My son is 3.5 years old and has always been clingy and shy in groups of children, especially children that he does not know well. Once he is comfortable he is a typical three year old. He is also very active and needs his exercise. He goes to preschool 3 1/2 days a week and although the separation is still hard for him, once he is there he loves it. Here's the problem. He goes to a gymnastics class once a week and once he is there he LOVES it-and he is learning a lot. However, the problem is that he will not let me leave the room (you are supposed to sit outside and watch from a window) and sometimes (if there are new kids or something has changed) he literally clings to me. Sometimes I can get him of my leg but sometimes I can't. I've tried just dropping him off and leaving the room forcing the teacher to take his hand. I've tried talking to him about his fears, preparing him in advance, offering rewards if he is brave and goes. But I am at my wits end. I know he's a little overwhelmed but I also think he is great at manipulating because I have seen him recover quickly in a lot of other situations. I don't want to stop the class. He is learning and he loves it once he is there. I just don't know how to instill confidence and a little more independence in my child. Any suggestions on how to help him separate and become more confident when he is nervous would be helpful. Please don't tell me that I need to appreciate that he wants to be near me. I know that he will be older soon enough and won't want me around anymore... ;) I appreciate the time I spend with him and am with him a lot. But I am really starting to lose my patience with the clinginess.
That he is fine once you leave tells me you just need to leave or drop him off with the teacher. It seems that the situation has gotten out of hand because he gets away with having you stay. The doesn't solve his other clinginess but maybe when he has practice being on his own at gymnastics class his confidence will improve in other areas. Good luck.
You should give him a hug and a kiss and leave the room. Period. No going back to try to calm him...it won't work. He will continue to behave this way each time you drop him off. Ignore the clinging and crying. You should be consistent with a reassuring talk, hugs, and a big kiss, then leave the room; he will adapt and this will be become the normal way to say goodbye to Mommy. Kids are very bright and manipulative. He will learn that he can function without Mom and that Mom always returns.
His Kindergarten teacher will thank you in a couple of years for making his transition to "big" school an easy and exciting one!
Hello, We had four kids and the youngest was the clingiest. I went to work at his school when he started kindergarten. The days I wasn't working in another class, he would insist that I come to help in his. He hated being away from me. He is now 32 and lives across the United States and I hate being away from him. Enjoy it while you can. He will outgrow it. In the mean time, just explain where you will be and maybe show him which window to look at. Then leave him in the gymnastics class.
Good luck with your precious little boy.
K. K.
My daughter was the same way. I knew she had a great time at the babysitters, but she would cling and cry and carry on until I had to pry her off and race out the door so the babysitter could close it behind me. I finally got fed up and got down and explained to her that I knew she had a good time and I didn't appreciate the way she was carring on. She could have one hug, and then I would go to work and I would be back at such and such a time. When I explained it to her she got much better, now she pays no attention when I leave.
Good luck!
R.
perhaps he is just slow to transition (there are great suggestions in the book "Raising your spiritied child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, even if he's not spirited). My DD (also 3.5) is very spirited and extremely slow to transition. We talk about this stuff. A lot. ALL the time. I tire of it but I KNOW that it helps her. We talk on the way there, we talk after she's done, I'll randomly bring it up throughout the week...anytime there is a change. This, along with forcing her to deal with change in some instances has helped her learn to cope better.
what might work, and talk talk talk about this a week or two before you do it. Let him hear you tell the teacher the plan so he knows everyone is on board. Let him hear you tell grandma or daddy or his preschool teacher. Then outline a plan with him. Next week will be the last week you sit and watch class. Then the next week (or 2 weeks) you will only watch for half. try to find a point in class where you can tell him that you are leaving and ask him to find you in the window and wave to you. The next week (or 2 weeks) you will only watch for warmups. Same thing, have him wave to you in the window. Then you will drop him off and watch from the window. You may have to stand at the window in the same spot for awhile, but after that is established you should be able to sit down and just pop up occasionally.
I hope it works for you, gl mama!
I have not read the other responses, but I wonder, have you tried getting there before the rest of the class and handing him over to the teacher early? if you are not there when minor changes occur, he will have to learn to cope on his own just like he does durring the day in preschool.
Boys are SLOW to mature - very slow. You need to give him more time. He is showing you he is not ready and you are not listening. I have both a son and a daughter and I started him at preschool at 4 years old. He clung to me and begged and cried. I had to wait until he was comfortable before I could leave. Sometimes it took an hour (and the preschool was 2.5 hours). It took 3 weeks before I could leave him soon after I dropped him off. The following year on the first day of prekindergarden when I walked into the classroom to say goodby (since all the other moms were doing that) he saw me in the classroom and yelled at the top of his lungs GET OUT. As funny and embarassing as that was, he was ready to be in there without me and made it clear. That is the difference a year in maturity makes. Give him more time with the one he loves the most in the world - YOU.
Maybe it is the gymnastics arena. Sometimes the whole teaching/coaching process can feel stressful especially, if your mom and dad use a different approach by taking time to explain and work with you. Coaching/teaching can be a little more direct and intimidating. As I child I used to be frightened when coaches or teachers raised their voices, I would have loved for my mom to monitor their methods so I could have relaxed and thought if it is "over the top" my mom is right there. Also, gymnastics in of itself is a leap of faith. Sometimes the movement is scary until you master it. Falling hurts and makes you more anxious about trying the maneuver again. I am in my 40's now. And, I loved gymnastics. But, I still remember some of those impacts. Maybe a dance video like hip hop, that allows some gymnastic movement without the tumbling, at home with your child will build faith and confidence in some of the movements. Just my opinion, but maybe it will help.
I don't have much experience with this, but if you are certain he recovers quickly just leave him in the class and tell him you'll be watching from the window. If he freaks out too badly you can just make a quick rescue before it gets too out of hand.
I hope you find a resolution to this problem! If he especially likes the class there should be no reason to take him out of it.
My daughter was very clingy also. Why don't you try to find some activities that he can do that you don't need to leave him? There really are lots of mommy and me types of classes, my daughter was usually the oldest one in all of those classes because they are probably geared towards ages 1-3, but really, it does not matter. I would just bag the gymnastics for a while. If you think it really, really means a lot to him to attend gymnastics, then tell him that you are going to cancel the class and try to find another class to attend WITH him. If his reaction is still sad about giving up his gymnastics class, then explain that the teacher cannot have little boys who cling and cry in the class because the coach is there to teach gymnastics, not dry tears, and he needs to say goodbye to mommy nicely when she leaves the room and then participate in the class. He is old enough to understand. Make sure that it is not a threat and you are willing to find another class that you can stay and participate with him so he does not feel forced into doing it. (unless you think he can handle that). My daughter made GREAT strides in her last year before kindergarten, and she was so ready to be dropped off at school. I'm sure your son will outgrow this, just be an advocate for him, it is pretty normal.
Too early for separation, that is what teenagers do. He needs to be with you. Loved by you, learn by watching you.......That will make him secure as an adult not doing and going at this age. Home with Mom makes for a confident and secure teen and beyond and is all he needs. Try it, it will take awhile for him to feel secure. Be patient ; o)
