Cleaning - Farmington, NM

Well I say just agree to disagree and if he doesn't want the girls to pick up after themselves then he's welcome to do it for them.

It's never to early to start teaching responsibility. My 2.5 yr old picks up her toys, clothes and clears her plate from the table. She gets herself dressed everyday as well. She takes great pride in helping and doing herself. It is good for their self esteem too.

Every night before bed or whenever you want them to clean up (before naps, before lunch, after play etc.) say "Let's clean up!" Help them clean and ask each of them to pick up 5 toys etc. Be enthusiastic and cheerful and fun and simple! Not that I'm the greatest in this area but I'm learning...LOL

I dont think it isi too young at all, my 19 mo old "helps" me put her books and toys away at the end of the night. I believe kids can still be kids while teaching them responsibilitites (sp?) of picking up after themselves, and simple chores like cleaning their bedroom is perfect.

I have to agree with you. I have been getting my daughter to help put away toys since probably just before she turned 3. She is 4 in Nov. She fully understands about putting away toys. It is not just about working her or you not having to do it. It teaches her valuble lessons about cleaning up after herself, taking care of her things, contributing to the family, helping, and kind of even sharing.

Hubby needs to see that you NEED to start this self discipline of the kids when they are young. Ingrain it into their thinking now so you don't have a battle over every clean up time later.

I actually think you're both right. Yes, they are old enough to put things away, but not old enough to remember where things go or where to start. When a room is a mess, for children, cleaning up can be very overwhelming. I have three boys ages, 7, 9 and 10 who all shared one room until recently, and to this day still have a hard time cleaning up. It can take hours. I have found that even at this age, the younger two need help making piles of same-kind items, such as hot wheels, legos or action figures and then putting them into the appropriate bin. At your girls' ages, they will need help both sorting and then knowing where to put the items. But yes, they are old enough to physically put their stuff away, with your supervision.
--H.
married mom to 3 boys and one of unknown gender on the way

Good morning J.,

I have an almost 2 1/2yr old son and he cleans up his toys with my help...but he can do it so it is not to much to ask to have your girls clean up also...it is fun also to make a game out of it...we have baskets for all his different toys, cars, balls, blocks...he will sit on his bed and I will hold the basket or place it on the floor in front of him and will throws the toys in the basket to clean up...he loves it!!! and then we move on to something else...3 and 4 are good ages to get them started on cleaning up...and you and your husband can be in there too and helping if that is what he likes to do...Hope this helps...try different things...if they have seperate toys try color coding baskets or bins or something purple for one girl green for the other...or what ever colors they like that way they know where there toys go...You are doing great if this is the only parenting issue you have:) Keep up the great work!! :)

My opinion only!!!! They aren't old enough to "clean" the room, but they are old enough to be part of the process. Have them in there with you and have them put away items, maybe one item for every three you pick up. Or have them put all the clothes in the hamper while you put the toys up. Make it a game, then thank them for their help. The other option is make them put it away as they use it. They can only have one thing out at a time. That's a lot harder, but it is duable. If you share the job, remember there mind processes things much slower than ours. One thing at a home. Please pick up the pants, great job, now pick up the blue top, etc. You will have to coach them, but it is doable. Hope it helps some. From BJ (a mom of two)

Hi J. -

Both of my sons - now 14 & 15 - have shared a room from the time they were small. They began picking up their toys at about 4 or 5. I believe it taught them to appreciate their belongings. The biggest problem was when they would argue about who took the toy out - you know, not wanting to pick up the other one's things.

Kids can be kids and be responsible kids at the same time.

Good luck,

M. M. Ernsberger
Certified Life Coach

I would say let HIM clean up everyday and see how he enjoys doing it! My kids started picking up after themselves as soon as they understood the words and the direction I was giving them. Kids should be kids, but with that comes teaching them responsibility too! They can have fun, and be responsible at the same time! My kids started cleaning up their rooms by the time they were 2 years old!

Of oourse they are hold enugh to begin to take responsibility for cleaning their room. Picking uo toys and putting them away is something any two year old can do. It teaches them respect for their belongings and for you as a parent. Vacuuming or dusting is beyond them for some time, but they should be taught this routine chore. This is the begihnning of a child's learning proper social ad moral behavior. Certainly such actions will not harm them. They may have some problems with this at first. Suggest you tell them to pick up one thing at a time: ie: put your doll where she belongs. You may have to stay in the room and supervise until they loearn what is expected. Be sure to have a designated place for large toys and a toy box or bin for small ones. Soon they will be doing like so may others their age, saying: "It's a mess!"

I started my kids at this age 3 helping me pick up their toys at night before they went to bed. I told them that i was helping them. It doesn't have to be a fight but I do know that whatever you want them to do everyday you need to start them early . My daughter waited until her little girl was 7 to start her cleaning up her room and she is 10 and still has a problem getting her to do it. I think if you start out with helping them get in the habit of cleaning their room and more and more back off to where they are doing it themselves they will form the habit of cleaning their room before bed so in the morning it will be clean to start a new day. Also by the things you say to them and the things their dad says to them will help also. Like boy you sure played hard today, let's clean up before we get ready for bed so in the morning it will be all done. and when it is all done have the father say how beautiful their room is and how proud he is of them for doing such a good job. When you are working with them you mostly direct them on where to put things and look like you are doing things but really letting them do most of the work. If your husband will work with you and tell them how surprised he is that they did such a great job It will work out fine. They can still be kids have some resposibility for their stuff and gain pride in themselves and looking through their daddys eyes they will do even better.

I also have two daughters that share a room. I think it is important to teach them to pick up after themselves. I have always had the rule in our playroom that they are only allowed one toy out at a time and if they want to play with something else the other toy has to be put away. My oldest daughters are now 10 and 7 and are in charge of their bedroom and playroom.

I wouldn't have them dusting or mopping or anything (lol), but I think picking up toys is okay. My 21 month old LOVES to help clean up, so 3 and 4 is definitely not too young to pick up their own toys.

so, you are at home with the little ladies most of the day, i say that it is up to you how the day works, if that means get them to take responsibility for little things like tiddying their room than i think that is fantastic. they actually enjoy having some responsibilities around the house. my 21 month old loves to help do the laundry, cook, clean up his toys, etc. it gives him a sense of ownership, and lets him know he is part of the whole. the earlier they learn this the less difficulties you will have later on. your husbands philosophy is wonderful, but they can still be little kids and have fun while they help out around the house. unless your husband wants to take on the responsibilities of cleaning up after your girls. which means he will also get to deal with their spoiled attitudes when then are older and are expect to all of a sudden start cleaning up after themselves. the earlier you encourage them to take responsibility of themselves the easier your work will be.

they are young but not young enough to learn a little responsiblity. I think a compromise is in order. What we do with our daughter, even still and she'll be 6, cleaning a big room of toys can be overwhelming. I sit on the floor and "help" her...while it's time to clean. Even with you being there, they think your helping but really your just sitting here..handing them things to put up, their really doing the cleaning. So having said this, you are not handing over the total responsiblity to your young girls, your still "helping", they learn a sense of responsiblity and how great is it that you get to spend more quality time with the kids with out a battle of a clean room!

