Our neighbor that lives in the garden apt. is always buying by 23 month old gifts. He is always happy to see her. He comes out of his apt. to see her when he hears us leaving or coming. He will also ask her for hugs or help us carry her upstairs or downstairs. He sometimes helps carry the 19 month old. Should I be worried? or is he just a happy old man. (he lives by himself) It kind of bothered us for while. It sometimes still does. One day the neighbor sensed our feelings and he and my husband kind of talk about him helping carry her upstairs/downstairs and he said that he only had one child, a son. That he never had the chance to have a daughter or buy girls stuff and that he thinks our daughter is so cute. Should I be worried? My mother keeps telling me to do a search on him, but I don't know how or where to start and should I? Any advice?
http://www.isp.state.il.us/sor/ will let you search lots of different ways (last name, zip code, city, etc). I think it's a good idea to do a search no matter what. You never know who's around you.
I would worry. I've heard there is a good book on just this thing. I think it is called "Protecting the Gift" or something like that.
I instinctively doubt anyone's motives who wants to hug/touch my child. Just creeps me out.
as a law enforcement officer who worked child exploitation for years, stay away! you have everything to lose... unusual interest and gift buying are typical of someone trying to win over you and your child. you can still be polite, but your intuition is probably right.
hmmm... his feelings get hurt or your children could even possibly be in danger? don't think twice. google national sex offender registry to look him up. stay away even if you don't find him there.
Sure, run a quick check on him (they aren't very expensive) to put your mind at ease. Legally, if he had ever been convicted of anything, you would have gotten a post card in the mail when he moved in or when you moved there. There is a website where you can look up sex offenders in your area but you will have to search for it, I can't remember what it is. It sounds more like he is just lonely and wishes he had a little girl in addition to his son.
Good Luck:)
Trust your GUT. If something does not feel right, you are far better safe than sorry.
Be polite, but assertive. Say, "I'm sorry, but I just don't feel comfortable letting anyone else carry my daughter, but I appreciate your offer." Just be firm and watch over her carefully, as the other moms have suggested. You might also want to say, "I'm sorry, but we cannot possibly accept any gifts from you. We appreciate the gesture, but we want to decide when the children get presents."
Have you checked the online offender registry?
R. W
I think in this day and age you really have to trust your gut. While there are so many people who are just friendly and caring you can't always be sure. I'd say really watch how he is around your children, how he looks at them, and if he ever tries to get them alone. If you talk about your concerns with him and he gets offended I'd really watch out.
I come from a family where there have always been kids of all age around (my dad is the youngest of 10) - so everyone has always been kid-friendly. I think my dad was born to be a grandpa - he loves kids so much and has always enjoyed being buddies with the neighbor kids, but he always makes sure they are outside in plain sight and never lets them inside the house = unless their parents are with them. My parents have a veggie garden in the backyard and two of the 4 & 5 year olds love to go out and "help" him, but if they come by he makes sure to let the parents know, etc.
What I'm saying is there are some people who do just love kids being around, but I would always err on the side of caution.....
tRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! I would say do a search it may make you feel better and be friendly but never leave them alone together and be sur that your children know that no matter what anyone every says they should always tell you. Jsut go over typical safety. he probably is just a nice old man however you can never be too safe!
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!! Especially if you husband & mother has them too. It doesn't matter what kind of person he really is, what type of people you should trust, or what lists he show up on (but do do some research).
Do not invite him into your house. Do not let him be alone with your children. Look him up on the lists, if he shows up you know for sure. However, many abusers aren't reported or keep up with their address notifications.
EVERYONE should read Gavin DeBecker's Protecting the Gift. Read it. It will help you trust yourself, at the least. Best book i ever read. https://www.gavindebecker.com/books-ptg.cfm
He's giving you excuses and trying to win your trust. He should have just said "OK". The fact that he sensed your feelings is a red flag to me. DeBecker talks about those characteristics, and more.
Let us know what happens. Good luck!!!
I'm sure you've gotten plenty of responses but your story just gives me the creeps! People are so whacked you never know! He could be harmless or a nightmare either way to me he watches the news! He knows like everyone else how sick people can be so he should know better if his intentions are genuine! Make him stay AWAY!
