Cannot Stop Crying Today!

you know, any news of this type is like a sledgehammer to the heart & soul of any mother. I have learned to embrace my tears, my angst, my worries. To try to bury them....only created heartache & emotional trauma for me. Please know that Love & Faith is what will carry you through challenges such as this. Please know that your Love for your child will help elevate her life.

When my older son was 6, our daughter was born with multiple heart defects. She passed away 19 days later during her 2nd day of heart surgery. 4 months later, our son was diagnosed with a degenerative hip disease. It was a nightmare for all of us....trying to deal with our grief & trying to remain positive/upbeat for all of his dr/therapy appts. Just getting him to the hospital was a challenge, because the loss of his sister was sooo raw to him - he totally equated being at the hospital with dying.

The next 6 years were a nightmare merry-go-round of medical treatments vs. trying to live as normally as possible. Fast forward to teen years, we lived thru a hellhole of boozing/drug sampling/run-ins with the law....all due to his inability to deal with his physical disabilities. He underwent his 1st hip replacement one year ago (at age 23)....& has been trying to get back into the groove of Life. Currently he's screening colleges & focusing on his career choices. It's been a long, hard haul & we're hoping for smooth sailing from here on out.....

Thru it all, I depended on my support team....my Mom, my Sis, & my best friend. I knew I could share most of my thoughts, worries, & concerns with them. I also knew that I could depend on them, that they would listen to me, & not always agree with me.....giving me that kick in the butt that we all need occasionally.

I cannot believe that what began 18 years ago....is still affecting our daily lives! I still feel devastation over how deeply this all impacted his life. I hate that he has tattoos which reflect the anger & angst he felt thru the years. I applaud that he's having one of them changed/altered to an intricate cross design....for me, it signals his desire to live more positively.

Please know that, as with my son, you will find a way to move thru this. You will be your child's advocate....& Love will show you the way. Peace.

As all the other mamas said, it is totally ok to cry and let that hurt in so you can heal. No parent wants their child to go through anything, you are totally normal! My sister had a Rett Syndrome, it is on the autism spectrum but has a lot of other things associated with it. When I was five my mom told me I asked her when my sister was going to 'grow up'. She told me that my sister was special and wasn't going to grow up the way I would. She said I cried and cried. I was five so I had no issue letting my emotions show I guess. I don't remember this at all, but I think must have been good for me because for the rest of my life I was so super close to her and proud of her and as and adult I was a major advocate in her life as she couldn't speak up for herself. I was the younger sibling and had no issues with Rett and I don't carry the gene for it either, so I don't pass it on to my children. So try not to worry over your son, just process what is on your plate right now and let those healing tears flow so you can move on and help her become all that God has in store for her! Hang in there!!

You ARE grieving, for the loss of your expectations with your daughter. It's OK, and normal and healthy. Let it out, cry, yell, be mad at God. It will pass, you'll work it through. Then you'll pick yourself up, look clearly at the daughter you have and love, and you'll do what's best for her. It's going to be OK, don't freak out about freaking out. It's a huge diagnosis and a lot to get used to. It's going to be OK.

You are grieving for the child you thought you would have. That doesn't mean you don't love the one you have.
There are so many new therapies and adaptive strategies available now that help. There was a wonderful article on the news about a girl who was able to start communicating with her family with the computer.
Hugs and prayers.
Victoria

I wish you lived close to me so you could meet Andy. I can assure you seeing a 12 year old with Autism spectrum you would realize it just isn't that bad.

We have the most sarcastic family on earth. Even the kids, I remember when I realized Andy would never understand sarcasm like the rest of us. I actually mourned his sarcasm. How pathetic is that? His third grade year his resource teacher asked what he wanted to work on this year. He told her he wanted to learn sarcasm. Granted he will never intuitively understand sarcasm like the rest of us but he knows when we are joking and will joke himself. He got me real good last year. :)

I think Andy was about three and a half when he really started talking. Now I can't shut him up.

Aw, honey. Take a day to process and cry. That's how you carry on and stay strong.

It is totally normal for you to cry. You're grieving for the life you planned for your daughter. Please do not judge yourself! You WILL be strong. You will give your daughter the best life possible. But for the first few days after a diagnosis (probably first few weeks actually) it's absolutely normal and healthy to be sad and mad and worried. If you don't snap back in a few weeks, ask your daughter's therapists if they know of any support groups for parents.