MY son is 3 1/2 and he has been cleaning his toy room for almost a year now. Every night before he goes to bed, he is responsible for picking up the toys. He does it and NEVER complains about it. Sometimes my husband and I will help but he also does it on his own a lot of the time. My 15 month old has STARTED to help clean up as well. He will ocasionally put something away here and there. I definately do not think that 3 and 4 are too young. Habbits start early and if they get in the habbit of someone alsways doing things for them, they will not do it themselves later.

I for sure agree w/ you J.! Your girls are old enough to learn to pick up after themselves.... actually they are old enough to do more than that! I have 3 girls..... when they turn 2 I started expecting them to start helping w/ the pick up.... I would tell them what to pick up at first so they get the idea of what to do. Then when they turn 3 they started making their own beds & picking up their clothes .... by 4 they were putting away the silverware from the dishwasher & now my 6 year old puts as much of the dishes from the dish washer away that she can. The stuff that she can't reach to put away she puts under the cupboard where it goes & I put it away. If you add all their chores together it would probably take them 20-30 minutes a day! Think of all the other time they get to be kids & that will relieve your work load a little. I heard that when you start giving your kids chores to do around the house it actually teahes them leadership skills! If you wait too long then they will have a harder time w/ the pick up thing. I have a cousin who wasn't ever taught the art of a clean, tidy house..... now her mother won't even stay at her house cause she is such a pig. :) Anyway, hope that all helps!

Hi,
I have my 2 year old clean up her toys and books. Sometimes I do have to help her to get her moving, but after she sees that Mommy is cleaning up she will start helping because she wants to be just like Mommy. Singing the Barney clean-up song also helps make cleaning up fun for her.

Your children are not too young to clean up after themselves, and the younger you start them building the habits of cleaning up after themselves the less struggle you will have to deal with as they get older. Key...make it fun to clean up and make their house, play area, room beautiful. This allows them to still be kids and still learn to be responsible for their things.

my 2 youngest are almost 3 and 4 (both boys)..... and they help clean help .... we love the song "Clean up clean up, everybody everywhere, clean up clean up, everybody do your share"

and they both LOVE to be helpers ... my youngest gets in the way a bit, but the older one is a FABULOUS helper, he loves to help wash the dishes, take the trash out, vacuumming, etc ......

starting young and making it fun is the best way to go, I think .........
my dh thinks that the boys shouldn't help in the kitchen because our kitchen is too small & they shouldn't be in it.... I don't agree & don't want to teach them that they can't help

Dear J.,

Well, you AND your husband are both brilliant and both right! My kids have all started helping me clean at a VERY young age because they couldn't wait to get started.

I'm a shrink in Phx and I do a LOT of family counseling. I come from the Mary Poppins, Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, school of thought and a spoon full of sugar goes a loooooong way.

I'm enclosing Chapter 10 from my parenting book, "Raising Humane Biengs." The "Yes, after you...the solution to all your problems" will make you, your husband AND your daughters happy.

XXOO, J.

PS~You're already the BEST kind of Mom 'cause your looking for new answers.

Chapter 10
“Yes, after you...”
The Solution to All Your Problems

“If I don’t control my children, how do I get them to do what I want?!” You may well have been wondering this since you started this book.

It is a very good question, and for many of you, it is the reason you would buy a parenting book in the first place. Here is the answer: you get them to do what you want by always saying “Yes” to them. You don’t believe me, do you? Watch.

Your head wants to say “no” and your heart wants to say “yes.” Say your child has asked for a new “Sega video game, pleeeeaaase” (imagine big puppy-dog eyes). Your head wants to say, “No, he hasn't cleaned his room and getting the trash taken out the trash has caused an argument every night.” Your heart wants to say, “Ohhh, look at those eyes. I love him so much. I want him to be happy. I want to say yes.”

Let's talk for a moment about unconditional love. The New Age rhetoric says that that unconditional love is the only way to an enlightened life. Well, this is true, if you are an angel or spirit and live in peace and compassion. Which you are and you do, but that isn't why you are reading this book, and that isn't the only place you live.

Another truth, which goes hand in hand with the angel truth, is that you are also a Human Being learning how to live the Earth life and raise little Earthlings. The “head” is of the earth. The “heart” is of the ethers, or of God. Unconditional love works with the angels; however, what is required of Earthlings is to learn the balance. If you are having a relationship with another Earthling and you are the only one giving (unconditionally or not), the relationship is out of balance.

Unconditional love doesn't mean giving and giving and not receiving. Unconditional love means giving without attachment to receiving anything in return AND also giving to yourself by learning to receive. If you are with a non-giver, you may decide to gently move away and love that person from a distance. Don't go into “make-wrong” on that person, or you are doomed to repeat that experience with another person.

So, if you are in a lopsided relationship with your children, you feel like you have been giving more than they have. You can move away gently, but only to a certain extent. They are your children, and it isn't appropriate for you to abandon them in this lesson. It is your job to model a reciprocal relationship. If you want to bring balance to a relationship, use the “Yes, after you...” approach. This will help to reconcile your head and heart. It will teach you how to give to others without sacrificing yourself. You need never say “no” to anyone, ever. this technique was taught to me by a great teacher in my life, George Addair, author and founder of Omega Vector self-awareness training seminars. Let us start by exercising your “Yes, after you...” Muscles.

Imagine you have just bought your first brand new $30,000 car, for cash. It has everything you ever wanted in a car -- custom paint, power everything, five C.D. changer in the trunk with a remote on the steering wheel, convertible or moon roof, the works! And you own it outright. Now, imagine a man you don't know very well comes up to you and asks, “I’m going to Mexico this weekend; may I borrow your car?” What would you say?

Most people would say “no.” Is there any way you can say “yes”? How would unconditional love work in this instance? Unconditional love says, love all people equally, give to all people equally, trust all humanity equally. Are you going to say, “no”?

Okay, here it is. Could you say “You may borrow my car” this way? “Yes, right after you give me a cashier’s check for $30,000.00 plus an extra $500.00 for the use of the car.”? Neat, huh? The “yes” satisfies the heart and the request for reciprocation satisfies the head. You are starting to get the idea so let us try another test question.

Imagine you have a 13-year-old daughter. A 30-year-old man you don't know well comes up to you and asks if he can take your daughter to California for the weekend. What would you say? Can you find a way to say “yes”? Stop here and think before you read my answer. It is important to start getting your brain to think in this way. It will save you endless struggles with your children (and your spouse or parents for that matter). Okay, here is my answer: “Yes, you may take my daughter to California and you can (here is the ‘after you’) buy two extra tickets because my husband and I will be going along and I will be rooming with her and he will be rooming with you and I would also like to see Disneyland while we’re there.”

Okay, you get the idea. I had one Mom who put this technique to work right away and found her life change dramatically. She was the one with the son asking for the new Sega video game who wouldn't clean his room or take out the trash. Here is how she transformed what had been a nagging child and a negative exchange into a win/win for them both. He started nagging for the game and mom said, “Yes, you may have the new Sega. Right after you clean your room we will go to the store and get it for you.” He cleaned his room with more zest than she had ever seen. (P.S. If you make a promise, you had better follow through or be prepared to suffer the consequences: parents who don't keep their word suffer much overt and covert torture. The “yes, after you...” won't work if you are not integral about keeping your word. This also means no reward if the other person doesn’t meet his or her end of the bargain.) Once she had bought him the new Sega and let him play for a while, she put it up in her secret hiding place. Whenever he wanted to play it she would say, “Yes, you may play with your new Sega, right after you take out the trash.” It worked like a charm.

