By Golly, Just Sleep!

Updated on March 22, 2008
A.D. asks from Parker, CO
16 answers

My almost-5-month-old just won't sleep through the night. Our first boy cried it out for 3 nights at 2 months of age and slept through the night from there on out. This new sweet little guy just won't sleep through! We've let him cry it out for about 5 weeks now - FIVE WEEKS. My husband and I are exhausted.

Any suggestions besides the typical "go in and comfort every so often" ideas? We've tried just about everything - or so we think.

Thanks!

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So What Happened?

I've been somewhat overwhelmed with the type of responses I've received. Some of you were kind, offering encouragement and suggestions. Others were a bit offensive in the way you tried to get your point across. Rest assured my baby and I are bonding very well - and he never senses that he is unloved. Any mother that loves her children would obviously never do anything "cruel" or "harmful" to them.

That being said, we have decided to hold out a little longer. I have increased the amount of rice cereal in his very last night feeding and he seems to be a little more consistent with his sleep schedule. We are still tired - and of course I know that he is worth it - so we're working on a better routine for everyone involved.

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S.M.

answers from Colorado Springs on

Wow, some of those responses!! I don't think that letting them cry it out is necessarily cruel... However, I don't agree with it at 5 months. Babies can't fully grasp the concept of object permanence until 6-9 months... He doesn't fully know you aren't coming back yet!! They are too young to just lay in the crib and cry it out, in my opinion. My son is 4 1/2 months old, and sometimes he sleeps through, sometimes he doesn't. When he wakes up from a nap, in the day time, I don't leave him to fall back asleep on his own, or to entertain himself. He is probably hungry... And you don't want to starve him right? I'm not trying to be mean (although, maybe that's what some other women thought, and they were a little mean at times) but if he is going through a grow, you don't want to avoid giving him what he needs to be healthy. I think you should wait a while longer to just let him cry it out. If he was sleeping through the night, and now all of a sudden he isn't, odds ARE that he's growing. I'm a first timer here, so maybe I'm wrong. But I think what baby wants is a bottle, and a cuddle. We can't keep that from them. Good luck though. (maybe you should try a walk before his bedtime feeding, the fresh air works wonders)

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A.M.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I don't recommend that you let your baby "cry it out". Lots of new studies coming out demonstrate that it is actually harmful to your baby. The stress hormones released is too much for their little bodies to handle and this has many implications. The Sears "Baby Sleep book" & "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" both teach you a gentler approach. My baby is 9 months and sometimes she sleeps through the night, and sometimes, she does not. I know that this is normal, because growth spurts, developmental mile stones, etc. can affect sleep patterns. This week for instance, she was up every 2 hours to nurse, but last night, she actually slept through the night again! Those books helped me understand that a baby's sleep pattern is different than ours, and the best thing we can do for our children is BE THERE for them. If we parent our babies all day long, why would we not still need to parent them at night? Why do we try to push our babies towards independence so early in life? Good luck!

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S.L.

answers from Boise on

Maybe I'm forgetting this number, but I thought that crying it out is only for 6 months and up. It just doesn't work before that! And it doesn't always work for every kid, either. My first son only fussed for 5 minutes, then fell asleep. If it was longer than 5 minutes, I'd get him back up because something was wrong. I thought crying it out was the only way to go! But then I had another baby. For a whole year, my second son would cry and cry if I let him "cry it out." Sometimes he'd cry for 45 minutes, but that's the longest I ever let him go. It just didn't work for him. Crying got him more worked up! He'll calm himself down now at 22 months, but it plain didn't work before.
I guess I have to distinguish between fussing it out and crying it out, because my first never really cried. He just fussed for 5 minutes. My second cried like he was heartbroken.
So I'd give up on the cry it out thing. I had to.
How many times does your son wake up in the night? If it's just once, then I think he's probably a pretty normal baby. I usually was too tired to sit up in a chair and nurse my babies in the middle of the night. I'd feel dizzy and nauseated. So I'd bring him back to nurse in my bed, and we'd both sleep. Often, I'd wake up again an hour or so later and transfer him back to his bed, because I slept better with him out of my bed. But I didn't miss much sleep!
I hope you can find something that works for you, so you aren't so exhausted. Let us know how it goes!

