Can You Hold a Newborn Too Much- Building off a Previous Question

NO, No, No.. That is an old wives tale.. You carried and held that child for months constantly in a very warm environment.. They still crave being held..

My pediatricain told me, "Fruit is spoiled by too much handling. Babies are not fruit. There is no such thing as holding a baby too much if both you and the baby are happy with it."

awww! hold that sweet baby newborn as much as you can stand it! they need it, you love it (for the most part), and again...they NEED IT! :)
(i hate it when people say you're spoiling them! i think that applies to maybe a 2yr old or something)

I really don't understand why this is a "hot topic". Babies need to be held. Period. They need to be held as much as they want. If you wanted a convenient life then you shouldn't have had a baby. Some babies need it more, some less. If your baby is crying and screaming because ihe or she is not being held then it's not because you spoiled them. It's because they are babies and they need the security of their moms. That doesn't mean your baby shouldn't have tummy time or be in a stroller or be held by others. It means you give your baby the love and security he or she needs and then provide ample opportunity for that child to grow on his or her own schedule.

This is a hot topic.....

My vote ~ NO YOU CAN NOT HOLD A NEWBORN TOO MUCH.

It's love.

we started our dd on a schedule at 1 week, when we discovered the magic of schedules. It was a loose schedule, not a strict one and worked pretty well.

And you can not over-hold a newborn. If you want to carry her all day, I would get a sling, though, otherwise your arms will get pretty tired. I personally recommend putting them down to sleep, but other people will tell you they had plenty of good luck holding their babies while the slept, too.

My belief is you should hold your baby as much as you possibly can. I believe in being deeply attached to your baby and having your baby hear you breath, feel your heartbeat against them and share the love that you have for them constantly. I don't think you can "spoil" a baby or hold them too much.

I do have to say though that some babies need a break from being touched and stimulated. In those instances, it is best to let baby have a break until they are ready to be held again. But for the most part, No--

M

No, you cannot hold a newborn too much, in my opinion (there's good research for it too!). I hold mine almost constantly on purpose. Plus, they are only this little for so long! Since I've had more kids, I do lay them down some to have my arms freed up for more kids, but I also really like baby carriers to help with that. I love holding my little newborns (and bigger babies!).

I think I typically start routines closer to 3 months. I'm not a strict scheduler, but I have found routines (flexible schedule) to be excellent!

People don't really still think this, do they?

No, of course you cannot hold a baby too much.

Not all doctors think you can hold a baby too much, at least not the ones who understand how it effects long term brain development and personality. Babies use that closeness and that bond for their development in ways most of us don't really understand.

For example, we now know that if we do an EEG on both the mother and the child and the child starts nursing the mother, the measurable electronic patterns of the baby's brain function will completely entrain to the mother's electronic brain wave patterns. There are fundamental stages of development of the subconscious functions of the limbic system (considered to be the part of the brain that processes emotion and survival functions) that are guided and stimulated by being close to the person to whom the baby is most emotionally attached. Being held near the mother's body throughout infancy does provide developmental benefits. It can also help to let the baby sleep on Dad's tummy as well.

If it becomes necessary to leave an infant in day care, search for one that provides as much holding as possible.

This may or may not be a comfortable topic for us to consider, but mothers around the world have strapped their babies to their bodies as they worked. Some things we just know instinctively as mothers. The first language a baby understands is touch. So much of what they learn the first year of life is though touch. So much of what a mother knows and understands about her baby is discovered through touch. It is through a listening touch that the baby feels heard, understood, accepted, and safe.

When a baby is held enough in normal circumstances, the results tend to be a more satisfied and fulfilled baby who will be less clingy in the long run.

So always listen to your instincts and enjoy your baby.

I always held our kids when they were babies. I never let them cry....if they started crying, I scooped them up and held them. Guess what, they turned out to be smart, independent little toddlers who loved to do their own thing. Hold your baby!

Unless they are born with unusual sensory issues that make holding an touch uncomfortable for them, newborns thrive on all the holding they can get. You can't spoil a baby that young.

Google "Fourth Trimester" for lots of information on this.

Holding a baby = comforting = nothing wrong with that = "bonding" for the infant = bonding is also, an essential "ingredient" for the proper emotional and cognitive development of a baby.

Bonding, is very much so, a key component, of a baby's development.

Taken to the extreme, a baby that is not held or ignored or left alone all the time or left to cry endlessly, in these negligent situations or in some orphanages, these babies can or may develop "Attachment Reactive Disorder." ie: RAD. And these babies do not develop, normally.
Again, this is just an extreme example. The opposite extreme.

Bonding between Mom and baby, is very important.
It is instinct in a baby to need Mommy, and for all their needs.
It develops their whole being. And self-assurance, sense of self.
It does NOT, create a "dependent" baby.
Everything being, in balance... per a baby's age junctures and stages.

