Cheap People

Okay, the insinuation behind the mascara comment is rude ("YOU? you cheapskate?"), but I'm shocked that anyone would spend sixty bucks on mascara, whether they are thrifty or a spendthrift.

I guess I'm cheaper than you, 'cause I would never spend that much on something I could buy for five bucks.

Don't loan her the money, and suggest the yard sale, etc.

I have honestly never given any thought about how other people spend their money, that's their business. The only time I have an opinion is when it's within my own family and therefore affects my bottom line.

What kind of mascara costs $60? You know its just bat poop, right?

I think you're just jealous.

Someone who owns 3 diamond rings, no matter what they hint about wanting or ask for or even have, isn't a spendthrift. She is a spender.

I think it's important not to judge people in this type of situation. To give you a good illustration, I'll share a bit of my story with you.

My husband is disabled and I deliver papers just to earn enough money to get by. Someone needs to be here to help him (to some extent) and to raise our children...the cost outweighs the benefits, etc, of me going back to work full time. We, honestly, are at the bottom of the "poverty" scale in this country without being homeless.

That being said, we have nice things, nice clothes, a new freezer, a decent car, etc...all because of loving family who know what our struggles are and want to help. I have nice jewelry, too...they've all been gifts from family.

Don't begrudge people what they have, because you don't know WHY they have it or what they may be going without.

(And one more thing...I do a yard sale because it pays for our swim passes for the summer, but I also donate a lot of things because even though I could USE the money, we are very blessed to have so many people who love and care for us that I want to share that with others. Thank God for this woman who donates her things. At least she doesn't have three yard sales a year and buy $60 mascara. Anyone who has enough stuff to have three garage sales a year is either a hoarder...except they don't HAVE sales...so you just buy too much stuff.)

You have received a lot of good advice about not judging your friend so I will get to the point and just tell you about why being cheap is often criticized. As someone who works in retail and essentially sees all types of people/shoppers, I can tell you exactly why people are criticized for being cheap. They can be annoying. It is certainly a stereotype, and not all thrifty people are like this, but the people that are, cause a lot of frustration. These customers literally cause scenes over prices. It starts off with complaints over the cost of the items. I have no control over that and corporate doesn't care that you are irrate over the price, so stop yelling at me when I can't fix it. I am a manager and spend 3/4 of my D. dealing with "thrifty" people. I get called over all D. long to handle customers that want a better deal. "This has a ding, what are you going to do for me?" or "What kinds of discounts can you give me?" or "The box is not perfect, take more off." I want to scream sometimes. Really, the box? The item is perfect, I am not selling you the box, so get over it. I have to smile through the whole I'm not taking any more off explanation. Then, I get my job threatened by the customer because I am protecting my store's assests and income. Really? I'm not being rude, but because I am not budging on lowering the price or because 10% isn't enough to shut you up, you think you have the power to get me fired? Of course I often have to give out corporate's phone number. Sometimes corporate gives into the customer, like the one that personally dropped something and then wanted a discount after they broke it. *sigh*

So, that is why I personally do not like those types of thrifty people, always trying to get the best deals, at what expense? Stressing out store after store of employees and corporations, embarrassing themselves? The people that come in and pick out what they like, ask questions about the product, walk up to the register and pay, well, they are gems. They make my job simple. I can get cycle counts and schedules done and go home at a reasonable hour when they shop the store. The other people keep me there late as they waste my time.

I too have done the whole garage sale thing and am over it. I had a $150 backpack to carry infants on a hike. We priced it low at $20 and a lady wanted it for $5. Forget it. I would rather feel good about giving it away to someone that will appreciate it. The feeling of being generous is priceless compared to the insulting $5 that was offered.

My dad and my cousin are both "thrifty". I hate going out to restaurants or shopping with either of them. It is disgusting and embarrassing. They treat everywhere like a flea market always bargaining and complainingand then bragging to everyone about the great deal they got for being obnoxious.

