Grandparents Buying Way Too Many Xmas and Birthday Gifts

I just let them do it. The kids get so much they're overwhelmed and quickly forget everything...even when they're older. I don't know if it's because the GPs get them the toys THEY want instead of what the kids would want, but we have no problems with spoiling, and yeah they outshine us at Christmas, but the kids don't seem to care...so neither do we.

My biggest beef is finding places to put the stuff. They always buy big stuff that doesn't store easily.

Sometimes Grandparents don't really care about how much they buy the grand kids.
They buy it, hand the loot to the kids and promptly forget about it.
If you can establish that most of Grandparents gifts are to be kept at Grandparents house for when kids come to visit, all of a sudden Grandparents understand when it's their closets and storage spaces that are filled to over flowing.
They're generosity becomes their storage problem and they are more likely to rein in their gifting habits.

Grandparents are like that. My ex-husbands parents got my daughter a nice small table and chair set when she was 3 or 4. Both my daughter and son used it until they outgrew it but technically it belongs to my daughter. She's 36 now and it's still at my house. What I didn't like is where is the set for my son? No equality.
One of the joys of being a grandparent is to buy stuff for the grandchildren. My Mom used to yard sale all summer and bought my kids way too many clothes. I never got to go shopping for my kids. Their drawers were full to the point of breaking out the bottom. No matter what I said it fell on deaf ears.
You can try and talk to them once the holidays are over and ask them to help you plan for their birthdays. Make a list of what they need and say I am planning to get this and this and you can get this. It might help.

I'm the grandmother of eight and I will buy as many gifts for my grandchildren as I can afford. I can't imagine any of my children telling me NOT to buy things for the kids. I think you are being unreasonable. Some of the gifts I buy I give to our children and tell them to wrap them from Santa so the kids don't know that I bought them all. But my husband wants to kids to know that he bought them and is always threatening to tell the kids (but he hasn't). You sound like him - you want the credit! I think it's selfish on your part. Let your parents buy what they want. They have earned that right as far as I'm concerned!

If you can't change their behavior, you can change your own. You and hubs can buy one or no gifts at all, to keep the quantity down if that it your end goal. Put your own money towards the mortgage, an outing, a trip to disney, clothes, whatever.

Good luck to you and yours.

Well I just don't spend ANY money at Xmas time and Bdays for my son. I buy his day-to-day things - socks, underwear, clothes he may need from time to time, the occasional toy, food, treats, the occasional movie. So at Xmas and Bday, I save my money and let the grandparents and parents buy for him. (He's only 3.5). If, when he's older, he wants something more expensive, say - a phone, then perhaps we'll help him buy it wth his own earings/chores, or perhaps the grandparents will go half-in with us. But I don't see what the big deal is. Do you think your son will love you any less b/c Grandma spent more money than you did?

Let the give as many gifts as it is in their hearts to give. Don't restrict or restrain them but when those gifts get to your house, make an executive decision about which gifts will stay, how long they will stay, which gifts will be immediately regifted to a shelter or children's hospital or daycare center, or Sunday School playroom.

You may also consider not getting your kids any gifts but putting that money into an account for their college fund.

I hope this helps.

You aren't being unreasonable. I told my mom before my daughter was born that if she had to spend money on my kids, to do so wisely, that every wasted dollar was hundreds or thousands in future college money. She didn't 'get it, but I kept repeating myself, telling her to buy 1 gift and to give me money for college. When that didn't work, I had her buy clothes.

Now, with my daughter going on 4, my mother seems to get it. She buys them 1 gift, and gives me money, or them clothes.

So, my advice is to keep on saying it and requesting gifts that are more practical, zoo memberships, etc. Otherwise, you are just going to end up with lots of unused toys, wasted money, and stuff to get rid of.

Whatever extras you have that you don't need, I recently had a a baby girl please feel free to send it my way. My kids would welcome it.

Especially during these economic time.

