My son has been late to the potty-training game overall, we finally managed to get him to pee on the potty a month or two before his October birthday. We did that by giving him a deadline of getting rid of the pull ups during the day, and like magic he agreed on that day. He still uses pull ups at night and we thought we'd let him until we got the daytime thing under control. So we gave him another deadline for pooping, his birthday, but after pooping in his pants for a few days (and getting very upset by the idea of the toilet) we decided to back off for a few months. Then one day out of the blue he decided on his own to poop on the toilet! I was excited and inspired to keep up the good work, so I created a reward chart for the upcoming month. For the first 3 weeks we'd rent a special movie he'd been talking about, then we chose a final reward, which was a special gift that he didn't get for Christmas. The first week was great, he was enthusiastic and proud. He didn't go every day, but he had no accidents and was happy. He got the rented movie, and since then he has pooped on the potty only once. That last time he was over the fanfare, wanted no high fives or big deals about it. He then withheld for up to 4 days at a time, and messed his pants twice. Each time he would tell me he didn't feel well, and I could see his distended little belly needed to go, so I would encourage him to try to poop, it would make him feel better. Even his sister got in the act, telling him during her diaper change that she pooped and now her "body is SO happy!" Today was the last mess, and when I talked to him after about going on the potty again, he cried about not liking it (it's not fun, the seat is too cold) and I don't know what to do. I think the reward chart is not right for him, it hasn't worked on any of our attempts. Should i stick with the reward chart and give it more time? Or does one week without success mean we should try something else? Help, this has been the bane of my existence for like a year!!!
Hi K., My 3 yr old shows very little interest in potty training, so I don't know how helpful I'll be. Your son said that he didn't like the toilet. Have you tried taking him to Target to let him pick out a special toddler seat? I've seen the padded rings that fit over the toilet. Maybe they would be more comfortable? They used to make standard sized padded toilet seats. Maybe Bed, Bath & Beyond or Home Depot would carry them. Good luck!!
Wow! I feel for you really. My son was similar to yours. He wasn't potty trained fully till 4.5 years. And he still had a pee accident one month ago. I had been so on the ball for all his other milestones that when it came to the potty training I dropped the ball. Doesn't your son think it's stinky when he goes in his pull ups or underwear? You know the pivotal moment for my son was: he was at the local playground trying to keep up with the older boys (6-8 years) he was climbing and a couple of the boys saw his pull-up. They all stood there shocked and said "You were pull ups!!!! What are you a baby?!" My son was beyond embarrased and started crying. After that he really wanted (on his own) to use the toilet. I was pleasantly shocked. Plus he was in a pre-school/playgroup 3 days a week w/out me and a lot of them were using the potty so it was positive reinforcement. Something about seeing other kids his age doing it makes it seem more doable for them. I don't know. Do you have relatives/friends children the same age as him that are on the toilet? My friend did the lollipop/cookie thing with her son she swears it worked. I didn't ues that. I was real with my son. Talk to him straight up he's old enough to know exactly what's going on. His making a choice to hold it. Oh yeah I must have went through 6 different potty seats. We have a plain white, cushy kind, w/handles on the side. You two have to get this taken care of before Kindergarden. Lay down the law mom. Good Luck! Oh yeah I say no more pull ups. Cotton underwears only. So he can fully enjoy his messes.
one thing that worked for me was that every time my son went on the potty he got to either open a new toy (which we had lined up, he could look at them but not play with it)or eat a piece of candy, my sons choice was Pez. I hope this might work.
K.,
It is so frustrating when we can't help our children because they have to do it in their time and in their way. My son used to hold it, but after a year he finally does go in the toliet on his own.
We had incentive charts, immediate reward toys, immediate visits to Target for Thomas trains, candy, etc...it worked when he was ready to go and it didn't work when he wasn't ready. I wanted to lose it. He was getting into a terrible cycle.
We finally said enough. When he is ready, he will do it. We did however tell him he couldn't go to the park or school if he had to go and was holding it. WE did not make a big deal out of it or use anything as a punishment. We just shared that his teacher needed him to go on his own and that there was no bathroom at the park. We also increased his intake of oat fiber (we purchased at a health food store) and water. This combo really helped him go. He found it difficult to hold it and he has been successful and healthy ever since. It did take forever though to get him to go on the toliet. It may seriously be a maturity issue.
Hi K.,
I also had a son who was difficult to train, to say the least. No types of rewards would do it. I think once they get to be a little older, it turns into a control issue and rewards are not so important. Anyway, after trying EVERYTHING, I decided that if he weren't wearing anything under his pants (no underwear or pull-ups) he probably wouldn't want to poop without using the toilet. It worked immediately. I told him very honestly that I knew he could do it and that I think he would be able to use the toilet if we did it that way. He was fine with it and seemed to understand. On the other hand, if it didn't work, it would be quite messy. All I know is that it worked right away for us.
Good luck to you!
J.
You might want to ask your pediatrician for advice. Someone I know had a son who got into a cycle of withholding, then constipation, then painful pooping, then he was afraid to poop so withheld, and so on. They got some tips and also some medicine (stool softeners, or laxatives?) from their doctor to help break the cycle. Good luck. My 3yo is being pretty stubborn (he has no problem pooping in underwear) so you have all of my sympathy.
