First, I wanted to address a couple answers you got: what is wrong with building programs and missionaries? If they are building just to build, or needlessly, or for vanity, then whatever. But to seat all the people that want to come? To have nice programs to keep kids off the streets and busy? I attended a Bible study in TX for a church that had 2 "satellite" buildings AND a movie theater that let them sit in a room, all 3 of those to watch the preacher on "TV" until a building where they could actually fit in the service could be built, PLUS the 3 services on Sunday that were actually full. It is NOT wrong that they built a huge building; it was to seat people that saw something in the church that they weren't getting elsewhere, where they felt connected and wanted to be partner with, where they were getting their own needs ministered to. They had some great programs to help so many in the local community. So don't judge a church for having a multimillion dollar building (I worked construction, even a little Olive Garden costs over a million dollars) if the seats are filled and people are being ministered to. As for missionaries and helping people overseas ALSO: that's an important thing. I will never forget the local lady that was telling us about these orphans they'd found who had AIDS (born to parents with AIDS), starving, and their plight. I asked where the children were and she called them, and they LITERALLY came out of the dirt. They'd been around watching us but we couldn't see them. They hid for their lives from a government that kills homeless children because there's too many of them, and their situation was much more dire than a lost car or foreclosed home. It's not bad to help missionaries who are helping prevent deaths from totally preventable diseases, teaching them how to farm, helping with water treatment, and saving lives physically as well as helping spiritually.
At local levels: Yes! There are A LOT of people hurting right now. So many people are losing cars, even houses, so in this time of extremely great need and fear, sometimes churches are simply tapped. Where does the money that churches have come from? People. If those people are hurting financially, they either aren't giving like they used to, or giving less than they used to. So many churches have less money. At the same time, more hurting people than ever are looking to tap into less supply than ever. I understand your frustration, fear, and concern. But contrary to an answer you received previously, I didn't see anyone saying you have to go to church to be a "good Christian" or where being a "good Christian" was even brought up. But they can get a random email from a random person forever, but if a church is limited in funds right now, then they may be more focused on giving to those people they see and that are part of their congregation, because their congregation is hurting too.
But that brings us to losing faith. You're losing faith in what? Losing faith in GOD because of what PEOPLE can or cannot do? Or losing faith in people, when it belongs in God to begin with?
I agree with Barb 100% here. Get your paperwork together, call your local aid offices (medicaid, wic, foodstamps, whatever you need/qualify for and go that route). I would suggest changing my focus and attitude and getting back to basics. Pray for help, and also for ideas on what to do, and opportunities to open up. Barb gave ideas on things you may not think of that can bring in some money.
When I was faced with some pretty bad financial issues years ago (was homeless at one point, but was in the process of changing my life), I meditated on scriptures like Phillippians 4:19, Matthew 6:25-34, Galations 6:7 and, in context with Galations 6:7, I believed that in the lesson of sowing and reaping. Sowing 1 watermelon produces a vine with how many melons growing? And how many seeds in those melons? To plant how many more vines? To grow how many more melons, and how many more seeds? If I had no money, I sowed in service, in time, in whatever I did have.
One time, after changing my meditation, after changing the words that I spoke, after changing my attitude, I gave a watch in an offering because I had NO money at all. I wrote on the envelope "seed for school tuition". Before the offering was finished being picked up, a lady I'd never met before told me she needed to talk to me, and I said after the service. She said "I know this sounds weird but my family's been praying and we want to pay your tuition. Where are you going?" She sent money to the school for my first year's tuition.