Regards,
V.

Personally, I think you should just be grateful they want to give your child things and be in his life. Say something along the lines of, "We can't afford to get him as much as you can, so please don't give him more gifts than we do," but beyond that -let them enjoy it and let him enjoy it. If he's lucky, they'll be here to give him gifts until he's in college, but they may not be. You can instill in him the importance of giving, receiving graciously and not expecting everything you want. Children don't become spoiled simply by having grandparents who give them a lot on Christmas and birthdays.

Lola N. is correct -so many grandparents do NOTHING, ever, for their grandchildren. I always received tons of presents from my parents, Santa, and some relatives. One set of wealthy grandparents never gave any of us presents. My parents DID impress upon me the spirit of giving and how fun it is -and I love to adopt families and children at Christmas to buy for as well as my own. Let everyone enjoy themselves and be grateful to have problems like this one.

I hear ya. My house looks like a toy store the day after the holidays and while I appreciate it I've asked the grandparents to buy a few small thoughtful gifts (or give gifts of experience - lessons, credit to Chuck E Cheese, stuff like that) if they can't control the urge to spend. My parents will do money in the college fund and gifts of experience if I specifically request - my MIL ignores everything I say and just buys the same stuff she buys for all the other grandkids. NOt much you can do - I end up putting a lot of it in the "gift closet" and it goes to other kids for birthday gifts through out the year.

Sorry, but I wish that I had parents or that my husband had parents that could or were able to spoil howeverthey want. My husband's Daddy has passed away. His mother is fairly strange and involved sporadicaly but with lots of drama. My mother abandoned the family when I was 12 and has never even cknowledged the existence of my children. My father is present and would love to be able to buy lots of things, but cannot due to money. Plus, he is 73 and too old to travel to see us.

I appreciate your stance. But try and appreciate GP's stance too. They love you all and just want to spoil the grandkids. How about you take the opportunity to teach your son about giving to those less fortunate. As he grows older, you can begin to set up a system where he decides what he wants to keep and gives those less fortunate the rest as an enjoyable activity. This means the GP's are giving him a much more long lasting gift than toys could ever bring... the gift of generosity. And how appropriate that it be them that teaches him this.

If that feels off somehow, then you could always approach with the suggestion that a savings fund be set up, as Marda suggests.

We had this problem with my hubby's parents. It's a good problem to have. I know many families who lost their grandparents already or have grandparents who aren't interested in being in their grandchildren's lives. I adore them, but this was an issue. The first two Christmas's it didn't bother me too much since my son didn't understand and was too overwhelmed to care (he was two months old his first Christmas....we bought him an outfit, my in laws went a bit nuts). But by the third Christmas, I started to feel like they were unintentionally stealing my thunder. I know that it was nothing intentional on their part, they were simply excited. I tried talking to them and my mother in law acted similarly to your mother. She got tense and changed the subject. I mentioned it again when we went to their house. Simply stating that I was feeling like Santa couldn't keep up with MeeMaw and PaPa. I told them how grateful I was for their generosity, but that as parents, we should be able to enjoy Christmas and not feel like we paled in comparison to what they did for the kids. I asked them to change their tactic. Instead of piles of presents, maybe take my son to a Christmas play, or ride the N Pole Express. Take him out shopping for gifts for the less fortunate. Get one great present for the tree. Fill a stocking from MeeMaw and PaPa. I thought it fell on deaf ears. But sure enough the next Christmas there was one gift and they took our kids to see a Rudolf play. They also took them on a few other Christmas excursions. So they still get to spoil them silly and I no longer feel like I am being outshined. Maybe offer them an alternate way of spoiling your son.