Many hugs to you.

Sending you hugs & prayers!

I'm so sorry. I know this seems devasting but have you thought about geeting a second opinion. My mom was a late bloomer when it came to speech and she didn't start talking till she was olmost 4. She's been a public school teacher all her life and things just worked themselves out with her development before she started school as a girl. Some children just develop way slower than their peers but there is nothing wrong with them. I hope this puts you at ease. Don't label her yet and never let her know she has this label casue it will affect her self esteem and chances are she could be perfectly normal just with speech delays etc. She still loves you and knows you're her mommy and you are her world so protect her from the stigma and love on her as much as possible. Give her a kiss from me. Take care. I know I would feel the same way as you. Let it out and have a good cry so you won't slip up and cry in front of her. It's best to get those tears out of your system. God loves you and your daughter and no matter the circumstances every child is a gift from God. Everytime I look in my daughter's face I have no doubt in my mind that God exist and how special he must be to create that precious face. Hang in there. Hugs!!

I feel for you and my prayers go out to you and your family. You need to grieve and it will take some time to process; once you do this, you can move on and be the best mom you can be for your daughter. I used to work with autistic children and if you get children into programs while they are really young, most can live really normal lives. There are many children who have autism but not every autistic child is alike. Some are actually really high functioning. Remember we all have some type of compulsive disorder. Some people twirl their hair, some have a meltdown if you leave a crumb on the floor. Some people can't handle having a messy house and everything has to be in place. Would you consider these people to be autistic. Who knows may be they are and were never diagnosed. Again, get the help your daughter needs and you will see her blosom. Be strong and you will get through this. This is all new to you but you will survive. I know that it's easy to say and not easy to do. In time, she will speak to you and your heart will rejoice. I hope that I don't sound like I'm making the above people sound like they are just OCD but some are really obsessive compulsive. This can be a symptom of autism. There is a huge spectrum when it comes to autism. Wait till you find out how and where in this spectrum your daughter is. Remember they are visual learners and if you learn to work with her at home as well, she will thrive. A lot of people think that autistic children have not feelings or don't show emotion but this is not true. They can be the most loving children. I smile and think about some of the children that I have worked with, and I miss them and wonder how they are doing.

That is a tough diagnosis to hear. Give yourself a break. You are entitled to grieve. It is so horrible to see your child struggle in any way. Hugs

Let yourself cry and cry until you feel calm. Imagine that you are the baby and feel the unconditional love that you have for your daughter for yourself. Comfort your soul as you would comfort your beloved child. I wish I had experience to share with you about autism but for now I am glad you reached out on here to other mamas who can help you through that. I think that if you let these emotions wash over you, your brain will finally turn off for a little while so you can rest. XO

You are also grieving about how your child's life will not be as easy as a child without this diagnosis.

We want our children to be happy, to be healthy and to be successful.
Your child can and probably will have this life. We are now so much more educated than we used to be.

My nephew is in High school now and really has gotten it together. He is very cut and dry , but he can crack a joke like no one else. His sober face helps with the delivery. He has learned if people laugh, he has met the goal..

He is musical. He plays the guitar and the good part? No Stage Fright!

He is a good dancer. In middle school the girls all wanted him to dance with them, because the other boys were too embarrassed to dance. Our nephew did not have "this problem" he is never embarrassed!

He is very bright. He now drives his brand new truck everyday to and from school.

He was a very late talker. Late crawling, late walking. He still will not look people in the eye, but he will look at their faces.

He was a rambunctious child and you would not have noticed a difference between him and the other children .

He also had early intervention with lots of therapy and he is doing great!

You are allowed to mourn. But also look forward to any achievements. It will make you more grateful and take away some of the pain.

Let the tears flow...you need to. You are grieving the loss of the daughter you thought you had. I know it might make you feel guilty to feel that way, but it's what it is. It doesn't mean you don't still love your precious little girl with her new diagnosis...it just means you need to grieve and let go of the little girl you thought you had (or were going to get).

My daughter was diagnosed with a fatal disease several days after she was born. There was definitely a grief over the loss of the life we thought she would have. And then the grief over the actual diagnosis. Same thing for you. It's a lot to process.

