Celebrating Pre-school Graduation

I agree that pre-school graduation is a big deal, but I do teach at a pre-school. Although, I don't have the class that graduates, I still attend the graduation each year (I've been teaching pre-school for 5 years). I always felt that it was graduating to starting a "big school". No longer is the child a little boy/girl, but now more independent of mom & dad with more people that he/she will see daily then ever before. Also, the child is now responsible for homework & going places with less direct guidance. I don't know if that makes much sense, but yes pre-school graduation seems a big deal. I don't think it needs gifts or fancy things. I think a simple dinner with dessert & a ballon is great.

You know what my son just graduated preschool and I was so proud that I invited all the family. There's nothing wrong with pre-school graduation!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMGoodness! Celebrate life! Whatever the milestone! That's what memories are made of! To get away from focusing on gifts, you could have people bring a new or gently used book and donate them to a charity. We always did preschool celebrations, but only with grandparents. I also did a preschool celebration with my daughter's friends in the form of an ice cream social. The kids loved it.

Excuse me, but did I read correctly? There are now GIFTS at a PRE-SCHOOL GRADUATION?! If you want to celebrate, fine, but including gifts is the tackiest thing I've ever heard (literally!) I don't know if I'll be able to eat my morning oatmeal! Stop the gift insanity!!!! Perhaps a nice little celebration with a cake IF YOU MUST, but really! This gift-buying stuff has really gone too far!!! Sorry for the forcefulness of my reply, but OH MY GOD, I am in shock!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG!!! Who DOESN'T "graduate" from pre-school??? It's not exactly an accomplishment!! When was the last time you heard someone say their kid was held back in pre-school??? It's more a "now you're older and you're going to kindergarten". My kids DID have little "graduation" ceremonies from pre-school, we made a fuss about them getting older and going to kindergarten and we may have talked about it over dinner. But gifts?? Parties?? No. Totallly unnecessary.

At some point, we have to STOP rewarding our kids for the normal things that happen to every other kid on the planet. If we don't, someday there might be the weekly "I showed up at work every day this week" party, complete with gifts! Or, the Tiffany necklace for paying your water bill on time!! Good lord!! Stop the madness!

Heaven help the 22-year old in the earlier message who was rewarded for every year of school she finished. When did it stop being expected that kids would progress from grade to grade and begin being some big accomplishment?? I hope that young lady either ends up a high-powered (and highly paid) lawyer, doctor or politician or marries EXTREMELY well so someone can continue rewarding her for every little thing. Congratulations, honey, you got out of bed today --- pick a gift from the catalog!!

A. -

If you'd like to celebrate it, go ahead, just indicate "please no gifts" on the invitation. I would agree that having a party for a pre-school graduation without indicating "no gifts" would be a bit much.

L.

Dear A.,

I don't think a pre-school celebration is occasion for anyone to attend except immediate family and god-parents. It is not a gift occasion with the exception of perhaps a card. I would not think anything but a simple breakfast or lunch would be in order, again for immediate family ONLY.

Life is a gift and everyday is a celebration...celebrate it with love, not material things.

I agree with you that it is a milestone that should/could be celebrated... but why not just make it clear that you want to celebrate without gifts? I think it is more important to show the child that you are proud of their accomplishment with family and friends, rather than to give them a bunch of gifts. Maybe people would feel better about just having a BBQ in honor of your child.

Hi A.,
My son graduated from preschool this year, and we went out for dinner at his favorite restaurant afterwards. That was it for us. My parents, who live nearby, also came to the graduation program and dinner. My son was very excited about the ceremony (they sang, danced, etc.) and his diploma. For us, letting his gift be his feeling of accomplishment felt most comfortable. I did not want to detract from this feeling by introducing a material payoff at this age. He has way too much stuff already. Keep in mind, that you will have several birthdays to celebrate before your son is a preschool grad, and you will likely be shocked and overwhelmed at the amount of presents that suddenly flood your house. People at our preschool didn't seem to have grad parties (and parents at our school tend to invite the whole class to parties, so it's not likely that we just weren't invited). At the same time, I don't see any reason not to have some kind of acknowledgement, such as dinner out that night with family (as you suggest) or even with one of your son's good friends and that child's family. There don't need to be gifts for kids this age to feel celebrated and happy. Also, all of the kids graduated together. I would fear that a party for just one of them at this age (when they're all about fairness) would potentially upset other kids, put pressure on other parents to throw parties for their kids, too, etc. Of course, ultimately you should do whatever feels right for your family, even if others think it's silly. Personally, I did not feel like a party was right for our son (dinner w/Grammy and Grampy was), and I am glad that the other parents at our school also refrained from having parties. You will be amazed by how different your perspective will be on any number of topics by the time your son is graduating from preschool. No need to worry about this yet! Just enjoy your son. I know it sounds trite, but they really do grow up way too fast.