Me, I went according to my kids' cues/needs when they were babies and in light of their age/development.
If they needed to be held, I held them.
I knew their sounds and cues, for whatever it was.
But I was not a "helicopter" overly hovering Mom. But sure, when they were babies, I was there. I held them and carried them and comforted them as need be. Anytime.

You cannot hold a newborn too much.

IMO you cannot hold a newborn too much. My first daughter "made" me hold her for the first 8 months of her life (nightmare!!) She is now 9 1/2 and is extremely independent. Actually, she's always been a "don't let the door hit you on the way out" kind of gal :)

I was going to respond to your earlier post, but got distracted and then saw this one. I, too, had my second baby when the first was 2. VERY difficult for about the first year. Do what you gotta do - let the baby cry so you can attend to the 2 year old once in awhile. She'll survive. Mine did. My now 7 year old is my sensitive one, completely attached to me. Amazing I didn't ruin her when I left her in the crib to cry for 10 minutes so I could read a book to my toddler! You'll get through it all. And then you'll end up like me - with a 9 year old and a 7 year old - wondering where it all went!!! :)

No. You cannot hold a newborn too much. The first 3 months is like a 4th trimester. They need help adjusting to life outside the womb.

Nope, can not hold them too much, can not love them too much, my son lived in his sling/wrap for a decent part of his first year ... he had ample tummy time etc, hit all his crawling/sitting/walking milestones just fine ... you know what the result of my early constant holding was? An independant toddler who can access his own snacks with permission, likes to play on his own as well as with others, does not have a difficult time leaving my side. I feel that he is this way because we reassured him from day one that he was loved and mommy and daddy would be there when needed. He is still a typical 4yr old w/ his own issues but independance is not one of them.

no you can not hold a newborn too much.

You cannot hold, love, snuggle or otherwise "spoil" an infant so, love away! They CANNOT be spoiled at that age!

you cannot hold a newborn - a baby less than 6 months old - too much in my opinion...they've had up to 9 months of being in a nice warm, tight spot and now they are out in the big bad world?!

HOLD THEM! LOVE THEM!!

Well, I think you can if you hold the baby all day every day. But I think holding the baby a lot is fine, especially a newborn. The first few months are a huge adjustment for a newborn so tons of closeness is good. Swaddling may help also. Nothing wrong with putting the little one down for a while. But hugging and loving, food and clean diapers is what they need the most. :)

Do NOT take the advice that you can hold a baby too much. Please talk to your pediatrician if you are at all thinking this is true. Much research has been done on holding, bonding, touch. It is not just love, it is your child's ability to thrive!!!!!!!!

You can NOT hold a newborn to much! They don't know anything but to sleep, eat, and poop. When they are older (I say 1 year others say a bit younger. But it all depends on the baby) some say that they can be spoiled. My son is a baby that always wants to be held, but I think that's because of the emotional pregnancy (I love my psyhc class). But that is a whole different debate. BUT a newborn NO WAY!!!!
If you need to have two hands, I highly suggest getting an infant carrier like a boba or a ergo. Slings or wraps are nice, but I don't think they give enough support for my large son. I highly suggest a carrier. HIGHLY suggest it with two children.

I held mine constantly, i was in awe of them :) No, you cant hold them too much!

No, you cannot hold a newborn too much... they NEED you, and will grow MORE independent if you show them that you are dependable to always be there when they need you in these early months!

That said, it is OK to put down the baby... you have needs too, and neglecting yourself won't help anyone! You are a great mom if you strike a balance between taking care of you, and taking care of your kids that leaves you all happy and fulfilled!

As far as sleep... I always let the baby and I work out our own schedule... I don't have 2 (will soon) - so we'll see if I have to work out a schedule this time or if we can all let things come naturally again!

Good Luck!
-M.

Updated

No, you cannot hold a newborn too much... they NEED you, and will grow MORE independent if you show them that you are dependable to always be there when they need you in these early months!

That said, it is OK to put down the baby... you have needs too, and neglecting yourself won't help anyone! You are a great mom if you strike a balance between taking care of you, and taking care of your kids that leaves you all happy and fulfilled!

As far as sleep... I always let the baby and I work out our own schedule... I don't have 2 (will soon) - so we'll see if I have to work out a schedule this time or if we can all let things come naturally again!

Good Luck!
-M.

Agree with everyone -- you cannot hold a baby too much --it just may create a problem where they will only want to sleep while being held (happened to me with my first!).

When my second daughter came along, she loved being held so much but it was difficult to do so while taking proper care of my then 2 and a half y/o. I had an Ergo carrier from my first daughter but also bought a Sleepy Wrap to use when she was itty bitty like yours. I loved carrying her this way -- walks to the park, making lunch, laundry, you name it! It feels like she is giving me a big hug all day long in the thing. And, now that she's just over a year we still use the Ergo at the grocery store, mall -- love the feeling of closeness you get from holding a baby!

