Calling Adolescent Son "Sweetie"

My youngest son is 21 and 6' 2", 30" waist, I call him 'Little Boy" all the time. He just laughs. But if he said hey Mom knock it off I would.

When my oldest daughter, Jenni, was 5 or 6 she told me she did not want to be called by her baby nickname any more, which was Nifer (short for Jennifer) she wanted to be called Jennifer. I respected her wishes, her paternal grandma called her Nifer and I said " she asked not to be called that anymore she wants to be called Jennifer" grandma's reply "I can call her whatever I want". But that woman called all of her kids by their baby nicknames until she died.

To teach a child respect --- they need to be shown respect.

I would not call my child anything against their wishes, especially in front of anyone else.

I went to kiss my 5 year old on the top of the head when leaving school the other day, but paused and asked if I could. He said that he didn't want me to, that it was weird. I respected that and just said "bye'. Now when we are home, I can kiss his head all I want without objection and he's good with that. If he objected to that too, I would respect his boundaries.

Maybe they can agree on only calling him sweetie at home. Not in public. I call my 13 year old boy beautifull and honey, also sweetheart. I kiss on him and hug. Lots of I love you's. But in public I do not. I save all my endearments for home.

Why hasn't your husband respected his wishes? I would think a man who cared about his relationship with his (almost teen) son would also care about his feelings.

I think your husband should stop using this term since your son has asked him to. A 12 year-old is old enough to be truly embarrassed by babyish nicknames.

It doesn't matter if we agree or not. Your son told his dad that he doesn't like it. That should be enough for his dad to stop. Dad has to respect his son for his son to respect him. NO means NO.

In my opinion it wouldn't matter what the name was. If my child told me that something I was doing and calling them was bothering them or embarrassing them------I would stop immediately and apologize for hurting them. Pass this along to your husband......

It would be one thing if you were the one wanting to say it. It's entirely another thing for your husband to want you to. Your son is trying to grow up and be a "man" in his dad's eyes. He wants his dad to respect his masculinity and the fact that he is getting older. As long as your husband calls him sweetie, OR specifically wants you to, your son won't feel that he's getting that respect.

Wait until he's about 17 and then you can start calling him sweetie again. By then, it'll be alright.

Dawn

His refusal to honor your sons request, is very passive aggressive. It is sign of an emotional immaturity.

. If your husband does not stop calling your son sweetie, have your son start ignoring him, until he uses the proper name.. you should also participate.

or you could think of a nickname for your husband... All of you can start calling him a name you all think is appropriate... I know what I would start calling him....

Hmmm. I catch myself calling students "Sweetie." It's somewhat automatic for some reason. I am sure I could break the habit with some persistence on my part, and maybe I should. Just to say that the practice is not unheard of.

If my child asked me not to call her a certain name, though, I would make the effort. I most distinctly remember being irritated that my parents would call me certain names of "affection." It was the tone more than the name. And the truth of the matter is that they enjoyed getting a rise out of me; my mom admitted that just this year. I would cry and protest loudly and ask them to stop, and they'd keep doing it. Pretty sick behavior. I hope your hubby's behavior doesn't fall into this category. I will never do that to my kid.

If your son asked him to stop, he should respect that wish and stop calling him that.

I also agree with the other posters who mentioned that they sensor what names they use in public. I would NEVER use a name that embarrasses my kids in front of their friends, but they don't mind them at home. All of my kids let me call them "baby." I would never do that in school...they would get teased.

Hubby should stop...at least out in public places, but all together if your son has asked him to.

I agree with what everyone said. If your son asked your husband to stop, then he should stop. Your husband is being selfish and disrespectful to your son and is putting his needs over your son's needs.

I think people should be called what they want to be called. If your son no longer wants to be called Sweetie, then stop calling him that.

obviously, if it offends/upsets/embarrasses him, it should stop.

imo it's a little weird for a grown man to call a teenage boy "sweetie" - father or not. (or stepfather...regardless)

i think your hubby is being rude and disrespectful, and a tad inappropriate.

it's really not a huge deal - until it bothers him and your husband refuses to stop. then it is a big deal. it's a respect issue. really rubs me wrong.

I call my son (almost 15) some different endearment every time I speak to him, but he doesn't mind. If he asked me to stop, I would respect his wishes. You husband should respect your son's wishes and call him by his name. JMO.

It might be tolerable coming from Mom, but from his dad, it probably sounds a little more effeminate than he is comfortable with. Honestly, even from Mom, Sweetie sounds a little too sweet/young/girly. With my own son, I use "sweetheart". He doesn't seem to mind.

ETA: But he has never asked me not to call him that. If he asked not to be called a particular nickname, then that should be respected. Another poster made a very good point: To teach respect, you show respect. If your son specifically asked him not to call him that, and he continues, he is not being respectful of your son.

Your son asked him to stop, your husband needs to stop. This is not a child asking for this, but a boy who is mature enough to make this request. Your husband is being very childish and only caring about HIS feelings.

i call my boys sweetie!
but i'd stop if they wanted me to.
i don't think anyone should be addressed in a fashion they don't like.
maybe your husband can explain to your son how much he loves this endearment, and ask if he can use it just between the two of them, when no one else is around.
your son's wishes should be honored.
khairete
S.

If he asked dad to stop, he should. But Dad can ask son if there's a nickname he would like to be called instead so dad has a word he can use to say I love you without being too mushy for the kid.

