Christmas Gifts-Age Inappropriate

My family uses www.mywishlist.com and my daughter puts specific items each one would like and I shop with that and can buy it anywhere or even online. Then I know I am getting what they would like for Christmas and it is all age appropriate.
V. B.

A couple of thoughts come to my mind.

First, perhaps they would have more respect for the wish list if it came from your daughter. Perhaps you could help her write a letter to Santa (or she can write her own, I don't see a mention of her age). Then you could give it to them and tell them which items you will be getting from the list and the rest are fair game for them.

Second, you could try to divert the gift giving by telling them you'd like their gift to be a contribution to her college fund. They could then give her a small gift like a book or a doll or a toy pony (again, don't know her age), so she has something to open, but then they would be helping her education---which is really a gift to last a lifetime.

Third, perhaps you could go shopping with them? Maybe then you'd be able to point them to categories of items that she would appreciate---emphasizing that you are NOT trying to tell them what they have to buy, just trying to help them.

Don't give in when the gifts are inappropriate. Just say to her that this gift will have to be for later. Then explain to the in-laws what you've done and tell them why---always remembering how much you really do care for them.

This happened with my in-laws too. When my first born was about a year old, my FIL wanted to buy one of those big Power Wheels jeeps - yes, at a year! I had my husband talk to him, because I knew he would be taken seriously, whereas I'm was blown off as the "over-protective" mother. My husband told him that if we had it, our son couldn't use it for a couple of years & we had nowhere to store it. My FIL waited patiently & gave our son the jeep when he was 3. By that time, he was able to enjoy it & we had a larger home and garage to store it in. After that my in-laws haven't had a problem with age as they realize the it IS a safety issue, especially after I had two other children and needed to worry about big kid toys & choking hazards.

Now, like other posters, we have our children make out wish lists. If it's something that is confusing, I'll email the website links. When my kids make out the lists, usually from the Walmart or Target wish books, I am sure we look at the ages so that they are not asking for something that's too old or something that I don't think they can handle. I fudge on this with certain items like Legos for my oldest son. He has many age appropriate sets - he's 7 now - but we will buy him "older" sets because they are more challenging, the pieces are the same size, there's usually just more. He & my husband usually do these together. The same thing with anything that can be done with parental guidance & be put away. My 3 year old daughter has her eye on a cupcake making set...

You can maybe also suggest to your in-laws that you would love to start building up your daughter's personal library. Make out a list of classic books and Caldecott or Newbery award winners. Ask them to write a personal xmas or b-day note so that when she's older she'll have a really special gift. She can look at their written note long after and appreciate it as an adult. I suggested this to my mom last year & she bought my kids a collection of Shel Silverstein books, with CD recordings. They love listening to the poems read or on CD. A great book for Xmas is The Polar Express.

I hope this helps.

K.
SAHM to 3 ages 7, 5 & 3

We have stressed to our son, and grandparents, that age appropriateness is a saftey issue. Toys are clearly marked with that info. Our son will soon be 6 and has learned to look for the age info on the box at the store. He has made comments such as, "Dang it, it's for 8 year olds. Well, I have fun with it when I'm 8."

Here's a novelty, tell them the truth. Honey, these are their grandparents, they would not want to give the child a toy that could hurt the child and I don't suspect they would relish having given a gift that cannot be used for that reason. They shouldn't be offended that you are concerned for their grandchild's safety and if they would be offended then I really wouldn't be that concerned about what they think, you are doing your job by thinking about things that obviously do not occur to them.

Tell them that you have not said anything because you appreciate so much that they are giving the gift but you know they want your daughter to be able to enjoy the gift and that this has been a problem. Tell them that you didn't really know how to bring it up because you didn't want to hurt their feelings. Remember, they had parents and in-laws too when your husband was coming up and they must have experienced something like this. Just try to keep the focus on that they are great, the positive, and slide in the but as gently as possible.

If you are not comfortable really getting into this, sounds like maybe you are not that close to his parents, when they ask what to buy tell them it really doesn't matter but to please be careful to check the age of what they purchase. I think nearly everything has age parameters and tell them that these things are for safety and as long as it is okay for a child of 3 or under, for example, she will love it. You might even joke about the gift that is still in the closet until she is old enough, that you will wrap it up again and she will get it twice, depending on whether they have a sense of humor.

Or, if they are not there when the child opens the gift, open that sucker up before xmas and replace it with something appropriate and give the inappropriate toy to a charity for kids that won't have a Christmas.