Celebrating a mile stone is fine. Even having a party to celebrate but gifts?? There is no need to give gifts because the child is going to start kindergarten.

Personally, the celebration that the preschool holds would be enough (perhaps, with the grandparents and other close relatives that live nearby invited). Usually preschools will have a little party afterwards. For me (and my child)there wouldn't be any need to hold an additional celebration at home. I think that a preschool graduation party complete with invitations, gifts, etc. is excessive.

A.,

I think that a pre-school graduation celebration is wonderful! It would be a great way to celebrate a huge milestone for the child and an opportunity for other family to celebrate with the family.

Molly

This is the first time I've heard of a party for preschool graduation...that's not to say they don't exist. I've just never heard of it.

If the preschool is doing some sort of program/celebration, I'd probably invite the grandparents and then maybe go out to lunch together, but I wouldn't put on a big party (food, cake, gifts, etc.). Aside from the regular birthday celebrations, I'd save the big celebrations for the big graduations (high school, college).

I don't want to take away from the excitement of a milestone and congratulations to kids for a job well done. We always go to the ice cream parlor the afternoon of the last day of school and get sundae's with the cousins. This year grandma came too. We keep it simple, but make sure they get the acknowledgment for completing another year.

Both of my children's preschools had graduation ceremonies and we had a little party at home after my son's with just immediate family (us and my parents and aunt)(it was also around his b-day, his grad was in the evening. My daughter went to a different school and her grad was in the morning, we invited my parents, aunt and niece, afterwards we took my daughter to lunch! We didn't make a big production like a high school or college grad, but the kids are soooo proud of themselves, it only seems logical to make a little bit of a big deal about it, as stated before it is one of many of thier milestones! So does your friend also feel that having a b-day part is having it for gifts only??? Who says a gift is needed to celebrate anything anyways! The most important thing is the acknowledgement and gifts are optional, even so at this age a gift from the dollar store would put a large smile on a child's face, bot can a bottle of bubbles make a kid more happy than some big toy that is too hard for the parent to put together anyways!

It's not really customary I would do just family. If you want to invite freinds I would say no gifts. As a mom of two boys you'll go broke with all the parties! I have had 78 Bday parties in the last 2 months. Too many!

Hi A.,
Celebrations are never silly,but perhaps there's no need for gifts? For friends and family to get together and enjoy each other is great maybe a pot luck or dessert event?
Have fun at your get-togethers, S.

I tend to agree that many of these milestones are "created" just to compel us to buy another gift. I have seen preschool "graduations" where the child is lavished with flowers and gifts and the whole business. Just who doesn't graduate from preschool? Frankly, I feel the same way about elementary and middle school as well. It is great to recognize milestones and transitions in a child's life, but I think it sets up a child to expect that every little thing they do merits some sort of celebration. Kids fun and self esteem comes from REAL accomplishment not just showing up or moving on.

Sorry, I'm just an old jaded mom.

I think it is fine to celebrate but gifts are a little over the top. In our family we don't make a big deal until the end of 8th grade.

Many of the kids going to preschool together will not see each other again as they go their separate ways to kindergarten. A party is a great idea to celebrate their time together in preschool, their accomplishments of handling a few hours at school w/o Mom or Dad, and of learning how to make friends, be a friend, along with colors, shapes, etc.

The party when my son was that age consisted more of family and a few close friends. My daughter (who will be starting kindergarten in the fall) attended a preschool was a much closer-knit group. We all got together for 2 parties, ensuring everyone could attend. One was a potluck in a park and the other was a party at Pump it Up. There were no gifts involved as it was a celebration for all of them. Of course the grandparents could not help but get the kinds 'a little something' to remember the day.

My daughter is now 22 yrs old. When she graduated from pre-school I gave her a party. The gifts that she received were useful for shen she went to kindergarten. She received a backpack, pencil holder with pencils, erasers, a ruler. She received summer clothes, books. I had a cake for her and I invited freiends and family. When she graduated from Kindergarten, I did the same thing. At the beginning of 5th grade, I asked her what did she want to do for her graduation and she wanted to go on a cruise to Mexico. So we went on 3-day cruise to Mexico. For her 8th grade graduation I asked her at the beginning of the year what did she want and she said she wanted to go to Hawaii, so we went to Hawaii. For her high school graduation I was going to do Europe, but I lost my job and so I had a party for her. Which was just as meaniful as everthing else. You do what you can to have your child reach their goals. Your child reach ever milestone in their life only once and you want what is best for them.

