Contemplating Correcting Daycare on Calling Son by Nickname.

K.,
I was a preschool teacher and I had one mother ask me to call her son by his full name, instead of the nickname HE wanted everyone to call him by. I had no problem with her approaching me about it. She pointed out that he will need to learn how to write his name for Kindergarten and it would be easier if he learned his given name first, and then adapt to a nickname (if he wanted) when he was a bit older. I agreed completely.

I have been a preschool teacher for many years. His teachers may not know the nickname bothers you. Just tell them to call him by the name you want. How else will they know?

I would definitely mention that you noticed it happening and just say (for example) "We loved the name Jackson, but don't particularly like Jack, so we avoid using it so it doesn't stick!" They most likely won't be offended. They longer it goes on--the harder it may be to initiate the conversation. Good luck.

K.,
I went through this same thing with my daughter. I am not a fan of shortening names. I would just nicely tell people that her name is Madison not Madi. It was never a problem. She is now 10 and she has all her friends and her teacher call her Madi. it is her choice now so I go with it. I don't say anything to anyone now. I still call her Madison though. Just be polite when you ask people to call your son by his correct name. I am sure they wont mind.
L. R

I know how you feel about this. My youngest son is named Anthony Joseph. I thought long and hard about that, and it took me a good while to come up with it. Less than 12 hours after he was born, my obstetrician walked into the hospital room as I was holding him and just happily referred to him as A.J. My husband and the grandparents were there, and he became A.J. from that moment on, no matter what I said. Today he's 18 years old, 6'4" tall, and usually needs a shave. I think "A.J." sounds a bit juvenile, but he likes it. He also likes Anthony, and I call him that about 50% of the time. He does prefer to use Anthony for important events, and will be introduced at his Eagle court of honor and at his graduation ceremony as Anthony.

I guess I can't complain too much. I was born into a family where most of us had nicknames before we were even born! In fact, we had several and rarely heard our full names unless we were in trouble. In contrast, my husband's family would never consider nicknames. Everyone is called by their full names, even using middle names, as well. When we are at my mother-in-law's, my husband Chuck, becomes Charles Patrick again. He prefers Chuck, which he picked up in grade school. But Charles Patrick is the name that makes him feel part of his family. My name is Loretta, but I much prefer L.. So when I was in school, teachers always called me Loretta on the first day of school. I really hated it, and my mom taught me how to politely say to the teacher, "I prefer to be called, L.." I think if your son would prefer to be called by his full name, give him the words and support to ask the teacher to do so. And you can mention it to her, as well.

As he goes through life, no doubt he'll pick up some interesting nicknames along the way. Boys especially seem to like to hang names on each other. I'm a boy scout leader, and the boys use the names a sign of belonging and friendship. In our scout troop, the youngest boys really look forward to the day when an older boy calls him by a special nickname. We have an 11 year old who just joined, and he knows how to play the bugle. He so impressed all of the older boys, and they quickly decided their young bugler would be known as "Music Man". That evolved to just Music and then M&M. The kids seem to really enjoy it, and it becomes part of the fond memories that they will cherish from childhood. I think you should let your son set the standard for whether or not he uses a nickname outside of the family.

Our daughter's name is Morgan. You would be surprised to find the number of people who try to call her Morg. Which to me sounds like the place they take dead people to in the hospital. I have always asked people NOT to call her that. And I get the desired result. You have to let people know you prefer he not be called that. They will remember and respect your wishes.

Absolutly correct them. You don't have to be mean or offensive, just tell them what you want him to be called all the time and to correct anyone else who shortens it.

Hi K.,

I work in a daycare and would definitely not be offended if a Mom or Dad asked me to call their child by their real name instead of a nickname.

At the day care I work at, one of the forms the parents fill out prior to bringing their child there asks if the child has a nickname. I personally would not call the child by a nickname unless it is on that paper.

I think you could start a conversation out by asking them why they call your son this nickname and then let them know that you prefer that he gets called his right name. You might also want to pay them a compliment on something at the same time, so they don't feel like you think that they are a bad teacher or anything.

L.

Is your son old enough to have an opinion of what he wants to be called? We had a similar thing with our son's name and someone told me a long time ago that I shouldn't care...it's not my name, let your son decide what he wants to be called. My son is Nicholas and I call him Nick. He told his teacher this year that he only weants to be called Nicholas. Who knew?

