Sex Offender Moved in down the Street. Our Kids Play with His Grandson.

Play time with the grandson would be outside or at my house.
It would make me feel like:
1. Time to snap down the inappropriate touch lesdon with my kids
2. Heartbroken and scared and protective and vigilant regarding the wellbeing of the grandson

BTW, I don't think it's possible for a registered sex offender to get custody of a child, if his violation included a minor, right?

I thought if you were a registered sex offender that you could not be around kids? If so, how is his grandson living with him? And who else is in the house? I would ask the boys parents directly what the deal is if they live there too. And no matter what they told me I would only allow the boy to come to my house, not even outside. I would tell my kids that the grandpa isn't supposed to be around other kids so they can't go over there anymore until I found out more info. Good luck.

Could you define criminal sexual penetration? Is that an 18 year old who had sex with a 17 year old? Is it a 30 year old that had sex with a 17 year old? What is it?

Perhaps I am an oddball but if I had a neighbor that was on the sex offenders list the first thing I would do is ask them what happened, why are they on it. Then I would be able to answer your questions.

Laura M, the registry has been around since 1970 and someone could be a grandparent at 30. Anyway someone who was 18 in 1970 would be 63 now, is that an acceptable GRANDFATHER age for you? He also could have been in his 40s and had sex with a woman he thought was in her 20s. So why dismiss other's answers? In the end all most are saying is talk, find out the why because there is a huge span of reasons why he could be on that list.

I'm surprised that the grandfather is allowed to be with, let alone live with, his grandson if he's a risk and on the sex offender registry. It might help to find out if the grandfather's offense involved children or adults - I don't know how the designations work in your state, but you can get that info from your local police department. You say "it was shared with you that…." but you don't say by whom -- so do get info direct from law enforcement. I don't know how much of the grandfather's case is public record, but police will at least be able to share what is public or about about the designation in general, so you are clear.

That said, I wouldn't allow my child to play at their house even if the grandfather was not considered a pedophile, because the grandchild has shown a level of awareness that he shouldn't have at his age. That could have come from the grandfather, but it could just as easily have come from someone else. If you allow them to play together, it's going to be in your house under your supervision at all times. Doors open, public play.

No one from that family is going to ask you "Why can't your son play at our house?" They know. If the kids ask, you say, I prefer that you play at our house. If you want to, we can go to the park/playground/beach." I don't think you need to explain beyond that.

My first call would be to the police to see why a child is living with a sex offender - make sure you have and exact street address and his name if you have it. You can look it up online if needed. While speaking with the police, I would ask them their advise on how to handle your exact situation.

My children would never be at their home. Sex offenders use children to lure other children to their homes so they can begin grooming them. I may consider having the child to my home if I kept a close eye. If even to be another available, responsible adult for the child to know.

I don't think the registry has any meaning. I have heard too many stories of men put on the registry for having sex with a 16 year old at the age of 19, or urinating in public after a night at the bar. I'm not sure what I would do in this case. Probably make sure my child understands personal boundaries, good touch/bad touch etc.

ETA: I wasn't suggesting the grandfather was on the registry for something he did when he was 19, just pointing out that because the registry includes such offences that it is rather meaningless.

I actually need more information. When my daughter was a baby, I had a sitter who had two adopted girls. After a few weeks, the lady shared with me that the oldest daughter (I think she was 7 or 8) had been molested and was attempting to do that to her younger sister.

You can imagine my reaction. Of course she assured me that the girl would "never" harm a baby. But again, she had bells on all the doors in case this kid left the room without her knowledge. Needless to say, we left that sitter. I share this because I wonder what this little guy has seen and been exposed to with his grandfather. I would be a little wary of him as well.

I would say play time is at my house or outside and I would watch like a hawk.

