Cleaning and Keeping House Clean

My Mantra: A clean house is a sign of a wasted life!

My house is a mess, but it's a beautiful day, I'm goin' outside to play catch with my son!

Enjoy today because soon it will be over!

I can relate! It is SOOO frustrating!! What i have done is take away most of the toys and only bring out two or three at a time on a rotating basis. The toys generally stay out for about a week or two and then when one gets put back... another will come out. It keeps the clutter down (because there simply isn't as much stuff to pull out) and the kids seem to really like it because they are always getting "new" toys to play with.

Everything also has a box that it goes in -- it makes cleaning up that much easier AND you can store all the toys in a closet.

It's not perfect.. but with an 18 month old, a 2.5 yr old, a husband AND 2 huge labs.. in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment... it seems to work for us!

Have you tried flylady.com or flylady.net? They help with getting housework under control. I think it's free too.

E.

There is a very simple answer: Baby Steps! Go right now and visit two websites: www.flylady.net (for learning how to not feel guilty and stressed over housework AND how to tackle it using a 15-min timer and baby steps!) and then visit www.housefairy.org for how to get your daughter involved in cleaning. Don't think twice, just go check it out. These two programs have saved my life, and that of MANY THOUSANDS of other families. I'm a 39 y.o. SAHM with sons who are 2 and 3.5 y.o. so I feel your pain! FlyLady is a free website and free to join her Yahoo Group for daily support, reminders and testimonials to how great her system works (FREE). HouseFairy is just $13 for 2 years and IT WORKS!

Our houses didn't get cluttered in a day, so we shouldn't expect ourselves to get them clean in a day (or less)! We CAN do ANYTHING for 15 minutes at a time. Building basic routines and following steps to decluttering the things we don't need, don't want or don't love are the keys to a cleaner house while GAINING time to spend with our families. I was not a believer until day 5, and that was at the end of March. Now it's August and I'm FLYING!

This advice is for anyone who wants a cleaner house and less stress and guilt over not doing things "perfectly". "Perfection" ought to be a 4-letter word!
Face it, we may strive for perfection but not achieving it makes us feel "less than" and that is not a healthy approach to life. Allowing ourselves to be the imperfect creatures God created frees us to do what we CAN do, and do it well!

Try FlyLady's approach and you will find it makes an immediate difference in your life and in your home. But it's not an overnight miracle--it's a 31-day process to building new routines that may or may not take hold right away. BUT you will notice a difference and that will inspire you to keep trying to FLY! (which stands for Finally Loving Yourself).

Good luck!

Hi D.!! It is very frustrating and I know how you feel. My last son is a teenager and I'm counting the days till he moves out (not literally but you know what I mean) and I can finally have a clean house again!!! :)

You mentioned that you have a 4y/o. That is a perfect age to enlist to help with the house cleaning. At least her messes anyway. Before bedtime each night have a 5 minute "power clean" session with her. Set a timer and have her "race" the timer to see how much she can get cleaned up before the timer dings. You could even set up some kind of reward system like poker chips in a jar or something so when she gets a certain # in the jar she get to do something special. I don't know how old your other child is but even a 2 y/o can get in on this game.

Good luck! I know it seems like it never ends. I have a sampler that I cross stitched years ago that I keep hanging to remind me...."Dull women have immaculate houses."

R.

I am with you! It is impossible to keep a clean house, a job AND your sanity. My opinion is....as long as the house is not dirty, like dust, dirt on floors and a grimy bathroom, then it is OK. A little clutter and lots of toys are to be expected with 2 kids.

Yes, the chaos and clutter can get very frustrating! You've received lots of great advice. The labeled bins are a great way to stay organized. Helps the kids and husband pitch in with the clean-up. Another website for cleaning is motivatedmom.com. They have a printable daily cleaning check-list. I have found it helpful knowing that cleaning priorities are already set. And with only a few things to do each day, it doesn't feel overwhelming. The whole house doesn't get cleaned all at once, but because everything gets cleaned regularly, the house feels cleaner overall. Some tasks are daily, some weekly, some monthly, even quarterly. I don't often get to everything on the list each day, but I know everything will come around again another day, and I don't have to think about what needs to get done. It has helped me even be more consistent about basic cleaning like bathrooms and floors. The best advice is probably all those who have said that this phase will pass quickly. Enjoying our kids is the most important.