A., you do what you want, don't do what you think will please your friends. They could be jealous because they did not think of doing that for their child. You do what makes you happy, because if you don't you may regret and start kicking yourself because you wish you should have done it. Do what pleases you and not what pleases your friends. He is your son, not theirs. You want to make memories and you don't want to have regrets.

You should do what makes you happy. Have fun and enjoy your son.

Yes, it is silly. No, I don't necessarily think the mom is "just out for gifts".

I have four girls, my two eldest are 11 and 8 and we celebrate all their accomplishments. They do terrific in school, and because of this we feel that it is important to show them how proud we are of them. But we don't ever do gifts. I think it is important that we show them our love and how proud we are with them, without putting a material item in their hand. When my eldest just graduated from elementary school,(and she made principals honor roll every trimester) we did a celebration with food and cake and pool and waterplay activities. I am big on celebrations with family or friends, but I always tell them to not bring any gifts. It is also pretty considerate of others to not encourage gifts. Sometimes people have several graduations to attend, and it can get pretty expensive buying each child a present. It also teaches our children to just enjoy family time, a good value for them to have.

Hi A.,

A graduation is a great idea! It helps the child feel important and boost their self-esteem. They have accomplished a great mile-stone and if other people acknowledge their efforts it will make school and themselves feel like the effort was REALLY worth doing. The gifts should also encourage the child to continue with further education too. Like books, piggy-banks, or a savings bond of some sort for college. Leave the dolls and toy cars for birthdays.

N. :o)

Hosting a party for pre-school graduation does seem a little over the top but there's nothing wrong with celebrating milestones for your kids. You could put on the invitation no gifts and if it's inviting kids from school, not calling it a graduation celebration but as a class kick off for the kids to get together before they part ways (and a good opportunity to exchange contact info for future play dates).

It is not silly. Our preschool had a "closing" ceremony and grandparents, etc. came. It is nice to celebrate their moving onto a new school and to kindergarten. Even the kids that aren't moving onto kindergarten yet are involved and celebrated. It is not an excuse for gifts...we didn't expect any. If the person really isn't after gifts, they can simply let people know, "no gifts please." It was just family for us, but close family friends also knew about it. It is fun to celebrate the milestones...you are right on!

I think it is great to celebrate all the milestones in a child's life. Especially when it comes to academic acheivements because that is good way to keep children excited and interested in school.

However, not every celebration requires a gift...just the presence of friends and family to congratulate is enough. For this kind of celebration, gifts should be optional or the mom should be asking specifically for age-appropriate books or learning games to further the child's education.

Parents really do need to teach to be proud of their accomplishments because it feels good, not because they are going to receive presents. There are many times in life when a child completes a task that there is no one around to cheer for them or give them a reward. The experience in itself needs to be rewarding.

Your friend isn't sucha greeat one if she cant be supportive of you and your son. All children need as much positive praise that their parents are able to give. I think you should CELEBRATE!

Celebrations are about fun with family and friends. No gifts are needed.

Doesn't the pre-school have a graduation ceremony? We always just went to that, immediate family & great grandma if she wanted to, and participated in the potluck after. I wouldn't think I'd want to do much more than that. If the school is doing nothing, a little celebration would be nice. But you should do what you feel like doing and not worry about what other people think. : ) C.

A.,

Having been in the education field for more than 10 years including pre-school & elementary -jr high, I agree with both you and your friend. Most pre-schools these days have a "graduation" celebration which I believe is important for the kiddos to give them closure to their first real w/o mommy experience and will get them excited for the big change to kindergarten. However, carrying it beyond that point is for nobody else than the parents in my belief. In the children's minds the celebration is done and over and they are already moving forward no need to carry it out more.
If the pre-school your child will attend offers a "graduation" they may as well offer a reception afterwards. This is what we did at the pre-school I taught at and my children attended. It gives the children and parents a time to celebrate. If the pre-school does not offer a reception then take a little time and offer to organize it. Set up a sign up list for a potluck or a donation envelope if people are planning to attend and get party platters or Costco pizza.
In the end, follow your heart and do what you feel is right for your family.

Hi A.!

I believe it's a wonderful thing to celebrate your child's milestones.....I know I celebrated Pre-School Graduation :o) I was so proud!

I've "heard" about others feelings about how silly it can be. But, I feel like certain things SHOULD be celebrated. I chose to celebrate only with family. I sent out an "Announcement" instead of invitations to let everyone know how proud I was :o)

Try not to be offended if your friends think it's silly. What's important, is that your little preshooler knws how proud you are!

:o) N.