This is a huge pet peeve for me and hubby! Hubby's family has always been "our way or no way" type people. Drove us nuts. When we had our soon-to-be 13 year old son, we named him Alexander Joseph. While in the womb, he was so crazy inside that he'd bruise me on the outside slightly. I told hubby that this felt like no "Alexander". This felt like an "AJ", so from then on he was called AJ. Well, hubby's family did NOT approve of that! They claimed they didn't believe in nicknames or initials, which was not true because most of hubby's siblings had Spanish names but created "American" nicknames and even gave on grandchild initials of "JC" cuz he was named after Grampa and Dad. It was obvious that once again they wanted to control what we did, because hubby is the youngest of 9. Also, hubby's brother's name is Baltazar but decided to call himself Alex, and we wanted NO confusion with the names at all. So his family started calling him "Little Alex" after his birth. Thankfully we moved out of state when he was a couple months old, and we'd come to visit he wouldn't answer to anything but AJ cuz that's all we called him, lol. So we argued over that for a a few years but they finally gave up when AJ was old enough to say, "My name's not Alex!"

By the time he started pre-school at 3, we had to always register him by his birth name of Alexander, but we always told the teachers to call him AJ. Most did, but once in a while we'd get someone calling him Alex. As AJ got older he'd just correct them and say "It's AJ." But when we was still younger and we'd go to the doctor or where ever and they'd assume he was "Alex" we'd immediately interrupt and say "AJ" or when we'd reply to them about him we'd always say "AJ" instead of "him" to re-enforce his name.

I would suggest immediately, but kindly, correcting the teacher and everyone else that you prefer him to be called "such n such" and correct them as needed. You may get a person here and there that will be stubborn (even though it's not their child) but just keep correcting them until it sticks. 99% of people don't take offense and they don't know they're making a mistake until you tell them and will appreciate it.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/HarrisburgPAChat

Could they be shortneing his name to differentiate between two children with the same name? Although you may not like it may just be a manifestation of the personal relationship they are developing with your son. You didnt say how old your son is but is it causing him any confusion or does he dislike it or is it just a pet peeve. I'm not saying you shouldnt correct it if you really feel you need to but just giving you some alternative outlooks on the situation. You said you work full time so they are his surrograte parents during the day nad I'm sure its probably just a sign of their atachment to oyur son. Personally I owuld rejoice in that unless it was something he could get picked on for later!

It's not rude to ask that your son be called by his name... a name YOU gave him.

State it plain and simple. "I noticed a couple of times that my son is being called _____ instead of his real name,____. I would really prefer you call him ---given name--- until he's old enough to tell you if he wants something different."

People try to call my 1 year old daughter, Madison, by Maddie all the time. I simply say, 'oh please call her Madison. That's what we'd prefer until she can tell us she's rather be called by something else' Most people are very understanding. I have one friend that continues to call her Maddie and although it grinds on my nerves I think it could be neat in the years to come to have this one friend be the only one to call her Maddie... something special between the two of them. That's at least what I tell myself so I don't let it grind too hard!

You have every right to request your son be called by his proper name! Not rude at all.

best of luck with it,
R.

I don't think it would be rude to say in a friendly tone, "I know this is something unimportant to other people but could you please call our son xxx. We talked about the nickname yyy before we named him and don't like it. We would really prefer he not get used to be called yyy. I'm sorry if I didn't mention it when we signed him up for daycare."

Afterall, you can't expect them to know not to call him a nickname if you don't let them know. After you give them a chance to respond (assuming they apologize and/or assure you that they will start calling your son his proper name), thank them for being understanding.

One thing to keep in mind, though. As your son gets older and goes to school. He might just get the nickname you don't like, either from his friends or he might ask for it. As much as we would like to control that, it is not always possible.

Anyhow, I hope this helps. Good luck with the daycare.

Be straightforward. If you don't like him being called something just say "please don't call Jack, "Jackie", I know it seems like nothing but we don't want him to call himself that name." Your provider can't fault you for your preference in regards to your child.

Good luck.

Hi K.

