Child Scared of Everything

Have you asked him why he is afraid? A lot of times we, as adults, are in such a rush to fix we forget to ask questions.

I would buy a web cam and have his bio-dad buy a web cam too. Let them video chat instead of phone chat- then he can see for himself that dad is still around.

Good luck.

Aw, I feel for you hon. If your little one isn't sleeping that means you aren't sleeping.

First, kudos to you for not ignoring his fears or telling him things aren't scary or he's not afraid.
Second, be careful not to feed his fears. Rearranging his room and catering to his separation anxiety can rob him of the chance to develop coping mechanisms which is an essential part of growth at this age.

A book series I love it the 'Happiest kid on the block' there are separate books for babies, toddlers, children, etc. The happiest toddler on the block has a couple chapters on dealing with separation anxiety, which children will phase in and out of regardless of their situation around ages 7 months, 1, 2, and 3.

The technique that worked best with all 4 of my kiddos involved getting them used to separation with practice. First dedicate about an 30 minutes to playtime with your kiddo - both you and your husband (and the absent dad on webcam too if possible) For the first 5 minutes its all about the kiddo. After 5 minutes, someone says "oh I forgot something, I'll be right back" and walks out of the room for 30 seconds - the other 2 adults keep playing with the kiddo and ignore the fact someone has left. After 30 seconds, the absent person comes back and gives the kiddo a hug regardless of whether your son acted brave or scared. Say things like "see? I said I'd be back and here I am! Thanks for waiting!" then play for a few minutes and its time for another adult to announce that they have to do something and will be right back. Gradually move it up to a little longer each time.

Keep a digital clock in view, Once he's ok with someone being gone a couple minutes then a couple sessions later you can say things like - "I have to go potty, I'll be back in 6 minutes" The other adults can keep him busy while you are gone and can also let him watch the clock so he feels like he has control over when you will be back. Just be sure not to let him tell you when to return or control how long you are gone. Come back when you say you will and not a second sooner or the next time the anxiety will be worse for him.

-------the above works if your son is developing normally and there hasn't been any recent trauma-------

I had to edit myself here. You know your situation - if your kiddo is just 'going through a phase' my above advice will work. I personally haven't slept more than 3 hours a night since I was 4 years old due to a traumatic experience that happened when I was little. I'm cool, can't remember anything that happened to cause it but my brain doesn't like to switch off.

My parents had to take the therapy route with me and eventually stopped turning off my light or tucking me in and instead turned on some friendly kid music, handed me my nintendo controller, and made sure I had enough books and a snack for 3am so they could get some sleep. I'd usually pass out around 4 and be up by 7.

So - if you suspect your kiddo has irrational fears caused from something that really happened, he may be showing signs of ptsd and rather than seeking advice here - you should get him seen by a counselor who specializes in childhood fears.

Sometimes overstimulation will keep a child up and then the mind goes in all sorts of places. I found when I removed the chemicals from my home, my youngest began sleeping better. She was always scared, but she couldn't sleep and her mind would go in all sorts of directions. I'm not saying that this isn't separation anxiety but simply that you might be able to change the behavior a little if he is not so agitated that he can't sleep. Simply changing your laundry detergent could help.

My youngest was diagnosed with ADHD when in fact it was an overabundance of synthetic chemicals that caused ADHD behavior. Hearing things that aren't there was also a symptom. She always thought someone was trying to poen the back door. I believe there is more of this out there than we know. If you'd like me to explain exactly what I did, I'll be glad to.

My two cents...

M.
www.squidoo.com/ifyourbabycouldtalk

My 4 year old little boy is struggling with fear at night as well. It breaks my heart. I remember being scared as a child and going in my parent's room at night. I did grow out of that! (I'm sure my parent's wouldn't have enjoyed me coming into their room every night until I was married!!!) All we can do is talk to him about why he is afraid and just last night my husband had to go in once to put him back to bed and I took him back once as well. The third time I told him that we had already put him to bed 3 times and that he would have to go to bed on his own. We pray for the angels to come and watch over him. I think they are learning about the world around them, their boundaries, the dangers out there - that ARE real. I try to tell him to think about good things, happy things. He is my first so I don't know how long this will last but I intend to keep communicating with him, praying for him, loving him and encouraging him. I pray the best for you and your little one!

Maybe try validating his fear by saying "it sounds like you feel afraid" whenever he says "I feel scared". Then ask him "What should we do?" Say no to the things you don't want to do, literally "no, that doesn't feel good. What else can we try?" Maybe if he felt like he had some control it would help. I wouldn't let him fix every single thing. I'd let my kid come up with a few things (1-3) that he thinks would help him. When he says he hears fireworks, rather than focus on his fear, I'd say "what do they sound like?" or "what color are the fireworks?"

I'm also the mommy that forces my kids to face their fears. Last night at the pool, one of my boys freaked at jumping off the diving board. I still mad him do it. And we'll do it again next time. Soon he'll be desensitized to it and not be so scared. It sucks while it's happening but I don't want my kids to be scared. I will say that after we left the pool, I mentioned to him that sometimes Mommy is scared. That I was scared on the diving board (I was - it's a decent height). I could see the look of surprise and relief on his face. I told him that even though he was scared, he still jumped off the board and that I was super proud of him.

Isn't that how we would all like to be treated? Think of the thing that really scares you and picture how you would like someone to handle you through that fear. I hope that helps.

So normal! Seriously. After a while, our friends started calling our kids "The Bubble Kids" because my kids were afraid of every little thing, it was like they'd been raised in a bubble. LOL So... we decided to just make them do stuff that scared them. Face their fears. We went to Disneyland on a family vacation last year, and made them ride the "scary" rides. We make them play with kids they don't know at the park. We make them order for themselves at restaurants. Whatever freaks them out, we make them do. Yes, at first they would cry and go into hysterics, but now they are way less freaked out by normal, everyday stuff. My vote is, don't cater to the fear. Slowly make him step outside of his comfort zone. The little stuff will stop freaking him out so much. It worked for us. Hope that helps!

Try asking his father to call at a different time. It is very nice to say good night to your kid, but it is a hard time for a child. He tries to will go to sleep he is thinking about Daddy being gone. What you fall asleep thinking is what you are thinking when you wake up. That is how he starts his day. My daughter has fallen asleep talking and finished what she was talking about as soon as she woke up. My husband travels when he calls at bed time, the next day is ruff, I miss daddy.

I had a child with anxiety. She cried all the time, screamed at everything, and was too afraid to even play with other kids or do anything by herself.

Now she takes 10mg of Lexapro a day and she is brave, fun loving, well adjusted, and totally "normal" acting.