I say it's not just your responsibility. Make it the families responsibility. Everyone needs to clean up after themselves and pitch in for cleaning up after dinner and laundry ect. I have a messy boyfriend and 15 year old son. I like things neat and I do the same. I clean up and they mess it up. It is very frustrating. Here's what I do. In the morning I get up early enough to pick up the stray things from the night before (takes me about 10 or 15 mins.) usually while the coffee is brewing. I also throw a load of laundry in the wash. When I get home from work I relax (or at least try) for a half hour to an hour. Then I start dinner. While dinner is cooking I clean out the clean dishes from the dishwasher from the night before and put any dishes in the sink in the dishwasher. After dinner my son helps me clean off the table (perhaps something for your 4 yr old or husband to help you with). I put dishes in dish washer then fold laundry and put it away. I sit down for about half hour then I do my work out and shower. I take classes so I work on studying for about an hour, then watch tv and its off to bed. My son does better cleaning up after himself then my boyfriend (easier to train ha! ha!). The key is to be organized and expect help from your family and don't expect your house to stay clean it just doesn't seem to be a possiblility but doing things in the manner I mentioned helps to keep it picked up. On Saturday morning is when I do the deep cleaning like dusting, vacuuming, & cleaning bathrooms and again I expect help from my family. good luck. : )

Hi D.,

I am a SAHM and when I had my first child I thought that meant not only raising my child but having the perfect house, perfect child, perfect family--in short, that I was supposed to be, and would be June Cleaver (if not better). After all, what else would there be to do all day long? HA!!!! So, I hear you. This is what has worked for us; I hope that it can provide you with some assistance. I have two girls, ages 4 1/2 years and 18 months.

First of all, my expectations for clean have subsided some--still too high for my husband's liking, but they have come down a little. I try to do some as I go. After I use a sink, I do not disinfect it every time, but I do wipe down the sink area (counter and all). If I have a moment in a room, I'll run a dust cloth over the flat surfaces quickly. The trickiest parts for me are the bathrooms and floors--sometimes I will clean the toilet right after I use it/clean the shower when I'm taking one. Basically, I try to clean little bits and don't try to chew off more than I really can handle at any one given time. If I do, then I get cranky, feel under-appreciated, and then don't clean again until I get so frustrated with it that the cycle starts all over again. My daughters love the vacuum cleaner, so I bought them one of their own and they will "clean" with me on occasion.

As far as toys, toys, toys, toys, baby gear, toys, etc. :
The 18-month-old is a work in progress--demonstration, imitation of older sibling, do things with. The 4 1/2 year old does a good job, but needs reminding. The general rules are:
1. When you finish with a toy, put it away right away.
2. All toys get put away before we leave the house/eat a meal/go to bed.

There are large tupperware-type containers/boxes with lids for all of the toys in the family room. That is where the toys are stored. Yes, they can leave the room, but must be brought back when done with. This cuts down on the house-wide clutter.
Delicate toys (ones that are not for company and need guidance/assistance/whatever) are kept upstairs, removed from the general toy collection. This also applies to books that are not for destruction.
The 4 1/2 year old is expected to clear her own meal dishes (whenever appropriate--which it usually is) and clean her hands and face. This really helps with clean-up after meals time.

This is what I strive for, and no, we're not perfect at it, but it is a starting point and a direction. Honestly, we do have one room in the house that I simply dump the things that I can't find a place for into--the living room. We don't really have a usable living room at this point, so I simply use it as a dumping ground. I don't know what I will do once we finally get some sort of idea for how that space should be--I'll need to find another dark pit.

I never think that the house is tidy enough or clean enough, but I am repeatedly told how impressed people are with it because of the kids and all. Really, it is just little by little and engaging the help of the 2 kids--as much as they can do, anyway.

Baby equipment is a different story. I would have different things in different places--but the time that you have with the bouncy seat/swing and all is really such a short time. Before I knew it, we were putting it all away. The swing was in the family room; bouncy seat moved to wherever we needed it; pack 'n' play in the family room, and eventually just put away in the front closet for travel.

In a nutshell, the cleaning is always a work in progress, but "inch by inch, life's a cinch. Yard by yard, life's so very hard." Toys and assorted child paraphernalia are basically kept in one room to isolate the mess/clutter, and kept as organized as possible by putting toys away when done. I know that this is long, but I hope that it helps you to some degree--maybe an idea or two will fit your family.

Your house will never be perfect again, sorry but, I am the same way. I want my house clean and everything put away. I would start by having your four year old help clean up after herself. My kids have special bins that are labeled where each type of toy goes. We have one for barbies, dress up, babies etc. Or have her play with her toys in her room or a special room. I live in a split and it has an open floor plan, which was great when they were under 4, but now it's a nightmare. Toys in the livingroom, toys on my dining room table. Now we have rules about where the toys are played with. No toys on my dining room table. It may take a while for everyone to get used to the new rules but, it will be well worth it in the end. We also clean up any toys that are the livingroom after supper. That way at bedtime they only have to clear out snack bowls and cups and can go do the bedtime routine. Good luck.

