An examples is if I had her on the floor after a meal and changed playing with toys I'd try to play with my son or get him food and if she started whinning I would say to her so he could hear now is Mikeys turn to eat or play you have what you need now wait your turn she didn't understand but he surely did and after a few times of seeing that he got much better. I'm now going through this with my daughter snd her sister altough it's not as bad as with my son and daughter. I think they see the baby doing more stuff like them and if the baby gets away with it thye can too not realizing the cries are for different reasons. Good luck

He's looking for more attention. Don't wait for him to ask for it by crying or wining. Think about how you can involve him with almost everything you need to do. Call him to you as soon as he gets up. Tell him how much you love him. Tell him what "we" need to do. Not what "you" need to do. If the baby cries....ask him what he thinks you should do. Ask him what he things we should cook for dinner. Yell to him from where ever he is playing. Even if he is quite. Tell him what time it needs to be done by. Tell him how much you need him. He just needs to be needed. Praise his help. You also need to give him "his" time alone with you. Always read to him in his bed before he goes to bed. That's "his" alone time with you.

I am a mom on three with another on the way...we have to get very creative about whining becuase at the time we adopted our sons they were 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 and would whine nonstop. We introduced a whining dance (my own invention) when the boys got particularly whiny they had to stop what they were doing and turn around three times jump up and down three times, clap three times and then smile. This dance would get rid of the whines... It basically is a fun way to get them out of their negative mood. When they were just in a bad mood we would tell them that they were not allowed to smile (reverse psychology as soon as you tell a child not to do something they will do it) That would give them a good case of the giggles for sure. As far as being whiny and demanding some children are so accostumed to whining becuase it does get our attention.. they do not realize how annoying it sounds. I model for my children what a whine sounds like by imitating thier behavior...whining stomping feet or crying. I explained to them that "Mommy can't hear whines" and when they ask for something nicely without whining I will repond. Then they might pretend to whine or whine I would totally ignore them and act like I was deaf to it. Then I would gently remind them to ask in a polite way wihtout whining and I might be able to "hear" them. It worked like a charm on the boys my daughter who just turned three is a little more stubborn and will go somewhere and pout when she does not get here way. I ignore her and let her calm down and come out of her pouting stance before asking her "what is the matter". I hope those suggestions help... we do the Whining dance in public if they have a temper tantrum or are begging for something in the store...other people usually get a chuckle out of the creativity of this rather than leaving the store with a child kicking and screaming we are making them dance the bad mood away. now that they ar eolder they HATE doing it ..especially in public so whining is almost non existent for them at this point. If my 3 year old or 5 year old gets really weepy it is usuially an indicaiton to me that they are tired or overtired. I explianed to them that "Ben only cries when he is tired so maybe he needs to lie down and rest" He doesn't want to have to take a nap so he will usually lose the behavior and if he is really tired and can't stop crying he will be told to go and rest and he will usually sleep if he is that tired. I hope this helps!

Welcome to the three's. I found 3 year olds to be much more difficult than the terrible 2's. My best advice is to igore it. He is whining because it is a great way to get attention. Every time he asks you to do something in a nice voice, shower him with attention. Let him see that he does not get attention for the whining (even though it is extremely difficult not to fly off the handle) but he gets lots and lots of positive attention for good behavior. Remember that the whining may get worse before it gets better and don't give up. It takes several weeks and maybe months to change behavior. Be consistent, it is a phase and one you don't want to last into childhood. Good luck, I went through this with my son when he turned 3 and I am now tackling it with my daughter who just turned 3 in December.

Hi,
I'm almost certain the behavior is from his sister. He is probably trying out what the baby does, which is crying to get her needs met. I would try to encourage him to use his words to ask for what he wants. It's totally normal behavior. Try and be fair to him. From his point of view you are doing everything for the baby and nothing for him (Obviously though you are doing a lot but to a toddler it seems like he's getting the short end of the stick).
Try and show him all the great things he can do, and maybe even tell the baby things like "I'm helping your brother right now you need to wait". The baby won't understand, but it means a lot to toddlers because I'm sure he hears "Wait, I'm helping your sister", or "The baby is crying I can't do that right now".
Try and dedicate a solid 20 minutes everyday to playing with your son without the baby (like when she's napping).
Toddlers don't understand that babies need more help, they just think they are getting shortchanged. If you can give him special time, even just a little bit everyday, it will make a word of difference.
Good Luck, It get's better.
C.

A little praise goes a long way! Sounds like he is jealous that sissy is getting all of your attention. My best advice is to praise him for all of the things he does and encourage him to help, like oh thank you for picking up that toy for sissy, what a great big brother you are. If you nip it in the bud then it will get better, otherwise it will drive you insane. And remember who is boss here. You are. When sissy is sleeping spend one on one time doing one of his favorite activities, or read a book. And when sissy is awake, simply explain that sissy needs some help right now and that he can go and play trucks or perhaps show sissy the pictures in his book.

