Cry It Out Question

I suggest checking with your doctor. Ours said do not go in at all. period. It took an entire weekend, we did it over a 3 day weekend, and by Sunday it was a lot less crying. I was beside myself pacing downstairs, but I kept telling myself over and over they won't remember the crying and it's for their own good. Best wishes on this very challenging issue!

Another vote for "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. No matter what techniques you choose, you need to be painstakingly consistent with them. We used CIO at 6 months and it took 3 nights: 45 the first night, 15 the second night, and 2-5 the third night. Feel free to send me a PM with questions you might have.

Yes, I do think you are teaching her to cry for an hour. I'm not sure what book you read or where you got your information but I would suggest reading Dr. Weissblum's book- Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for more information. Also, I've heard of graduated visits to check on them, but not every 20 minutes. You need to judge your child and see if extinction is the better method that will get you there faster. I hated sleep training, but I was at the point where I was a mess from not getting enough sleep, and not able to function during the day. For us, extinction has been the fastest method since my son gets very upset when I go in to check on him and that extends the crying.

C.,

I agree with the other two posts. Another idea, in case you HATE the crying and are feeling guilty, which we liked better was that we put our baby down for the night - complete with nightlight and sound machine, then sat on the floor. My husband did the first few nights, and vice versa. Each night we DID NOT make eye contact, talk to or acknowledge the crying or any behavior, And each night we sat closer and closer to the door. After about a week or more of this, we had no fussing, no anxiety and were "reading" in the hallway.

It's not as quick and easy, as the "cry it out", however we also didn't feel "guilty".

Another approach is to acknowledge the child from the hallway and simply say, "Mommy is here. It's time for bed." INSTEAD of going in. That's all you say, then walk away. Do not go in. Do not pick her up. If this makes YOU feel better to "check" on her or reassure her, then it's an in-between of sitting in the room or going in every 20 mins. We have done this too in the years since
"sleep training" our kids as babies. It works after chaotic holidays or long evenings out when their sleep patters have been disrupted. I read in my bed, down the hall from their rooms and will simply call out, "I hear you. It's time for bed." Usually my kids now know, it's night-night and THAT'S IT.

Even now, once in awhile our kids will "check" to see if we are listening to them on the monitor. As long as they don't feel abandoned they go right to sleep.

BTW - about your question, I wouldn't "time it" when you go in, if you go that route. Either make it one check and THAT'S IT or don't go back in. I do think you are training her daughter that eventually you will "rescue" her if she fights long enough. Also, don't reward her with a bottle!!!! If you've already fed and changed her before bed, then she doesn't need it. You are teaching her that Mom + Bottle = soothing & sleep. Not the message I think you want her to get.

A book I would recommend to help you all get a good night's rest is Dr Sears "The Sleep Book", which I thought had realistic situations and solutions presented. There is also an article on the website at http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070300.asp

I think your going in every 20 minutes makes most kids MORE anxious.

Are you sure she isn't overtired when you get her into bed? I found that if I missed that window of FIRST fussiness it was over and the crying took longer.

What I did with my girls was to put them in bed, then go downstairs and watch TV and NOT have the monitor on. By the time a movie was over they were asleep and I was not stressed about it. I even slept down there the first 2 nights of sleep training just to avoid the crying. By the 3rd night they were sleeping all night without crying at all.

I think 20 minutes is too long to wait for a little baby. Check the Ferber book - I'm pretty sure he says go 5 min, then 10, then 15 and repeat every 15 until the baby falls asleep. The next night you'd go 10, then 15, then 20 and repeat every 20. The point is, you need to go back often enough that your baby knows you're there for her. Honestly, we did even shorter intervals than that with my son when sleep training - more like 3, then 7, then 10 mins. It just didn't seem right to let him cry any longer than that to me. Guess what? It will all work no matter HOW you do it as long as you're very consistent with it. Picking her up and feeding her is going to derail this system, if this is the way you want to train her. Remember, the entire point of sleep training isn't to make your baby fall asleep - it's to teach her how to self-soothe so that she CAN fall asleep by herself when she stirs in the middle of the night. So put into this context, letting her cry for too long can be counterproductive because she panics that you've left her. On the other hand, stopping her and feeding her a bottle after an hour also doesn't work, because now she will figure out that if she cries long enough, you'll rescue her with a bottle.

I would pick up a copy of the sleep book of your choice (Ferber, Weissbluth, whatever you want) and actually READ it - not just the method, but the theory behind it - and this will help you implement the training a lot more effectively.

We started with ours at 10 months, make sure you have a bed time routine set up so they know it is time to calm down and lets them wind down for the night. This will really help out in general. We do dinner, bath, quiet play time, then bed. Do what you feel is best in your heart, I couldn't stand to hear her cry for too long, so no way would I make it an hour befor going in, but my girl is 17 months and she pretty much goes to sleep by herself in her bed. I hold her with the lights off for a few minutes, we say prayers, and then I lay her down. But like one of the other posters said, I don't think it matters how you do it, as long as you are consistant. Just remember, not every child is the same so what works for one may not work well for yours, Hope that helps and good luck.