D., what everyone said below is great, and if you go to www.flylady.net (sign up, Its free) you will get inspiration and routines and a lot of support to help you get where you need to go. Some of her mottos
"progress not perfection" and "you can do anything for 15 minutes"

If your family does it with you, great - if not do it anyway
you will feel much better I promise!!

Also check out her sister site, www.housefairy.org for the four year old (i do this with my almost five year old and it DOES WORK!!)which gives you a concrete way to get the kids involved in keeping their rooms/toys, etc clean and makes it FUN!!!

Good luck

I feel the same as you. I am out of my mond. I have resolved that some days things are just not going to get done. I am ---rather was, a neat freak, but I am learning that its ok to let some things go. I have decided that having 1 hour or less for myself to "reboot" is more important than making sure all of the clothes are picked up and put away. Also, and I say this because my therapist just advised me of this, talk to your husband about your frustration, I told mine (in a ball of tears) andhe is trying to help more with the daily chores.

If all else fails, if you have the disposable income, hire someone to clean for you or send your laundry out to a laundry mat it is not too expensive. Good luck!

I have a very similar situation in our home with 2 children, working full-time, and my husband doesn't get home until 7:30 from work. I too, often want to scream in frustration. I finally accepted that everything wasn't always going to get done. Instead of trying to get everything done all the time, I had to prioritize and let some things go. For example, if there are a few toys in the livingroom, I will leave them in order to make sure that the kitchen is clean every night (which is really important to me). I have also started having my 5 and 3 year old clean up their rooms every night before bedtime. Employ the help of your 4 year old, she is old enough to clean up her toys and then there is one less thing for you to do! I also try to do mini-cleans when I can, like clean the rest of the bathroom while one of them is in the tub. Your children won't remember if the livingroom was dusted every week, but they will remember time time you spend with them. Give yourself a break and know that you are being the best mom you can be!

I am in the same boat as you! There is never enough time and when you clean one spot there is hundreds more and then the spot you just cleaned is messy when you turn around!!!
Good luck!
-A.

I feel your pain sister! My husband works nights and sleeps days, so I can't vacuum or wash pots and pans or do anything else that's noisy during the day, but by the time he goes to work I'm tired and do not feel like mopping the floors! We live in a small apartment with little closet space, so I constantly feel like there's no place to store things.

One thing I've done in my son's room is buy a shelving unit (Big Lots- $25) and 6 of those collapsable canvas storage cubes with handles. He stores all of his smaller toys in those, so when he leaves his trains all over the house, I make him get an empty cube and go around picking them up. I often try to make a game out of it or dare him to do it before I'm done something. If he doesn't do it willingly, then I tell him that if I have to pick them up, the cube is going on the top of the fridge until he learns to pick up after himself. The cubes are small and light, so he can carry them around. In the beginning, he was good about taking just one cube out, playing with those toys, then putting them back. For the bigger toys he has a large plastic bin in his room.

This is the best advice I have for the toys everywhere. As far as the rest of the house, your guess is as good as mine! You're not alone!!

Get your four year oldto pitch in. I remember loving helping my mother keep the house clean. It made me feel like I was really helping and making my mother happy. I guess it is because she gave me so many hugs and kisses for a job well done.

W.

D.,

I would sit down with your husband and write down a list of chores that need to be done, then divi them up between the 2 of you so you don't feel so overwhelmed. Secondly your 4 year old needs to pick up after herself - not for everything but her toys definately. It is a good way to help out as well. She is also old enough to help put the baby toys away.
My mom watches young kids at her house and she found small brooms and the little kids just love to sweep up the kitchen floor after lunch. They seem to think it's fun. If you make a game of the work with your daughter it can be some nice time you two spend together.
Just remember it's more important to love, care and spend time with your kids then it is to have the perfectly clean house.