Very, very sick to my stomach. That's how I'd feel. In fact that's how I feel reading this. Unfortunately in this scenario I feel like the right thing to do is only allow playdates at your house- and on top of that, keep a close eye on this kid. As in, they play in the livingroom or somewhere they can be supervised at all times. It's awkward but what are you going to do? This obviously wasn't a 19 year old dating a 17 year old situation. And you know for a fact this little kid already shows signs of inappropriate knowledge. I don't care how well-mannered this child is, are you willing to risk your kids? No way would I let my child over there.

Why, they ask? Because I said so. Period.

It's a tough situation since the grandson is innocent.. but unfortunately has a sex offender for a grandfather.. couple of things, since the grandfather did register, then he MUST know that he isn't allowed to have neighbor children over.. that's a no no... so not sure why the grandfather hasn't already suggested that his son play at your house or outside with friends..
two.. When younger, I was molested by my foster father and prior to my moving in, he had already shown interest in the neighbor girls (they told me this without my telling them what happened to me) they said watch out.. point is.. I don't know that sex offenders can be rehabilitated. in which case, stay clear of the home.. and tell the kids.. we prefer you play at our home, we like to have you close ... I don't think you need to elaborate.. also... that grandfather knows the kids are not suppose to be over... again, not sure why he is allowing kids over....

oh and I'd definitely be weirded out and not allow my child over to their home.. thing is, you are lucky to have found out... many of these types go undetected........ my foster father did... he was in the Navy, won awards... married to seemingly devoted wife (mind you, she too was a nut job) but outside appearances said differently.. they went to church , had foster kids... all the while creepy foster dad was molesting the girls in the home..
you can't always tell who is doing what.. keep the kids away from grandpa............

It would depend on the level of registration. For example if he is a level 1 offender (lowest level here in our area, least likely to re-offend) I would be cautious, keep an eye on the situation, but would still want too have playdates at my house.

If he was level 3 offender (heinous crimes, repeat offender, most likely to re-offend), I would be very afraid, and would seriously reconsider any playdates, and my child would not be going over to the house under any circumstances whatsoever.

I would suggest you investigate things a little more, to see how severe the crimes are, but that shouldn't make much difference to me. If it were me, playdates would be at my house, regardless.

Good luck.

You tell them this kids grandfather is on a list of people who aren't allowed to be near kids.
His family is ok with him and you can have this grandson visit/play at your house but your kids are not allowed to go play at his house.
Even then, at your house - no playing in bedrooms or anywhere that's not a public area (everyone needs to be in plain view at all times).
This kid might be fine, or he might be being abused and unfortunately if he picks up anything bad from Grandpa, he'll spread it around.

my very first move would be a call to CPS to make sure that they know that a child is living with a sex offender. it doesn't mean he's a pedophile or necessarily a danger to children, but with 2 sexual penetration convictions i'd be worried about the kid.
i'm also very taken aback that it was ever a thing that your kids could there. NOT from your end (obviously you didn't know) but that the family harboring the offender would DREAM of having kids over there. that serious lack of judgment, to put it at its most charitable, squicks me out badly.
i would allow the little boy to continue to play with my kids and i'd be monitoring it quietly and continuously.
as for what to say to my kids, i'd keep it very simple. 'we're just not comfortable with you playing over there. but freddie can come here and play.' most kids really don't probe past the 'nope, no way' but if they do you can always go with something honest but vague like 'we don't know them well enough.'
khairete
S.

Play would be outside - with your supervision or at your house. Never, ever at other house.

Be super vigilent. It would scare me.

If this child is showing knowledge of things a little kid shouldn't know, you should be calling child protective services. I will JUST BET that the authorities don't know a child is living in his house.

I'm sorry, but until you know definitively from social services that this child isn't being abused, I wouldn't be letting your son anywhere near him. And since he knows things he shouldn't know at his age, you should never send your son over there, and he should only be at your house in your presence, never alone with your kids.

"Because it works better for us"...

I'd feel creeped out and my radar would be on for the grandson's safety. Keep the doors open when they play ALL THE TIME so you can hear what's going on. The kid may be unknowingly inappropriate, not his fault, but better to be cautious.