I completely agree with Cheryl B. Whatever they will do at my child's school will be fine. I never even thought of doing more!

Celebrate the "small stuff" and give as many gifts as you can! It really is worth it! These seemingly little moments are what being a mom is all about! Making memories and having fun is what your children will remember.

Dear A.,
Your son is only 10 months old, so thankfully you have a while before you really need to worry about this one!
I think it depends on what you mean by celebrating pre-school "graduation". There's nothing wrong with having Grandma and Grandpa over for dinner or letting your child help you bake some cupcakes and make going on to kindergarten a happy thing. However, I think that a formal party or celebration is a bit much. Let's face it, with any luck at all, ALL children "graduate" from pre-school. Then, they graduate from kindergarten. Then they graduate from the first grade and the second grade and so on. They "graduate" from wearing a size 3 to a size 4 shoe. They graduate from baby teeth to permanent teeth. Where does it end?
There is nothing wrong with celebrating happy events or milestones or making your child feel special. I just think there is a big difference between natural growth and progression and "graduating" from something....such as high school or college.
I think I can kind of see how your friend may be thinking it's all about gifts. I'm assuming the child already gets presents for their birthday, Christmas, Easter....
Some kids (and parents) think a kid needs presents everytime they turn around and I don't think that's a good habit to get into because the older the kid gets, the higher the expectations and the price of the presents.

Just my opinion.

It is not silly but should be just a scaled down affair for you and grandparents. If you make it a big affair now then the bigger accomplishments might be meaningless.

Yes, it's ridiculous to have a pre-school graduation party. The one thing you learn after having your own kids and being invited to a million such gift-giving events is that NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR CHILD'S MILESTONES BUT YOU. They will pretend they do, to a point, just to be polite, but really they don't care.

Let me just lay out for you how many of these events you'll have to go through. My older daughter started preschool at 2. She "graduated" from the 2 year old class, then the 3 year old class, then the pre-K class, and then from K this year. My youngest just graduated from the 2 year old class. That is 5 graduations and my oldest child isn't even 6 yet. Believe me, by the time you get to this point, you'll see how silly the whole thing is too. And then to ask people not only to attend such a celebration but to bring gifts... definitely insane.

We just celebrated my son's preschool graduation and invited grandparents and close family friends (4) and told them they did not have to bring gifts. We went to Golfland and invited them and that was my son's present!

I believe a small family celebration is appropriate for this milestone in your child's life such as going out for ice cream or dinner at their favorite restaurant but having a party with gifts involved is too much. Kids get so much already and I believe it just reinforces the idea that they expect something for everything they do in life. Parties have gotten out of hand. Even the guests at a children's birthday party EXPECT gift bags when the b-day party is suppose to be about the b-day child. I have 5 kids who have attended different preschools and all of the schools put on their own celebrations where the children could enjoy each other. This should be enough for a 4/5 year old. If you make everything they do such a production then they will not learn to appreciate the bigger things in life. As far as improving the child's self esteem, the party/gifts is not going to do it. Pleeeaase, so much is always being made about kids self esteem and that is why we have a generation of kids that really take things for granted. I also think that people attend these events because they feel they have to, not because they feel your child accomplished this huge milestone. There are many years of schooling ahead. Why not have a party after every year completed?

I'm all for celebrating milestones! What I don't like, though, is that people seem to think we want gifts for our child! I've found the best way to get around that is to phrase the invitation this way: "No gifts, please: your presence is the greatest present we could receive."

Have fun celebrating! Throw a casual party or potluck at every grade if you want to! What spoils the children is the showering of presents unnecessarily, not parties celebrating a year's worth of growth. As someone who really struggled to get through each grade, and worked hard for every good grade I received, I know I appreciated the acknowledgment of getting through another year of social and academic pressures. It also helped me look forward to the next year of school!

Bottom line: you do what you think is best for your child, and don't let someone tell you you're wrong just because they have taken a different stance on the subject!

I don't know about the mom being out for gifts, but I do think preschool graduation is a little silly. It's not really a milestone in my eyes. the child has simply gotten too old for pre-school and will now start real school. I don't any anything party worthy about it but that's a personal choice. I wouldn't go out of my way for it.

I agree w/Kate....the gift giving/expecting is getting outa control! When our older son graduated preschool, my in-laws (who live in the same town) came as well as my folks (who live in SD, CA)cuz the grad coincided w/our younger son's 1st b-day. Our son was very proud & wanted to wear a dress shirt & tie....he looked so cute! I think we may have gone out to dinner afterwards but that was it. I never even thought about buying him a gift....like other have said, just all of us being proud & excited over his accomplishment.