CoWorker's Wedding Question

I would not go. She was very rude to invite everyone else and not you. I would ignore the invitation, don't buy her a gift or give her a card. Just move on. Be professional at work and move on.

In this situation I would also feel hurt and if I didn't know the woman well enough to ask her about it, I wouldn't attend the reception with one exception. If I knew I would have a good time because I knew other people that would be there I would go. I would work at finding a way to stop taking her lack of invitations personally.

You ;haven't described your office situation. How many women are we talking about? How well does everyone know each other? Are those who were invited closer friends with the bride than you are? Are you new to the office? Do the ones invited have more in common with the bride than you do? Do you have a different life style than the bride?

I can think of a variety of reasons for you not receiving an invitation. I'll list some and you can think about those that might fit. First, it is possible that your lack of invitation is an over sight. That has happened to me. The others may just be assuming that they're invited and/or the bride didn't send out invitations but somewhere along the line said something to the affect that everyone was invited. Perhaps you weren't around or didn't hear the invitation. Do you know any of the others well enough to ask? Do you feel like you're a part of the group when it comes to socializing out side of the office? Do you feel like you're a part of the group or more like you're on the fringe? What is your age in comparison to the age of the bride.

One of the reason that I think there is a strong possibility that your lack of invitation is an over sight of some sort is that showers nearly always include everyone. Isn't one of the purposes of a shower to receive gifts? :):) I don't think I've ever been to a shower that only included close friends or a shower for which the whole office did not receive an invitation. Often the invitation is a general one posted on the bulletin board.

You mention a hotel and shuttle. Is the wedding out of town? If so, it makes no sense to issue an invitation for the reception only. Another reason to think there has been a mix up.

What is the size of the church? Space may be limited. That still doesn't address the issue of parties. I think the important info here is related to how well you fit in with the others on a social level.

If the office is large there may be others who were not invited but because they have their breaks at a different time or in a different place you aren't aware of them. Do the ones invited socialize together outside of the office? If so, are you a part of that group?

I have worked in groups and been noticeably older than most of my co-workers. I'm rarely included in out of office events. Once in awhile someone does feel comfortable with me and I'm included but I don't expect to be included as a general rule. One time I worked with a group of young people. I was probably 10 years older. They had parties to which I wasn't invited and about which they talked in my presence. One of the group told me that they smoke pot and she asked if I'd be comfortable with that. I thanked her for telling me and understood their concern. I wouldn't have minded but combined with our age difference thought they would be more comfortable without me. Since they were friendly at work and shared breaks with me I didn't mind.

There are many possible reasons for this happening. If you continue to feel hurt and irritated I'd ask about it. You can do this in a light hearted way. For example; in a light voice during a conversation about the event, say something like, "hey, what gives? I didn't get an invitation." Some may be embarrassed or uncomfortable but someone will likely give you an explanation. If not they may pass the question on to the bride. Are you; thinking that's why you received the invitation to the reception? I suspect that they're all assuming you did get an invite or they wouldn't be talking about it so much when you're around. I think it will help you to feel less rejected if they're sympathetic.

Don't let this spoil your relationships in the office. As N. S. said, this will be over and you can wait for the baby event. :):) Approach this with humor and you'll be alright.

Don't take it personally. I would be considerate of her budget, and depends on the relationship you have with this coworker. At least you got invited. What would be hurtful more is if you made a suggestion and didn't even get a card. I would go to the reception (that's what most people go for anyway and to find fault, lol) and have fun!

Reading your what happened, seems to me she is trying to releive her guilt by throwing you a bone and sending you an invite to reception only. Obviously the whole office knows you weren't invited to any of the pre-ceremony activities as they are whispering about the bachlorette party. If you are not close enough to ask her why she left you out, then move on with what you got going on and don't go to the reception. I don't think it is a budget thing because showers, bachlorette parties are not at a cost to the bride. She is just rude. Sorry.

I think it was very rude to invite everyone else around you and not you! However, from what I can tell, brides nowadays have no idea what's rude and what's not. I know it's hard to listen to people go on and on about their wedding and then not invite you to anything!

I got married twice, and I treated it different both times. The first time I invited everyone because I had been working with them for 3 years and I felt very close to all of them. The second time I had only been working there 6 months so I invited just the 4 people I felt the closest to, but I ALSO told them that I was not inviting the whole office and could they please not mention the wedding at work.

I don't think your co-workers will know that you were not invited to the shower, the bachelorette party or the reception. If you're not particularly close to the bride then be happy you don't have to shell out money for gifts! For all they know you were unable to attend (which is what you should say if they should ask "where were you?") As for the ceremony, many people skip the ceremony anyway.

If you feel particularly close to this co-worker and want to celebrate her day with her then by all means attend the reception. It won't look odd at all, most people won't even notice. If you aren't really close to her (and it sounds like you aren't) then perhaps you have something else to do on that day and you can send your regrets.

Either way she was very rude. However, since she is just a co-worker, perhaps you can rejoice when the wedding is over and the subject moves on to when she's having kids!!

Do you have any relationship with this woman outside of the office? If not, I don't see how you can reasonably expect an invitation. Granted, if it is a small office and you were truly the only one not invited...then she may have crossed the line into general rudeness.

Making decisions about who to invite from work (to any occasion) can get complicated. Invite everyone...and people are insulted because they think you are just fishing for extra gifts. Miss somebody, intentionally or otherwise, and then feelings start getting hurt--which may or may not be justified.

I had a horrible thing happen with the invitations to my bridal shower...several stuck together when I was filling out the information and were left blank. Nobody noticed when we stuffed the envelopes and one of the blank ones went to MY MOTHER! We were estranged at the time and it just made a difficult situation worse.

The questions you have to ask yourself is...do you want to go? Do you want to spend money on a gift? Can you accept the invitation with begrudging the bride her mistake (or lapse in manners)?

I dont think I would go. I would put a card in her office mailbox. :)
S.

I don't know enough as to why she would do that to you. Do they get together after work and you are more likely to go home to a family or be busy? It isn't polite in any case, it would be like inviting everyone but one to your birthday party in grade school. It is done though and you can be hurt or you can hold your head up and realize it is a reflection on this woman rather then you. When they talk about it in the office just smile and say it sounds as it was a lot of fun. If you show a maturity about it then it makes her look and feel foolish and the other women admire your maturity. If you are very close to someone in the office you may ask her aside what she thinks is the reason you were slighted in this. Did you do something that upset the bride at some time and don't even know about it? It might help clear the air since from now on you will feel like a 3rd wheel and slighted. It will affect your working enviroment if it isn't resolved.

About going to the reception, it is up to you. You can give her a card and your regrets but that will just make her think she did the right thing slighting you, or you can go and enjoy yourself and make her see that she missed out having you at her other functions, this is called taking a high road.