When you catch yourself about to nag your children to do something they know is their responsibility, bite your tongue and wait until they come to ask you for something. (Nagging is Ceaseless Striving, by the way.) Always try to make it an equal trade: for instance, “May I have a ride to the mall?” “Yes, right after you wash the dishes.” or “May I have a new bicycle?” “Yes, right after you clean out the garage and get everything categorized for the garage sale. We will sell your old bike while we’re at it.”

The “yes, after you...” teaches your children balanced reciprocity in a very natural and loving way. Speak in a positive, loving voice. Give up the need to shame, demand or control. Give up your attachment to the outcome. You will feel better about yourself, and your children will feel better about doing what you have asked. I had one client who made up a “yes, after you...” for when her six year old daughter gets to be fourteen and asks to have sex. “Yes, after you are past eighteen, out of our house, married, and your father and I are dead.”

When you start to get demanding, remember, you have just given up your center and gone into Ceaseless Striving. Focus on your beauty and strength. Get really clear on what it is you want. Don't manipulate with guilt. Ask for what you want in a very direct way, ONE TIME, maybe twice. If you ask three times you are nagging, and you are also reinforcing the opposite behavior. Lay out the reward incentive, and if the behavior isn't forthcoming, relax and wait for a “Yes, after you...” opportunity.

If you have an “it has to be now...” request, look and see what your options are. Because, if you have a “you must do what I want right now...” you just handed all your power over to a child. For instance, I had a mom in my parenting group who was at the department store, talking to a friend she had bumped into. Her eldest son, eleven, had the six year old and the eight month old in the shopping cart and started to run recklessly through the store. Mom (we will call her Mary) gave up her center and sternly demanded that he stop. Her tone let the eleven year old know that he was now in control and that mom had just reverted to the state of a scared, helpless and frustrated child. He continued and Mary wound up having a very negative experience to put it mildly.

By the time she got to group, Mary was still angry about it and had not yet let go of the need to control and “win” the battle with her son. She felt that if she interrupted her conversation with this friend it meant her son had “won.” If you have a choice between being the “winner” (being “right”) and being kind, choose being kind, always. If you are in a “win/lose” mentality, that means you have gone into a power struggle and remember, if your are in a power struggle with a child, you have already lost, because you are in a power struggle with a child. Also, if one has lost, both have lost, so even if you win, you lose.

Mary is a very enlightened and open woman. We all brainstormed to find out what options she had overlooked. If you are stuck in, “It is my way or no way!” you have gone into Ceaseless Striving and you won't see your choices clearly and life will be miserable. Mary had been thinking that the only choice was to get her son to stop misbehaving. As we talked about it, the parents and Mary came up with taking the other children out of the shopping cart, taking the shopping cart away from the 11-year-old in a loving way, and offering a reward for appropriate behavior. They came up with a “Yes, after you...” Of “After you act appropriately, we will go pick out a special gift just for you,” etc. This all helped Mary to move off her position of needing to control and she was very adept at seeing how her “my way or no way” mentality had gotten her into Ceaseless Striving.
One of the most beautiful aspects of the entire process, however, was that when Mary began to move off of her need to be in control she began to remark on how her son may have just needed some love and attention. Mary was aware that she had been going through some difficult life transitions herself and she knows that the parents’ mental well-being is often reflected in their children. Her son was needing some extra TLC. Many parents will completely miss these signs and it is beautiful when they catch them. Mary committed to a willingness to be more compassionate in the future. At the start of group she was quite angry and by the end she had regained her center, her peace and a greater sense of compassion for her son. Notice that the shift was all within Mary and had nothing to do with the external world or a change in behavior of her son.

A word of caution here. Don't focus on the negative behavior and give extra attention to it. Negative behavior may be a secret signal that your child is sending, saying, “You are in 'trouble' and I know it.” Note the negative as a cry for help or an indicator that you have something internal going on, and then brainstorm to find a way to call out the positive. That is what is meant by “lay out the reward.” It means making a commitment to yourself that when you start to get angry you will begin to think of pleasant things -- rewards for your child. This will completely shift your internal experience, which in turn will be reflected by your external experience.

In my opinion you are on the right track, especially since you are staying home with your children it gives you more of the one on one time to spend teaching them to be responsible. If you wait until they are older you will encounter much more difficulty trying to get them to do things on their own rather than depending on you to do everything for them. If your husband insists on letting them be kids, then as they get older he will need to be spending alot more time waiting on them hand and foot so they can have fun. By the time my son was eight, he was already cooking (stove top) his own breakfast, by 10 he was doing his own laundry, the same for my girls, by nine they were washing, ironing and cooking for themselves and they still have time to be kids.

I think its never to early to start. My son is 2 and he helps me pick up all the time. I try to make it fun and I dont worry to much if it doesnt work out. I dont want him to hate cleaning. I think the sooner its implamented the easier it is in the long run. The faster they learn to be responcible for their actions the better!

Hi,
My almost 3 year old daughter has known what "clean up means since she was 12 months old. They taught it to her at her Gymborree classes. They sang a clean up song and all the kids put the toys back in the basket. So I just took that little suggestion home with me and she has been picking up after herself ever since. Of course she has to be reminded that it is time to pick up toys but she still sings the same song that she learned 2 years ago. We let her set the dinner table. She has little jobs to do like pick up the dog bowls when they are finished eating. She helps me rinse the dishes, fold clothes (this one is kinda funny because she just roles them in a ball and stacks them)AFter a tea party she always washes her tea set ( in the bathroom sink!!!!). The main thing is is that toddlers like to be a part of everything
that we have to do even though it is usually work to us. It is fun for them. So it is never too early to start lessons about cleaning.

I am sorry to disagree with the hubby but you are right. To be honest, I started showing, mentioning and asking my daughter to clean up since she could walk. She thought it was fun. Now at 3 we don't leave the house unless all of her toys are picked up and the room is picked up. It not only shows responsibility but it shows them to be clean....You wouldn't let them go without brushing their teeth. Children dont' know anything and the sooner you show them the better it is. It becomes habit and not just something mom and dad told them to do. If this is something you have not done before with them, I suggest doing it by the numbers... meaning you can't just say "clean your room". I would say it is time to put your things away. Lets start with the legos. Put all the legos away...help mommy. I began with showing my girls. Kids are kids indeed but they will stay that way if you don't teach them how to live. That is why they go to school at 5 and not start at 12. If your hubby still doesn't agree, tell him to watch Barney. Why is there a "clean up" song? You aren't telling them to wash the car...you are asking them, showing them and teaching them that when you use something, you put it back. If your kids don't do that, please believe they will be doing that in preschool/school. When you start young, it is more like a game. They want to help you. It is all about how you approach them with it. Children need boundaries.

