Completely Frustrated with 14 Year Old Stepson!

Gasp! A post puberty teenage boy talking about sex?!

Please buy him some condoms. Please show him how to treat a girl with respect.

You will probably not be able to stop him. But you CAN teach him self respect, how to keep himself safe, and that GIRLS ARE TO BE TREATED WITH THE UTMOST reverence at ALL TIMES!

Better still, talk to him non threateningly about the girl. She's his GF? Have her over for dinner. Take them on a date. Get to know her.

Sexuality is as much a part of him now as his grades, his health, etc. Why pretend it's not there or make him feel like he's BAD in some way for having hormones?

Least, that's what I've done with my teenage boys. So far so good.

:)

Hum, where to start, first talking about sex does not equal sex. You may be watching too much TV yourself if you really believe everyone is doing it.

Okay the second part, just because you discipline different doesn't mean you discipline better. There were a fair few "strict" parents who thought I was the worst parent ever, that I never disciplined my children. Their children were getting drunk at 14, giving boys blow jobs under the air hockey game at the theater at 13, one had his first DWI a week after getting his license. Mine were still virgins at 19!

What I am trying to say is it doesn't sound like you have been in this boy's life very long. You sound very much like a person who doesn't have kids, who knows they would have done much better than everyone else. Poll the board here and see how many of us were like that right up until we had to herd two year olds. It is about then that you realize you are trying to control an autonomous creature!

So, get him some condoms, that will freak him into thinking with his brain. Ask him if he had any questions. Stop snooping on him, what the heck! If you treat him like the young man he is he will respect you and go to you. If you continue your path he will just get better at hiding things from you and your husband.

He's 14 coming up on 15 and he's talking about sex with girls on FB. Why is this in any way surprising? YES, you and his father need to tell him you want him to wait awhile and WHY! However, ypu also need to stress the importance of condoms EVERY TIME, respect, always respecting No, STDs, teenage fatherhood, etc. He needs to know ypu cate and why it's so important. He does NOT need to know you're snooping on him! How do you expect to ever have a trustworthy kid if you never trust him? Unless his grades are slipping or his behavior is really changing for the worse, you need to stay out of his business. He will never truly hear you or care what you have to say if he knows you're snooping on him and that you're more concerned with blind obedience to rules than his genuine thoughts, feelings, questions amd ideas.

It sounds pretty normal whether is is your stepson or your bioson...dad's tend to let mom's be the "heavy" especially when it comes to this sort of thing. Talk TO him but not AT him. On this subject, you may need to have to have dad step up.

I hear you 100%. I have a 15 yr old step son who lives with my husband and I. His mother is absent and dad works. I have experienced this many times. I took his phone away from him. I monitor his Facebook activity on the .computer in our family room. He isn't allowed to use the computer unless I am in the room. I know that's a little harsh but its hard being a step parent to a teenager when the biological parents don't disipline him. You need to have you husband talk to him. He.needs to have a male parental figure at this age. I know it is.hard. I am going through the same thing. But, you have got to stand your ground if you are ever going to ne talent seriously. Hang in there!

I would focus on the sex and safety rather than how he is using Facebook. Make sure your husband knows what is going on, and have him talk to your son about sex and condoms etc. I know there are opposing schools of thought on this, but my opinion is that you can't stop kids from having sex so you may as well teach them how to do it safely. I would consider it a blessing that you found out his intentions early on so you can make sure he realizes what a big deal sex is. Hopefully your husband can have the conversations with him though, because ... awkward!

Well, I think that even if you are the step parent, you can still lay down ground rules for what happens in your home. However, your husband does not have the right to skate by disciplining his child. At this point, the conversation about having sex may be best coming from hubby or both of you together and you need to let hubby know, regardless of his schedule, he's needed at home! Home is always first!!!!

I've noticed with my kids that with all they do, they haven't become smart enough to "cover their tracks". Looks like your stepson hasn't figured out how to cover his either. So with that being said, DO NOT let your stepson know that you know about his conversations of having sex via fb. Perhaps a conversation about being sexually responsible is best and you want to bring this issue to the forefront since he's getting older.

Well, obviously there are some bigger issues here about you and your husband getting on the same page, and who disciplines, etc. (Your husband should lay down rules that you two have set together in private. then he needs to hand out the discpline a good 75% of the time. You should only do it when it immediately impacts you, in my opionion.) However, for the immediate issue, here is what I would do:

Take away his internet priviledges (computer, phone, etc.) for a significant amount of time. If I was the mother of the girl, I would be checking her page too and I woudl be all over your son for this behavior. This is not how you talk to any girl. This is not okay for children to behave. This is not okay to do electronically where the "paper trail" will last your whole life. He needs to follow the rules. Period.