I haven't had grandparents who could out buy us, lol. My grandparents didn't with my mom. It would bother me. I would give them a limit of the number of gifts and a dollar amount. One gift for birthdays. Three for Christmas. Give a max dollar amount and let them know anything more than that will be donated to needy children so if she doesn't want to see her grandson disappointed that he cannot open gifts after #3 they will do as you ask. If they can't understand that then I guess you'll have to be the gift police and make life hard for all.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

I'm going to be blunt. I don't like this at all. Why do you feel like you are in some sort of competition with your parents? Your parents are in a financial position to shower your son with gifts. This is the way they want to show them they love him... and by extension you. Don't turn this into something it is not.

He is sooo young. He has no idea about any of this. My son is 5, and we have never bought him presents for his birthday or Christmas. He receives so much from his family and friends, he doesn't even notice that we don't get him anything. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't know that most parents do get their children presents. I don't expect it will stay that way for much longer, but I personally find the whole focus on what to get very young children who really couldn't care less a little over the top.

I mean, I understand where you are coming from as far as not wanting him to have too much, but it really sounds to me that the main issue here is that you want to be the ones to get him the most and best gifts. He won't be spoiled if you make sure to foster a feeling of gratitude and not entitlement in him. If this continues as he gets older, maybe you can start a tradition of him going through his old toys to give to less fortunate children to make way for the new ones.

YOU are his parents. You are always going to be number one in his eyes. If the number of presents your son receives on one day makes it so that his grandparents outshine you in his eyes, you have far greater things to worry about.

I can't help you, but have to say when I read posts like this, it really irks me, considering how many others on this board alone have their kids' grandparents doing jack for the grandkids. i, for one, would love it if that were our case because i would put the money in kids' savings account for which they would be thankful later. so i really have to suggest not only to you but all others who seem to have this 'problem' that you should count your blessings.
at our home, we have to go overboard because of non-participating grandparents and other extended family members. so, while in a perfect world i would be buying my kids 3-4 gifts and have others to open from other people, we have to get all those, unable to put anything away in their name. so please honey be careful what you wish for.

My mom is the same way. I then spend money on the things that I know they need, clothes and necessities, and let her take care of the toys. I figure it is a nice problem to have. :)

I would try to steer their gifts toward what he really needs and not just gobs and gobs of stuff. My SD was horrible as a kid (and still somewhat now) with not respecting anything because more would just flow in. Why care about this Barbie if Christmas or Easter or her birthday were coming up? It's not being a grinch. It's asking them to channel their love into non-material things for your son and not fill your house.

My own mother brought DD big items (she is Mom's first grandBABY so Mom has gone overboard) and I had to talk to her about how we just couldn't store everything. Please tone it down. And she has. I would continue to talk to your mom and say that it's not that you don't want them to buy or that you think they don't love him, but you want them to express it in a different way. If they want to spend money, why not on activities when he's older, or put money away in a fund for college?

Something my DH and I faced was if everybody else bought the toys, we always had to get the socks and underwear. I don't always want to be the un-fun, practical ones and that's not fair to the parents, either.

Can I send them my Christmas list!!??? :) JK!! It's a fine line! You have some great suggestions... Say your peace...if they don't listen, keep them for other gifts, Toys for Tots....can you even return some and save for college or expenses?

There are many ways to keep your kids thankful and appreciative of gifts, just need some creative thinking...

To those griping about the grandparents that don't give anything...so not addressing this issue. Both situations are extremes, one doesn't make the other right.

My husband's family, so my in-laws and SIL's, were just like this for a time being. It was excessive....so like suggested below, I started 'recycling' some of the toys and putting them up in cabinets and giving them as gifts at birthday parties.

They have finally slowed down and now give checks for education.

This does enable you and your husband to cut way back on what you would do, and save the $$ for important areas.

From the sounds of their meager upbringing, getting them to change is probably not worth it in the long run. They are compensating for their own lack of childhood gifts.

Don't be a grinch. This is not a fight you can win... and if you try you just make EVERYBODY mad, including yourself. And your son learns NOTHING in the process, except that mommy and daddy are poo-poos.

*sigh*

I also think we might have the same parents.

