Coping with Overwhelming Emotion at Night

E.,
My son Wyatt will be two on the 9th of August! Congrats on yours...now down to business...Stop feeling guilty for being human! It's hard having a job 24hrs a day 365 days a year and being good at it 100% of the time! As for coping, don't...let your husband...for two reasons...one because you're stressed out by it and two because in a month he'll have to handle it because you'll be nursing a newborn and your daughter shouldn't associate the baby with you not helping her every time, it should be part of the routine...ask daddy to step up to the plate...I know he wants to be well rested for work but you need to be well rested for your and baby's health as well as emotionally for everyone in the family...Every time I have been pregnant and nursing my husband has been the "on call" parent for the other kids and even though he sees it as a big sacrifice I don't think it compares to what I've put my body through having his 5 kids and nursing each one...so if someone wakes up(besides baby) that's all him...I know how desperate it can feel in the middle of the night and how we as women project it into how awful the next day will now be and so forth...just remember you are one of the lucky ones and your child is blessed to have you know when you have reached your limit...don't feel bad for knowing when you're at the end of your rope...pass it to your husband and say a prayer for all those kids out there whose mommy's crossed that line and hurt them out of frustration and remind yourself of how lucky you are to recognize your limits...and you're right... this too shall pass!
Best of luck!
C.

I don't have many suggestions for you (and it looks like a lot of other people have already given you great ideas). I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in the emotions department. My husband is often working when my little one (21 mos) wakes up, so dealing with nighttimes is most often left to me. I was spoiled with my first child who slept through the night at 3 mos old. Kaden has had maybe two month long periods where he slept through the night, but other than that he has been up every night at least once, but for a while it was every hour or so all night long. I screamed at him, I cried, I spanked, I did everything....then I just let him cry. He still occassionally wakes up and I have to go and settle him, but it is soooo much better than it used to be. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone in the frustration department. It was better for my sanity and for Kaden if I just shut off his monitor some nights for a couple of hours so I got some sleep. I know he is safe in his bed and nothing can happen to him (now that he is old enough - as is your daughter). Especially being pregnant, you NEED some good sleep, even if it is only solid for a few hours. Good luck and if you ever want to just vent to someone who has been there, let me know!!!!

I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so overwhelmed.. but I'm not surprised....

The hormonal pressure of pregnancy combined with sleep deprivation and frustration.. wow... forgive yourself... Your feeling this way is not crazy.

But... Is your husband getting up to cope with your older daughter, or does it all fall on you? He needs to take some of the load.. your 2yr old doesn't need to see you loosing it... I remember feeling overwhelming exhaustion, frustration, and even rage at loosing sleep...

I had a history of post-partum depression, and after my 2nd daughter, it just got worse.. I eventually was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder several years later, and was so relieved to find that medication made me feel relaxed and "normal" again... So be careful after your delivery to monitor your mood...

Good Morning E.. I understand how you feel and have been there before. When my E. would give me a hard time with naps I would turn on her "Yoga Zone" music and tell her 3 songs ......... it took time to make her understand to stay there but I would stress this is relaxing time. I would tell her you do not have to sleep, you can look at a book but you must stay in bed until Mommy comes back. She got it very quick. As far as the night time I had the 3 nights of no fun and just let both of my children cry until they fell back asleep. I made friends with the fact that there was going to be some bad nights and I just tried to look to the next week when they would be sleeping more through the night. I am prego due in early December and so I can get some rest in the middle of the day I have been taking the kiddies out early like 830/900 and run them until 12 ........ bath and then they both fall into naps..... about 2 hours and I can get somethings done and rest a few minutes too. They tend to be going to bed and sleeping better through the night as well. I always try to tell myself that I am paying it forward and that it could be worse......... Good luck and I am sure you will find something that works for you. Put your mind in your yoga place and it might make you more calm. And remember that hormones do some funny things to us!!!!

Feel Good!!!!

EFT for you and a magnetic pad for your 2 year old will work wonders. A pet pad from Nikken, the large size will be fine. She will sleep through. Check out ebay, make sure it's Nikken brand though. If you can't find one, email me: ____@____.com.

Doing a good detox will go far for being able to sleep.

S. Hoehner
www.sharethecause.com/detoxqueen (watch the video)

Cut yourself a little slack. It's hard to have your A game when you're not sleeping. I'm no sweetheart during night time wake ups either. What worked for my son - we bought him a little toy aquarium that he plays at night when he wakes up. We let him cry it out and use his aquarium to go back to bed. It works for him.

E., my 2 year old is doing the same thing. I have a 10 week old and my 2 yr old daughter seems to have some emotional problems with the arrival of a new sibling (for obvious reasons) not to mention the typical 2 year old behaviors.
I too get depressed and blame myself for my daughters unhappiness especially when it is the night time "I want mommy..." cries. It makes ME cry!
I don't know how to fix it other than to do my best. I even say that to both girls.
I hope that this note of "Im going through the same thing" gives you some comfort. Your posting made me feel better knowing that Im not alone.
Thank you for reaching out.

I think your brain is telling you that you are overextended and should start taking it easier. When you relax your daughter will probably relax too. Maybe she thinks nighttime is the only time she gets to see you when you arent doing something else.