My thrifty father-in-law leaves the tags on everything he gifts and then proceeds to tell you if he got the price down even lower. He never considers what a person wants or needs, only what is cheap. I have received rock art in the shape of dogs. (twice) Yes, I know, it is the thought that counts, but when the thought is, how can I get the cheapest gift possible, it doesn't count as much as what would so and so love really love for $5? He also regifts all the time. The worst part is, that he has a lot of money. (because he is thrifty). So he takes all over the world 3 month long trips and then gives his grandchildren toys that are 30 yrs old for Christmas. He also takes us to a restaurant and makes us split the bill 50/50. This caused a lot of fighting in my marriage, so we no longer eat out with him. You see, I don't drink at restaurants because I don't want to pay the high mark up of alcohol prices. He orders 2 bottles of wine and expects us to pitch in and pay for half. OMG. Why on earth should I pay $40 more just to have a meal with him???

I am surrounded by these thrifty people, so if I have a choice, in a heart beat, I would rather be around a spender who shuts up and pays their part.

Not saying that you are like the above scenarios. Not saying every thrifty person is like that either. I am simply answering your question why thrifty people overall are critisized more harshly than those that spend. It is due to a stereotype that lots of annoying people live up to.

*sorry. stepping off my soap box now.*

What mascara costs 60 dollars?? Her remark is because you seem to be careful with your money and 60 dollars for mascara is kinds out of control in my opinion. If she really hints at a loan, tell her if she wants, maybe you can help her organize a yard sale.

I think it is easy for us to criticize people who do not think or act as we do. I know I find myself in the same boat. Then, when we see them with things we don't have, it seems unfair.

Life isn't fair. The more time I spend thinking about what other people are doing "wrong" or different is wasted time. I have to keep reminding myself how blessed and happy I am and stop trying to figure other people out. There is a lot behind the scenes that I don't know.

If you are asked for a loan or they hint about needing money, you can always make the suggestions you mentioned.

You know the rings aren't CZ, but do you know how they came to have them? Could they be special gifts or heirlooms? Could the be prized from a time when they were financially better off? There's a big difference between needing a little cash for a short period and getting rid of a prized possession. Same thing with the car. If times were better and they had three cars, it's awfully generous of them to give money to someone in greater need. I, too, find comments about how others spend their money to be obnoxious -- I wouldn't appreciate someone commenting on how much I spent on something, but isn't that exactly what you're doing here? About her? Very publicly?

Why do you care whether she hosts yard sales or gives things away? We were talked into doing a neighborhood yard sale and I will never, ever do one again. It was a tacky, horrible experience for us and I hated every minute of it, so I don't blame her for not doing it. I would much rather donate it to someone who can use it and take the tax deduction.

No, you shouldn't make suggestions to her about what she should do with her rings any more than you she should comment on how you spend your money. If you don't want to give her a loan, she hasn't asked. So don't offer.

First of all, you don't need to mention anything until they say something to you. How do you KNOW that they want to ask you for a loan? Maybe they have money saved and are waiting for more "spending money" to be available. Maybe they are just comfortable enough with you to express their financial concerns. I have sometimes shared when things were going on, and I wasn't looking for anybody to give me money.

Here's one view into giving stuff away. I recognize that money passes through my hands. When I have an abundance of something, I look for ways to share it. Sometimes it just hits me that I need to give certain things away and not seek to sell them. Sometimes not. (Do you know if they sometimes do sell things for a low cost or even for what they spent if it's still new?) That's where I get my blessing, in sharing...and it always, always comes back to me.

Maybe they'd pawn/sell their jewelry if they were about to be evicted. Short of that, who really wants or even needs to deal with that whole process? Maybe the jewelry is more special to them than whatever you think they should be doing instead of enjoying it. I've already decided that if I ever get robbed, I'd offer up my wedding set and beg them not to take my great great aunt's ring.

Bottom line: Not only do you not know as much as you think you do about their situation, you cannot judge other people's lives by what you think that you would do in the same situation. What/Who/Where you are today is a sum of every D. that you've lived. Those days don't necessarily look like and were not shaped by the "days" of your friends. You're different. Your way looks right and works for you because it's yours. Theirs works for them. I've probably gone beyond answering your question, but it's okay to let people be who they are, even if that looks nothing like you. Be a little annoyed, if you want, that your type is criticized when their type is not, but don't hold it against them. Hold it against the critics.

