Could You Do It?

If they had indicated to me beforehand that this was their wish, then yes, I would help them and consider it an act of love. And I hope that, since I HAVE told my family that I do not wish to live with no or close to no quality of life, that they would help me.

I would have a hard time doing it myself, but I would certainly advocate for my loved O. to be granted their wish, which ever way they had stated..

This is O. of my favorite movies. It dealt with this subject. My MIL and I always joked, to feed us the pudding.. Watch this Meryl Streep movie and you will understand..

"O. True Thing"
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120776/

Yes, I love them enough to not make them suffer. I would hope that someone would do the same for me were it warranted.
I've never understood how we have enough respect for our pets to let them go when they are beyond care and suffering but we do not do the same for our human loved ones.
I think it is selfish to sit there and watch our loved ones suffer when there is no hope, "praying" that some miracle or cure will miraculously appear overnight for them. Sometimes it's just not going to happen and we need to accept that. If someone is elderly and having health issues that cause them to suffer is trying to buy them a few more months living, unable to care for themselves really in their best interest or yours so you don't have to deal with the loss yet?

I've wondered about all the questions you ask. I do not know. I won't really know until I am faced with the actual situation, for myself and for a loved O.. And circumstances would almost certainly be different from O. person to the next. But I see death as the inevitable final stage of life, and have already dealt with my own fears. Now I see it as a birth into whatever comes next, even if that whatever turns out to be nothing.

I did help my beloved grandmother get off life support when she was hospitalized with severe pneumonia. She had no advance directive. For most of 9 days, she was often delirious, and unable to actually speak because of a breathing tube down her throat, but she finally was present enough to nod and shake her head when I asked her a series of questions. Her wish to be allowed to die was quite clear, to me and witnessing family members.

We conveyed her wishes to the doctors, who then removed all tubes, stopped force-feeding, and gave her pain-relieving medicine only. She died peacefully a couple of hours later. It felt like the right thing to do – the suffering she had undergone for the 9 days preceding had been brutal. I was deeply disturbed by the knowledge that I could have fought harder to allow her to die at home – she was within hours of death before some family members urged hospitalization.

We encouraged my mother to file her advance directive. She's terrified of dying and wants every possible intervention at the end. That's fine with me; it's what she wants and I will support her to the end. But if I knew someone's wishes were otherwise, I hope I'd have the courage and love to support their death. Even if it was up to me to deliver the final drugs.

I promised my surrogate father I would ever allow anyone to revive him. He died because of pacemaker failure and I agreed to let the doctor revive him because the doctor said "It might be the pacemaker causing him to die. What if he were to get a new O. and recover?"

Well, he is over 80, can't take care of himself, etc.. I did it because I didn't want to feel like I ended his life.Now he requires the same level of care as before so maybe it was the pacemaker. I don't know. Had the doctor not guilted me, I would have let him go on and it would have prevented him from suffering. The other doctors who knew him reminded me he never wanted revived.

I changed the papers so they are not allowed to revive ever, per his wishes. I am glad he is still with us, but his health and quality of life will decrease and I bet I regret putting him through it. Plus, we found out he has cancer and he can't take treatments so we didn't tell him.

I have a medical power of attorney naming my sister as the O. to make that decision. My husband should not have to be put in that position, but my sister is a trauma surgeon; I trust she would know, if my brian is gone let me go. If my brain is permanently trapped let me go. My living will is quite specific. So is my husband's and my sister has the right for him too.

My father had a DNR but my mother could not let him go. They revived him and he sat drooling in a wheel chair for another two years.

Could I assist someone in ending their life? No, I couldn't. When my loved O. (my father) was suffering, he wasn't "undignified". He was going through what so many of us human beings go through - the act of dying.

We see other people we don't love as "undignified", because we don't want to look like "that" O. day ourselves. But it isn't undignified. It's part of the circle of life. It's uncomfortable. It's sad. It's hard. But we love our family members and we accept it. We provide pallative care. That doesn't mean letting the doctors do all they can do. What THAT means for a dying person is more PAIN - more needles, more tubes. Pallative care helps a person get through the pain.