You know, I have gotten many gifts from in-laws both with my husband's family and my brother's wives that were sooooo not me. I was raised so well regarding being a good gift recipient that I kept these things for years when these people never even came to my house, so would have no idea whether things were here or had left the building. I still keep things for a time but have gotten better about garage-saling the items within a year or two. I think we all need to do better with trying to do right by others but in a way that does not make things difficult and impossible for ourselves.

With the economy and everything else going on, I am planning to focus a lot more on just being together, enjoying that time instead of making myself crazy trying to "do" everything. Last year financially, xmas was difficult and what I missed most was getting a child or two from our angel tree at church. I plan to make up for it this year!

My dad had troubles with me telling him what my son wanted. He couldn't understand what the toy was from me describing it. So last year I started having my son cut out pictures of things he wanted and I would give that to him. It helped a lot to look for the picture of the item instead an item that looked and sounded like all the other toys in the store. I also explained that those pictures would not go to anyone else but to please let me know if you chose one. That way the other items could still be purchased.
Another idea is a store registry wish list from Toys R Us or Target. (You just make a baby registry into a Christmas wish list at Target.)
Lastly they could take you and your daughter to the store and get ideas that way. One person walks around with her and the other buys the gift.

We have had the same problem with our in-laws--and all I can say is it takes time. We just continued to remind them of what's appropriate, and they now, for the most part, listen to us. But when our oldest was a baby, we did have to deal with it a lot. Often, we'd just put the toys away, and our girls got so many other gifts, that we could direct their attention towards the ones that were age-appropriate.

My son is 25 months old. My dad came last weekend and brought him Christmas presents unwrapped, in a plastic bag: a reference set (paperback dictionary, thesaurus, calculator, and highlighter set), and a roll of bubblegum tape, and a few toys he's not old enough to care for.
I have known my dad long enough to not open the gifts in front of him, for that very reason. He lives in Atlanta though, and we only see him once a year, if that often, and never on a holiday. Once able to do so sweetly, I had a talk with him in front of his wife, and just said it was nice to see him so close to the holidays, but knowing that this is rare, I thought it'd be a great idea to save on postage (remembering last year's debacle that came in the mail, too) if he just mails a check or giftcard, and I'll go pick up the presents and wrap them for him.
(This man also MAILED me a purple and pink bike when I was 28 years old and had 3 torn ligaments in my knee, and have had a lifelong distaste for all things pink. And did you know bikes come in pieces and you have to build it?). *teehee :)

We get the same thing, but it's usually age inappropriate movies (last year a PG movie for our 2 year old!) We just return them and get something more appropriate.

I would have a nice conversation about this situation with your in-laws. These days the ages are so obvious on the toys it should be easy for them to find something they would like to give. Instead of suggesting a list of things she might like you could say, "oh anything that is labeled for a 18 month old" (or whatever age she is). You could add a little insight like "she really enjoys blocks right now" or "be cautious with too many pieces, it really frustrates her at this age".

Good luck! If it doesn't work I have been known to let them play with it on Christmas and then it suddenly disappears for a year or so...

We are out of state from our parents and one year I just asked if my Mom-in-law wanted to just give me a price range and pick it up for her and wrap it for the kids. I always clear what the present is so she can O.K. it and she mails me a check. This really has worked out great for both sides. She nows calls me each year to coordinate. Even if the grandparents are coming to your house this could be used.

Everyone in my family does Amazon.com wish lists (my sis-in-law puts the name of what child wants what gift in the "comments" section of each item on the wish list that's in her name). They don't have to buy from Amazon, but this gives them a list that they can take to Toys R Us or wherever to get her something. They also tell us what stores they like and encourage us to select gift cards if we don't like any of the suggestions. This works out great for all - it's been years since any of us got something that we didn't want or that didn't fit. I would strongly encourage them to either get something off the list or get a gift card or cash. Has your husband tried talking to them, since they are his parents?

We had the exact same problem. The grandparents kept getting our little one things he wasn't ready for, and then often disappointed when he wasn't immediately interested or disappointed because I wouldn't let him play with it. We always thanked them for the gift and let them know later when we allowed him to play with the toy and how much he enjoyed it. But he is old enough now to notice when we take a toy away, so we just started telling them as nicely as we could that they needed to check the age suggestions and following those recommendations. I think feelings were initially a little hurt, but they seemed to understand. They also seemed to appreciate the advice when they could watch him play with the gift immediately.I know it's hard, you don't want to seem ungrateful. Good luck!

When they ask, tell them that given the shortage of space in your house, and your daughter's ever changing interest - but total fascination with money; she would really prefer gift cards.

It took a couple of years to break my family into this - but boy howdy, do they rack up the money now.

S.