This is my first time asking advice on this website. I am a stay at home mother of 4 ages 14 months to 6 years. My mother-in-law who lives next door to me, just started taking care of a 9 month old baby girl today, and we are just stumped on how to care for this child and make her happy. Her mother dropped her off early this morning with no warnings of what this child is going through, or any problems or special needs that she may have. She just said to lay her on her back on a blanket on the floor. The baby doesn't like to be held. She's very rigid when you pick her up and straightens her arms and legs stiff and arches her back, and constantly moans and whines. We tried massaging her, singing to her, cradling her, you name it, we tried it. Also, the back of her head is flat, like all she does is lay on her back. Her tongue is very enlarged, and she has trouble drinking. We also noticed she's very gassy, (which we assumed was the formula). I fixed her some star anise tea, which is what I used for all of my children when they had gasses, and she almost immediately started letting out gasses from both ends. When we finally got her calmed down enough, (on the floor on her back) we tried showing her some toys, but she doesn't look at them or even focus on them. I tried snapping my fingers behind her and she didn't even react to that. She seems very much like a newborn. My mother-in-law was just now able to get her quiet and she's propped up on a boppy pillow(she can't sit up) on the floor looking out the window at the clouds. I don't have any experience with children that act this way, if someone could give me a little advice or experience, I would certainly appreciate it!
This is in addition to before to answer some of the questions from the first response I received! (Thanks so much by the way for taking the time to answer!):
The child that she is caring for is the daughter of a migrant worker couple from Mexico. They seem clueless about what is going on with the baby. I do know that she goes frequently with the baby to the hospital in Gainesville, FL. I also know that their living conditions are horrible. They live in an old travel trailer and it smells very dirty when you walk in, (according my mother-in-law). My Mother-in-law is starting to take care of children, because she was hurt at work and is trying to find a different line of work to make money and drove around the area that we live in last week, (which is very rural with lots of agriculture)to let all the migrant immigrants know that she is going to start to take care of children, and this was the first child that came to her. (we are Cuban/American, so we can communicate with them). Hope that information helps a little. We plan on asking the mother today what, if anything the child has been diagnosed with.
Thanks so much to everyone who responded. This was such a difficult situation. I ended up helping my mother-in-law with the care of this child. The mother still doesn't know what is wrong with the child. She takes her frequently to Shands in Gainesville, but since she doesn't speak English, she really doesn't understand what's going on much. Since the baby doesn't like for us to hold her, or even touch her for that matter, we just have to do all of her care on a blanket on the floor with as little touching her as possible. (it's very strange, I know) Also, we discovered while she was in our care, that she is undernurished. She was only taking 5 oz of milk at a time, (and she's 11 months we discovered, not 9 like the mother said), and just cried and cried. I decided to give her a jar of my baby's food and she hungrily gulped it down and was satisfied. She has been eating good when she is in our care now that we are feeding her food. She does not sit up yet, and we are still in the investigating stage and more trying to educate the mom on better care for the child, because she acts clueless sometimes. Thanks again to all you wonderful moms and gradmoms out there that respond!
There is definitely something wrong with this child. Aside from the other items mentioned above, your MIL may want to consider that these children she takes in should come with some documentation of regular physical exams and immunizations.
this baby sounds like fetal alcohol, or autistic.. there shold be a helmet to help reshape the head etc. if not seen by a doctor, then you need to encourage it, and if not you need to call child protective services...she might be neglected alittle if the parents are overwhelmed... if she isnt held, played with, tummy time etc. it will stunt her growth.
Very interesting.....Well, I have some questions....does your family know this lady that dropped off the child? Does your mom take care of other's children regularly? Because I think this child has medical special needs. If the mom has a past/drugs, etc., what kind of environment is this child living in? Does this child go to Easter Seals? Why all of a sudden is she being given to your mom to watch? Where was she before and why is she not going there any longer? Must be a reason.....Keep an eye on this child. Might have brain damage and is not being taken care of properly, but I'd be afraid of saying anything to the mom of this child. But you need to get more information on this infant. Watch to see if she puts the child in a car seat when she leaves with her child. Keep tabs on this, because it may be that you may have to take it one step further and make a report. But I'm just talking off the top of my head with no information. But it's strange that a mom of a child wouldn't take the time to introduce you to the child, with a list written of certain things to expect of the child, special foods, etc. You know what I mean? Keep us posted.
T.
One of the other momssaid it could be autism, and I am in agreement, having worked in special ed for 2 1/2 years. Does she maintain any eye contact? The lack of emotional bond, and not wanting to be touched are characteristics of a child struggling with autism, although it could be failure to thrive...
After reading your answers to the first responder, I still think there are alot of red flags here....why all of a sudden is this baby in a day care setting? What is her mothers reason for not informing the caregiver of this child's needs? Why does this child have plagiocephaly (flat head!)? Why the swollen tongue? Why the rigidity? I know that she is showing signs of a developmental or congential disorder, but I cannot remember the name. I think the best thing that has happened is that this child has been 'brought out in the open' so that she can get some help. I don't know if a report to DCS is in order, but I would probably call a childrens agency (Dr. Phillips Center for Children and Families is a good start)where I could ask some questions. I do not think it is normal for a mother of a special needs child to just drop them off without any instruction on how to care for their child. THAT sounds neglectful to me. If i were taking care of her, that is what I would do. This baby cannot speak for herself, that is why a responsible adult has to do it for her! I hope that the family has gotten her some medical help and is taking care of her needs, but I again question the neglect issue of leaving her all day with a stranger without instructions!
All other issues aside, here is one thing you may be able to try that may help while she is in your care. Try putting her in a Bumbo seat. I used one with both my kids well before they could sit on their own. As long as she can hold her head up on her own, then she can sit in the Bumbo seat. That will keep her from lying on her back, but still not have to be held. I understand you may not want to purchase one yourself, but you can get a used one on Craig's list pretty cheap (maybe $10-15), and it may be worth the investment to make things easier when she is in your care.