I have a 3yr old and a 18 month old and they put empty wrappers in the trash after they eat their snack, can only play with one toy at a time (if they don't they still have to pick up the toys)and we don't leave until all toys are put away, dishes are handed to me after meals (baby) and the oldest knows to dump what was left and place in the sink. They pick up things when they drop them at home and in public. My oldest also went to preschool for a while and she had to do many of the same things there. The children put away the toys and even take turns passing out lunch.

You might be on your own with this one but I would keep my foot planted. It is hard work and you will have to remind them over and over, but they will know what they have to do in the end...when they are older they will know how to be big kids...and adults.

Good luck

my grandson is 14 months. i baby sit him daily. he has already learned to pick up his toys. he has also learned that he needs to play with one toy at a time and has to put it away before he gets another one. my boys are all grown up but they always had to pick up after themsleves. my youngest loved helping wash dishes at age two. i would sit him by the sink and he would splash but it was a great intorduction for later. bed making started as soon as they got out of the crib. had to take good care of their big boy beds. my younest hated making his bed so he slept in a sleeping bag on top of the bed and in the morning he just rolled up the sleeping bag and straightened up the bed. bed making is alwasy done as soon as you get up so they dont forget. i also put in 3 small trash cans in the closet. white for white clothes and a different color for colors and a blue one for jeans. they brought their cans into the laundry twice a week so they learnedto separate their clothes at age 3 and that solved the clothes on the floor deal. i always rewarded them with stickers . i started allowance when they were 5 and had a set of chores that were done for allowance. i used a chart and they crossed off what they did each week. i also had another chart for each of the boys that was age appropriate of extra chores they could do for extra money. i think it is easier to teach them to pick up for themsleves if they learn it early. it beomces a habit

Hi J., Well I'm a mom of four. 3 boys and 1 girl. The oldest is going to be 12(boy) and my baby is 5 (also a boy). I don't think is to early to teach the kids to be clean. The earlier the better. When they get older they get lazier and that is not good. I's like teaching the kids manners. You don't teach the kids manners at age 5 or 6 or 7 ect. My kids now do the dishes, clean the room, sweep, mop,take care of the dogs, and other things. I relly think your husband should help you on that cause it's going to be for the kids on good. Teach now and get a better responce later. You should have your husband read the responds that you get from here so he can see that there are other kids out, that just cause they clean they don't stop from being kids. I'm sure you won't make them clean all day. They clean and then play. Good luck M..

My son is 3 1/2 and he loves to clean, he will get a wipe and clean stuff, like the table, it's cute. I go with him in his room and we clean it together. In actuality, he does all the work, I just sit and direct but he likes that I am in there with him. I praise him for it too. Yesterday, we cleaned and he was able to pick out toys that he does not play with anymore to pack away for his baby brother. I was impressed. I told him that in order to get new toys you need to make room for them. I then gave him a new toy to replace the ones he got rid of. He has been cleaning his room since at least 2 years, if not sooner than that. I think it's important to instill at an early age.

I was a preschool teacher for almost 4 years - teaching both one and two's, and I also have a 7 y.o. daughter. It was a normal thing to have the 13+ ones at work help clean up, they would see that the toy they had picked up had pictures of it on a shelf, so they would know where to put it. The twos had pictures too, and all 16+ had to help put their toys away before we moved onto a transition (outside, stories, playdough, tunnel, etc). I suppose that because I started teaching 2's when my daughter was 2, it just felt normal after seeing those 2's take responsibility all day - that my daughter could do the same. Your kids are having fun and being kids all the time... But it's never too early to instill some kind of ownership over their own things (i.e.: cleaning them up). If your husband still wants to argue, do him and yourself a favor a buy the book "Parenting With Love and Logic." It is full of ways to raise responsible, compassionate, smart kids in this crazy day and age.

I don't think that is too young at all. My almost 2 1/2 year old daughter helps me pick up her toys every night before her bath. I've been having her do that for about 2-3 months now. I think it's good, it teaches them to help out and I think they feel a sense of accomplishment after all the toys are put away. With two girls I can imagine what their room must look like...you definetely deserve the help!

I totally understand where you are coming from!! My husband and I had this argument when my son was about 20 months and when we had our second about a 12 months ago. I was making sure my son was helping me with things around the house( that he could help with). He helped throw diapers away, get diapers for me, wanted to help feed his sister, etc. As for cleaning up after himeself is expected in our household. If he's done with his plate he puts it in the sink. Picks up his toys, helps flod towels and evening helps pick up after his sister. I can tell that he gets confidence and is really proud of what he is able to do. He is doing his part. We are a family and families work together.

My family finally realized how important it is for him to pick up after himself and help out, when I leave him with the kids for a day or two. Even if we go to a function or b-day party he sees how other parents are shocked that he is able to do the things he can.

My motto is if they can take it out and play with it, they should be able to put it back ( of course when they are about 2 years old)

BTW- he is a very happy kid, cleaning is not taking away from his childhood. It's our responsibility to make sure they are able to take care of themselves and cleaning is apart of life and HAS to be done. This is just an early start. You have TONS of GREAT responses ( I think I'm going to take some advice!!), good luck and don't worry.

N. M.

Your children are NEVER too young to learn how to clean up after themselves. If your husband is worried about them having fun, then make it into a game. If you wait, they will just get used to someone else cleaning up for them and the older they get, the more of a habit it will be and harder to break. I'm sorry to say this, but your husband has NO IDEA what he's talking about.

Hi J.-
If you are to "survive" being a full-time stay-at-home mom, I say stick with your plan.
Certainly they are young and probably can't handle an entire room, but they can do one job at a time and feel the satisfaction of helping out. A small chore chart with stickers and rewards for simple bedroom chores may work well, so they don't fight over who has to do what.
My boys started "helping" when they were very little... they were usually in the way more than anything, but I've trained them, and now they help with rooms, animals, trash, recyling, cleaning bathrooms, vacuuming, laundry... you name it. We take turns and spread everything out... and of course, I still get stuck with the bulk of the cleaning, but they are learning responsibility and someday when they are on their own, they will thank me!
Have fun with it and when they see rewards coming, they will be really willing to help you!

Although they probably aren't old enough to clean their room by themselves, it is nowhere near too early to be teaching them such a good habit. Prior to having my twin girls, I worked at a daycare in the 18 month to 2 1/2 year old room. Even at that age we were teaching the children to pick their toys up. Obviously we had to help and show them where to put things, but they had to help.

Your daughters are more than old enough to be learning to pick up after themselves. Teaching such a good habit now will help avoid at least some of the resistance to doing so when when they get older.

E.

I believe that kids can learn responsibility and chores when they are very young. My kids made their beds at two years old - not very well, but I didn't fix them afterwards, because I wanted them to know I was proud of their work. Three and four year olds are perfectly capable of picking up their room, and can, in fact help with setting the table, washing walls, and doing dishes. They love water and they love being praised for doing a good job. And when children are taught to be responsible at a young age, they are more likely to be responsible as teenagers and adults. And, doesn't the world need reponsible adults? It takes maybe 20 minutes for their "chores" and they get 12 to 16 hours of play. Nothing wrong with that! :-)

J.,
Kids can be kids AND learn how to be responsible little helpers. The longer you wait to introduce responsibility to kids, the more resistant they will be. It's not as if you are sending them into the potato fields.
Keep talking to your husband, don't let this one go.