My FIL is now taking care of my MIL who has end-stage Alzheimers. There is nothing undiginified about her life. It doesn't matter what she said or the sounds she made. Everyone understands. We don't think of it as terrible or undignified. We love her and are taking the best care of her that we can, as her family. We include her in everything that goes on in the family - she is in the middle of the family center of the house - the dining room. Everyone accepts it and wants her there.

She will not be going to the hospital for any reason. When it's her time, it's her time. She will not be in pain, and we will let her go.

Like my dad, though his pain lasted weeks, rather than having Alzheimers that last for years.

My heart goes out to ALL who go through this with their families.

We knew what my dad wanted. We signed a DNR for him. When his blood pressure dropped, the hospital called in the middle of the night. We allowed them to give him medicine for it, but not to put him back on a vent. The upsetting part was how the nurses talked to my sister - they KNEW he had a DNR, yet said "He's going to die if you don't put him back on the ventilator. Don't you want him to live?" It was WRONG of them to talk to her like that. My dad was not going to be able to live - his organs were shutting down.

The next day my mom and sister had a meeting with the doctors and the social workers. That's when we put my dad in hospice. It was part of the hospital, and the people there were wonderful. I never felt that my dad lost his dignity. They gave him the pain meds he needed. I was able to talk to him in hospice and sing to him before leaving to try to get home for him before he died (I missed him by 5 hours.)

The way I look at it, if we talk to our family and loved ones about what we believe and feel BEFORE we get to the point that we can't give intentions, it saves our family the guilt feelings they will have if we never talked about it. And if we put it in writing, THAT'S what the doctors will go by so that O. family member can't derail our wishes. (Especially if we have a lawyer helping to make sure our wishes are honored.)

Other than that, it's up to family and that's a hard thing. We know we did right by my daddy. I pray that someone will do right by me when my time comes.

Dawn

I think hospice is the choice as well. (Added the next sentence) Some people you just don't know the lenght of their life...and so it may not always be the right choice.

As for DNR...6 years ago I came home for Christmas to a grandfather in the hospital. His Christmas wish was that I be the witness and sign his DNR. It was very hard to sign it, but that was his wish. I never heard him say this but I believe my grandmother when she said it was. So in reality I would carry out wishes of the sick loved O.. Would I give them medication to end their life? Not sure I could do that, but I would fight for their right to end their life they way they wish.

I could not ACTIVELY help them in ending their life but I would respect their wishes. My own dear Father had always let it be known that he did NOT want to live hooked to a breathing machine or anything like that. When he was 80 years old he had a series of strokes...and it was clear that he would never recover any of his functions. He had talked all of this over with his family doctor and so the doctor was the O. who initiated his wishes...it was a bit of a shock to me when I saw the DNR notation on his medical chart...and it made me sad...but I loved my Father enough to honor his wishes.
Now if it were my child...that would be a completely different thing...I do not know what I would have done in that instance...my children are now all grown so I would not be making that decision for them...but I would think it would be a MUCH more difficult decision to make in the case of a young person.
You never know what God has in mind...O. of my best friends son in laws had a serious heart attack 2 weeks ago...the doctors and nurses all told them that there had definitely been brain damage...and told his wife ( who is 37 years old) to be prepared to make "difficult decisions". 10 days later...he was released from the hospital...he is now at home...recovering from the open heart surgery to put a stint in a vein...and plans to go back to work around Nov. 15th!!!! The nurses and doctors have said that nothing but prayers and Gods' working in his life brought him to this point.
As a Christian I do not believe in assisted suicide...I think everything is in God's hands and He knows what is best in each circumstance. But I also believe that there is a time to stop medical intervention and put the results in the hands of God.