Does your husband really like the term, or is he getting a kick out of yanking your son's chain? Because it's only a loving term when the person you say it to thinks it is. If it's embarrassing to your son, it's no longer a term of endearment.

My hubby and I thought the gushy terms for couples were funny, so we called each other Wench and Pest - it's engraved on our wedding rings (Pest on mine for him, Wench on his for me). Typically, these are not terms of endearment, but to us, they are very loving because they are meant that way and taken that way by us. We have many engagement cards signed with Wench or Pest.

So maybe hubby can call him Pest :) Even if nobody else gets it, as long as THEY know it's a verbal hug, that's all that matters.

I will probably always call my boys 'sweetie' but thats just kind of how I talk. I use the term for most kids-strangers and family-even when theyve grown up. But if my sons asked me not to I would try to stop it and even now I don't use it in front of their friends. I have to say its not a word I imagine a man using though so I find it a bit odd that your DH insists on it.. I would just have a very frank talk with him and as him to stop it.

Have YOU talked to your husband about this? I think it's rude that he continues and if it were my husband, I'd ask him to stop.

My husband calls our sons "Son," or "Buddy."

My pet name for them is "Turkey" or "Monster." When I'm talking about them to others, I call them my Creatures of Mass Destruction. :-)

He's benn asked to stop. That's your answer.

Is it just a habit, maybe? Like he doesn't even think about it? Have a O.- on-O. with your husband to make SURE he gets it.
I think now that he's been made aware of his son's feelings on it , it's time to move to something more manly. "Sport"? "Buddy"? "Man-Ray"? Lol

Maybe your son can start calling him "Cupcake"?

No, I don't think you should call him "sweetie" in front of anyone. It would be embarrassing. I can't picture my hubby calling his sons sweetie at any time nor any of our grandsons. He calls our granddaughters that, but not the boys.

I dont think it is a big deal, but if it bothers your son then your husband should make an effort to stop, but that can be easier said then done. If you have someone who, for 12 years you have been calling sue, and then she says she now wants you to call her kathy, that would be hard, right? It is kind of the same thing. I have always called my son "baby doll", and last year he asked me to stop. I have had to try very hard to not let it slip out, and I have slipped up on several occasions.

Agree with the others. As hard as it is, he needs to try to stop calling your son sweetie. I know from experience that a parent's nickname/terms of endearment can make a person self conscious especially if done in front of friends. My mother always called me "Sissy"...I hated it for as long as I can remember!!! I finally told her when I was about your son's age. It made me feel weak and babyish. Growing up you called someone "a sissy", she used it as I was the "little sister"...it didn't matter, on my level (age/mental) sissy was not a nice name.

I think he has the right to ask not to be called Sweetie. Especially by his dad. That kind of stuff is embarrassing. Tell your hubby to start calling him something else instead. Something more masculine or silly - like knucklehead!

my nickname name for our son is 'monkey face'....I've called him that since he came out of my womb. lol But he's now 10 and dosen't like it anymore so I've stopped calling him that. I've tucked it away in my heart :(
You husband should really stop. Your son has asked him to stop and thats really all the reason he needs.

I call my son "little man", "Chaseman", "goober" "lovedove". Our son is now 20 years old, 6'1 and 200 lbs. Not such a "little man". =) If he were to ask us to not call him something, I would stop and your husband need to as well.

Is it that he really doesn't want Dad to say that infront of his friends or all the time. This is the age where kids start thinking parents are useless and a pain in the butt. Our existance embarasses them!

Have a conversation with hubby and guide him through this with your son.

Oh... I just called a 19yo "sweetie" last week. Made him blush to the roots of his hair.

Sweetie, honey, sugar, cher, darlin, sweetheart, love, princess, kiddo, trouble, handsome, chan.... And those are just the generics.

I'm something AWFUL about assigning nicknames to people. I grew up in 2 "lands of nicknames" (Japan & Deep South), and then have the Brit thing thrown in. Pretty much, if Im using your name, you're in trouble. I don't even notice Im doing it.

During the "Lost" craze... Remember Sawyer & the Nickname Generator? That's me. I reeeeally don't even notice it, until someone points it out.

I can TRY not to, but it rarely lasts long.

My husband has never used a nickname for our 11.5 year old. Correction--once in a while he'll call him "little man." I have been calling him Peanut or Peanut Butter (ironically he has a peanut allergy that wasn't diagnosed until after the name stuck). He doesn't seem to mind and has never asked me to stop but I agree with the others--if he took the time to establish the boundary, I would honor it and stop using the nickname. Ask your hubby to put himself in your son's adolescent shoes....he was one once too. :-) S.

No and why in the world would someone want to irritate their child and drive them away from a close relationship otherwise? It makes kids very upset so why do it? Call him his name or something different.

Eh, It would be kind of awkward being a male and it coming from your dad.
Just my opinion.
If it were grandma, I would let it slide, but I can see him being embarrassed by his dad saying it. Makes him sound kinda babyish, especially in front of his friends. Omg! lol

If he has asked not to be called sweetie anymore then your DH should comply. It is no longer a term of endearment when the one it's directed to is not happy. If your DH continues and knows your son doesn't like it, then he's being mean. It's like a joke. A joke is only funny in the ear of the listener. People say a lot of mean things and then say, "Can't you take a joke?" No, not when it's a put down to me. DH needs to have more respect for his son.

definatley not, especially if he asked not to be called that... this might be a little sexist but i think it would be less embarrassing if u were the one saying that than your husband... your little man just doesnt want to be babied anymore... who knows mayb friends have heard this and are teasing him about it