I've seen 2 different scenarios.
1 - the kids aren't asked to do anything. not picking up toys,not making their bed, etc...NOTHING. In these cases as I have watched, I see these kids growing older and REFUSING to do anything when they are what is deemed as age appropriate. These kids grow older EXPECTING everything to be done FOR them. The parents sit idly by wondering at what age the kid will really be ready. They then "grow up" and move out on their own incapable of doing anything, expecting everything to be done for them....even in college...."i'm coming home so mom can do my laundry". I wonder if mom should move into the dorm with them (my view on college is a different novel).

Scenario 2 (first hand) - We insisted that our kids help clean up their toys and help with stuff. For instance. By the time my twins were 3 years old, they picked up their toys just fine. They made their beds. Were they perfect? NO. BUT the point is they started it. I walked in to the laundry room one day to see what they were up to. They had 2 chairs up against the washer. AT AGE 3 THEY WERE DOING THE LAUNDRY. At the same age they were doing their very best at dishes.
Today, at the age of 21 1/2 they still do their own laundry, their beds are so neat a quarter could bounce (they custom built their own beds too), and they still prefer doing dishes by hand despite the fact we have a great dishwashwer. Add to it, they OWN a mobile car detailing business.
They are the ones to get mad if the others don't help in keeping stuff cleaned up. My 19 (almost 20) year old is now married and has her own baby.....she gets really agitated when parents don't make their kids clean up after themselves...because she learned to clean up after herself.

So my advice? Age 3 & 4???? There is absolutely NO EXCUSE for them not doing little things. Cleaning up toys is just the beginning. They play with it, they put it away. Then periodically add little things they can do...Unless of course your husband wants to do all the cleanin up after them!!! If he thinks they are too young?????? Ask him nicely to get down and HELP THEM. IT will be good for all 3 of them.

Sorry to sound sort of harsh....i just think a lot fo the problems with kids today is the fact that they are catered to hand and foot and not made to do anythign because it might "hurt their psyche". Every one of my 8 kids is very good at working hard, cleaning good, and then playing hard when it's all done. And they ask me "why don't other parents teach their kids the way you taught us...those kids are so lazy!" Just somethign to think about.

YES! They need to clean their own room. I have 2 daughters now 4 and 5, they have always shared a room and been responsible for cleaning it at least once a day since they were as young as 1 and 2. Of course at 1 and 2, I would come in and help them, but they were def. old enough to pick up toys and put them in the toy box. Start young teaching them how to have responsiblities. Even if you have to stand in the doorway and tell them what to pick up and where to put it, then if they say it's too hard tell them "next time maybe you'll put away what you are playing with before getting something new out" My daughters even fold laundry and put it away in the right drawers. Don't let your girls get spoiled by you doing everything for them, you don't want them to grow up and not know how to cook, or do laundry or etc.

Wow. You have received a number of replies and I feel the urge to put my 2-cents in as well...

It's NEVER too early to start good habits. I have been trying with my son but when Dad doesn't go along to establish the rule it falls apart, let me tell you. :) My son is 5 and has just started kindergarten. We have also just started a small allowance "program" here at home to try and establish an awareness that money doesn't just "appear" in Mom and dad's wallets!

The chores are small and age-appropriate (clearning his plate off the table and putting it in the dishwasher, making his bed-type stuff... *however*, all are contignent on Mom and Dad NOT having to ask. I've actually added a bigger monetary incentive to get him to pick up and/or put away his toys in the play room. I honestly don't care where the toys go, as long as they're out of sight (we have a number of things the toys can fit in and most of the toys are small r/c cars or action figure-sized things) and Dad is also expected to help with turning off and putting away the wireless PS2 controllers and keeping the games in their boxes.

Dad is the guilty one of "tossing" games when switching them instead of putting them away. I'm a big fan of "lead by example" so Dad helps when Mom asks.

I'm not sure what to do about the 35 year old child but the five year old seems to be somewhat more motivated to get dad to help before retiring for the day. :)

Juddianne,
My children have been picking up their toys since they were about 14 months old. If they could get it out, they could pick it up. In fact, at that young age getting it out and picking it up seemed like just as much fun.

At age 3 and 4 they are too young to be expected to clean their room with only the directions "clean your room", but they certainly can pick up their toys and clean other things with some coaching. I used to tell mine when they were little "put away all of the cars first then the plastic animals" That way they weren't overwhelmed on the how of cleaning. They are now 7, 8, 11 and 12. They clean thier own rooms (some coaching still needed like "yes, the bookshelf counts"), sort thier dirty laundry, put away clean clothes, feed and pick up after the dog, load and empty the dishwasher, set the table, take out the recycling etc. They get extra praise if they can get these things done without me reminding them. They take pride in the fact that they help the house run. Best of luck.

J.,

I was going to echo all of the advice here, but instead I recommend that you have your husband read what's already been written here. Print it if you need to!

You're all GREAT MOMS!

~D.

My 2 year old son is great at cleaning up his toys in his room and living room! Get started NOW!!! They should already been doing this....it takes max 10 mins. So there is still enough time for play.

I tell you, kids don't understand the concept of cleaning (LOL). Though, it's a good idea for them to put their toys away. Make it a FUN activity, be creative. Though, a little threat is not a bad idea; say "Put away your toys or you lose it/them! This works for my 3 yr old son. he loved every piece of his toy---this kept him going.

I hope this helps!

J...I agree with you children need responsibility and boundaries early on..... I raised 2 wonderful daughters and they did chores and played I really believe children today are hyper, irresponsible, disrespectful and lazy because that is the examples they have....I don't believe a little room clean up is a bad thing we did something called Gunny Bag..it was a pillow case with a face drawn on it when the girls left toys and stuff out and didn't listen to my requests to pick up Gunny Bag ate it up.....later they could earn it back it became a game because they would get Gunny Bag themselves.......then they would get things back.......my girls are now 27 and 25.....my baby daughter is a 3rd grade teacher and thanks us for raising here respsonsibly

I have a 13 year old daughter and her dad was just the same way. I was a pre-school teacher for four years, the oldest of nine children, and have taught swimming lessons for five years, so I have worked with hundreds of children. I absolutely insisted that she start chores by three years old--simple things like picking up toys and setting the table and windexing windows--chores that only took 15 minutes max. Children need to learn responsibility. They are actually happier when they have a "job" that is just theirs so they feel like they are contributing. Starting chores early teaches them that they are responsible for their world and can make a difference. "Being a kid" is how too many parents treat their children today--as if responsibility will sprout out their ears when they turn 18. And then they wonder why children are turning to mind numbing video games and drugs. If you do not teach children the value of work at a young age, you do a disservice to them when they are grown because they will not be as successful as those that were. Incidentally, my daughter now can clean the entire house, do laundry and yardwork, and is prepared for when she goes to college. She doesn't do all of it all of the time, but when I ask her to help me out I don't get one complaint because she knows that caring for her world is part of life. -C.

