Camp Roommate Dilemma

Do not get involved. Let her handle it. She's old enough. If it doesn't work out, she will handle it. Sometimes we don't give kids enough credit.

At 13, she's old enough to handle this. If she gets put with the "rude girl" then she'll get to practice diplomacy and coping skills. If she gets someone else, she'll get to know someone better and start to build a relationship with someone on the team. Either case will be fine. Don't talk to the coach - if a team is serious enough that they're going away for a camp, it's probably a competitive team. The coach has better things to do than manage the social lives of the players and probably expects the team to be mature enough to handle things among themselves.

She's got to learn not to base everything on best (actual or potential) friendships or "did I get chosen?" She doesn't know the girls well, and so neither she nor they know "how" to choose.

This camp is for the whole team - my guess is that they will have activities and drills and skill building, followed by lots of group activities and team building work. Once the day is done, they should be exhausted and ready to hit the showers and get some sleep. It's not (or shouldn't be) a series of doubling-up exercises for groups of 2.

Give her the skills to get through this and get along. Maybe one girl is rude, but maybe that's only in the group because she feels insecure? Maybe she's not that way at all in a one-on-one situation. Maybe she'll respond to kindness.

If there's any talking to the coach to be done, it should be done by your daughter. She's 13. She's capable of putting together a couple of sentences that show she is committed to the team and just a little anxious about fitting in, and a question about how the coach might suggest she get to know others. You can encourage her and support her, but no, I don't think you go to the coach directly.

If it doesn't go perfectly, then encourage her to build on that going forward. It's just not the end of the world. Help her stand up, find her spine, and develop her confidence. And suggest that others might be anxious as well and perhaps she can be the leader and the supporter of them.

If this is something that stresses her out, I'd work with her on handling stress - not fixing this for her. This kind of thing will come up in life over and over - better to learn how to deal with it then not. Are you going to get involved when she's 16? 19? know what I mean?

Chances are - she will have a great time. I would think that would be the more likely situation. Or - at worst - she'll be in the same room as this 'rude' girl and figure out that she can actually handle it. Win win.

I would just tell her, listen - if the kid is rude a) ignore it, or b) tell the coach/chaperone .. who ever is responsible for watching the girls. Give her options. Empower her.

I agree with the others - that if you intervene, that will just make your daughter seem like she can't handle social dynamics at 13 and I'm not sure that's the message you want to get across. Things like this get talked about on sports teams. I'm sure your daughter can handle it. Give her the tools to deal with it - and stay out of it. Just support her.

Just encourage her to be open and friendly and focus on the other kind girls - not the one 'damper'. If we focus on the positive, it tends to happen. If we focus on the negative, we tend to get stressed.

I think your daughter will work it out one way or the other.
Let her.
She needs to learn how to handle the rude girl - stand up for herself - and maybe not take the rudeness so personally.
If she's rude to everyone - then it's just who she is and has nothing to do with your daughter or anyone else.
By 13 - the kids are handling their own friendships and friend issues.
As the new kid on the team, she might get some attention from anyone who is a welcome wagon type personality.

She's new on the team. So how is she so sure that the one other girl she is worried about is rude? What if the "rude" girl as she has been dubbed here isn't rude at all, but just socially awkward? What if she was the "new" kid last year, and nobody warmed up to her, and now she feels alone and left out?
I'm not saying that IS the case. But it could be... Your daughter is new, and doesn't know the back story on everything and everyone. Let her handle this on her own. Let her grow a little. Stretch a little. She might even find these the "rude" girl is nice once she gets to talk to her more and spend time around her.
She might find out that her suspicions are spot on, too. But it might be a self-fulfilling prophecy as well. You just never know and it's probably best to let her navigate it on her own. If you are concerned, then talk to your daughter (not her coach) about how to manage HERSELF at camp. Be a friend.
My own daughter was mentally at odds with another girl at band camp two years ago. And the same girl challenged her for her seat last year. My daughter was convinced she was an arch enemy (jesting slightly here). Well, this year they performed together at a voluntary event and became really good friends. You just never know. And neither does your daughter. Encourage her to have an open mind, and understand these she may not know the "whole story" about any of the girls or why they interact (or don't) with each other they way they do (or don't). They may not even all understand themselves (self-consciousness can cause people to do awkward/inappropriate things sometimes, and they don't grasp why they do them. Laughing at someone getting hurt... seen it a million times. It isn't b/c they think it's funny... it's awkward. And they don't know what to say/do... it's a tension reliever.)

Just try to keep a positive mindset (your daughter will read/feed off of your energy about this, too) and keep her mindful of being open to new friendships from everyone on the team, not just a select few. (That kind of narrow minded friendship making would make her one of the "mean" girls, no?)

This is the perfect opportunity and perfect age for her to start learning how to handle the not-so-fun-in life situations. She will learn about how to handle people, how to deal with less than ideal arrangements, and about herself. She may get along famously with this girl. Or, she may not. As a parent, I would not interfere with this unless I truly had a safety issue at hand. Your role is to prepare her for what may come, techniques and skills to work things out, and what to do if there are problems.

No you shouldn't talk to the coach. Instead you need to work with your daughter about not getting stressed over this. She's got a lot of things in her future that will be beyond her control so your job should be to teach her how to roll with things instead of worrying over things she can't control.

Don't talk to the coach about this, but if you would like to add to your post with some specific examples of things the "rude girl" has said/done, I'm sure many people here would be happy to chime in with some supportive brainstorm ideas of responses to her rudeness!

She for sure is, or should be, old enough to handle this kind of disappointment.
Just remind her that things won't always go her way, and it's okay not to be thrilled about having a sucky roommate. Encourage her to bring books and headphones so she can do her own thing after hours and remind her that it takes time to make friends. That's just life. Honestly these crappy experiences are what makes our kids more resilient, as hard as it may be in the moment.

If I were you, I would ask the coach not to put your daughter with so-and-so because she says hurtful things to your daughter. Leave it at that.

Your daughter will have to learn to deal with these kinds of issues. You can help a little bit. But you can't fix all her problems. You can gently tell her this and it will help her grow up some.

You need to let the coach know that if he puts your girl with the rude girl she will be backing out of camp. This coach can't know that this girl is a problem.

Then don't back down. I've been through this for basketball camp. My girl and 2 other girls all put each other, they can have up to 3 in a room, and my girl was the only one of the 3 that wasn't put with them. A random girl from the team was put with them. I know these 3 girls did put each other because I helped organize the paperwork and took the registration over to the university where the camp was being hosted.

So even when you do everything you can to limit interaction it can still happen.