(I just watched Men in Black 3 this weekend, and one of the characters--"Griffin"--was a beautiful reminder of just how the slightest difference can change the entire course of...everything. Even if you and these friends had grown up in the same house, you would not see things through the exact same lens. People just bring different perspectives to the table. It's just a fact. I think that instead of getting up in arms about people not being alike, we should focus more on trying to understand what makes us different. That would serve to knock down some of our walls and to help us to engage with more compassion. Just a thought.)

I have never had a yard sale, because my parents never had a yard sale. They never believed the amount of money you could make on a yard sale was worth the time and effort you have to put into it. Are they right? I don't know. I've never really thought about it. I can tell you that it doesn't take long to bag up my boys old clothes and drive them to Goodwill. I've always felt like I have a lot, so I'm going to give things to those who do not.

I think you just have to realize that it's really not as simply as you're making it out to be. Finances involve many, many choices. And finances between spouses are sometimes very complicated.

I'm supposed to be in charge of the finances in our house, but my husband tends to work alone. In other words, he spends money without talking to me. I've learned to pad our savings and just kind of anticipate surprises from him. It's not as though he's always be frivolous or irresponsible. He takes care of our cars and lawn mowers and 4 wheelers and snowmobiles (which we will be using today), and there are maintenance costs. I just wish he would clue me in a bit more.

My point is this. Not every couple communicates about finances as well as they should. Not everyone is good about thinking a month or two ahead. Finances are not as simply as a couple of rings and a yard sale.

Decide whether or not you are willing to or even in a position to loan money, and be at peace with your decision. Try not to judge her. There really could be much more to the story than you realize.

Meh...as long as people are handling their responsibilities, it's up to them.
I wouldn't loan someone I know from a preschool money.
I also wouldn't spend 60 bucks on mascara --and I could.
I think everyone has their things they're "cheap" with and things they "splurge" on. Clothes at a thrift shop/$60 mascara?
I think it's great that she has been able to bless others with clothing, a car, etc.
Why sell/pawn a ring if your income is "there" and you just need to make it to payday? Doesn't make sense.
I don't know anyone that pawns things on a regular basis.
Really, it isn't your business as long as she doesn't owe you money. :)

People live their lives differently. Are you sure she's hinting about a loan and not just thinking out loud? I'm not a jewelry person so I can't see spending the money for those rings - but maybe she didn't either - for all you know they're inherited. As for the money needed to hold her over until after tax time - it may be way more than you imagine - so a yard sale wouldn't help. I've done a few yardsales in my time and refuse to do so anymore. I don't like having people in my yard, eyeing my house & kids and haggling a lamp from $15 to $3. I'd rather give it away to a Veteran's group or the Salvation Army than have people aggravate me over a couple of dollars. The most I've made doing one of these was $160 - which is nice but so NOT worth all the effort of posting signs, tagging items, etc. I spend $40 in posterboard, staples, markers & labels - and I've had people steal stuff!!! I live on a quiet street and have to post about 20 signs at various intersections to direct people into my neighborhood (then go remove them at the end of the D.). Now I call the VietNam Vets group and they come get it all. I get a tax write-off, they get stuff that they consider valuable and I know they appreciate it rather than have someone make me crazy about the 25 cents I'm asking for a basket.

While you probably enjoy the whole experience of pricing your stuff the D. before, meeting all the people who come by, etc - it just makes me crazy.

Finally - $60 for mascara? Really? What kind of mascara? Can't wait to tell my husband next time he gives me a hard time over my $12 mascara...

I wouldn't say a thing. And I would remain "dumb" about them hinting around. If she outright asks, simply say "I'm sorry, we can't help."

We're very frugal with our money, budget carefully, and don't ask anyone for loans. If we did need some extra money (not that we normally would, because we keep an emergency fund), we would sell some things or take a second job. Borrowing money is just asking for trouble and difficult relationships.

I would also not mention how much you spend on certain items to these people. It's none of their business.

ETA: Giving them suggestions about their poor spending habits isn't a very good idea. I don't advise it.

