First Long Distance Field Trip

Hi, J.:

You say you have an anxiety disorder, well, this is why you worry.
Go ahead and worry. He will be fine. D.

Dont let people scare you into not letting your son go. This will be a good experience for him! Just send along whatever he'll need to be entertained well on the bus (books if he likes books, etc), snacks if he'll need them, and make sure whoever his chaparone is knows what his needs are. I also recommend Lenore Skenezy's website/book on free range children: http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/ Our children need to be set up for success, not for fear and failure.

He'll have the time of his life! I fondly remember my 6th grade trip to DC, and it went without a hitch for all the kids-- and we didn't have special ed teachers, etc. to help the challenged kids back then (in the dark ages, 20 years ago, lol). He's going to have to learn to deal with sitting on a bus and going to museums, etc. and this is the perfect time to do it since he has lots of help and other students to model appropriate (?) behaviors. Go ahead and worry, but my guess is you will be laughing at yourself in a couple of months.

One of the situations I would think through is the hotel room. Is he going to have friends to room with? If you don't like the kids you are rooming with, it can make for a long night. If he's thought that through and is ready to go, then enjoy a couple nights only having to parent one kid!

I just read the last post, so I'm offering you an entirely different perspective. Take a deep breath. He will be fine. TONS of kids go on school trips to Washington. TONS of kids go away for whole summers to overnight camp! No doubt his teachers care about him, they have thought of appropriate chaperone to student ratios, they have planned out the whole trip and have backup emergency plans. Yes, Washington DC has a high crime rate, but I assure you that the fieldtrip to the Smithsonian is not going to involve a side trip to the local gang-controlled crackhouse. (I'm exaggerating, but come on. Lots of people live happily in Washington DC without being grabbed by the "predator on the corner"). And sure bus travel has its dangers, but what, are you never going to let him drive on the highway?

My question to you is does your son want to go? If he is excited and looking forward to it, then I say embrace the opportunity and let him spread his wings a little. If he is really apprehensive, I would think of letting him back out (and this is because of the autism piece. You and he have a better sense of how well he can handle that kind of thing).

It's always scary to let our kids go, but that's our job as parents, to slowly make ourselves obsolete. You aren't pushing him out of the nest, you're assisting him with a gentle nudge. I can't think of a better thing that a mother can do for her kid then let him know you have confidence that he will be a successful independent adult.

Good luck. I hope you find you were worrying for no reason.

Hi J.,

No, you are not crazy! Just a mom who cares deeply for her child and is trying to make good decisions.
Is there a way you could go on the trip as one of the chaperones? What is the ratio of chaperones to students? Is someone else going that you would feel comfortable with watching your son? who is everyone (those telling you he will be fine)?? Is it the teachers that he spends the whole day with who observe him in a variety of situations or just some folks who want you to feel better? Is you son very excited about this trip or just mildly interested? I think those are some additional things I would consider before I made my decision. good luck!

Hi J.,
Have you done long distance travel with him before? If not, you may want to do a practice run before the Washington trip. Will he have his own chaperone, does he have a 1:1 teaching assistant or aide? I think making sure he has a 1:1 chaperone for this trip even if he does not have one in the classroom, would be a good idea. Once he's on the bus, he's stuck on the bus but if he gets overwhelmed while doing the museums and other things, he can have a break and get away from the crowds and stimulation.

I totally understand your anxiety, i have a son with schizophrenia and he is not able to attend school trips, it makes him really sad, so if he can go and all the arrangements have been made, let him have fun while he can.

Hi J.,
As long as the special needs teacher is there and as long as your son really wants to go you have to let him. By you showing all the anxiety will only end up making him worry .
Eventually you want him to mainstream in the world and you need to take these steps. Even if there are minor issues there are adults who will be there for him. You need to deal with your anxiety without showing it to your son.You should let him know that you are excited and only discuss the places he will see. and not discuss too much about things that can go wrong.

Good Luck, let us know how it goes!
L.