*big sigh*

So, I did what a couple others did and I just buy her one or two things and let everyone else take care of the crazy.

If your son ever asks how come grandma buys him so many gifts and you don't (legitimate question.... he'll probably ask around 4 or 5) tell him it's cuz she doesn't have to also feed him and buy him undie pants and pay for activites etc, so the money that mommy and daddy spend on him throughout the year gets saved up and spent all at once - that's the fun of being grandma. But also a good way to reinforce budgeting and how money gets allocated differently for different people based on what their expenses are.

I think this is a great lesson for him also that just because she spends money she doesn't love him any more than if she spent nothing.

It is going to happen, it will happen and you can not stop it. You can talk to them until you are blue in the face but guess what it's gonna happen if that is what they want to do. Now, my son sees his toys on a rotating base. There are some top guys that stick around all the time, like Buzz Lightyear and his Wii/Dsi, but most of his toys go on rotation. So, with his birthday being 6 weeks before the Holidays I ask that one of the gifts be practicle and the other be whatever ... so this year her "whatever" was a stupid (see older post) fisher price bike video game thingie and the holiday gift will be a twin sized bed (much needed). Last year he needed shoes/clothes for his bday and for the holiday he got a lot of "silly toys" and I do mean A LOT!! But, daddy and I also bought him a Wii so many gifts were in relation to that. Daddy and I get ONE large gift per year either his bday or the holiday and the other is much smaller. We often save the bigger for the holiday simply because the prices are often better. So, find compromises and ways to feel that your son is not getting a lump of too much (such as putting some away right away and rotating toys) or ask that there be an even mix of practicle and impracticle in there.

You are not unreasonable, I don't know why grandparents can't respect boundaries any more. In my family, when i was little eons ago, the grandparents would get each child one gift. I remember the year all the cousins got sleeping bags, It was awesome and we loved it, but there was still room for mom and dad to do christmas and spoil us a little. I don't remember ever hearing friends talk or seeing anyone get more from the grandparent than they reicieved from the parents. And for that matter i don't think parents went as over board. Ralphie got a BB gun, but he didn't get a DSI-3D, a new Bike, the complete hardbound harry potter and a telescope, too.

I think you need to keep repeating the conversation, I think offering an alternative is great, My ilaws send a savings bond for each birthday. Experiences like zoo memberships are great.

******To all the people that say be greateful, I say this********************** If it was really about the child the grandparents should be happy to contribute the way you and dad have requested.
When they start playing santa to a ridicuollus extent It STOPS being about the child and BEcomes ALL about the GRANDPARENT.
In my mind that's up there with the grandparents that don't give gifts at all.

My daughter has had the same conversation with me for several years...I told her it is not a competion...I am only gonna have one grandchild...and I enjoy him being young and me being able to buy all kind of neat stuff for him...he will only be young once...and I won't be here forever! She understands....of course one year I bought him a bike and I also won a bike and I had two under the tree at my house...LOL!!!

when i was younger we were always really struggling, but somehow my parents would fill under the tree...AND so did my aunt across the street and it was great memories. We were never spoiled. b/c half the year our power was getting turned off and we didnt really care that much about toys anyway...BUT holidays were so special remembering that. I never once thought wow my mom got M. more, or santa got M. more, i was J. so happy to get stuff.

I didn't care my folks gave more gifts than us. That is what grandparents are all about. For our kids - one set of grandparents gives a ton and the other set gives one gift. It all balances out. It won't make your kids love them more or think they are more fun. You are their mom and you will always have a special place in their heart - nothing can replace that.

Saying all of that, we open gifts as a family first at our house, then we open gifts at the grandparents. That way no one's gifts get outshined. :)

My parents rarely bought us gifts/special things during the year (except for birthdays) but went ALL OUT on xmas. Even as an adult they give me 4-5 gifts!

I was recently looking at photos from last xmas and counted how many presents they got my son and it was nine. We got him three. That wouldn't be SO much except that they gave him six on his birthday, just 5 days earlier!

