K.M.
Or why don't you try to start something NEW! Play around for a few years to see what suits ALL. That is what is going on with me and mine and so far my side has been doing "Thanksmas" and celebrating whenever we feel like it (aka when we can all get together) and we still have all the same feelings no matter what time of year it is! So we are free to do the In Law stuff with them. I think he has some things to work out and you have some things to support him on and if you family is as it seems loving and tight nit they will understand your absence for a while and willingly have "make up days"