And if you hear something that kicks off alarm bells for the grandson's safety/well-being, call the police non-emergency line and ask questions.

I would allow playtime under your supervision only. It's not the child's fault.

I think I would make the call to child protective services just to make sure they know the child lives with this registered sex offender and that there is nothing going on...protect the child.

While I think it does matter some what happened and how (there's a recent new story about a 19 yr old who is a registered sex offender b/c a teenage girl lied about her age), it's also not something I would mess with. You can consider calling the non emergency line to see if you can get more information, but otherwise I would not allow the kids to play together at his house for sure.

You don't specify what "knowledge" the boy has, and that would matter, too. I have a baby sister and learned earlier than some of my peers about where babies come from - could this be the case, or do you think he's been exposed to something he should not? Again, a call to the non emergency line could clear up what exposure this man is supposed to have to children and if this child could be in danger.

If you choose to allow the play time, make it not just at your house, but in a way that eliminates their time alone. No going into the rec room out of your sight.

A lot of responses are noting the possibility that it could have been where he was like 18 and the girl 16 or something like that. Uh. No. You stated it was two offenses and he is a GRANDFATHER. The sex registry wasn't around when grandpa was 18. So, taking that into consideration, it was most likely with a child underage (and I consider in this situation 17 as a child).

As others have said, I would not allow my child to go to this house under any situation, for any amount of time. Do some calling and find out. Also, speak with the child's parents yourself. You have a right to know and they (he) has the duty to notify the neighborhood.

Have those needed talks or re-affirm your stand on what you've already talked with your son about. Be open. Tell him that "grandpa" cannot be around children, but you really like his friend and he can play at our house instead.

Good Luck

We have recently faced something like this. It was not a sex offender but someone who commited a very awful act. While this person according to the experts does not pose a harm to the general society my two children are around this individual in what you would assume is a "safe enviornment". My take away is you cannot trust any enviornment unless you are really sure of who is there. I let my guard down last time we where in this enviornment and I realized my 9 year old was wondering around alone and this person suddenly appeared. I guess what I am trying to say is you always need to alert to who's house your children are going to and who they are with. I personally would not let my son go to this person's house, on the other hand I would open it up to the kids playing outdoors or inviting the other child over to my house.

On the person's offender registry page should be the appropriate authority contact number to call with inquiries for more details.

If the sex offense is in regards to harming children, living in a household with children would likely be a violation. You can inform the authority of the situation if that turns out to be the case.

If the offense was against another adult and he didn't harm a child, there may not be a restriction regarding living with or being near children, as he would not be considered a danger to them.

(CPS or Social Services is not the appropriate place call to ask questions, as they don't have the detailed information handy like the registry program does. If there is a need for action, it could be delayed as the matter gets rerouted to the offender registry program.)

I have a rule for my daughter when playing with neighborhood kids - NO going in anyone's house. I tell her it's our family rule. Anyone can come here but she is not to go in someone's house without my approval. Bathroom? Come home. Wash hands? Come home. Break the rules, severe punishment.

In your case, I'd invite the little guy to play in your front yard but I would NEVER let my kids go near there.

You didn't say how old your kids are but you can tell them that the grandpa has some issues and they are to never go over there. If they ask, then it's a good time to have the no touching talk.

Poor little guy having to live with that monster. I'd never let my kids alone with him as he grows older. Who knows what grandpa is up to??

Be safe!

At least here, when you go on the registry if the victim was underage it will give the age of the victim in the details. If an adult was a victim it would not have an age. Just FYI.

I think we need more info, if you have it. What does that mean? Against a child or was he 19 and had sex with a 15 year old? When was it and did he do time? I would not send my kids there. Has the boy come to your house instead? I feel bad to stigmatize the boy, but you have to be safe. Have you talked with the man about your concerns or maybe the boy's mother? I guess you have to tell the kids something at their age level, how old? Like "xxx grandpa has done some bad things. Xxx is a nice boy but we rather you play here."