Hi J.-

I can relate to you. My 8 year old son has Asperger's and I have yet to let him go on a field trip (even a local one) without me. I finally decided this year would be the year but he came home one day after the trip was announced and asked me if I could come. He wasn't scared but just really wanted me to come on the trip too. Space was limited for parents so I told him I'd offer to chaperone but if I didn't get picked I wouldn't be there. I was preparing myself for him to go without me and of course as luck would have it I was chosen to go along so I will be with him after all.

If you going on the trip is not option I would just talk to the teacher about your concerns. Request that he be assigned a group with either the teacher as the leader or a parent chaperone that he knows and that is familiar with his diagnosis. Maybe even ask the teacher if she would be able to call you from her cell phone at lunch time just to help you to feel better during the day.

With my son I know deep down that he'd be fine but I get scared too, so I completely understand. Just make sure you have as many people looking out for him on the trip as you can.

Good luck!
K.

Yes your son should go. He has obviously earned the right to attend if the school has planned this trip and he is included. Does he have a DS or hand held electronic game? Let him take it with him on the bus. Send his favorite snacks. Are they going on fancy buses instead of school buses? They now have DVD players on there and I am sure they will have on playing..

It is very difficult to allow our children to grow up. He will be fine. You will probably be surprised when you find out how great he does without you. His teachers have probably done this many times.

The first time we sent our daughter to camp she was 8 and I thought my husband would have a stroke. I reminded him that he had attended boy scout camp, but it still not stop him from worrying.. Our daughter is now in college over 2000 miles away and he is still always worried, I am too, but they have to grow up and we have to allow it, by letting them go.

You have done a great job. He will be fine, and you will have a chance to do something for yourself while he is gone!
I am sending you strength..

You wouldn't be a mom if you didn't worry. Neither of my children have special needs, but from experience I can tell you that even with the small challenges your son may face, it's MUCH more difficult for you. My daughter has been on numerous trips over the years and leaves this week for 4 days, and yes, I'm nervous. She can't wait to leave.

Knowing that his special needs teacher is going, should be a huge relief to you. Your son will have someone he knows and trusts available for him. Ask to have a meeting with her and discuss your concerns. Meet his direct chaperone before the trip. It'll help put you at ease.

Good luck.

You're crazy! LOL Seriously, you're the one fretting and your son will have a ball! He'll be fine. Sounds like he won't have any problems anymore than any other child on the trip. In fact, he'll probably do better since he's got more people on his side to look out for him, lol. Be excited for him. Help him plan and pack and let this be a trip for HIM and not about you and your anxiety. I too have anxiety and one thing I do is turn it around and not make it about my anxiety and things are much more fun for everyone! First trip is always the hardest on Mom, lol.

K. B
mom of 5 including triplets

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Hello J.,
No way do I think you are crazy!!! You are right on the money to be concerned and not because your son has autism, but because any tween should not be that far away from home for any reason without mother/father or someone from his immediate family that has his and HIS only best interest in mind. First and foremost, Washington, DC is a high crime area, with predators on every corner. (just google the crime rate there) Second, the trip there (likely by bus I am thinking?) is hazardous with a limited number of adults compared with children. That is a bad situation because it will get roudy and potentially out of control. While there, he is vulnerable to people and strangers he does not know (chaperones simply can't have enough eyes) and something inappropriate or dangerous could happen to him and he would be absolutely defenseless. Again, this is for any 11 year old, not just one with mild autism. There is no way in heck I would let any of my children go on any trip without me or their father, period. It is a wonderful idea in theory and certainly has been a mainstay of an American education in the past, However, it is too risky in todays world and the school should be ashamed it put you in a situation where you would have to grapple with the idea at all. I would absolutely keep my child home for safety reasons alone. I could never forgive myself if something happened. Not only would I not be there to see exactly what happened but I also would not be there to reassure and comfort my child. Therefore, you would always wonder. No trip to the Smithsonian is worth that. Please trust your gut, it is telling you something, all you have to do is listen.