Another time, we had NOTHING AT ALL in our refrigerator except a brita of water and some ketchup packets from McDonalds. I asked my roommate what we had for lunch before I went to work, and she said nothing. I was like "what?" and looked---oh. Nothing. But instead of freaking out or getting upset I said "Come here and sit down". We sat knee to knee, face to face, and I told her EVERY good thing I could think that God had done for me, every testimony I could think of, every thing that led me to that day. I said "Ok, your turn". She did the same. Then I said "Ok. God did not bring us out of those things, He did not do these great things, He did not bring us here away from our family and friends, just to have us starve and fail here before we get going good." (We'd just started school, I'd just started a job but hadn't been paid but once, she hadn't found a job yet). She agreed. Then I said "Ok, then let's thank Him". We prayed and thanked God for everything He'd done in the past, everything He was doing now even if we didn't really know what was going on "behind the scenes" yet, and everything He was doing in the future to keep us secure. After giving thanks, I got up and went to work, and sang praise songs outloud to keep me from thinking the negative thoughts that were just waiting to psych me out. I got to work and my boss gave me a coupon for a free hamburger, saying someone was passing them out to everyone and he saved one for me too. Cool. I smiled, knowing I wouldn't miss dinner, and silently thanked God for it.
After work, I went to Jack in the Box for my free burger and got into a perfectly innocent, seemingly random conversation with a stranger: is it always this cold here? why where are you from? oh how'd you get here? really? what kind of school is that? and it just went from there to me telling my testimony of how I got there and where I came from a little bit. The lady cried, hugged and kissed me, asked if I was an angel (no) and if I was, would I tell her (I answered that they aren't supposed to lie, so yeah I guess I would). She wrote me a check there on the spot (as we were both being handed our burgers) for $50. I ran it into the apartment saying we had money to go buy food now (lots of ramen can be bought with $50) but my roommate said NO NO FOOD! I was like "what?" She and another friend of ours didn't have jobs yet, but wanted to be active so they volunteered their time and went to the church to volunteer and work there. There was a big banquet for city officials or something (like an appreciation thing for police officers or something?) and a ton of food leftover. The pastor said to let the volunteers have what hadn't been served, so we had tons of veal parmigiana, chicken fettucini, spaghetti and meatballs, vegetables, desserts, all kinds of stuff! We called our friends and fed them, we packed food up to let them bring food home with them, froze some, still had plenty in our fridge. Then back at school, I got called into the office at school. The dean's wife was like "I'm not really sure what this is about, it doesn't make sense, something about angels and hamburgers....whatever. A lady came in asking about you, do you attend school, how are your grades, and stuff, and here is the money she gave me for you". I was very excited and asked her to just put it in my school account towards an upcoming missions trip. A little at a time, every month, the lady at Jack in the Box ended up paying for my trip to Israel, my 2nd year tuition, and part of a trip to Kenya!
Things like that happened often, more than I can say, but one more: volunteering at a church event outdoors one time, I was stacking chairs minding my own business and a couple walked up and said my name. I didn't know them, but they said I met them at that first event before my first year's tuition was paid for. We shared a table, had some chocolate pie, and they said I was very excited and saying "I will go to that school!" and I said "Well, I'm a student there now" and they were pleased. They asked permission to give me $50 a month because they were excited to see my enthusiasm and servant's heart. These things happened all the time. I had my own apartment, my own car, was going to school, was going on mission trip every year, and having the time of my life. (However, I was working very very hard but didn't know it----it was so fun and exciting to me, volunteering and assisting every way I could). I was very surprised years later to see from a social security statement that came in the mail that I only made $11k a year.....but I guess so. I was just part time at the mall on my "paid jobs". And the opposite was true too: when I was doing my own thing and left the church because I was offended at something for a little while, I was making $2k/week and working ridiculous hours in the chemical plants, I had a much nicer car, but seriously that's about all. I was in debt instead of ahead. Very strange how that worked. I got back on track, made a lot less money, but God provided for me. My job wasn't my source, the church wasn't my source, my skills weren't even my source. GOD was my source. When I remembered that and gave him that honor, I am now in position to be a blessing, instead of looking for a blessing. There's nothing wrong with needing help. But there's a voyage you take as you grow up where you start needing people's help, and if you are faithful and stay with God and grow, you can not only need other's help so much but end up BEING the help for others next.
I know this is long. I'm not preaching "at" you as much as hoping it may encourage you. Change your meditations, ask God to help you understand and read the Bible with an open heart to see what He wants you to know, give thanks in all things, get your eyes on Him instead of other people, seek out opportunities to work, earn money, even volunteer and see how things will start changing.