ETA2: Please, next time don't change your question. We answered the one you posted. You aren't helping other mamas if someone searches and finds this thread.

I am equal opportunity critic! I criticize both types of people to a degree! :) It all depends on extremes and if I know for sure their financial situation etc. I think people in general do criticize overspenders big time. I see it on here and my family certainly always did. Pointing out people kind of wasting money was a way my parents taught us to be more careful with our money.It's funny though - a very close, old friend is in debt, horrible with money etc yet calls people cheap. So I tell her - they're just not wasting money! You should try it! We're old friends so I can say it. She thinks I'm cheap and I in turn thinks she's a spendthrift. We just have to all be comfortable with how we're handling our own money and with someone like this, if you're really sure she's asking for a loan - it's that blatant - maybe say nicely "are you asking for a loan?" See what they say. If they say yes, then say it's just not a good idea to mix friends and money and then you get to suggest the ring pawning etc. Maybe they're just talking and if you ask them nicely if they want a loan, they will laugh and say of course not! Or why not say "You? You are short on money with those rings on your fingers? YOU??"

A little off topic: it seems people believe others are bargain shoppers & thrifty only because they don't have a great deal of money. And that people who are well off spend their money like crazy.

Some of the thriftiest people I know shop sales and consignment/second hand shops, never pay full price, eat left-overs and are careful with their money. Likewise, there are people I know who live paycheck to paycheck but spend like they just won PowerBall!

Everyone has their own way of handling their finances, like everyone has their own views on how to parent their children, do their laundry & run the country. Not mine to judge.

I could care less about what people think of me.

FYI, I have been in retail for over 30 years.

Mascara. is Shoe Polish.. They they add oils to keep it from clumping. Or they will add fibers to extend the lash (which is not good for your eyes) also Mascara is one of the filthiest makes up you can own.. so the more you switch it out the safer it is.

Maybellene Mascara is pretty much the same as Lancome..

In general no one cares either way until it impacts their lives. More often I get from cheap people, I would love to go but where would I find the money, it is out of our budget, stuff like that. In other words, I would love to go but only if you are going to pay for me.

It isn't that they are cheap that gets them talked about, it is because they are constantly trying to make ends meet off your budget. No different really than the story you are telling.

RC

If this person is a friend - why are you judging her so harshly?

Did you stop to think that she may NOT understand financial issues?
Did you stop to think that MAYBE she NEVER thought they would be in **THIS** situation?

If she asks for a loan from you - are you going to turn her away? My rule of thumb - never loan money you can't afford to lose.

How can you help this friend? You can sit down with her and have a SERIOUS heart-to-heart with her. Talk to her about their money situation and give her financial advice...

Sue - do you know why I can afford a $60 tube of mascara? Because I:
Plan my meals
I use coupons
I don't my new clothes. I shop at thrift stores or garage sales.
I sell my unwanted items.

What's wrong with her donating her items? I donate a lot of stuff. Does that make me a bad person in your eyes? Even when my husband was unemployed and we were in tough financial straights - I donated. Does that make me wrong for helping out others in my time of need?

Step back. You are judging her and she's supposed to be a friend. It is obvious she doesn't have the same "value" on money you do. So either you talk to her like a friend and SHOW her how you can do things - or you walk away....

Good luck!

How in the world do you compile enough stuff to hold 3 yard sales a year? Really... I don't know how you do that. I couldn't do that if I tried. But I do donate things to the Salvation Army or Goodwill every year. Not the same things, of course. But things that we have used for a time that we no longer need and would be of value to someone else--and we don't know an individual to give it to personally.

Sure we donate clothes, too, but we have 2 kids. A girl and a boy. She can't wear his hand-me-downs. So we share a lot with extended family if they can use it, or with people from church, and the rest is donated. There is never enough to do a yard sale over.

So, to "stock" a yard sale 3 x a year, you must be doing a lot of buying somewhere along the way...