Hope this helps,
L. M

My best advice to you is to delineate responsibility to your husband. Especially since you are working full time the primary responsibility of the housework can NOT fall solely on you. You'll loose your mind. I'm not suggesting he doesn't help you out but I know my husband needs to be told with specificity what to do. I try to assign him 2-3 things each night (put away dishes, clean cat box, and fold a load of laundry). Either assign him certain chores to be done each night or maybe have him clean one night then you the next. I know a lady that I work with has her husband make dinner and do dishes on M, W, F and she does on Tu, Thurs. just to break this chore up. You do at some level have to give up on ideals of cleanliness. I usually ask myself, is my goal to have the cleanest house or is my goal to complete several chores each day? Lots of time at night I let myself sit down and watch TV then when the commercials come on I get up and do 1-2 quick chores (clean the toilet, wipe the sink, and sit back down) and I just have learned to get done what I can get done. Think about it this way....housework will always be there tomorrow but your kids as little ones will grow right up in front of you so you should conserve your energy for the little time you have with them! Your husband and you are a team in all this and you can't do it all! Maybe start having your kids pick up their toys before they go to bed. They may need help with this chore initially but if you make it routine that they have to do it each night then before you know it they'll do that part themselves. Pick one night a week for yourself away from chores and the routine of it all because the work will be waiting for your return....this is a necessity for your own good....good luck!!

I'm sure your wonderful husband helps out - but how much? Is he watching TV or checking email while you're running around the house? Why are you not teaching your 4 year old to clean up her toys (but not to a manic OCD degree please) before she goes to bed? If she doesn't learn to clean up after herself, guess who will be doing that for the next 15 years x 2 (add the baby too). Do you differ on opinions of how clean your house should be at the end of the day? Life is generally a mess, get the big offenders out of the way involving tripping or food, and leave some things be till the weekend. That is OK to do sometimes (hard, but OK).

If you think your 4 year old is above the law, then you The Parents have to split the regular chores if you don't already (maybe Dad cooks, while you do dishes and laundry?), split the daily cleanup too. Have him clean up the baby stuff, while you clean up the 4 year old stuff - give him a choice of which one to do. If you're both tidying up, you might actually be free long enough to spend some quality time with the man. If you go into the discussion with that attitude in mind, he might actually help you out. Women tend to do it all because they do it better ; ) but at what price? It's better to have him help you in other places (even if it's not done right or well, but good enough) to save your sanity. Good luck!

I know how you feel. i can't wait for my daughter to be out of all the baby stuff. How can a baby so small take up so much space? Everything is always cluttered looking.
I have small bins that I put my daughters toys in - including an ottoman with storage space, it serves as a container adn an extra seat. My son also uses two of them for his cars and blocks. And then I have a bin with puzzles in it next to the couch that is partly hidden. He' s 3 years old but I make him pick up his toys when he is done and before he takes something else out to play with and as soon as my daughter is done with a toy we toss it back into the ottomon. She still uses the jumperoo and babyswing and they take up most the living room. But I limit the toys to what fits in the ottomans.
My basement where most of the toys are, the TV, and laundry is a little harder to control but I have storage drawers adn it's the same thing everythign needs to be put away. I also make my husband help me out he usually vaccuums on the weekends and does the ironing. The kitchen we wipe down the counters as soon as we are done, the bathroom I clean as my 3 year old takes a bath. I scrub the toilet and then wipe down the floor, behing the toilet, and the shower as he's drying off. I keep a dust rag and spray on every floor so I can easily wipe down furniture as I see it needs dusting. And this can be done as you put the kids down to bed it doesn't take long to give the furniture a quick wipe down as you're in th eroom. I do a little at time. I'm a little OCD when it comes to cleaning and being organized but if I do a little at a time it doesn't overwhelm me and it's easier to get done.
I'm a mom of a 3 year old and 7 month old and I work nights and weekends so there isn't a lot of spare time
Good luck we've all been there and it really is a struggle to get the house in order.

It sounds like you are a very busy mom! Please give yourself a little "wiggle room" and if the house isn't ready for company and company isn't coming over, don't make yourself nuts over it. You have enough going on and it sounds like you're doing your best to get through the day. Keep it up and don't let it bother you. Maybe you could assign the 4 year old a "job" around the house to make sure certain things are picked up? Good luck. :) We drive ourselves nuts with all we do!

Why is this entirely your job? You need help from your husband!

Secondly, limit the toys. Kids can't focus if they have too many choices, and they can't find the things they want if there are too many options. Have a bucket per week or some other system to control the number of options your children have. Maybe something has to be totally put away before something else is brought out. Limit the baby equipment too if you can - one night is the jumperoo, another day is the bouncer, etc.

I have friends who have a special bin for "sick toys" that only come out when the kid is sick or hurt. Another bin is for when Mom has phone calls for her in-home business -- it's easy to keep the kid occupied with something she doesn't see on a daily basis. Maybe you need to have "laundry toys" or "cooking toys" or whatever works for your schedule. Or weekday and weekend toys. You don't want your kid totally programmed so that there are Monday toys and Tuesday toys, but some type of schedule that would limit the chaos and allow your child to focus would be a great time saver.

