Class Trips.

I think it really depends on your reasons for not letting your oldest go. If it was financial or the fact that you didn't think your daughter was responsible enough to go, then yes you might be being unfair, especially if this daughter is more responsible or if your finances have improved. Each child is different and you need to approch each of them with that in mind. If the reason that you did not allow your oldest to go until 9th grade was that you don't believe that they should go until that age then stick to your guns and tell her no. I really believe that you need to treat each child according to their needs and personality. Good luck and I'm sure you'll make the best choice for you girls.

Was there a reason as to why you would not let your older daughter go sooner? Was she untrust worthy? If that is the reason why she could not go till 9th grade then yes I do think you are being unfair. That is if your younger child is a more behaved child.

It's not about "fair" so much as it is about consistently sticking up for the principles you establish. If you didn't let your older daughter go on an overnight school trip in 7th and 8th grade because you were uncomfortable with the supervision, the same evaluation process should apply to the younger ones. If something has changed in the way the kids are supervised and you are now comfortable with what's going on, then it's ok to allow the younger one to go. And of course you'll have to evaluate the third one's requests on the same basis when they come along. But don't use "your sister couldn't go so you can't either" as a excuse for sharing the real reason why you won't let her go if that's what you decide. Your daughter is correct: she is not her older sister, and should not be denied something just because her sister didn't get it. You have real concerns about her safety, as you did about her sister, so explain those concerns and stick to your guns if that's truly what you want to do.

Now if the problem is not safety but money, there's a logical way to resolve it for both children: tell them that if they want to go, they'll have to raise the money. Both of mine raised money for a trip they wanted at some point as did many of their classmates. Raking leaves, mother's helper, or doing the door-to-door fundraisers that most groups use for trips like this is not beyond a 7th grader. If you're really ok with the safety arrangements and just concerned about the money, help your younger one to fend for herself. Oh, and what about the older one who can babysit, tutor and more at this point? Encourage her to raise money for her trip too!

Bottom line: it is certainly not "unfair" either to keep the younger one home or to let her go. Just make sure you clearly explain why you kept the older one at home and why you are letting the younger one attend if that's what you decide to do. Or why the younger one CAN'T go. My children didn't always like the fact that they couldn't do something, but when I explained it as a health and safety issue, there was grumbling but no rebellion. Children really do want to be kept safe by their parents.

I don't think you are being unfair or unreasonable. You've got your parenting style, financial issues and safety concerns to consider. If your oldest daughter didn't get to go on a class trip until 9th grade, I think I would use that as a milestone for your other children. Also, perhaps you could encourage your kids to start earning money for any future trips they want to take to relieve the financial burden. My kids are only toddler and I know we will be having these discussions long before I am ready to have them. LOL Good luck!