I hope this helps.
www.familywatchdog.us (National Sex Offender Registry)
Always, always, always follow your instinct!!!
ALWAYS TRUST YOU INSTINCTS!!!!!!!!!! Never dismiss what you are feeling when it comes to your kids.
Try this website..familywatchdog.us I think it can list the registered sex offenders in the area by your street address & does a radius...
Get to know him better... invite him over for dinner or whatever. Don't leave your daughter alone with him but there's absolutely nothing wrong with a nice old man who loves children. He lives alone, he never had a daughter to dote on and many older men and women absolutely adore young children. Take a group of young children to any nursing home and just see the faces of the residents light up instantly!
Be careful, but don't go overboard. He could turn out to be a great friend and grandfather-figure to your daughter -- especially if she doesn't see how own grandpa's very often. A ton of studies show it's greatly beneficial to both young and old to be friends with each other.
TRUST YOUR GUT. If you question if you should worry and you feel a sort of uh-oh, then something is wrong. Even if the something wrong is his lack of boundaries. There is nothing wrong with telling him it makes you a little uncomfortable in todays age. Listen to your voice and don't question it and don't ignor it.
try this website, it is the national sex preditor registry
http://www.familywatchdog.us/
Unless I totally missed something here I can't see that he is asking to do anything inappropriate... and unless I am missing something he is never alone with your kids... so, sure check him out if you want to... but the situation sounds pretty safe to me at present.
If you are having a negative gut feeling I would pay attention to it. That is often a good indicator that something is wrong.Of course in this day and age we are all (sadly) paranoid. But I wouldn't use this guy as a baby sitter, or leave him alone with the kids at all. He can't be too much harm just helping you out as long as you're paying close attention to him but other then that I would keep a safe distance.
I agree with many of the previous posters and while I like familywatchdog.com- it won't tell you if someone that you live next to is going to strike tomorrow. I had a neighbor that I swore was a sex offender waiting to happen- and while he didn't show up on familywatchdog.com I realize now that I put myself in some potentially bad situations when I lived next to him.
As with the other poster, go to www.familywatchdog.us and put in your address and you'll see all registered sex offenders in your area, you can also sign up so that your notified by email if a new offender moves in.
Personally, he probably really is just a nice man who likes kids and maybe is a little lonely but I understand why you'd want to be cautious. I hate that we now live in a world where we have to worry about all of that. I feel like we as parents and our kids are missing out on the whole "it takes a village" and I'm sad about it. I remember as a kid a bunch of us would go to the house of an older couple who's kids and grandkids lived out of state and have cookies and he'd show us how to make paper airplanes and take us for ice cream and they were wonderful wonderful people who I learned so much from. I would have missed out on meeting some very kind people who just loved kids and gave us a place to play instead of making trouble if my parents had kept us away from them.
Check out the website and just be vigilant. If what he's doing makes you, your husband or your kids uncomfortable just state so. You don't have to be mean about it, just a simply, oh thanks I can handle it from here should do the job, especially if there's already been some discussion.
There's no reason for him to ever be alone with your kids but I can't see the harm in letting him help you upstairs with the kids or letting him spoil your little ones from time to time. I know before I had my own kids I had to restrain myself from talking to or playing with kids I met in the public just because I knew it could be viewed as weird but I just love kids and always have. He could very well be the same.
Even if he is not a registered sex offender (I'm sure you checked on the site the others have suggested), I would still be careful. Never leave your daughter alone with him, nor any of your kids (including your son!). Always supervise or be around when he is around your kids.
You just never, never know. With all the crazy things that goes on in this world, it never hurts to be careful.
I am going to say that you can trust to a point on anyone. I had some people who lived next to us when we was kids and i loved going over to there house. It was a old man and a woman. the man always was home and we loved going over there. He did not ever hurt us in any kind of way ever. There is those kind of people out there still and just be careful but remember that old men are as the same as old women. i would like to ask if it was a old woman would it make any diffent on this b/c yes i understand he could be wanting to make a move or do something wrong but just think about it ok. Another thing i would like to say is that what is so odd is that they did not ever hurt me but the person my mom and dad was post to trust with all there heart hurt me when i was a child and told me not to tell anyone. till this day no one knows but some people.i have not ever told my parents about this but i sometime didn't want to go around them and other times i did so you don't ever know. i can't really say what happen to me by this person but it was my grandparent who did it. the person who is post to be everything to you. so just don't think that things can happen just b/c he is a male ok. i don't want to scare you but family can hurt family also and the child could not ever tell you. that is me. with my children if they don't want to go around someone than i am very open minded about that even if it is family. the only man i trust around my children is my husband and my father who never ever hurt me in any kind of way so just be carefull with anyone at anytime. i hope this helps out but if anything i hope the best of luck.
