Can I Get Some Advice?

You both need to SLOOOOWWW down.

What is the rush to get into another relationship when your children should be your priority. You are talking about a 14 month old so it hasn't been THAT long since you two hooked up. It is WAY too early to bring children into a new relationship at 2 months. The child will end up confused and messed up.

The children need stability much more than you or ex need a new boyfriend or girlfriend.

Were you ever married? Even if you both hooked up and decided you weren't right for each other, he should have a DNA test and pay child support. You are locked in with this person for 18 years minimum when you share a child.

I just think you should back way up, slow down any new relationships and figure out yourself since you just came out of a failed relationship.

You can't dictate how he is with his new squeeze but you should get some court ordered child support and visitation set up legally to cover yourself and your child.

You deal with the person you have the connection with - the dad, not the girlfriend. Don't go after the woman - that's not cool. She isn't doing this to be bitchy - she just thinks your child is cute. I would have too at 18.

If it were me, I'd get something legal saying you don't want anyone else driving the child, you want these days a week for dad to see baby, and you don't want child on social media (and anything else), and then there's no drama. If you're lax about it - this is what happens.

If you can talk to dad - then fine. Sounds like you can't.

You have to communicate, set boundaries and enforce - WITH DAD. It's up to you. Decide if you can - and if not, get it legally documented so you don't have to deal with this the rest of your daughter's life.

Personally, I'd have a legal arrangement in place - that's just me.

You have five children, four from one father and one from another father, and now you are engaged to a third man.

You should definitely get court-ordered custody/visitation and child support arrangements organized for your five children, with each child's father. For your own peace of mind as well as for some "family stability" (and financial stability) with the man you are engaged to.

And remember, each "parent couple" is a separate relationship - the fact that you have done "three types" of parenting classes with the father of your other four children does not mean that you can ignore the father of your 14-month-old...you need to work on *that* "parent couple" relationship too, it would be good to take a parenting class with him (has the father of your 14-month-old ever done a parenting class?).

The father of your 14-month-old is 26 and his girlfriend is 18, so they are both fairly young. It can be very helpful for young parents to have the guidance and boundaries created by court-ordered custody/visitation arrangements...the court can help to address some of your "safety" concerns, like who is permitted to drive your 14-month-old in a car, as well as your schedule concerns for how much time your 14-month-old spends with his father.

As far as your Halloween arguments with the child's father - a 14-month old is not going to understand or appreciate Halloween, so any Halloween stuff is just to entertain you and your son's father and his girlfriend, to create some cute photos. Trying to arrange "two different Halloweens" on two different days sounds like overkill for any young child...it's Halloween, not Christmas. Unless there is some reason that "two Halloweens" happens "easily", like one trick-or-treating party at your son's daycare and then one around the neighborhood. But really, you can dress your son in a Batman outfit and take photos, or in a dinosaur outfit and take photos, any day...you do not need to connect that to Halloween and you do not need to focus energy on arguing about that.

This is being handled all wrong, IMO. First off, two months of dating is too soon to introduce the kid, so that shouldn't have happened yet. Since it has, then it is also time to introduce you.

Although it sounds like she doesn't want to meet you, you don't know if that is the truth. You only know what your Ex tells you. It could be that he doesn't want you to meet her, and he's telling her stories about you to her as well.

If it bothers you to give into things, like the Halloween stuff, then Don't Do It. Don't say something is fine when it really isn't fine. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

If you don't have a set visitation schedule, get one via the court. It is his job to sort out his work situation to suit it.

I also agree with the co-parenting counseling suggestion.

I agree with B.

I think you and your ex are jumping the gun on a lot of things. You should not be introducing new dating partners to your child at this point. Children get attached, and then if the dating relationship doesn't work out, the person disappears and children get so confused. It's irresponsible. Secondly, your ex's girlfriend should NOT be driving your child around, whether she's 18 or 28 or 38. This is your ex's responsibility, and if he cannot take time off from work to see his son, then the son stays with you or with an agreed-upon family member. You must stop agreeing to all of this. You say "okay" but it's really not. Third, she does NOT get to post pictures on social media of this child. He's not her fun little fantasy baby. Fourth, 14 month olds do not understand Halloween or trick-or-treating. Getting them all dressed up to go ringing strangers' doorbells is all about what the parents want, not about what the child understands. This is going to be confusing and possibly upsetting for your son, and having him do it twice is parental overload. You are the mom and he is the dad, and you can do what you want on your own time, but just be prepared for tears and stubbornness rather than the fantasy great time you both anticipate - that really happens when they are 5 and up. And please make sure your ex goes over the candy treats to pull out anything that is a choking hazard.