Hi J.,

I feel they are old enough to clean thier own room. They made the mess. I dont think your husband and I would agree my daughter is only 22 months old and I make her clean up her own toys I help her but once she sees me cleaning them up she begans to help. In the mornings when she gets up she has her stuff animals that sleep on her bed with her thrown on the floor and her blanket I ask her to please make her bed and she piles it all on her bed it isnt made but she gets the point to pick it up. Kids should be kids but if you get them into good habits young it sticks with them. Its just like brushing your teeth or washing you teach them young. Hope this helps. Good Luck.

I completely agree with you its not to young to have your children clean up after them selfs. My brother has three sons (3,4, and 7 years old)and none of them have to clean up after them selfs. I'm also in some play groups where moms come over and don't have their children clean up after them self. I can totally tell a difference in the kids who clean up after them self and the ones who don't its called "manners." A child's never to you young to start learning good manners and respect for ones own property as well as others. My sons 14 months old and we play games on putting his toys back where they belong. Of course its more work for me to teach him and keep after him "but hey thats parenting!" Dads sometime like to take the easy road and be the nice guy rather then the enforcer! You may want to remind him that in order to raise well mannered respectful adults you must start now because 3 become 18 all to fast!

Hi J.,
I have a 5 yr old & 2yr old. They do help me clean their rooms. I even make them help me pick all their toys up in the living room. My little one actually likes cleaning but my 5yr old wines about it. I can't keep up with them. I will clean the living room (full of their toys) and their bedrooms (stuff everywhere) and 5 min. later they are messing it up! I couldn't take it anymore and that's when I had them start helping me. I told them if they could get it this messy then they can help pick it up. I know it gets overwhelming for them sometimes so I will go in their rooms with them & help them but only if they're helping too. In preschool they teach the children to take their plates & cup to the garbage or they can't participate in story time. All the kids were really good about it. I think it's good to teach them some responibilty at that age.

Mother of 2 girls!

I totally agree with you! Maybe they can't do a great job and you can help along with them, but they should definately be starting to help. It is a resonsibily of every family member to help out. I think if you don't start when they are young that you will have a harder time getting them to do it later.

Hi,
I started my children cleaning their rooms at 3 years old. I helped a little bit with directing on where things go and encouraging them as they pick up. It is part of our bedtime routine. Usually, we say if they clean up and get on their pajamas, they can have dessert. In the beginning, I also had a simple chart with pictures of their jobs. In the morning, their jobs have been to make their bed, brush their teeth and get dressed. The earlier you start, the easier it is to teach responsibiity.

I strongly agree with you. I have watched my two oldest kids ages 13 and 11 have tremendous problems with cleaning up and/or being self motivated. They were never taught early enough to clean up or have small chores.
Meanwhile I'm watching my two 9 year olds feel good about their chores. They are self motivated and love to help out around the house and choose to take on extra chores to make some extra money.
Hindsight they say is 20/20, if I could go back in time, I would choose for the older two to have started learning these life lessons early on.
Also, if you read some of Maria Montessori's books or talk to some Montessori teachers, it's her philosophy to have kids included helps give them high self esteem and confidence. In other words they aren't old enough to wash dishes or take out the trash so they may feel that they are too little or they can't do it. The small chore of cleaning up after themselves gives them the idea that they are a part of the family, that they are big enough, and they can do it...
I don't know what you could say to convince your husband...expect maybe putting him in charge of cleaning up after the kids if he doesn't expect them to do it.
good luck.

hi, J.!

i definitely think your kids are more than capable of helping clean up. it gives them a great sense of accomplishment when they are involved. i make it fun, and i always help so that they feel like they are helping mommy.

my five year old also puts away the silverware and plastics in the dishwasher, he dusts and sweeps in the kitchen, he also cleans the sinks in the bathrooms and cleans the windows he can reach (we have child-safe cleaners, there is no risk to him with the harsh chemicals).

my 3 year old helps me vaccuum, dusts, folds laundry, and cleans the toilets (with my supervision). they love to help when approached the right way.

good luck! they can do anything with just a little bit of training!

G.

They can clean up at 2 1/2 in my experience. They also can enjoy it because you can sing clean up songs in the process. I feel that kids want to please their parents and cleaning up is one way to do it. I clean up with my toddler which makes it a "fun" thing to do together.

My boy even helps me put the plastic ware and silver ware away when I'm unloading the dishwasher!

You already to EVERYTHING, I'm sure (I do) so why not get a little help from the kids? Families work together AND play together. I hope I gave you some good "arguments".
B

Make a game out of picking up toys. Set a timer and see how many toys they can pick up and offer a sticker at the end. Play their favorite music while you supervise the game (remember their attention span will be short).....and don't fight with your husband over this. The room might not be 100% clean but as long as it's not a health hazard :) you are still teaching them good habits and to have fun while they work. After all it will be messy again tomorrow. Enjoy the time you are sharing together. Believe me when I tell you they grow up too fast.

SV. Mom to a wonderful 10-y-old girl and 15-y-old boy.

I agree with you. They are just at the right age to learn to pick up after themselves. My boys are 3 & 2 and they clean up everyday. It's not perfect but they know they have to have things picked up and put back where they go. We try and make it fun. We race to see who can pick up the toys the fastest or we sing while picking up. It won't ruin their childhood because they had to clean up. I think making it fun is a great compromise. Good luck.

HI J.,
I don't think it is too much responsibility for a 3 & four old to Help clean up, especially if you make it fun. Maybe there is a compromise, and they dont' clean up on weekends, if Dad would like to be in charge of their space? Or when Daddy is home on duty, he gets to set the rules?
Good luck. Remember as the primary care giver, you probably have a better sense of what they can handle.
L. --mom to a 2 year old that helps clean up her toys too!

Hi J.,

I have to agree with you. I have a 3 year old son and he helps me pick up his toys (most of the time, he'll do it himself). He even helps me put laundry into the washer and into the dryer. He'll even push the clean laundry into his room. Your kids are at the right age to where they need to have some responsibility with cleaning there stuff up because that will give them a sense of pride in something that they have accomplished. You might even consider a reward system (for example: an allowance, stickers, etc) for cleaning up their room. I hope that this helps!

I.

Oh geez :) Mine have been cleaning since the could walk.. It teaches them responsibilty and makes them feel great that they are helping.. My kids are now almost 6, 5 and 4 and they are the best little helpers!! It teaches them to take responsibility in their actions and when they go to someone else's house they know to clean up after themselves :) I think the NANNY has something on that.. I read it in her book maybe get the book and show your husband
http://www.amazon.com/Supernanny-How-Best-Your-Children/d...
Hugs
M.

I have two boys 5yrs and almost 7yrs. I think you are right on the money. Children need to learn responsibility even at a young age. When they are in school their teacher will not clean up after them. They definately need to learn some independance mom will not always be there. Bothe of my children have chores. I think that you should continue to encourage your children to pick up after themselves.

If a child is physically capable of getting a toy out, they are also capable of putting it back. You can't wait until they are 18 to start teaching them how to take care of themselves and be productive. I have a nephew that was always told to "just be a kid" and now he is 22, still lives at home and his mother STILL cleans up after him. You don't do your kids any favors by not teaching them some real life skills, and if you don't teach them, who will?