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I think it depends on what you are calling a newborn and how much is too much. If you spend say 6-8 hours per day holding a baby from birth to say 2 months and then slowly taper down, the house will be a mess and you'll start to get ansy and need to do other things. Most people can NOT keep this up and all is fine and well.

However, I've met some moms in my time that literally started to hold their baby at 8am and watched tv with them in their laps for 10-15 hour per day only getting up to pee. Some of these woman have done little to nothing in the house, and just ate junk food while caring for baby and let it go on until their leave runs out. If they happen to be a stay at home mom or have a leave that lasts 5 months or more, then the baby will be a NIGHTMARE to live with after that.

I'm a caregiver so of course the woman I am talking about have been forced back to work when their husbands/boyfriends left them.. They come to me telling me that they can't put the child down and that they can't even pee without the baby screaming. They don't understand why their partner left them and now they are beside themselves. These babies are insecure and scream for MONTHS after that.

This is the EXTREME case, but it does happen sometimes. The important thing to keep in mind is the long term habits you are creating. You want to make sure you are doing something you can taper off of in a reasonable amount of time and that you are able to continue with if you can't hack the pain of breaking those habits.

Can't hold them too much, I agree!!! This is especially true the first few weeks to months. After about 2-3 months it gets easier to leave them on a blanket or in the swing for longer amounts of time. I think 3 months and 6 months are the biggest changes. At about 4 months is when I started mine on napping schedules. They had eating schedules pretty much right away. Of course that can fluctuate since you're still trying to figure it out, but my oldest was sleeping through the night at 2.5 months ( I swear it to be true) and I attribute it to two things...1. I fed her on a strict 3 hour schedule and 2. I was bottle feeding so I knew how much she was eating and I think that helped. My younger child took a little longer and was sleeping through the night at about 4 months.

I also think that as far as when/where to put the child to sleep isn't a big issue until about 2-3 months. So, if you have them sleep in the swing or the bassinet or whatever, then I don't think it's an issue to transition them to their own space until after that time.

if you're going to use daycare, then YES you can hold a baby too much. Childcare providers simply cannot offer that luxury.

Newborns need more comfort than anything else, and that is what holding them provides. They are going through the scariest time in their lives! I tell people that yes, I hold my baby all the time, but it's not like he's going to be 14 and crying when he's not in my arms. He's going to grow out of it and become more independent, much to my dismay, but he will always know my arms are here for him when he needs them.

You can not, ever, hold a baby too much, especially a newborn. When they get older they'll start wanting to get down and explore, but a newborn flourishes from being held a LOT.

Please please PLEASE do not do CIO at 3 months. Not sure if that's what Jennifer meant by sleep training. The baby probably won't be ready for any kind of real sleep training until 4-6 months, and even then, there are many alternatives before CIO. My son was a terrible sleeper until 6 months, we did pick-up-put-down for about a week and by 8 months he was sleeping through the night with regular naps. But every baby is different, you need to consider your baby's temperament as well.

A newborn, no. I do think after they get over a certain hump...around 3 months or so...they can be. That's the age they really need to be on the ground, trying to roll, seeing the world from their perspective. I have a friend who wore her baby in a carrier almost all the time until he was 6 months. He ALWAYS wanted to be held after that, crawled super late, never slept well unless he was in a carrier. He is 2.5 now, and still wines to be held all the time. I think after they are tiny, it does them a disservice to always be held. Plenty of bonding time can happen, without constant holding. This is just my opinion, of course.

I always held my babies lots because I wanted them to understand that mom will always give them love and support when venturing out into the world. I love my kids and find closure for myself knowing that I give them my love and understanding. It works really well for me because my daughter left by herself to go to the university a couple of states away.

Just jumping in to all your questions.
1. No, you can't hold a baby too much.
2. You can start sleep training after 3 months.
3. Our friends had a baby who would only sleep on her stomach. I would be afraid to do it, but honestly, you have to do what works for you and your family.
Congrats on your newest addition!

I've seen where holding a baby a lot caused them to want that all the time, which frazzles some parents because they either end up with a baby that cries a lot because it wants to be held all the time or they end up holding the baby all day which hinders them from doing other things or even from getting a babysitter,
Now, all that being said that never stopped me from holding mine A LOT.
I usually did it when they were awake though so I could talk to them and read to them and kiss them. I just loved holding them and the time went by so fast so I don't regret it at all. :) Fortunately, they did not get clingy so I suppose I got "lucky", although I really do have the patience of a saint when it comes to children so it would've been fine even if they got clingy.
I don't recall when we started sleep schedules. I don't remember actively deciding to start one, I suppose it just happened. :)

Congrats on your new baby and best wishes. :)