Can your spouse/significant other just be "on-duty" at night for a little while?

my guess is that you are emotional because you are pregnant and because you are OVERWHELMED!!! let your daughter cry at night. she will be really upset for a couple of nights, but she will get over it. you can't take care of her through the night and a new baby. as far as naps, my 3 year old is starting to drop his nap, but i still put him in his bed (crib). try putting her in her room with some books or a few small toys and just let her play quietly. she may fall asleep sometimes, but at least you get some time alone. i had a set of twins when my oldest was 14 months old. and the twins did not sleep through the night until they were about 16 months old. i was up every hour until about 3 am when i would essentially pass out and then my husband would get up. so i know the hysteria you are talking about. it was almost like a perpetual panic attack. do yourself a favor and let your daughter cry. she may cry for hours, but it has to be done. good luck!

Hello E.,

I feel for you. I think different people react differently to lack of sleep. I too suffered from a bit of post-partum depression and having a child that was colick/reflux-ey and screaming all night long (did not sleep through the night more than once until he was a year old) nearly sent me over the edge. What we worked out was that my husband, who deals with lack of sleep better than I do, will take the night wakings any time I can't deal with it (when they were multiple wakings or he would not sleep for hours on end we would switch off). This has made a world of difference and my son got used to Daddy comforting him.

Just like others said, I have also had to learn a severe lesson in letting go. I did not realize how much I depended on that nap or sleeping until I saw my reaction when my son didn't do as predicted. I was literally in tears. I would literally repeat to myself "he might take a nap, he might not, he might go right down, he might not" and have it in mind either way. It helped. I also stopped trying to be super mom. I would make a list for the week and pick ONE thing that I felt I could get done each day and therefore I stopped disappointing myself and feeling like I could never keep up.

But having hubby take the night shift often did really make a big difference. At 8 months pregnant you are likely very tired now and it's hard sleeping to begin with! See if you can work a deal. What I do, is if hubby takes nights, on a weekend morning or two I will get up with my son and let hubby sleep in. He loves this and it's a fair exchange.

Best wishes,
K.

Hi E.,

It sounds like you may have a lot of stress in your life. If that is the case, your daughter will always pick up on it and carry a little bit of it. I have a 5 year old and 10 year old and both of them STILL sometimes have issues at night and wake up. The good news is it is occasional. This is after years of hard work and concentration to make our house-hold a calm, non-yelling, very stable environment. Even after a day of hard play outdoors and swimming for 4 hours and playing lullabyes, my 10 year old still wakes up last night!! We think it's due to her hyper-activity and ADHD. You may want to consider an evaluation for something neurological if it is really extreme. Check with your doctor, but I give my daughter a product called Calmz, it's homeopathic and uses chamomille to help calm little ones. IT has a picture of Curious George on the outside of the bottle. It's a dissolvable pill you can place under the tongue or just in the mouth. It's all natural with no side-affects. It is bought at orangic type natural stores. You won't find it at a regular drug-store, because it's not a drug, it's an herb, and its designed to help children to calm down. It's not a sleeping pill either, it's just a calming herb to help one focus on whatever they need. When my daughter came into our room at midnight last night she actually requested we give it to her, because she will fall asleep after taking it. She is ADHD and a bit hyper-active. So if she needs it during the day we do that too. We didn't want to medicate her on prescriptions if we didn't have to. So far so good! We don't use the calmz everyday, only on trouble nights or days, but it does seem to work!!! I would STRONGLY suggest you ask a doctor before using any kind of herb at all. They are very powerful and need to be used with caution. Some shouldn't be mixed with others, etc. etc. The other thing that helps my kids fall asleep and stay calm, is a good massage with a calming essential oil like lavendar and chamomile in a lotion or oil. I massage them and tell them calming stories or prayers while I do this. Sometimes with my hands, sometimes I use a golf-ball to roll on them or us a little battery operated massager with little feet on their backs and necks. This really seems to calm them down as they are both sensory type kids that thrive on touch and texture.

Don't beat yourself up for having a reaction to exhaustion and stress. This is your bodies way of asking you to address it so you can sleep too. Your husband or significant other should be willing to help you through this. Try some meditation and visulation to calm down and above all just love your little lamby through it. Love can heal things. If the problem continues to persist, I would seek the advice of a natural-path doctor or reiki-practioner or even a chinese-herbalist. Keep things natural and you will find better success! That is my general experience.

Love, Light and Learning,

D.

As you say, this too shall pass. I'm sorry it's so hard right now, but I empathize. Being a mother is much more than we are ever told. I suspect you're doing a great job. Be kinder to yourself. Take it as it comes, have your partner go to her...we are all spiritual beings having a human experience, including your daughter.

I would like to suggest that you take a nap whenever your child takes a nap. The housework will wait.

Try to get your little one out side, the fresh air also helps make them sleep better.

Children that used to go full time to kindergarten through 1st grade had a rest period in the afternoon at school. If you lay down with your daughter, "too rest a little while", she may also rest. She may not want to take a nap because she thinks she'll miss a trick.

Tell yourself during the day also, that though it may seem like you are the only one person awake at night responding to a waking child, you in deed are not!

I think you are over tired. When I find myself over tired, I notice my happiness level is lower than when I'm rested.

D.
I'm 60 years old, been married to the same man for over 38 years, have two grown sons and one daughter-in-law.

Try EFT! Go to the web site: www.emofree.com and watch the 7 minute clip. Emotional Freedom Technique is the most amazing, simple protocol in the world to work on negative emotions: the "ground floor of a healing highrise" (Gary Craig). It can heal (about 80% of the time) everything from a physical complaint to a lifelong phobia or addiction or depression in minutes! It can be self-taught or facilitated by others. The stories you can access from the site will amaze you and it can even be done surrogately for young children and pets or over the phone. If anyone wants more info or help going through it, write me at ____@____.com Marie
Part time community college educator/freelance writer/editor and mother of 4 grown sons. Still writing a kids' book on EFT. Listed in the mama businesses...