That's my biggest problem - I love that they spoil him and accept that they want to spend their money on him (and us) but it is already very difficult to have his birthday 12/20 and xmas 12/25. He gets quite overwhelmed. Between excitement and gifts from the whole family on both occasions in one week and ones from the party with his friends (where we have repeatedly collected donations for charities instead of gifts and still have about 1/2 the kids bring him a present on top of the charity item) it is simply too much at once.

Last year I had him open everything, play with the ones he liked best and sort of squirreled the others away to bring out later in the year with just a reminder that so-and-so gave it to him. I even told my mom I do this so she can buy a gift that maybe he isn't old enough for right away but would be by the summer or fall.

I'm a grandparent and I do spend more on gifts than my daughter does. She asked me to not buy so many gifts. Not because I spend more but because they don't need so many things. She asked that I start a savings plan for them. Made sense to me.

I suggest that being concerned that they spend more is detracting from the issue. Of course they can spend more. They now have more money than when you were a child. The probably wish they'd been able to spend more on you and are making up for that loss with your children.

I urge you to tell them that you appreciate the thought and the gifts. Suggest that a savings plan would be more helpful. As a grandparent, I would feel that you were being petty about the spending more than you. Of course I spend more. Wouldn't you like for your children to have all the things you had wanted but weren't able to have when you were a child. As a grandparent I would feel that I was helping you and your children.

So approach your conversation from the angle that they are helping and how you'd like to see that happen. Talk about your values and how you want your children to appreciate what they have already. Tell them you understand it's fun for them to give. Avoid the comparison of how much they spend vs. how much you spend.

On that topic does their spending more make you feel that you're not spending enough or that somehow you're not measuring up to some standard. I don't understand why it's just the spending more that you're focused on.

Perhaps set up savings accounts so that all they have to do is put money into them. I haven't started a savings account for my grandchildren because I just haven't gotten around to it. If one were in place, I'd deposit some money now and then. Actually now that I'm writing I realize I can set up a separate savings account with my Credit Union with no difficulty. I'll do it.

Well i am in the same boat, BUT we live with my boyfriends parents and they can get our daughter more then what we can at this time and she is spoiled by them but i do ask that at xmas let it be our time to really spoil our daughter and such we are doing her gift from santa this year instead of them and they understand that 100%

if you can bring it up again, maybe say that you really love that they are so generous, but that they would really love other "types" of gifts, such as a zoo membership, or membership to another attraction or science center, etc., a dance or karate class, etc. or, perhaps they could contribute to a college fund. this is probably not as "fun" for them, so they may not like the idea, but it's worth a try. i guess there are worse problems to have, right?

maybe if you can't get anywhere with them, maybe you need to change your thinking instead...you might just have to be more creative in YOUR gift giving to your kids. leave the toys and fun stuff to them, and try to come up with gifts your kids would love that only mom and dad can do...a whole day with just you to do something fun, something they have mentioned that only you know about, etc.

I asked some family members to stop giving Christmas gifts (our extended family is HUGE, the kids all have WAY TOO MUCH, many people are having financial difficulty, etc...) and it caused a MAJOR rift. :( Personally I do not think you are being unreasonable..........but I have a feeling your parents think differently. Good luck!!!!! (you're gonna need it) ;)

I too go through this. I learned to accept it. BUT I do get rid of other toys they purchased for my kids in the past. They don't like it and slowly they buy less. My inlaws always have to buy big gifts. They want the kids to think bigger is better. As my kids are getting older they know bigger isn't better. For every new toy they get rid of 2-3 "old and outgrown" toys. We don't have room for all the bigger toys. As the years go on the inlaws learn to buy what the kids want or need. Not what the inlaws think they need.

My parents buy clothes and some toys. They ask for lists and go from there. They don't out do us and never try.