Not sure why a 4 year old needs Barbies, especially with all the accessories and tiny high heels everyone steps on. Maybe limit that? Toys that allow more involvement and creativity might help you both.

I used plastic bins for toys, and put pictures on the outside so my son (pre-reading) would know where things were. He didn't have to up-end 5 containers to find what he was looking for. I used the cardboard box cover, or a photograph, or a picture cut out of a magazine to indicate Legos, crayons, trains & tracks, etc. Later on, I added the word but kept the picture too. These are skills that the kids use in preschool too. Learn the "It's clean up time" song from friends who have kids in preschool too - get your older child to help pick up by making it a game.

Give up on the idea of a clean house, and re-adjust your expectations so that you are not falling over things but the house still looks lived in. Don't worry about impressing anyone else. Most other parents really don't have clean homes either - read the other posts from other moms if you don't believe me!

A friend of mine said that "not making beds" was a gift that she gave herself at least once a week. You want your children to develop good habits, but understanding that the world doesn't revolve around vacuumed carpets is a good thing. Learning to appreciate what they have without worrying about having everything out at one time is a good message too.

And finally, give yourself a gift of a pedicure or a day at the movies or lunch with friends, whatever would please you, to get yourself off this treadmill life!

Good luck! You are not alone!

Hi D.,
As hard as this may sound (lord knows I struggled with it) try to let it go. As long as you have children and a husband, your house is never going to be clutter free and spotless. Plus working full time doesn't leave you much time to do anything I'm sure. As long as you can do the major things like laundry, dishes etc. I would try to not sweat the small stuff. Just try to enjoy your time with your children (I'm sure you do). Someday they'll be grown and out of the house and you'll look back on their childhood and remember the good times with them, not how clean the house was:)
I had to train myself to have this mind set cause I knew I'd drive myself crazy trying to be super woman if I didn't.
Good luck to you!

I feel your pain! I just bought a bunch of storage units at Target that were priced reasonable. I bought a large wire shelf and a BUNCH of bins that could be labeled w. pictures/words (awesome for emerging readers) so my little ones would know where to put things after they'd finished playing w. them. For them, knowing where to put the toys made a huge difference. As far as the baby stuff, I only bought travel size equipment this time @ because I remembered how much space it takes up. The only advice I could give on that is at least you know it the baby will outgrow it fast and it wont be in your way forever. Good Luck!!!

you are not alone just let me tell you. i don't know if that helps but enlist you whole team your four year old and husband have to be part of it if you are to be happy... make sure you are using all that equipment I know if i'm done with stuff and move ot the attic or storage i felt a lot less disoraginized and less cluttered.... good luck K. mother of 13 11 8 16mths

You always feel like you are the only mom that feels the way you do. OMG... I can so relate to your venting! I have 3 kids, ages 9, 5 and 3. A dog and the hubby. It feel like a never ending story. My husband works outside the house very long hours . He's out the door around 4am and lucky to home before dark...yes...8 and 9pm at times. So I feel bad when I get frustrated at him for not picking up, even after himself..throwing empty bottles away... laundry downstairs. I have charts for the kids to help with their rooms and around teh house. Mind you, its a chore in itself to get them to earn those smilies or stickers... but it is helping. You have it even harder with working outside the home fulltime. Perhaps, if you utitiles a sitter you could ask that person to do alittle extra with more pay to help you out if they sit for you at your house.(laundry/dishes/dusting). Just a suggestion... or drop hints for a cleaning person for a gift.... Good luck.
P.

Welcome to motherhood! We're all there, believe me.

If it's any help, one thing I've done to help control the mess, is in every room of my house that tends to get cluttered, I put a basket (like a small laundry basket) in one corner. When there are things all over the floor, and I'm short on time, I just pick the stuff up and toss it in the basket. It only takes about thirty seconds, and neatens up the room enough to take you down about four stress levels. lol. Later, when I have a little more available time, I'll take the basket and put the things that I had tossed in it away where they belong. Believe me, just getting the stuff off the floor can help save your sanity. You don't need to stress out all the time about making sure everything is "just so". At this stage of motherhood, with children the ages of your children, it's almost impossible to keep up.
--(With your four-year-old, you can start teaching her to put her own stuff in the baskets. She's old enough now to be able to learn what to do if you say, "OK...Pick your toys up off the floor in the living room and put them in the basket.")