I wish you could see our pediatrician. She specializes in autism and helping fix/reverse it. I have no idea what she does. Just that I've seen it on her website and seen signs in her office, and she's briefly answered some of my questions about it (you just don't see a lot of drs who specialize in that!). I don't know what she does. But anyway, let yourself grieve. I know it's hard and it hurts so much, but you need to let it out so you can move on and help you daughter the best you can. You'll probably have a grief cycle of sorts, so don't be surprised if it comes back. It will get easier in a sense...you'll get more used to the way things are. And, I think God completely understands your need to yell at Him! I've done that at times too...

(((hugs)))

I have a book called "A friend called Henry" about a family in England with their two AU children. It is just a wonderful book about the successes they had with their son, and how they were able to help him.

You are fortunate that you have found out this early, since the earlier therapy starts, the more successful it has a chance of being.

Have you tried to use "baby sign" with your daughter? My grandson was slow to speak (not as severe as your daughter), and it at least gave him a way to ask for basics, like food, drink, milk, and be able to say "please". He was able to pick up the words pretty quickly.

Also, there are many people on the AU spectrum that have gone on to be very successful... I know someone mentioned Einstein (maybe AU? can't diagnose it post-mortem, though), but if you've heard about Temple Grandin, she is very successful and is also Autistic... http://www.templegrandin.com/

Right now, it is natural for you to grieve... you want the best for your child, and see she is faced with many difficulties. Take one day at a time... don't anticipate what it WILL be like.... just take it as it comes.

Know what? You are one of those Bestest Moms out there. What you are feeling is normal. You are processing some shocking news. It will take time and you have a lot to learn about the condition. But your heart is in the right place. You love her and you want the best for her. That is what matters.
God Bless You

Don't fret - you are coming into a powerful journey of learning about wellness for your child - holistic medicine and functional medicine approaches to healing autism/ASD can help children overcome the condition and be healthier in general. Kids who get affected by ASD tend to be highly sensitive and have a lot of potential once they get healthier - they are actually very intelligent and gifted but their hypersensitivity gets in the way and is the reason they are vulnerable to gastrointestinal, immune, and neurological disturbances. When you heal those things these kids can really shine. Be grateful for these sweet souls you've brought into this world.

Hi, I understand how you feel. My son was diagnosed with High Functioning Autism. The doctors finally gave him that diagnosis at age 4. I have a friend whose son has severe Autism, however, she has a son and a daughter that do not have any Austim at all. It does not always mean that your son will have it too.

Check into Autism Society of America. Look for your state's chapter. I received a lot of support from mine. Best wishes

Relax. You don't know where she fits on the scale. Einstein did not talk until he was four years old. He had some form of Asbergers and was strange but a rich genius.
All kinds of things can be done from dance class (very helpful) to word games.
Have you had her hearing tested? A child I know had poor speech and could hardly be understood. Now he has hearing aids and a great sense of humor. He's communicating much better. He also has many other issues but at least this one is solved.

First let me say, I really feel for you...I can't imagine how you feel, because your situation isn't my situation, but I do have a friend who has a daughter that had a similar situation. Her child did the therapy and speech and it's so much better and she's able to articulate pretty well. Everyone loves her.
Have you sat down to talk and cry with your husband about this? I read a lot of anger in your words...I could be wrong...but it really came across in a strong tone. Just something that I know from raising a 10 year old..children read our emotions and facial expressions. No matter how you feel about what has been laid upon your child/household, you must find a way to deal with it in the positive light..vice the "oh woo is me". Know in your heart and soul you are not the first to deal with a child of this magnitude nor will you be the last. Continue to reach out for assistance and look into your local community for assistance or a mom/child support group. Don't forget your husband..he may have some of the same feelings. You both need to be okay with this life altering news for the sake of your entire family and it's dynamic makeup.
Not sure how spiritual you are, but I promise there is solace in the Bible and my prayer for you is patience and understanding.

I don't know personally what you are going through, but one of my friends posted this on her facebook...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/autism-in-real-life/2...

Also check out
http://www.dynavoxtech.com/products/maestro/success-stori...

Hope this will help. I'd also suggest to find a support group in your area. Someone that's already been there can be a blessing and a wealth of information. And I'm guessing you'll feel better after a good cry too.