While you don't know til it's your feet in the fire, I think I would go with hospice, for all our sakes'. Friend died this summer after a long battle with cancer. Hospice was invaluable in both keeping him comfortable and supporting the family. When someone goes to hospice, the choice is to die with as much dignity as possible.

I wouldnt venture to guess what I would do. None of us really know what we would do until actually faced with such circumstances. We can say what we "think" we would do, but often times it doesnt work that way.

To me the question becomes 'what is life'? If the body has stopped and there is no brain activity but medical science can keep our heart and lungs functioning are we alive? Are we playing God?

My Mom has a DNR and I will honor that.

I told my kids years ago if I am brain dead and there is no help, please pluck my giblets and let me go. The body dies but the spirit lives on. The body dies but the love we hold for those we cherish never dies it lives on in our children and grandchildren and each generation after.

I went through this this year with my father. He had a brain tumour that eventually led this big, strong, intelligent man to be unable to communicate, move out of bed, or do anything for himself. He wasted away. We nursed him at home, and he died the way he lived, as a giant among men. It was a beautiful death, and I know that hearing is the last sense to go. We were able to sing, and talk and express our love to him as he slipped away. I agree with euthanasia, but I could not have done it to this man. Even as a wasted, dependent being, his dignity, strength and love shone through.

We had this happen in my family.

My niece, for some reason, collapsed several years ago.. her heart basically went into arrythmia for unknown reasons. She was in a vegetative state for probably 2 months, with the doctors advising her parents (she was 30 or so at the time), that she would not recover. After probably 2 months, she did start responding more and more... they had seen some response off and on.

Anyway, for probably 2 years, they tried to get her into a rehab program, with the thought that she would at least be able to live with her dad. They did get her into a rehab program, but I don't know how much they were getting back from her. At this point, she was fully awake, but her short-term memory were shot, she could do some self-care, things like that, but not much.

Anyway, 1 1/2 years ago, something happened again.... they found her non-responsive in bed.... paramedics got her heart started once again, but she had sustained more brain damage. She was not tolerating more than an ounce at a feed, and was slowly starving to death. Trying to feed her more often just resulted in her throwing up what she had taken in. Her body was essentially shutting down.

Her eyes would open, but it was more of a "lights on, nobody's home"..... there really was no response this time. Previously, she would talk to you, respond, and do things.... she had been doing really quite well, recognizing her sons, talking to them, playing with them, and such. We visited her that summer before, and we all had a good time talking with her, and showing her my new grandson..... she loved babies!

Her parents (who by this time) had medical power of attorney, had to make the very difficult decision to withhold food and liquid.... they called in hospice, and at that point, just made her comfortable. If she seemed in pain (they can recognize that, by the way a person responds to things), they gave her morphine. She passed away 2 weeks later....

Her parents DID try, and didn't listen to the doctors at the beginning...she did recover to a point, and probably had a pretty good quality of life, even though it was in a nursing home..... but when she collapsed a second time, and sustained further brain damage, and wasn't tolerating feeds anymore (via GI button), her body was apparently telling everyone else that it was time to let her go.

It was a very difficult decision to make, compounded by the fact that her mother lived several states away.. (her father lived in the same area, so he had the medical power of attorney).....

What would I do? I have no idea......

As I answered in the other post, I would go with hospice.

I haven't done it. So I don't know.

My father in law is in another country and went into a coma almost four years ago from a stroke/aneurysm. In this particular country whether it be religious beliefs or legal you are not permitted to remove assisting supplies or deprive the people of their means of survival. I did not know what we would see when we went this year, my husband has been there a few times since this happened but I had not. My mother in law has cared for him at home. She changes his dressings, mixes food and puts it into his stomach, changes his diaper, keeps him from choking and more. He is not aware of much, but slightly responds once in awhile. But after seeing this, I would say despite how difficult it appears and how sad it is it has done something a lot of us don't understand. His condition has brought together a family. There is always someone jumping in to help and there are people who often stop by and visit. I could not assist anyone in ending their life, after seeing this I totally believe that his life has purpose even if he isn't aware of it. We all know that the end will come for him soon, but the lesson learned is that I saw truly what life and love are about. And I know there are others in horrible pain out there and if faced with that decision I do not know how I would react. But right now, no I couldn't assist them in ending their life because you never know what miracle is around the corner.

