Crazy 4.5 Year Old!

I have a friend who is a nanny to twin girls a bit older than my DD. I have another friend whose DD is 2 months younger than mine. At a recent playdate I was running late and all I had to say was, "DD was being four." There is something about this age that is difficult and it's pretty common. Even for boys. It's like they are almost big kids but not quite and they get upset easily....We (and the school) are working on DD about her meltdowns. "DD, if you yell and cry, then we don't know what's going on. Please take some deep breaths and let's talk." Or "DD, I appreciate that you are upset to leave when you are having fun, but you need to calm down or you make other people feel bad." Or the other day it was, "We cannot leave for the park til you stop yelling and put on your shoes. The longer you take to put on your shoes, the less time you will have to play."

Hang in there. You're not alone. Recently DD had to go to her room because she wouldn't stop yelling and tantrums get no audience. When my nephew came over (his DD is 3...just he wait...) she was still in there.

Yes, 4 years old is hard.
As much as it is hard for the Mom... it is harder for the child, because, they do not have full capacity or awareness or knowledge of things/the world/moods, like an adult has. Nor do they have "coping-skills" either.

Their emotions, are not real fine tuned or developed yet. So keep that in mind. They don't even know the succinct names for their exact feelings, nor can they even fathom or analyze their own feelings or WHY they are feeling that way, nor... do they have full problem-solving skills nor do they have deductive or inductive reasoning, yet.
So, yep, they are having a hard time at this age.
Plus, coupled with the fact that at this age, everyone... "expects" them to act and be, all grown up and a "big girl" or "Big Boy." But they are still very young still.
So the adult expectations of them, plus with their own development, it clashes. Frustrating for the child, then the parent.

Teach your daughter, how to express herself and tones of voices. Make it fun. Teach her the names for feelings, and that there are MANY ways to solve it and to feel better etc. I have a son & daughter, and from 2 years old I began teaching them those things. Then at only 3 years old, my son for example, could tell the difference about his feelings and he knew the difference between him being "grumpy" or "frustrated" or "irritated." And he'd tell me. I told him even Mommies get those feelings to, so just tell me, in a palatable way. And he would. THEN he would even tell me "Mommy, I'm grumpy, I'm going to to over there to be by myself..." and he would. Then a minute later he'd come by me and say "I feel better now..." and hug me.
I was proud of him.
And likewise, when *I* am grumpy or in a bad mood, I will say that to him but not blame him. And I tell him "Mommy is grumpy right now, but am trying to keep pleasant..." etc. And that teaches the child too.

I never punish or scold my kids for their feelings... unless they are ON purpose, being difficult. So the parent needs to DISCERN, that. IF my kids are honestly just feeling icky and grumpy for innocent reasons, I help them. I do not scold/punish for that. Because, I want them to know themselves and that they can come to me. And also because, no Mommy is perfect about moods either.

But yes, this is a hard age.
Common.

I always treat that as a sign the child needs more sleep. I put them to bed 15 -30 minutes earlier and the behavior gets better. Even if she is getting as much sleep as always, she could be going thru a growth spurt and need more sleep!

Wild and wonderful is how 4 years have been characterized. It is sooo true.

Yes, my 4.5 year old is crazy. Her meltdowns have stopped --thank god--but she is wild and very emotional. Lashing out is common, though she is getting better at not following through.

DD was more apt to meltdowns when she was over-tired. But if she was freaking out over every little thing, I let her know I understood she was disappointed, frustrated, etc. but she needed try to get control of herself. Throwing a fit over something, like not getting her way, earned her a trip to her room to sit alone (and she always was great for her teachers in preschool).

I will say that since turning 5 and starting kindergarten, she's been much better. I think 4 is difficult because they are being thought of as "big kids" and expected to act as such, but it's really hard for them. DD's kindergarten teacher also told me that at age's 2, 3, and 4, they are very egocentric and really do believe it is all about them - by the time they turn 5, they begin to understand that there are other people in this world, and their feelings have to taken into consideration too, so they become more apt to cooperate.

Make sure she is getting enough sleep, send her up to her room alone if you have to, discipline her consistently for poor behavior, but then see what happens once she turns 5 and is in school full-time. Most of them at that age start to even out.

Mine is the same way and is 4.5 this month! Glad to hear not the only one.:-). She is an awesome kid but lately gives me fits if a piece of clothing isn't clean, we're not having what she wants for dinner or, heaven forbid, I let her little sis use the one pink spoon we have (why did I buy only one?!?)
She does the same thing afterwards. "Mommy I love you.you're the best mommy" I think we're going to have our hands full with these girls!.