So, now that you see how "outsiders" can view YOUR choices, don't you feel silly calling your friend a spendthrift because she owns some diamond rings? I own several also. One is my wedding ring/set. One was my grandmother's. One has sapphires and is my class ring. I have other rings, too. But they all have sentimental value to me. I didn't purchase them recently, either... but over the course of 30 odd years have come to own them. Having multiple rings doesn't make me a spendthrift.

I'm going to assume that you don't know the full set of circumstances surrounding the gifting of their 3rd car. Likely, you don't know the recipients at all, so you have no idea how much they may have needed it and what a blessing it was for them. And, at the time, your friend may have not needed extra cash, but gave the car away just to help. Of course, no longer having to insure it and pay registration on it probably saved them some money in the longer term...

Your examples do not necessarily make your friend look like a spendthrift. She may be, but from what you included, there is no proof of that.
If you don't want to give them a loan (and I don't recommend that you do that---loans between friends normally end badly), then you no longer have any reason to "judge" her financial acumen. It doesn't affect you and will have no repercussions for you.
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ETA: by the way... so that there is no confusion on the language used, a spendthrift isn't somebody who just uses bad judgment about money.

"A spendthrift (also called profligate) is someone who spends money prodigiously and who is extravagant and recklessly wasteful, often to a point where the spending climbs well beyond his or her means." (Wikipedia)

It's the spending spending spending... not just having or giving away of things that makes someone a spendthrift. They spend like they have no limits, when of course, everyone does have a limit.

And if you have 3 yard sales a year, and typically sell used children's clothing, some used books, some homemade cupcakes and water...and the main reason you do it is to get to know your neighbors, exactly how does that fit into this discussion anyway? You can't be making much money from the yard sale.... Kids clothes go for pennies on the dollar, same with books. Factor in costs of supplies and electricity and time for baking and that isn't much either. Perhaps your friend does better by donating and taking the tax deduction.... ?

I don't see anything wrong with her donating stuff or giving it away, sometimes yard sales are more of a pain and hard work to not get much out of it, and then there are times when you can do really good, garage sales are not for everyone, for me "I Love them, I can't wait for the season to come around." Anyway, as far as her giving her stuff away, maybe that makes her feel good inside to help someone out, and as far as the vehicle goes, I think that was a blessing to her family member, I had a couple from my church give me a used van last Christmas, I think that was the best Christmas I have ever had, and I know they were blessed for blessing me. I am a very thrifty shopper, I love to find a good bargain and I don't mind shopping at goodwill or yardsales, after all I can still by the name brand clothes and still have money left over. I think if it were me and she continued hinting about needing a loan, I would do what you said, suggest that if she needs cash quick to pawn a ring and try to get it back as soon as possible so she doesn't have to pay that much interest or suggest helping her put a garage sale together, maybe she doesn't have a clue what to do. Just make sure she doesn't price things to high, because people are looking for a bargain. Hope things work out!

It sounds like your friend needs to start taking responsibility for her own finances. A quick influx of YOUR cash or their income tax return check is NOT going to make everything right for them. Dr. Phil always said that you can't fix other people's money problems with money.

I am not sure if she is simply venting to you or hinting to you to loan her the money. Honestly I have distanced myself from people like this because no matter what you say, how you say it, and how much you say it the message will never sink in. It is almost as if 'the change' and mindset has to come from within them. Otherwise they will either be hitting you up again and again or move on to their next "friend" until they wear out their welcome there.

Circling back to your original quesstion, I think the economy has made being thrify more envogue. Or let's put it this way, people are much more likely to admit thrfit shopping than they may have in the past. Look at the success of the song "Thrift Shop".

On the other hand there are those that will always try to keep up with the Jones no matter what the cost and then prey upon their thrifty friends for sympathy.

Everyone comes on hard times financially at some point. The difference is, some people are willing to swallow their pride (ie: pawn jewelry short term, sell stuff they don't use very much or, if things are really desperate, they know they can get a good amount from, even if they'd rather not sell it). Things are just things. If there's an emotional attachment I get why a person wouldn't want to let go of something like that, but there are plenty of pawn shops that take your item as collateral on a loan, charge you ridiculous interest, and then, if you don't pay, they sell your item. Once in my life I had to do that, over a span of 4 months we had three separate family emergencies requiring out of state travel that depleted our savings, and then very shortly afterward my husband lost his job, that's a lot to get hit with all at once and it was a matter of having food to feed my child or having my engagement ring on my finger. I did my research, not knowing anything about "those types of places" and I found a reputable one. I got a loan, and when things got better I went in and picked up my ring, paid the interest, and no one starved in the meantime.