I have no idea what this "12th for their anniversary" day off is about, but it sounds very juvenile and something he is doing to keep his girlfriend happy. It's a red flag for me that he has his "anniversary" off but doesn't always take his son when he can and should. That should set off alarm bells with you, that he's not focused on being a father and far more focused on his new and exciting young girlfriend. If

Do you have a custody arrangement? If you weren't married and divorced, maybe you have nothing written up by a lawyer or the court, and it's just a casual agreement with your ex. If there's something legal, stick to it. If it doesn't work, file for a modification. If there is nothing legal in place, I think you should at least have a written visitation agreement that deals with custody, medical decisions, educational decisions, religious upbringing, the introduction of other love interests to your child, and so on. Your ex can either commit to a schedule and stick to it even if it's inconvenient (that's called "parenting" for his information), or you can have full custody and he can contact you now and then when he is free and see IF IF IF i's convenient for you to adjust your plans so the child can go to his dad's. The drop-off and pick-up should be by the DAD only, not a third party, unless their are grandparents involved and you both agree to this. There's no way a new babysitter/girlfriend, with questionable driving ability and nerves, should be involved at all. If she wants to have fun with a child, she can get a job as a nanny. She's not to play house with your child.

Please take a parenting course with your ex, including toddler first aid but also including decision-making and co-parenting.

Otherwise, this current situation is going to be disastrous and your child will pay the price for it.

You are 20 years younger than me and have 5 kids. I have 4 boys. With ONE man.

You're moving way too fast. You need to stop.

You're already with ANOTHER man?? Come on!! Enough already. Stop. You need to be YOU. You need to find out how to be YOU without a man in your life.

You need to get your life in order. You need to have custody arranged for ALL of your kids. I would NOT be getting married any time soon!! Like I would call off the engagement and have a life to myself and my kids for AT LEAST 2 YEARS!!! You jump from one relationship to the next, what kind of example are you setting for your kids?? Come on.

Put your kids first. Stop this jumping. Get your life in order. Be YOU. Know YOU and stop this ridiculous behavior. You may FEEL this is rude, but damn. Come on. Look at it from someone who is reading this! You're now in your 3rd relationship at the age of 31 and you're having kids with each of these guys?? WOW.

Get on birth control. Don't get pregnant until you've thoroughly established this is a good relationship for BOTH of you and not just to feel good at that point in time.

Get your children's custody outlined and court approved.
Get your children's child support done and court approved.
Get your life in order. Be YOU for a few years. Know that you can do life without someone else there. You've GOT to be strong on your own first.

Good luck!

He's the kid's dad. Why is he not paying child support? Why do you let him get away with this? This child is half his responsibility. Financially at least. I don't know what to tell you about your problems with your ex's young girlfriend. I guess you can't really control what Dad and his girlfriend do when your son is over at their house. If they want to get a 2nd halloween costume so what? Just ignore that kind of stuff. As long as your son is being treated kindly that is important. As he gets older you and your ex should try to agree on rules for your son so it's similar at both houses. My other advice is to officially go to court or whatever and get a set schedule in place and child support. I feel very strongly about this because my mom did not take my dad to court bc she was worried he would take us kids away from her...so he never paid child support. He was always a very distant father to us and he never helped financially. He quickly remarried and only supported his two new daughters and my brother and I were like leftovers that nobody really wanted.

Please protect your child. I agree. She should not be driving with your child. At 18, she does not have enough experience to drive a toddler. Of less importance but still important is have you seen her driver's license and insurance papers? Without those two things she cannot legally drive.

Do you know how much time he has with child? Often, fathers let their current live in spend time because the girlfriend wants to have the child visit to please the girlfriend. He doesn't really care about seeing the child.

If his name is on the birth certificate, he can keep your child and make it difficult for you to see the child. You need to have a legal document that protects your child and your rights.

Has your ex actually taken a paternity test that shows he's the father? If not, insist he take one. Talk with an attorney about what to do so that you feel secure in your relationship with ex. Stop agreeing to everything. You are the mother with full custody and the responsibilty to protect your child. Without a legal document, he has no responsibility for his child.

Talk with an attorney. Legal Aid charges on a sliding scale.