I have 3 boys, 13, 10 and 7, so speaking from a bit of experience here. At age 3, we sang the Barney clean up song, and I helped them pick up. By age 4, they were asked to pick up their toys on their own (I NEVER corrected them if they put something away in the wrong place ie. putting a toy away on the book shelf, or a book in the toy box, I just fixed it later when they were not watching.) By 5 they each picked things up, often without being asked. They LOVE the pride in having a clean room and play room. Now, they each have chores in my house. Nothing major, but a few things to keep things tidy. Some days they grumble, most, they just get up and get to work. It helps my house stay clean, which gives me more time to talk to them, play games with them, or just "be" with them. They understand the benefit to everyone helping out around the house.

I hope it works this way for you, too.

Wow! There are a lot of great responses here! I've done quite a few of these (and forgive me if someone else mentions my favorite, as I have not read all of the responses!) but my favorite- and what seems to work best for my girls for now- is a toy sweep. I have 3 children... a 5 YO and 2 YO daughter who share a room, and a 10 MO son. What I do is I have a clear plastic bin for each girl, and they race to see how many toys they can pick up. Most of the time, I make the toy sweep 15 seconds long. Anyone can do anything in 15 seconds! If all the toys aren't picked up in that particular toy sweep, then I leave it for the moment (heck, they could be playing with the toy)... they can get it in the next toy sweep. Once the toy sweep is done then they go back to playing. The night time toy sweep is where all toys are picked up- no 15 second time limit, and mommy or daddy will help a little. Once all the toys are picked up, we dump the toys into the toy box so that their bin is empty for the next day. I usually have a minimum of 3 toy sweeps during the day, more if needed.
But this is what is working right now... when it stops working then I'll think of something else and that will be the novelty way of picking up toys.

My advice is to start simple. If you try to much to soon, it will only make life harder for yourself. Maybe their "jobs" could include putting their pajamas away, cleaning up toys (with your help most likely), and I include getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc. on my kids "Job chart." I think it is important to start teaching them early that our family works together to make our house a home. I think it teaches them respect for their things and their home. I do not think 3-4 is to young to start teaching these life skills as long as you keep it simple.

I agree with you. I have a step-daughter and am very organized and clean therfore from a very young age she has had to pick up her toys. At 3 and 4 they are plenty old enough to clean up. I always told her that if she could take the toys out she is old enough to put them away. If the room got to be too messy I would sit in her room with her and help her as well. The earlier they start the less of a fight it is to get them to do it when they are older. Childeren have to learn responsibility and its not to early to start.

At 3 and 4, cleaning up their toys when they are finished with them sounds reasonable. Making their beds, dusting, vacuuming, etc. would be unreasonable. If you want to teach your kids personal responsibility, small - but important - tasks like putting away toys and books when you are finished with them and putting your dirty clothes in the hamper are a good way for kids to learn that lesson. Even clearing their plates after eating is reasonable for 3 & 4 year olds.

I am all for kids being kids and not pushing too much of anything too soon. And, I've observed that if you don't start teaching personal responsibility a little at a time, they'll have a harder time and will be more resistant later. Now, they are in the stage where they want to help and be part of things. If you won't until they're older, you are more likely to get, "Well I never had to do that before!"

Good luck in your conversation with your husband.

My approach is that if they are old enough to play with the toys independently of you they are old enough to pick up their own mess. With guidance and support from you of course.Many of our husbands generation had mothers who just picked up after them well into their teens. It has created a misconception of our role in the household. I am not a feminist by any means, but I do believe it is our job to teach our children from a very young age the life skills they will need as they go through life. Picking up their messes is a very important one to learn early on. Just a side note.... I have teenage boys and I only do dishes when I feel like it the rest of the time they are just automatically done by my two kitchen wizzes.

I believe that children are never too young to help out with age appropiate jobs around the house. They want to have responsibilities, it makes them feel like they are helping out. You could always make the clean up into a game. At preschool the teacher rings a soft bell and then she and the children sing the "clean-up" song. If you let them help out now, it will be easier for them as they age since helping out will be a natural thing. Sometimes it takes a bit more patience and time to get a chore done but you're making the children a part of the functioning family. My daughter started doing the "scrubbings" just after one year old. It was more of a game but she always initiated it when she saw me washing the counters etc.
There is a great book about starting with the children at 18 months. I went to a talk at the school across from Sabino Canyon in the foothills. I can't think of it now as I am away from home. If I come across it I will post it.
There are also some great classes about parenting that covers topics such as helping out.Google for different ideas and books.
Good Luck, R.

I am sorry to say, it is never to soon to start cleaning. Make it a game, make it part of whatever they are doing. The ending of all games is to make sure all is put away, that way when they go to do something else they have a clean place to do it. Of course it is up to you as to how you make it the end to all play situations. It worked for me. Good luck

J.,

You are right to expect your 4 and 3 yr olds to help pick up their toys. It will help you tremendoulsy now, and in the futre. It will help them understand responsibility, working together, caring and respect for their things. If your girls went to preschool they would be expected to help clean up their area and toys they played with. Home should not be any different. Really, children want to help out as young as 2 yrs. old. It gives them a sense of accomplishment and confidence when we sincerely praise them and thank them for helping and a job well done...or for even trying.
I completely understand your husband's thinking childhood should be fun and carefree....it should, but not to the extent that children grow up to be irrisponsibile, disrespectful for their or other people's things, and expect others to always do things for them. Many times it's easier to just do it for our kids...it will get done faster and better right? :) But if it is something they can do for themeselves, then they should do it. Like, clean up their toys. Now...this said, you can make clean up time fun or a little easier for them and not so much of a chore. Is the room pretty organized with big colorful baskets or bins for toys to go in? Do your girls know where things go and is it accessible to them? Expect that you will have to help them out a bit in the beginning to get them used to a routine. Little ones don't always follow through, they get distracted - it's their nature:) You and your husband can make it fun by using puppets to talk to them and help them pick up their things. Make a counting game out of it. Your 4 yr old can put away 10 things and your 2 yr old can put away 5 things, and count the things they put away together. See how many things can be put away before the timer goes off. Make up clean up song. Here is one I use with my 3 yr old. "Clean up, clean up everybody everywhere. Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share." (I think it's from Barney:)
Do your girls do well with rewards? I'm not a huge reward person....My feeling is we do our share to be helpful and respectful and it feels good..not just to get something in the end for it. But, sometimes it can help:) If you are going to bribe - make it good and make it positive..such as "When you put away your toys, then you can have a treat."
Or "then you may do ....." Many times we get used to saying things in a negative way....like, "you can't have or do______, until you put your toys away!"
Some parents use sticker charts too. When they get so many stickers for doing what they are asked to do, then they can pick a special thing from a reward box. At such a young age, the sticker amount should only be a few to receive a treat, and the treat can be other things than candy or cheap plastic toys. Maybe a book, or a special time with mom or dad etc. I used to use a sticker chart for my older 3 kids...it worked for a while, then I found that they were only doing things to get a reward, not because they wanted to or felt it was important. But those are my kids, and I'm sure it had more to do with my attitude on rewards for little things. I think focusing on the process rather than the end result help kids much more. There are times when a reward is a really nice treat though - I just save those for bigger accomplishments. Remember to always always tell them thank you and you appreciate them taking care of their toys. Or, "wow, I really like how you are helping...you must feel very proud of your hard work."
I hope these suggestions help with your "argument" for allowing your children to learn how to cooperate, be respectful, and yes....help clean:) Let your daughters know the rules. Even have a little pow-wow and come up with fun ideas together on how to keep their room clean. They will have some fantastic ideas and more likely to follow through when they have a say in it. Be flexible...they WILL NOT want to clean up all the time, just be gentle, firm if you need, and bring some fun into it. Oh...and only 1 thing for them to clean up at a time. If their whole room looks like they torpedoed through it, then know you will have to help. But give them one thing to pick up. Then one more job, and so on an so on. Or make it a rule that when they are done playing with one toy then have to clean it up before playing with something else. Do what works best for you, your husbands, and daughters style. It won't be perfect and it takes alot of compromise.
As far as your husband. He's probably the FUN dad isn't he? :) That's fine. I wonder if his mom cleaned up after him when he was a child too? That's fine. But it is causing tension between the two of you (and your daughters will pick up on that), and if you both don't compromise on it now...you will end up doing all the work. Sound fun?
Let your husband know that clean up time for your girls doesn't have to be such a drag, and I promise it will only help them, you and your husband.