The thing is, for all the people who think it's wrong to talk about your friend (who is pressuring you to offer up a loan without actually asking for it) it's perfectly reasonable to look at someone like that and wonder why they feel they're above doing what the need to do to survive (especially if it's short term). We're human, we all do it, except if you look at the comments below you'll see that apparently this message board has gained the following of an abnormal number of Mother Theresas who wouldn't say a negative word about anyone, not even in a perfectly anonymous setting. EVERYONE judges someone, we try not to, we try to be kind, but it's human nature.

Just because you are friends with someone doesn't mean that you should accept everything they do and never think they might be doing something, or managing something poorly. The thing is, you don't say it to them, you may offer suggestions if it seems appropriate, but you don't sit them down and say, "Let's talk about how you manage your finances, because I noticed you're not very good at it."

Also, I don't see a lick of harm in posting on a public message board with people from all over with a fairly anonymous name and not saying your friend's name. Even if I wanted to I couldn't look her up, so who cares? You need to get something off your chest and you should be able to go to an anonymous place on the internet and grumble about it a little bit and ask for opinions about how to handle the situation without being judged by (and this is amusing) people who are telling YOU not to judge your friend because judging people is deplorable behavior.

IF she mentions it again, just politely say, would you like to know what my family and I do to raise money when we need it?
I would keep it at that.. this way, it shows concern coupled with some possible solutions...
As spendthrifts vs thrifty. I think it depends upon the situation... I think everyone should just spend within their own means and that is going to vary from person to person.
However, cheap is cheap. I have a friend who has re-gifted obviously used things to me under the premise of having bought them for me..
e.g. USED cosmetics... (where it was obvious a cap was missing... and some of the product) USED book where when I said, I have the book, but would like to exchange it. she said she'd do it... and of course, it went back to her own bookshelf.......... :) the list goes on..
in those cases, although she could afford something non-used, she chose to cheap out... not by price... but in her intention..

good luck with your friend..

You have a lot of answers here, but I thought I'd pitch in my two cents worth. I haven't read your posts so hope I'm not repeating, I usually try to avoid the obvious and say something that might not be addressed. But anyway --
I get the impression this person doesn't have a clue (from what you've said). More than likely she's never had to deal with money matters all that much and now she finds herself in a different boat. But her pride and ego continues to believe she still has money, she doesn't want to face her problems. She hints because she wants someone to give her money not borrow. Maybe thats why she says she gave a relative a car. Do you actually know that she gave away a car? That could all be part of the facade. If she really needs to sell something she will, no one is that stupid, she doens't want to. She probably doesn't think she's at that point or ever will be.

Everyone handles money differently and what one would do in a tight spot isn't neccessarily what someone else would do. Try not to judge what she's doing just ignore her. I don't think they're that bad off that you have to step in and lend money. Just try to accept her, don't be mad at her.

People don't like cheap people because they associate it with being stingy and selfish. To me there is one thing to be cheap and another to be thrifty. I don't think they are the same. Although I know some people would disagree with me. Cheap people are constantly afraid of not having what they need or want. Thrifty people cut corners where need be or in order to have something else that's more important to them and sometimes that means being able to pay your bills. Sometimes its a matter of not going out to eat so I'll save and spend it on a book I want or fabric to make something. A spendthrift is the same as being thrifty to me. Cheap is something else entirely.
I have a brother is Cheap and I mean Cheap. When he comes to visit which is usually for at least 3 days at a time (he lives in another state), he eats up all your food and thinks nothing of it but if you have something he doesn't like he'll go get himself a hamburger and eat in front of you or buy a box of donuts but no one is allow to have any. He times how long you spend in the bathroom, how many lights you have on, he monitors everything and tells you you're wasting money. He won't go to resturants bc they cost money. It goes on and on with him. And believe me I'm not a wasteful person. Yet has never once in 39 years offered one red cent. Not that I expect him to, it's just the point of it.