About me - I am a SAHM of 3 kids (Boy 8), (Boy 4 1/2) and (Girl 2)

Dear A.,

sounds very much like my son, who is 3 years and 2 months. We have a baby girl of 1 year. My son went through a phase some time ago when he would cry cry cry. It was very exhausting. I even had a hard time liking him sometimes. Anyway, we chose to accept this and fulfill his newly geared-up needs as far as we could without violating our own borders. We did not comment on his "whining". We gave him a lot of cuddle time, listening, understanding, music. We went along with his "Mama, i am a baby." I would say: "OH, you are my baby, come here baby, let me cuddle you..." It took a lot of energy and reassurance from our favourite childcare authors (Steve Biddulph and Sears & Sears). During this time he often wanted to watch the DVD "Three bears and a new baby" by Sesame Street. So i think it was related a bit to the arrival of his sister.

We also made a point of acknowledging anything he did well. And we talked about how having a baby sister is sometimes hard, helped him find words for this, and made him feel it's ok to have mixed feelings. He goes back and forth between love and joy with her, and thinking she is a nuisance... Finally, we tried to model good-naturedness and a joyful attitude with a sense of humor even more than before, while being honest about negative feelings, too.

Then about 2 months ago the tide turned again! he wakes up chirpy (maybe after a few moments of grumpiness before his first drink), smiles, jokes, is resilient and charming again. In hindsight i think what happens is they go through phases of independence, then get a little overwhelmed and regress, before starting out again. So, it goes in waves, just gotta surf them.

Good luck!
D.

We are going through it too with our 3 year old (in 2 weeks). It is definitely annoying - these 3 things usually work for me:

1- I give him 2 choices (with the same outcome for me) - "do you want me to put on your clothes or do you want to?"

2 - if he doesn't respond in a timely fashion say "by the count of 5 if you don't tell me what you want than I will dress you" then count - and stick to your promise of the outcome if he doesn't decide.

3 - if I need to reprimand him I say something like "oh that's too bad kids that <fill in the blanks here but be specific> don't get <fill in>" basically teaching him that he has control over his 'destiny' - good behavior = fun things and visa versa

Good luck - you'll figure out what works for you and your son! Just keep trying different things and remember you are really the one in control :-)

I'm going to guess that he is crying b/c of your 7mo. When my baby became mobile and more interactive I noticed that my 2 1/2yo son became a lot more jealous and acted out more. He still mimics her a lot (she's almost 10 mos now) all of her whining and "talking" He actually does a really good job!
As far as what to do-I'd try to make some 1 on 1 time with both you and your husband as much as possible. Also try and praise all the litttle good things a lot. But when he does start the crying don't accept it. I'll put my son in a time out and tell him he can sit there until he is done crying. I'll also say that he needs some "alone time" in his room to settle down. He usually ends up playing but when I go get him he is settled down and will then usually do what I asked him to to begin wih. Now I just have to ask him "Do you need alone time?" and he says "no" and stops crying.
I hope this helps.
Good luck!

Hi A. - All have given some great advice! I am in a similar situation with my almost 3 1/2 yr old boy & my 10 month old baby girl. It goes in waves, but often I feel it IS a response to learning to deal with less attention... and no doubt the age too! If you can, squeeze in some more special time/one-on-one time with your son. In addition to everything else everyone said - lots of praise for doing good (be specific about it), ignoring the 'bad' behavior/whining. Hang in and best of luck!!

A.
We went through a similar type of thing with my almost 3 year old. It happened at the same time (when her sister was 8 months old) and I was horrified. It was such a dramatic change in my eldest and I was worried. Her teachers at school were also worried about her and advised us to see a developmental specialist. The end result was that it was a delayed reaction to her sister who at 8 months was starting to play with toys, pick them out of her sisters hands, crawl around and want the same things her elder sister wanted. Her baby sister was starting to become more of a threat. What was advised to us (and kind of went against what I was feeling at the time) was to give the elder more love and attention, to listen to what she was saying and to start to do some special things with her alone. Remember that up until this point your son has had all of your attention! He is insecure about what is happening and might think that he will get more attention if he acts like a baby. Reassure him that he is still your special little boy. I ended up taking some afternoons off from work and spending more quality time with my eldest and the results paid off within a couple of months. Good luck A.!

Hi A.,
My daughter just turned 3, and we're going through the same thing-- it drives me nuts! She's my younger child (my son is 4.5), and he did the same thing when he was around 3. It may be a reaction to the baby, but I think it's also the age. (terribles 3's in worse than 2's!!!). Hang in there, it will get better!