My father was dying a horrible death from small cell cancer, to the point where every organ except his brain had shut down and he knew exactly what was going on. He had a DNR on file with the hospital, and at his request we removed the breathing tubes and other tubes from him and held tightly as he he gasped his final breath. It was Father's Day. Miss you pops!

Not a human, but O. of my dogs was suffering from seizures and tests were being run to determine the source/cause. Her last seizure left her paralyzed from the hips down, and at 90+lbs was not an easy task getting her downstairs from my 2nd story apartment to let her go to the bathroom, then carry her upstairs again, all the while hoping she would improve. Then it was determined she had a brain tumor and she would only deteriorate more, so I made the decision to say good bye why I hugged her and she kissed my face. Miss you Ebony!

It's not up to us to decide when it's time for someone to die. We don't know what is or what could be especially if we're emotionally involved. Even if we're not, we just can't control these things. Next thing you know in the future, some people will decided that it's about time for their annoying neighbor to go to a *better place* or something terrible like that. We should never decide when someone else should die. Why have that on your conscience to begin with. Everyone will die eventually, why speed it up?

We went through this recently with my father-in-law. Hospice care. That's what he preferred, and he had a DNR. We're Catholic and don't believe in assisted suicide if that makes any difference.

hospice would be a good choice. though its hard to watch the family member go down hill like that. hospice workers are great. my great grandma was on hospice and passed is 2006. they gave us everything we needed for her to be comfortable and they restocked the meds as needed. it was our best choice because she did not want to pass in a hospital or a nursing home. the day she passed (xmas eve) went like this. i noticed she looked pale alerted my aunt who lived with her. we tried to awaken my great grandma to no avail. we then called the hospice case worker (who has to pronounce her). that took about 1-2 hours. she came and pronounced her dead. we then called the coroner as the hospice worker filled out the needed paperwork. when the coroner came they were very kind and respectful. they asked if we want to remove her jewelry (we did). they then wrapped her in white sheets and lifted her onto their gerny (sp) and that was it. she passed how she wanted with her family near.

my aunt felt a little responsible for her passing because she was in pain and she gave her morphine that aided in the relaxation of her breathing and so on. we did all we could do to reassure her that it was just her time and at least she was with family and not in pain.

No, I could not assist in someone's death. That would be like me playing God. I would ask for meds that take away any physical pain and make him or her as comfortable as possible. I would also pray without ceasing that God would have mercy and end their misery.
It isn't my place to say who can live and who needs to die. I feel the same about the unborn.

Denise:

thanks for the spin off....it's interesting to see people's varying opinions on this.

If my family member or friend has a DNR - I will honor that - to not would be selfish and just wrong.

If, like in Private Practice, a friend with a debilitating disease asked me to help them die...i would have to think on it...it all depends upon the person and the situation. Or as I mentioned in my question, the ex-wife in Criminal Minds, asked David Rossi to help her. He could NOT do it. But he respected her wishes and did NOT call 911 after he had realized she had overdosed....it is not something I would do lightly.

My neighbor is suffering from Alzheimer's and had a stroke that has severely advanced her disease. She does NOT know her children anymore and sometimes does NOT recognize her husband. That is NOT life to ME. And it is NOT any sort of quality....she is losing functions and it is sad. IF it were me? I would ask Bob to take me out in a boat and let me "swim" ashore...I do NOT want to get to the point where I do not know my children.

As to my parents. They have living wills in place. They have made their wishes known. If by chance there is an accident or something that renders them incapacitated without recovery - we are to pull the plug. No matter how much it pains me to think it - I would honor those wishes...this is NOT about ME, it is about their wishes.