Our kids know what it feels like to have and not have. When my DH took a 65% paycut 3 years ago and took 5 jobs (still working them), to make ends meet. I work full time. The kids know we use coupons and this is how life really works. We work hard and save. If you teach your child morals and values they will get how life works and won't care about the materialistic things. Good luck, I know you can do it.

My kids have alot of people that buy from them, mostly cause of their dads family and my husbands plus us and their dad and my family! We have living in our home 5 kids.....ages 1,5,6,6 and 8......I told everyone including the other parents and their families no more than3 toys cause we don't have the room for everyone to spend hundreds of dollars on toys! They didn't take it very well but honestly my kids have unopened presents from last year they forgot about and I wasn't opening that many toys at once. I asked people to get more movies, educational toys or outdoor toys........so my mil bought the kids a trampoline with the net and my ex mil bought my kids a big blow up pool with ladder. For my son I said diapers and wipes! Maybe if you don't open all the presents they get him than after a few months you can put those away and get out new ones

My Mom is the same way & so was her Mom, as was her Mom. I loved it as a kid. I have such fond memories of christmaa' & birthdays. The Grandparent relationship is a special one. They are supposed to spoil our kids. Mine are in much better financial position than us, so it's easier for them. You need to set your pride aside as far as how much they spend vs how much you spend.
From the conversation you had w/your Mom, I don't think you're going to win. So let it go. They aren't going to be around forever. There will cone a time once they're gone, that you'll wish they were here.
And some kids don't have any grandparents.
Your kids cam get a lot of presents from others & not be spoiled. There are things you can do to help w/that. Ahead of time, say we know that you guys will end up w/lots of Christmas presents, so each of you need to go through your toys & give to others that don't have. Or something like that. This is how your parents are showing their love, let it go!
There are much bigger things in life to get yourself upset about.
Relax & let your parents do their thing!

I've also had this problem w/ my Nana (who just passed away in Oct) and w/ aunts and extended family. After many attempts at getting everyone to downsize the amount spent and gifts bought, I gave up and decided my kids were damn lucky to have so many people who loved and wanted to spoil em! By trying to make everyone change how they wanted to do things, I only caused hard feelings and even made my aunt cry (w/out meaning to and w/out being mean!) IF your kids have way too much after all is said and done, you can always tell them to donate something, or just put half of the new stuf away and rotate the toys after a few months...a whole new set of toys is always a good thing!

And to answer your question, no you are not being unreasonable, but sometimes, overdoing it is what makes people happy...and they like to see the joy and smiles on the kids faces! Let it be...w/ my Nana gone this year, I would give anything to have the hundreds of presents back at Christmas, just to have her still here w/ us.

There are lots of perspectives on this - and I had to deal with the same issues when my in-laws were able to be over indulgent. My FIL passed away two years ago and this will be the 3rd Christmas without him - my MIL has been in a nursing home since that time and my kids are now teens so I think I have a perspective that only time can provide.

When the kids were younger we didn't have the resources to really spend a lot on them. While they had about 10 presents from us under the tree often it was thing they needed like boots, clothing, scarves, gloves... If they needed it and it was within a month of Christmas it got wrapped and put under the tree. My kids are very tall so they were always outgrowing things and we had no one to hand clothes down to us so we always had to buy new - so most of their presents were neccessities. But Christmas Eve was different - my in-laws arrived like Santa and his wife. Bags, boxes, more & more packages just kept coming in the door. They were in a more secure financial position so they were able to buy the American Girl doll, cltohing and furniture to go with her and the race car set, air hockey, etc. My mom who was also in a better financial place than us couldn't keep up with my inlaws as my mom had 12 grandchildren - but my inlaws had only 3 grandkids - and ours were two of them.