I'm not sure how old your son is, but I wanted to share with you my son's reaction to his daycare provider's calling him a shortened name. His name is Anthony, and before he was born I was sure he was going to be AJ, until I looked into my little Anthony's face. He was Anthony to me from that day forward. I don't like Tony and tell anyone who calls him that that I don't like it. Aside from that, everyone in daycare always called him Anthony until he turned 2ish and moved into the toddler room. His one teacher started shortening his name to " Ant" or "Anth" which I don't call him, and think sounds weird, but I didn't really care. One day when I picked him up his teacher said bye bye "Ant" see you tomorrow. To which he replied " hey, my name is ANTHONY." I couldn't help but giggle at my little man. I recently called him AJ and got the same response ( a year later mind you). So, even if they call him something else, I think they always know what their true name is because the people mose important to them ( Mom and Dad) call them by that name. But you could always just say, oh gosh - that sounds silly, we call him " name" ...

I would let them know how you feel.

Does he respond to the nickname? My son's name is Christian and that is all we have ever called him (He is 8). Funny thing is that when someone calls him Chris, he never ever answers! And then the person who calls him that gets offended that he didn't answer. Then I have the pleasure of saying "He won't answer to Chris. His name is Christian!" LOL

I am sure down the road his school friends may call him Chris or some other name but for now he is Christian. He does us Chris when he is playing his Wii and Christian won't fit for a characters name.

In the long run, you may lose the battle anyway once he gets to big kids school and they call him by the shortened name anyway. Just continue to call him by his full name.

Just be honest. You are paying them to care for your son and if you don't want him called by a nick name then tell them. Be nice, just say something along the lines of :

I've noticed that you're calling my son "blah blah" and we would prefer that you call him "blah". Could you please let everyone know? Thanks.

They should have no problem with this. It really isn't a big deal, most parents don't want their children's names chopped up and the only way to prevent it is to be consistant and tell people kindly when they do.

Not that it really makes a difference, but how old is your son? We named our som Carter John thinking that we could call him CJ for short in the future, but we call him Carter now. We want him to learn his full name first before we confuse him and start calling him something different :) Maybe you can just tell them that you want him to be known by his full name before any nicknames are given to him.

Just be straight forward with people and ask them to please call your son by his given name. Most wont find it rude and will repect what you ask of them. I have a daughter named Amanda and I hate the name Mandy so when anyone would refer to her as Mandy I politly ask them to please refer to her as Amanda, that I was not fond of the name Mandy. She is now 25 and only my ex calls her Mandy and that is just to tick me off. Good Luck

I'm sure you know the answer already. Just politely tell his teacher(s) that you don't care for that nickname and prefer him to be called the name you gave him. You won't come across as being rude. Many parents choose names that they love, but don't love the nicknames (Billy, Danny, Nick, etc), and unless the teachers are very young and new to the job, they'll completely understand.

Hi K.,

This is a tough one. I guess the best way to handle it is probably to just bite the bullet and politely say something to them no matter how ackward it may feel. I'm sure in the end they will probably feel more ackward about it than you. Remember, he's your son. So, you have every right to politely correct them. I have a feeling my husband and I will also run into this problem once our son David enters day care/school. We prefer David, but, I'm sure someday he will inevitably be called "Dave" or even "Davey." Good luck!

Hi K. - We have a similar situation with our son and his greatgrandfather. We want our son to decide if and when he would like to shorten his name (his name is Phillip); however, some family members consistently shorten it even though we always call him by his given name. I have often explained to people that we are calling our son Phillip and if he wants to change to a nickname when he's older, he can decide. Maybe this would work with the daycare as well or just politely say to one of the teachers that right now we're calling him by his full name and would prefer that his teachers did too. I would hope they would be glad you said something rather than waiting too long. Good luck!!!

I am the director of a preschool, a teacher, and a Mom of 3 grown children. Your child's name is your choice. You can certainly inform his teachers as to how you want it used, and teachers should honor your wishes, in my opinion. You don't mention your child's name, but be aware that in a classroom situation, often the children themselves shorten their own names, or their friends do. I have even had children tell me what they want to be called - nicknames that they prefer to be used with their friends. If your child's name lends itself to a nickname, it may be a battle you'll be fighting throughout his schooling. Only you can decide if it's necessary or worth the effort. Best wishes!