Much good energy for a happy and tidy home:)

A.
mom of 4, Birth and Parenting Mentor
www.birthingfromwithin.com

Kudos on being a SAHM - I learned that acronym here, a Stay At Home Mom....Think of this, if your kids were in daycare and soon Pre-school....they would learn to pick up after themselves.
We sing the Clean up Song...
"Clean up, clean up, everybody, everywhere.
Clean up, clean up, every body do their share."
Sing and pick up together, they'll learn by role modeling.
It is NEVER too early to learn to pitch in. There is no magical age to start this behavior.
Just be very gracious for their little hands doing little chores. Their results will be very different than yours.
God bless!

HI,
My kids starting cleaning at the early age of 1 1/2 to 2 not like hard cleaning just pick up your toys, shoes, clothes and anything they maid a disaster for that day.

I am on your side about this subject they are old enough to learn . I think it is time to teach them now kids get into certain ways of doing things and if you teach them at a young age it becomes part of them.

If your husband is that concerned and he wants them to enjoy life and play then make cleaning into a GAME. It does not always have to be work. A couple ideas you can time the girls with a kitchen timer so when it beeps they change from picking up toys to making there bed. Another idea is turn up some music and incorparate dance in the cleaning. You can also set up there hamper and have them make a basket with the dirty clothes. You can make it fun.

They can also learn that we can not play unless the house is staightened up just to not make less of a mess. Sometimes responsabilites charts or sticker charts can help motivate them too.

I am a mother of 3 boys ages 7,6,2 they all know how to clean they even help me with the entire house and have since they were young. I think it teaches them responsibility and cleanliness. With me having boys I also want them to know it is not just a girl thing to pick up after your self it is everybody thing.

Hope that helps
Jennifer

I think it's definately worth starting them help pick things up at this age. However, make it fun, like a game. Set a timer or sing a song together and see how much they can get done before the time is up. Or see whose bathroom gets cleaned the fastest, you cleaning yours or them cleaning theirs. If they think it's a game, it's a lot more fun for everyone.

If he doesn't understand then have him pick up after the girls. It will last for a week and then he'll see things your way. Men just don't understand until they actually experience things.

Hi J.,
I agree that 3 and 4 year olds should be cleaning up after themselves. I have a 3 year old and 4 1/2 year old also. We are working with them to clean up after themselves throughout the day (picking up toys in the living room before lunch; clearing the table after meals; cleaning up their rooms before bed; etc). It's a work in progress for us, but I feel it's very important to instill good habits at this age - and they're old enough to start learning about consequences (if they make the mess, they need to clean it up...). We usually help them pick up to keep them motivated. Making it into a game ("who can pick up the toys the fastest?") can also help motivate and turn a chore into something fun.

Hope that helps! If you can use the "game/fun" angle and get them motivated, maybe your husband will see that it's not cruel or taking away from their childhood fun to help out around the house.

--S.

I'd make the cleaning up a fun family game. That way they'd be doing what you want (learning to clean up after themselves) while still having a good time like he wants. And with 4 people helping, it'll just take a few minutes.
If that's a no-go, why don't you make them be responsible for their room during the day, when Daddy's at work, and then after he gets home, he can take care of the after-dinner clean up duty.

My 16 month old daughter loves to help clean up toys. I began having my kids put things away as soon as they could walk. I direct them to one thing at a time, and they would put books on the bookshelf or toys in the toybox. My almost 3-yr old son is pretty independent when it comes to cleaning up toys (but still gets distracted and starts playing and needs to be redirected sometimes). The earlier you start teaching how to be a responsible member of the family, the easier it will be.

Hi J.-
I agree with you that good habits should be formed early. In my book, though, at your girls' ages, you should probably, at a set time of day (just prior to bedtime bath?) carol ethusiastically, "Let's clean up your toys!" Either your husband or yourself could 'help' them with the clean-up. You and your husband need to get on the same page. Being a kid doesn't mean no responsibility at all. It does mean freedom from being asked to do things that may be too much at once. I will never forget my mother telling me, at age 4, as I struggled to miter the corner of a twin bed I was making up clean that I was 'slow' and 'stupid'. I am neither, but too large a task with negative energy attached can make it so. Hope this helps- S.

When is your husband picking up after them and cleaning their room? Is he there to do all the needed tasks daily? Seems to me he doesn't have a say and, personally, I wouldn't have even asked him; just teach them to pick up their toys and get on with life! I hope you aren't picking up after him,too. Otherwise your children will follow in his footsteps and not ever pick up after themselves using Dad as an excuse as to why they don't have to pick up! After you teach them and they refuse...start taking away the toys they leave out. You can put it in your closet but hidden from their eyes. Stand strong! You don't want to lose this battle! Good Luck!
My kids were doing it at 2 1/2 and 3 years old... It's better to teach them and get them into good habits at a young age!

Hi J., I say start them now. I have a 8 yo daughter and 5 yo son and 12 yo almost step daughter who is special needs. I never made my kids clean their room but since I moved in with my boyfriend and his daughter, we have started to 'encourage' them to do so. Just this weekend our ex's had the kid so we organized (meaning gave to Goodwill a bunch of stuff!) and thought of the best way to keep their things that would help them to put them away easier. Like we got some of those plastic drawers that stack 3 high with wheels and put them in their closets so they could just open the drawers, take out what they want and then put it back. We also have a big plastic bin that we put all their stuffed animals in that they can't seem to live without! We also had a couple of those plastic cleaning organizers that are supposed to be used for your cleaning supplies that you just pick up by the handle and carry around with you...well, we put all their pens, crayons, markers, erasers, etc in those so they would be easily accessed and hopefully easy to put everything back! It's only been one day but they had everything put away last night! So maybe if you would just start 'suggesting' it to the kids your husband won't think you are hard-core 'making' them clean their rooms! Good luck to you!