Ugh. I keep having this constant issue/argument with my partner on our daughter’s bedtime. He doesn’t seem to get that she needs a consistent bedtime ritual preferably starting around 7:30 so she will be asleep by 9:00 (or sooner). I take her to work with me at 7:30 am during the week and I can tell when she doesn’t get enough sleep the night before which makes it much harder for me at work. She’s a great baby any other time and as long as I can continue to get my work done, my boss is fine with having her with me.
Her Dad doesn’t seem to believe me when I tell him that she needs a full nights rest and even letting her stay up past her bedtime every once in a while makes it harder to get her back on her routine. If I bring up her behavior at work and how the situation might change then he seems to understand and supports me. However his best friend who is a single dad of a 14 year old and a 4 year old keeps telling him that it’s not that important, and letting her stay up every once in a while is good for her. Because his best friend seems to have done “just fine” with his two kids that apparently that makes him an expert. Everything I’ve read or have asked other people has been the opposite reply. So now I’m back to having to repeat myself. Plus his 4 year old is kind of a brat and always seems surprised if someone tells her no or she shouldn’t do something.
Can anyone think of any other way to get it through to her Dad or am I just going to have to repeat myself and become a “wet blanket” or a nag =(
First of all no one should listen to a single Dad as most take the "easy" way out instead of being firm about bedtimes. I would take the other ladies suggestion and have the Doctor tell him. Tired babies make for sick babies too. Their little immune systems need rest to fight off germs. CB
Schedules are SOOOOO important. You are on the right track. Yes, letting her stay up late once in a while won't harm her but she is in the midst of major brain development. She needs tons of sleep. A ridged nap schedule and definitely plenty of sleep at night. My daughter just turned 1 on Sunday. She doesn't get her morning naps, half the time, because I have an older son whom we have to take to school, etc. If she doesn't have a good morning nap, she has a terrible afternoon nap and fights going down. It's interesting how that works but their little brains get overstimulated when they do not get enough sleep. Good luck. Just keep explaining these things to daddy. If he doesn't agree, just tell him this is something you strongly believe in and he's going to have to give you your way on this one. You can compromise on something else. Hopefully he'll respect that. If he still fights back, force him to read a book on schedules. Maybe that will change his mind.
I don't have anything new to add, I just wanted to encourage you. You are right, schedules are important! Have him read all these responses you just got. Let him know you aren't trying to be mean to him, you are just asking for his support in something you find important. Let him know that he can support you in it whether he believes it is important or not. It would be a way for him to express his love to you!
Hello!
First of all ALL Dads are suckers for the bedtime problem. My Dad fell for this and my Husband tried and occassionally still tries. They are not with them all day and they feel guilty for putting them in bed. However, they have all weekend to spend with them. With that said..... You definitely need a set bed time. Babies and small children need a routine, this promotes peace and security. I have 3 children, my oldest just turned five this month. What I did is just start a bedtime routine by the clock around her feeding schedule , give her a warm bath (I Love bedtime bath by Johnsons), then have her kiss Daddy good night ( which is a routine he will love), and go lay her down. Stick to your guns, watch the clock and do it at the same time every night. Before you know it your husband will be reminding you it is almost 7:30.
First off, you are ABSOLUTELY right that your child needs some kind of schedule. It only becomes more important as they become preschoolers -- because it helps give them structured areas of life that they can safely explore. The schedule, and discipline of a schedule, is reassuring and comforting to them.
So, I have two suggestions. The first thing is to try to remove the conflict between what you need and the best friend's opinion. A very simple approach is: "Your best friend's kids are not our kids."
That covers all differences in parenting styles. It covers the fact that his best friend is not the one who has to take care of YOUR child every day. It isn't saying that the friend is doing things right or wrong -- it's just saying that what works for his kids may or may not work for your kids.
My second suggestion is to use your pediatrician to your advantage. Make Daddy come to the next well (or sick) child visit, and ask the pediatrician about what to do about your child's behaviour at work when she has not gotten enough sleep, or how important a consistent schedule really is. Every pediatrician is going to tell you that your child needs sleep. They will probably tell you that a one year old should be sleeping about 12 - 13 hours a night, every night, and that interrupting that for anything but a major emergency is really hard on the child. Daddy's often will listen to a doctor before they will listen to Mommy. That's just how it works.
Finally, cultivating some new friends who have really well-behaved children and parent like you want to is a good thing. It gives you other couples for him to talk with who may be better influences in the long run :)
Have him read 'How to Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems' by Dr. Ferber. Even if you do not need to use his method, the whole first part of the book explains sleeping patterns and the importance of consistency.
Hi,
If you watch Super Nanny or read any of the parental books, they will tell you conistency is the key. There will obviosly be times that bedtime will be missed, but if you can keep on a schedule it is much better. You might ask your partner to just put himself in your shoes for a minute and imagine that he is taking her to work and when she does not get her sleep it interferes with his job......how would he react to the situation then. Often times having someone eles "walk" in your shoes for a bit can be helpful. Good luck.....
D.
Maybe showing him some info. on how much sleep kids that age need. I understand... it has taken me awhile to get my husband to understand this too. We took a weekend trip recently so our little girl was totally off schedule. Since he was actually with her the next couple of days, he started getting the picture.
Good luck.
M.
Have your pediatrician tell him at her next checkup! Dad's seem to believe it better when it comes from a "pro"
You are sooooooo lucky to be able to take your child with you to work!!! Besides the importance of consistent schedules with young children, you don't want your employer to change your work situation. Day care for an infant can be $700 to $1300 a month. Maybe the money aspect will help dad understand.
Best wishes!
A 7 month old is not a 4 or 14 year old. They need consistency at this age, and a regular bedtime allows EVERYONE to be happier. My daughter is 3.5 and we are still very regimented about her bedtime and naptime. Of course, now that she's older, we have more flexibility, but I strongly feel that one of the reasons why we have a daughter who has never been prone to major tantrums is because we have had this strict betime/naptime ritual which can be related overall to setting limits.
An added bonus is that the routine allows YOU some consistency and time to yourself.