K....please say something to the teachers. I've been a preschool teacher for over 18 years and I would not take offense if you asked me to call your child by his name. I had one little boy who would only answer to "Batman" for about a month. Sometimes we don't realize that what we do bothers you and any good teacher would want to correct that. Just my opinion :)

I understand what you mean about nicknames you don't like. Naming our son was hard for that very reason - we'd like a full name, but not the nicknames. I think it's perfectly OK to casually mention to one of the providers one day that your son has mentioned or you noticed a nickname being used while at daycare and that you prefer that they use your son's full name instead.

The reality is that you may not like the nickname, but it's not really something you'll be able to control. Is there another child in the class with the same name? Sometimes nicknames evolve so that your child doesn't have to also use a last initial to be identified. Another reason might just be fondness - it could just be a sign that the care provider and your son have a caring relationship and it's a way of showing that. If the teachers haven't (or maybe they didn't) tossed out a nickname, the other children are likely to do so in time. Perhaps a child began using the nickname and it just caught on. In any case, I still understand there being nicknames that you don't like.

How does your son feel about it? If he likes it, then it's probably going to stick as he may even call himself by it. If he doesn't care or doesn't like it you could help him to learn a polite way to ask people to call him by his full name. This would probably be the most effective long term preventative to that nickname. My one grandmother always joked about how no name is really immune from developing a nickname. One last idea based on the last comment.... You could try to shape the nickname by throwing one out yourselves if there is another option that you like better instead of his full name. Good Luck!

K. - I understand your concern. Our son is starting to get a shortened version of his name from neighbors now. I haven't corrected anyone yet, although they don't play a daily role in his life. I usually tell him to wave or say hi to the neighbor and I call him by his given name when I do that - hoping that hearing it will help them recall his correct name. I'm not sure how old your son is, but if he is old enough to understand his name mention to the daycare that you are trying to teach his name and you are trying to get him used to his XXXXX rather than XXXXX. As professionals, they should be aware of the gentle reminder and take it to heart. If not, then you may have to flat out ask them to please call him XXXX. Our friends have a son Anthony graduating from high school this year & when he was old enough he started correcting people himself. Saying, my name isn't Tony, I'm Anthony. So - her hard work paid off - Good luck!

Absolutely correct them. My name is T. and everyone has always called me Tami. I like T. so much better but now I feel like I am getting in trouble everytime somebody calls me by my REAL name. Let your son choose when he is old enough to make that decision.

Without putting any additional energy into this, just ask them to call your son by his given name.

Plain and simple, no emotions attached.

HI
I would definately ask them to call him by his real name. When he gets to school they do not call the kids by nicknames. It is something to nip in the bud now.

As a day care worker in the past and present, I strongly recommend you say something. This is your child and you have every right to have them address your child the way you want him to be addressed. True you may face this problem again in the future when he is with friends who give him a nick name or so but at the present time, if this is what you feel then by all means, address it. There are should be no reasons as to why they cannot conform.
To go about it...."It has come to my understanding that there are a few people here in this facility that call my son "(nickname)", and write? (Nickname). We at home do not call him by this name and I would like it if you would refer to him at all time by "(his name)". He is not "(Nickname)", he is "(his name)". I have let this go before but it has now gotten a little over the line and I would like it to stop. I understand that you may not mean anything by it but I want him to know his name, not his nickname."

Just think of it, you went through all the trouble to give him a special name at birth, why have someone else come and alter it? That is his name. IF they don't adhear to your wishes, then it is a sure sign that they possibly don't do everything accordingly in their facility.

Often these names do not stick. I would make sure you call him by his preferred name when around them. When the opportunity arises, just say we really do preferr his given name over nicknames. There is no reason that should offend anyone.

You can ask that they call him by his full name-
Good Luck w/that........

I would let them know that you prefer his full name being used not a nickname. Are the calling him by nickname because there is another child by the same name? If so maybe you can come up with an alternative.

My daughter's name is Kayla and daycare called her KK. No problem, when she was old enough to say "my name is Kayla" they called her Kayla. Now she is one of 3 Kayla's in her class so she goes by Kayla S (first initial of last name). I have found some of her friends are starting to call her KK. Funny how it comes back in time.