D.,

I think we're leading parrallel lives... except I only have one little one to run around after. I've always been a neat freak and one of my biggest struggles is keeping the house together. I also work full time and use to be up late putting things away and doing other chores. I think they only thing you can do is not to sweat it! It will drive you crazy. I use to spend my weekends cleaning and scrubbing my floors and doing laundry, only to see the hamper full and the floors dirty the next day. I use to complain to my husband all the time and I finally just learned to let it go. I try and pick up the house daily for about thirty minutes. The laundry gets done while my husband is busy with our daughter in the evenings or after she goes to bed. It gets folded but I doesn't always make it into the drawers. The floors get scrubbed once every two weeks and my husband is doing that now. I really had to sit down and ask my husband for help. He's great and works full time as well but he hates doing chores inside the house.
I would suggest you get rid of or put away anything your kids don't really need. My daughter was a fan of her bouncer but didn't care much for her swing so we put it away. We've also been really good about not buying her too much "stuff". For Christmas and her birthdays we typically ask family (when they ask what to get her) to buy her books. It's been easy to ask family to back off on the toys because of all the recalls! She'll be three in a few weeks and we've already talked to her about giving things that we no longer use to the needy. I actually took her yesterday to drop off some old clothes and toys. She thought it was really neat.
I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one out there who feels this way. Hang in there. Let go of some of the house work. You'll feel so much better plus you'll free up some of your time to enjoy your great family!

I would say teach your 4 year old to pick up after herself and be of a helper.

You are not alone!!! I think me and just about every other mom I know with small kids go through the same thing. I certainly don't have the "answer" but here are a few suggestions that have been passed down to me that help. First, thin out the toys! Get rid of or put away anything the child is't playing with (you can always bring it back out later) Second, make sure everything has a place-box, bin, etc...to make clean up faster and easier for you and your 4 year old. Third, don't be so hard on yourself. most of us are in the same boat. How clean your house is isn't a measure of how good a parent/person you are. Get as organized as you can and remember it won't always be this hard.

Good Luck!
C.

Thank you for the post and the responses so far. I have a little something to add. It might be most helpful for your child to see your husband cleaning up a bit. That way she will learn that everyone needs to help each other out, she will learn that it is not just a Mom's job to clean the house, and finally she will see that cleaning is not just woman's work - it is human work. No doubt this will help her achieve balance in her future relationships as well. So often as women, we clean/cook because it is a way to show that our love to our loved one. But there are important lessons for us and our loved ones in learning how to share the prep work..., how to set boundaries for ourselves by not doing all of the cleaning, and how to model expectations for the child's future. Of course it will usually mean a lot of resistance at first; and then it will seem easier to just do it yourself, but people will adjust. You deserve it for your sanity & your sleep. Sleep Ahhhhh.....
Hang in there.
K.

Oh D., I feel your pain!!! You are not going insaine I asure you (unless that is if I myself am). I have a 3yr.old and a 22 month old and I teach full time with a summer component added to my schedule. I call it "circling" when I just cannot get ahead of myself without someone behind me either spilling something, dropping something, pulling the lego's out (AGAIN!), someone in the bathroom cleaning the toilet with who know's toothbrush, someone brushing the cat with my hair brush, someone attempting to go down the cellar stairs because somebody (lord knows who) left the gate open AGAIN!! and Yada Yada Yada, I am sure I could go on and on but I can hear your chuckles as you have related to my "circling" In some way I am sure! I have many of these days and then there are the days when I feel so good that I have gotten ahead of it all (inside I know it wont last though). Then I have also gone the other direction and said, have at it, I'll clean after their in bed. My husband is usually good about picking up the living room although he tends to "snow plow" the toys up against the TV console where as I often tend to see that as more work for me because I would have put all the tea-party set together in it's container, all the little trucks in another and so on.. it's a never ending battle I guess... maybe once their in school it'll be a little better - then again, i really dont want them to grow any bigger ever.... best of luck and just worry about enjoying those babies. L. C.

Take a look at flylady.net. Maybe it would be helpful to you.

everyone has this problem. its not going to get any easier, for a while at least. the thing is, stop worrying about it. I read somewhere about a woman like yourself. she said one day she realized that she was so worried about everything being perfect, she forgot to enjoy her family. its ok for the dishes to pile up, for the laundry to not get folded or the beds not to be made. Your kids don't care if their house is completely perfect, they just want to spend time with you. Sit with them and play or watch a movie instead of running after them all the time, it will be much more relaxed, and fun. Good luck

I totally empathize with you!
I began having my children do jobs when they were little. But, I had to be there to remind and supervize.
They are now teens and now instead of barbies and legos, I am tripping over sports equipment, books, video games etc.
I still have to point, remind and supervize some days.
They are like tornados.... the cleaning guy comes on Tues and by Thurs you can't see the counter or the floor in the living room! Forget their own bedrooms YIKES!
I just breathe in and say 'this too shall pass' as before I know it they will be gone off on their own! Then they can clean up their own homes!