So Christmas Eve was always an orgy of presents that just kept coming. I made the kids slow down and take turns so we could see what was being opened and to spread out the feeling of excitement & anticipation. I often suggested to my inlaws that they bring a few small gifts and deposit the rest of the money into the kids college accounts or savings accounts. But they wanted to see the kids enjoy their gifts. Christmas morning with just us was always more quiet and had many fewer presents. It was never an orgy of unwrapping. We enjoyed the peace of the day.

Now that my FIL is gone and both grandmas are in nursing homes and don't have the financial resources to give gifts any longer I look back at those days with a certain wistfulness. You never know how many more Christmas & birthdays you get together. We never anticipated that the last Christmas with my FIL was his last. My mom is terminally ill and my MIL is not healty either - so we fully realize that every Christmas may be the last with them.

All this to say - your children will always love you more and differently than their grandparents. Grandparents are almost always in a financial position to spoil their grandkids and the parents are almost always in a tight financial position when the kids are little. I think it's been that way since the beginning of time. The fact that your parents come bearing oodles of gifts does not in any way take away from your specialness in your child's life.

Allow your parents to give generously to your kids. They will "spoil" them in a way - but as the parents you can help your kids "write" thank-you notes, or do soemthing special to show their appreciation so they won't become spoiled, or feeling entitled to over indulgence from their grandparents.

My kids miss thier grandfather and having their grandmothers over for Christmas Eve - and although they miss the many presents, they miss the time together and the feeling of Christmas coziness that had been. While the grandmas still come over for Christmas dinner it's different than it once was.

The best you can do is to help direct your mom's shopping to get them the kind of gifts that are right for them - then step back and let the two generations enjoy eachother. What a blessing for your parents to be able to love on their grandkids - and what a blessing for your kids to know that they're another layer of people who love them.

I didn't read all of the responses, so hope this is not redundant. I have a similar thing going on with my parents and my mother-in-law. I recently asked them to watch the documentary "Consuming Kids: The Commercialization of Childhood" so that they might have a better idea of how I think about consumerism. My hope is that this documentary will get the point across in a less personal way than direct confrontation. Even if I say something nicely and respectfully to them, they get defensive. You can watch it here, and see if it resonates with you: http://topdocumentaryfilms.com/consuming-kids/

In the past, my parents have given some of their gifts from "Santa", and others from them; this made it seem like Santa was being very generous, my parents felt good about getting the gifts to the kids and helping us (we also cannot afford more than a few gifts per child). The grandparents gave a few of the more meaningful gifts from them, and the kids remember that.

Good luck!

My parents do the same and my grandparents did it to me and my brother. Growing up my parents always made sure that we had a good bit under the tree.
My parents are better off now than what they where when I was growing up. My dad mostly takes this chance to give my kids what he couldnt give to us. I drive a pontiac grand am and I am pretty sure that I will not be able to bring all their gifts home. I gave up fighting. My grandfather that did the same to us passed away when my brother and ! were still quite young. So I happen to let my parents enjoy the time and things they do for my kids while they are here.
Now my brother who is single and only has to worry about my children to buy for drives me nuts. His way of thinking is whatever mom and dad say no to he gets. My oldest has realized this so if there is something that i am ok with, i just tell my kids no and he gets it. Hopefully he dont catch on to that one!

We have that too, and I'm always so glad of it! My kids are young and don't know how much things cost, but even when they're aware, it won't bother me. My husband and I have decided to keep gift occasions modest, not only for financial reasons, but we don't want our kids to expect to get everything they've ever wanted. Turns out that we're glad we don't over-get because with all the grandparents' gifts, we'd become a toy store! We're going to stick to our beliefs, but (and neither of us had this growing up) we're so happy to see our kids have a relationship with their grandparents, gifts are a small part of the picture.
We have holidays and birthdays all at once, so we get a huge influx of toys once and nothing significant for the rest of the year. I usually let the kids start playing with new toys and quietly take the rest and put it "away" to take out when they've tired of the new thing. I don't hide them, but they're always excited when there's a new toy brought out in July!
Your kids won't compare and love you less or think less of you because your gifts are less expensive or fewer. Parents, even if they don't earn it, are always number one on the list.