Good Luck with it all. Try to just let it be - live and let live

Those people irritate me.

My in-laws are a prime example. They NEVER have money! They keep moving because FIL keeps switching jobs. Right now they are staying with my SIL, her boyfriend, and their baby. They've been there a couple of months at least. FIL has already switched jobs twice in that time. They are moving into their own place in a week. Kind of. They are moving into an apartment with MIL's son. All of that being said, they owe thousands of dollars to the government in back taxes. They have many bills left unpaid. And yet last month for Valentihe's D. FIL bought MIL a brand new set of wedding rings. (They've been married 6 1/2 years! My 3rd anniversary is coming in June, and I'm still wearing my original rings. And my engagement band has been missing a diamond almost the entire time.) And now that they're moving they're already getting a whole brand new set of furniture rent-to-own. Just the tv alone (a 60 inch flatscreen!) Will cost them $100 a month! They live WAY out of their means. I think this is a problem for many Americans.

i think they are. and i think thrifty folks are often admired.
depends a lot on who's doing the talking, and the context.
khairete
S.

Some people don't have their prioritys straight. I agree I would probably pawn my jewlery if I had that much that I could get decent money for. You are smart not to loan money to friends. That is a quick way to mess up a friendship. No she should not have said anything about your mascara being $60. But I am so with the others what mascara would cost that much money. I have had to learn to be thriftyer when my husband lost his job last year. It's not been easy and I am sure some people thought we spent money on stuff we shouldn't. But it's a large learning curve when you have been so acustom to living a certain way. And then suddenly you can't.

I think spendthrifts are not considered a turn off because they have a highter social status, so the rules are different. They have money and affluence. Cheap people are broke and spend money like they wont get any more, and they do not have a high social status. Thats the same reason people on food assistance are treated differently than people in the grocery store who dont pay with food stamps. I would advise her to look at what she has before complaining about not having any money. I dont like people like that and generally do not associate with them. I've been on both ends where I've had a lot of money (for me, a lot of money), and I've also had to have assistance from the state. But, no matter how much money i had, I always spent it wisely. If you dont, u you will lose it. Thats my philosophy. I

I dont think you are judging her harshly. There are starving and abused children and adults all over our country that need help today! Not just because a rich persson's item goes out of style, or they no longer 'want' something. Its people like that, that infuriate me. Even the bible says to lived modestly. Oh well, each person has to answer for their own actions/inactions.

I guess it depends where you are from. I am from the cheapskate capital of the world. Here the ability to save a dollar is revered, not scorned! Nobody buys anything if it isn't on sale. While we do make fun of spendthrifts we do appreciate the fact that we can purchase their cast-offs in our thrift stores. I don't think anyone, anywhere respects people who waste money on foolish things but are then unable to afford necessities. Do not give them a loan. Give them some financial tips. "You know what I did when we were having a rough time...I pawned some of my jewellry. You could try that."

There's a saying I really love and it's my 'resolution' this year to really remember it every time I'm faced with a decision to buy something - "Don't give up what you want most, for what you want right now." I think people who are thrifty, live that mantra. People who are spenders don't and, if not careful, are the ones who end up in trouble. I can see what you're saying about feeling more judged for being thrifty (and considered cheap. which I do think there is a difference to being cheap and being thrifty) than those who spend all the time. Truth be told though, the spenders are likely only judging out of guilt for their own spending.

I'm a spender - sort of. I love to spend and I can certainly do some damage if I have the money. However, I have been both poor as a child and upper middle-class. In both cases, my parents were thrifty, so I've learned some good lessons.

Spenders are criticized, just not when they're spending. They're criticized when they've failed to manage their money. Everyone has their own way of managing (or not managing) money and it's no one else's business, so your friend should keep her comments to herself, and you have no reason to loan or give her money. You can't help someone who is unwilling to help themselves.

I think I'm getting rambly here, so I'll just sign off with I can totally see what you're saying;)

Best,
S.