I hear you...kinda...my husband is a slob. We live in a small apartment with our new baby and I'm proud of keeping this place as clean and organized as possible. Sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed by the baby toys/furniture...but worse is the way my husband comes home and whirls through the house like a tornado leaving laundry, wet towels, trash, and every cabinet door in the place open! UGH!

I don't really have any helpful advice...other than to join in your vent. Although, does your 4 year old assist in the cleaning duties? My son is only 4 months, so I'm not sure how kids mature, but 4 years sounds like they can take care of some tasks around the house, even if it's more for show than it really helps out?

I totally understand your frustration. We all do!! This is one of those problems that we'll all face until the end of time! I'd get your 4-year old to help you before she goes to bed by picking up her Barbies or anything else she left out. I do this with my 3-year old and she usually complies. Even just the act of helping is good for kids because they learn it's not just YOUR job. I also work full-time and have two kids, and the only thing that has helped us is for my husband and myself to work as a team getting things ready for the next day. Decide who will make lunches, give baths, clean up, etc., and stick to it. There will be some things that will have to just be let go a little or saved for the weekend, like cleaning bathrooms or dry mopping the floor, whatever takes a little longer than just a few minutes in the evening when you are already exhausted. I remember reading somewhere that you can quickly use a disinfectant wipe in the bathroom when your kids are in the tub and you are already in there - I do this and it really works. It takes less than a minute to just wipe things down quickly. Something else that has worked for me is to just worry about the really important rooms, like the kitchen and bathroom, which need to be clean for health and sanity's sake. The rugs can get vacuumed another time. I wish that we could afford a cleaning person too... I treat myself to one maybe twice a year to sort of jump start things and then I go from there. For example, I HATE cleaning the tub, and after a cleaning person does it it's a little easier to keep up with it. As I write this, there is a dirt ring in our tub and it's on my list for this weekend - it never ends, I know. Good luck and hang in there! I like that other post's quote about a dull woman having a clean house - I will remember that!!

You are so clearly not alone! I am by nature a very messy person - clothes on the floor, piles on the table, you should see my desk at work! But when I'm home with the kids, that level of mess drives me insane. As many other posters have said, 15 minutes a day can go a long way. My husband and I literally set the timer for 10 minutes after both kids are in bed, and whatever we can pick up in that time we do. We normally get all of the kids toys away, plus the kitchen area cleaned up and some laundry tossed in. The other thing that was helpful was I sat down and made a "chore chart" for my husband and I. I figured out what cleaning had to be done biweekly, what weekly, what bimonthly, and what just once a month. Then I went through the calendar and figured out what had to get done what week and who was going to do it. Some chores are universally his (taking out the garbage) and some are universally mine (vacuuming) but most things we end up splitting (like cleaning the bathrooms). Its much more manageable that way.

The one other thing that we do that's kind of funny but totally works is make sure that we have company at least every three months. It doesn't have to be a huge party, but having other people come over even for dinner makes us really go through and clean up the stuff that just gets left in a pile somewhere otherwise. It's a little stressful, but it's also nice because it feels like there's both a reason and a reward for doing all the cleaning - we get to have friends over to our nice tidy house and they can wonder how we ever got to be so on top of things! Ha!

Finally, really sit down with your husband and figure out how to split things. if he wants a different level of cleanliness than you do, compromise. Don't just decide to do it all yourself. Find a time that you can do a big clean and then just spend 10-20 minutes a day staying on top of it.

Good luck!

Hi D.,
Sounds like you are carrying way too much of the load on your own. You need to explain to your husband how he can help you. (Men don't notice or get annoyed by things the same way we do). So give him a job. Perhaps preparing the bag for the next day.... or getting dinner dishes away and breakfast ones set up (I don't know pick something that will help you). Then get a basket for your 4yr old's stuff. Give her an opportunity to tidy it up if she doesn't it goes in the basket and then off to the shed or a high cupboard to be earned back. My daughter is now 4yrs and has been cleaning up her stuff since she was 3yr. My son is now 6 and has been cleaning up his things since he was 2yrs old. He's alot better at it and understands the importance of everyone pulling together. She needs some direction where things go and drags her feet at this job but she knows if it's not done she loses those toys for a week or so however long it takes her to "earn" them back. The kids need to be trained that you are not their housekeeper, and hubby needs to lead the way with this. Give your 4yr old special jobs to do for the baby to help you out. (My kids love getting special jobs to help me cook dinner or clean house and will often fight over who gets to do the job). A "special job" just for them makes them feel special and part of the family and helps you out.