He does seem a bit much. Trust what your instincts are telling you. You can look up sex offenders in Lake County on the the website. Just googe sex offender list lake county il. and it will take you there. But I don't think I'd leave my kids alone with him.
In this day and age, you have to protect your child from EVERYONE. Law enforcement officers will tell you that MOST of the time, a child is molested by someone they know and trust. The molester "seduces" them, by buying them toys, making them feel special, and by winning the parent's trust, therefore making the child feel that they can trust them too. Once this happens, it starts with them doing little things, like touching a little close to their private parts to see how they react. Eventually it leads to a disturbing and disgusting molestation. We had a police officer come in and speak with our MOPS group about a month ago, and these are the types of things he specifically said to watch out for when people start showing interest in your children. I don't care if he's old, married, young, has kids of his own, has no kids, claims she reminds him of someone, I don't care what reason he throws out there, YOU are the only person your child has to protect her. If you let your guard down, and after he carries her upstairs for you as a "favor", she says that he was touching her private on the way up, how will that make you feel?
If I were you, I would go over to his place sometime and ask to speak with him. I would explain to him that you are struggling with teaching your child about people who are bad and could hurt them. Then I would say that you think she's getting confused by you letting him buy her things and carry her around, because you've been noticing that she's now letting her guard down with others. Then I would say "I know you don't mean anything by how you act around her, but it would be a lot easier for everyone if you stopped buying her things and I definitely don't think that it's a good idea for you to carry her around anymore. It just worries me that she may let some random person out there pick her up and I just can't risk that happening". If he is a genuinely good person, he will COMPLETELY understand. If he seems offended by it, then he probably WAS seducing her. Like I said though, you are all she's got to protect her, so be paranoid! There's nothing wrong with that!!!
Hi,
I would suggest you google him, and check national sex offender registry.
I didn't have time to write the other day, but let me tell you what happened to us. We moved to a brand new neighborhood and I checked all sex offenders within 5 miles radius. There were not many of them so I remembered them all. About month and a half ago, I went to Mc Donalds with my daughter, and there was one of them. He was just sitting there, no food on his table, and he was making comments to all the little girls and their moms. I sat as far as I could from him, turning our backs to him, but I looked over few times to see what is he doing. He was looking over, and even going over to the table close to him where two woman and a girl about year and so old sat. It gave me the creeps.
When we were ready to leave, my daughter wanted me to buy her an ice cream, and his table was so close to the register. When we got there, he told me that I have cute girl and to take care of her. It made my stomach turn.
What scared me the most is that, if I didn't know that he was sex predator, I would think that he is just one nice old man who likes kids.
I know I'm the 18th response to this and I didn't read them all but I still have to add... TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS! The fact that you're wondering if you should worry means YES YOU SHOULD. Do not let your young, innocent daughter trust this man because he's been so kind and loving... and then before you know it she will be more independent... Whether he has a record or not should not matter if you have any suspicion at all then you need to be VERY CAUTIOUS, teach your daughter and NEVER, EVER let her be alone with this man.
I had the most wonderful older neighbors as a child. My life would not be the same if my parents had been so suspicious. Yes, there are sick people out there, but if after you've checked him out on the web and spend some time with him around your children, if there's nothing, let your children be with him. "Old man" doesn't necessarily mean "dirty old man." He probably has a lot of wonderful things to share. Of course, be careful--but be reasonable. Do you want your children to be scared of old people?
Unfortunately, don't trust anyone. Especially if they're making you uncomfortable. Here is a website you can go to:
Although, IF he is a sex offender he may not have been reported by anyone, which means he's not registered. Play it safe....check the above website and don't trust him. I wouldn't make him upset, though, just in case.
How sad if he is truly just a loving man and here we're judging him.
M.
If you know his full name you can google it.