I tried to limit my parents and it didn't do any good. Now I try to give them suggestions for the the kids for things they need or really want that we cannot afford and they tend to buy those things:) I am thankful to have them care so much for my kids and it's their money. I also know that my kids know we love them and are on a frugal budget. However, I do agree it can be frustrating. Also, my parents know I think it's too much and sometimes my dad will say call us before you throw that away, we can donate it to the church! ha ha Gift giving makes them happy!

I wouldn't say you're being unreasonable, but I would try to be grateful that your parents are so generous and giving. I don't believe they're trying to "outshine" you by any means, and if that's how you feel then that's something that you need to work on. It sounds as if you don't feel that what you're doing is adequate, but that's what happens if you're making comparisons. Don't make comparisons. Just try to enjoy their generosity. It gives them joy to give gifts to your children and if they can afford it then I don't see a problem.

It does sound as if you insulted your mom and hurt her feelings, and because she was probably wondering why you weren't being more grateful. No matter how calm and respectful you tried to be, it's difficult to be tactful when you're telling your parents, "I'm really insecure about the fact that you can afford to give my children many gifts, some of which cost a lot of money, and those gifts as a whole cost a lot more than I'm able to spend on them myself. Please stop being so generous to my family. It hurts my feelings." That's what your mom heard. Think about it.

I think perhaps a simple apology to your mom without qualifying it with any "buts" would be in order. "I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings when I brought up Christmas gifts the other day. I realize that I probably sounded ungrateful. I'm very grateful and appreciative for everything you do. Thank you." And then do not... DO NOT add "but I feel" or "but I would like it if" or anything else. Leave it at that.

have you suggested to your mom and dad that savings bonds would be great. or a savings account for his college education. Maybe they would be willing to do that instead of buying toys

I don't think you are being unreasonable. My MIL did the same thing, at times. I remember my daughter's birthday one year, maybe she was turning 9 or 10, and the pile of gifts looked like that Harry Potter movie when it was Dudley's birthday and he had like 37 or something presents. When I said something about it to her, she sheepishly admitted that maybe she'd gone a little overboard.
I'd suggest telling your parents that you'd prefer one big gift rather than a lot of gifts, and give them some suggestions for a major gift item, if need be. If that doesn't work, you can always let them know that anything over X amount of gifts will be donated to toys for tots, and then follow through.
I'm not against grandparents buying gifts or getting the grandkids something special, but they shouldn't purposely be trying to buy the kids' love, out do the parents or set ridiculous expectations. You can also request that rather than showering the kids with so many gifts, to choose one fabulous gift item and then use the rest of the money to set up a college account and make contributions every birthday and Christmas. With a kid going to college in another year, trust me, you will appreciate this down the road.
Good luck.

I guess I can kind of see where you're coming from, but, coming from a person, who, as a kid, only knew 1 grandparent (and even he lived far away), and never had that traditional grandparent/grandchild/being spoiled thing, I do think you seem a bit ungrateful. Your kids are lucky to have 2 sets of grandparents that are around & care about them. I never had that. Even my DD doesn't have "traditional" grandparents & I kind of feel bad for her.

We have a small family and our two kids are the only children in it. My sister and parents go way overboard too. They easily outspend us. My concern is not that Santa gets less and Aunty gets more it is that they appreciate what they get. I do not indulge my children in any way with toys and we talk with our oldest (4yr) about helping and giving to others. They are the kids that will go to a toy store and not ask for a thing or will pick out gifts for friends or a charity without any gripes. We are so proud of them. After many discussions with my family about downsizing the gifts (because they don't need it) we realize that it makes them feel good to see the kids faces when they open them. They literally spend 2X each what we spend but we usually donate all their old toys before the holidays begin so everyone benefits :) Don't let it be a competition that's not what it's all about just talk with your kids about donating some to other kids in need.