It's a never ending battle, I know.
One thing that helped us was trying to figure out a place for everything that's easy to just dump things. So you can get a few big bins and at the end of the day, you just have to sort or dump everything in there. You can have a couple of categorized bins if that helps - like we have one bin for all "vehicles" and another for all dolls and their accessories, another for all craft stuff. Next to the tub I bought an extra dish rack so that all the bath toys can go in there - the kids can put the stuff in there themselves and we don't' have to wait for the toys to dry. My house is still a mess but at least it's a bit easier at the end of a long day.

Hi D.,
Sounds like all of us moms are in the same boat. I don't think our housework ever ends. I have 2 boys ages 5 and almost 2 and it's never ending trying to keep up with picking up their toys. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are one person trying to do everything and you are going to wear youself out. I was doing the same thing until I realized, it will always be there no matter how many times you pick it up, wash the dishes, do the laundry etc. It will always be there. I came to the conclusion that as long as I could throw a load of laundry in, get my dishes washed then everything else could wait because my children come first. So what if their toys are on the floor, frustrating YES, so let them stay there especially if you know they are playing with them the next day. Maybe before they go to bed, have them put things away to straighten up. Seriously, I feel that as long as I did a little something everyday, then I feel better. One person can't do it all. Take some time for yourself and just realize, nobodys house is perfect and if it is, then maybe they don't have children.
Take care!!!

Hi D. -

What helps me is that I bought a few wicker hampers that I put down cellar. Each is filled with my daughters toys. Then I only bring up one hamper per day of toys. This way, my child gets to play with all of her toys during the week, but clean up is easy because there are less toys to clean up. Your child is also old enough to pick up toys before bed with your help. A bunch of stores sell this magnetic board that has a list of daily chores (like clean up toys, feed the dog, help set the table for dinner etc.). When your child finishes a chore they can put up a magnet. At the end of the week you could give your child a little present or something for helping out. This way chores are more like a game that is fun.

Also, I have a couple of lists on the fridge that my husband and I divide up. One list is daily, one is weekly, and one is monthly (So daily I have things like laundry, dishes) weekly (trash, vacuuming, dusting, bathrooms, the lawn) and then monthly (things like windows). Everyone's list is a little bit different because somethings my husband likes to do and somethings I like to do.)

At the end of the day - you have to just tell yourself that you did the best you could!! I don't spend more than 30-45 min a day doing chores - I just try not to let the chores build up because then you feel overwhelmed or you get less sleep or you do chores all weekend and spend less time with your family. I hope this helps!!

Here's my advice, short and sweet:

1. Reduce the amount of toys for the older child to play with (set some aside, attic, basement, etc.) Less to play with, less to pick up.

2. Set up a chore schedule for everyone - including yourself. Easy things, pick up your own clothes, clean your room, pick up toys, include responsibilities for the 4 year old like brush teeth, etc.

3. Get help from hubby/siginificant other. You need someone who will come home and jump right in to help. Even if it's just an easy list on the chore sheet (trash, dishes, wipe all counters) it's a few things you don't have to think about.

4. Lastly - have a morning and evening "routine" for yourself.

Morning:
Breakfast,
dress,
make bed
clean counter/table
run dishwasher or clean dishes

Evening:
Review what is happening tomorrow
make lunches for next day
dinner
dishes
clean up toys
baths

etc., etc.

The point is to make everything a habit. Hope this helps and GL to you. We've all been there....it's a struggle but you can do it with help! Just ask!!

Take care.

Hi D.,
First of all, give yourself a break... you work full time, have two kids, and you squeeze in making the house right from 10-midnight.... yikes....

When my kids were little, I never did get the hang of it as far as super organized goes. But my daughters are really good at it. I think it helps to have all these organizing products.
Baby equipment is tough..its just there in the middle of the room. Not much you can do until the little one doesn't need it.
My daughters both have a room that is for toys. The bedroom is pretty much free of toys, but has books. Having the room equipped with 'bins', they look like a bookcase with bins instead of shelves. They also put a lot of stuff in the basement and recycle it later.
Also, having the laundry on the first floor is a big plus.
If you cannot hire a cleaner (@ $75 each time) how about finding a girlfriend who has the same issue. she can take your kids one evening, you can take hers another evening and you'd have the house to yourself for 'super cleaning' night. and the DH's can help too.
hope it helps. ya just cannot have it look perfect all the time, its not the nature of kids/family/busy household. Best wishes.
L.