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P.

answers from Denver on

Hi A.,
My OB told me something that helped me deal with my second son not sleeping more then two-three hours at a time at the age of 6 months. She suggested I give him avocados instead of rice for a filler to try and help him sleep through the night. Rice turns into sugar (glucose) which just burns up and doesn't fill them up and stay with them. Avocados have great fat in them for the baby's brain too! http://www.wholesomebabyfood.com/avocadobabyfoodrecipes.html

Some kids just aren't sleepers. Mine never did sleep well, even trying to feed him all sorts of good fats and proteins. But is a thriving 14 month old now and doing great!

Hang in there...I know all about your sleepless nights. I have two boys 20 months apart, I haven't had one night of 4 straight hours of sleep in 3 years. Things are getting better though as they get older.

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N.N.

answers from Provo on

I have a five month old and he definately doesn't sleep through the night. None of my boys have at that age. I feed my little guy at least once a night. I have an arms reach co-sleeper that goes right by our bed, so when he wakes up I can just reach over and get him without having to get out of bed. He'll eat (I sometimes fall asleep while he eats) then I'll put him back in his bed when he's done, all without missing out on much sleep. This way I know his needs are met (emotional as well as physical) and I can still maintain my sanity. With my first I didn't have the co-sleeper and it really does make a difference. The crying it out method may work for some, but please be sensitive to your sons cries. This first year is so important for brain development and if his cries go unanswered he can lose his sense of security and fail to bond appropriately. Just know that it is a sacrifice that will benefit him for the rest of his life.

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J.H.

answers from Billings on

It takes a long time, but you can try Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution" techniques. I got the book when my daughter was little because I thought I wouldn't be able to handle the crying, but in the end, I was too impatient to try the "No Cry" method. STill, the book is supposed to help. It may be a good one for you to try. It sounds like you might be at te end of your rope! The ideas in the book are nice, but they take a while to get going.

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M.K.

answers from Colorado Springs on

My 17 month old just barely started sleeping through the night and I am totally thrilled about it because it took our first one longer than her. Babies just wake up during the night it's normal. Their little tummies can't hold much food and they get hungry in the night especially if you are breastfeeding because it breaks down faster. Try feeding she/he more right before bedtime that might help.

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A.F.

answers from Salt Lake City on

I agree with Deb. I don't agree with the "let them cry it out method" though. It may work for some babies and parents but there are other methods check past posts on the subject.

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A.S.

answers from Pocatello on

I would just like to give you a little boost cause alot of the the responses I didn't find so pleasent. I am having the same problem right now and I have two older children that I have already done the let them cry it out thing and they are just fine there is no mental damage because I let them cry a little.(Which by the way I think is healthy) Mine is 7 months and until about a month ago I have been afraid to make her cry it out because I thought that she would wake up my other two but once I realized that she doesn't wake them up I have stopped getting up with her. She doesn't go to bed until about 9:30 so then if she wakes up about 2 I just let her cry.(After about a week she hasn't cried very long if she does at all) I do give her a bottle if she makes it until 5:30 or so in my book that is long enough for me. But even if you do get up once a night feeding him and getting back to bed might be easier that having to listen to the crying forever...I have done that whe I am so tired it is just easier to take 10 minutes to feed her then get back to sleeping. Then try it again in a month or so and see what you can do.
What time are you working on bed time and what are you doing right before you put the baby down? I hear you though on the no sleep my kids are 2 1/2, 1 1/2 and 7 months I feel like I haven't slept in almost 3 years. I am sure you are a great mom and are doing a wonderful job with your children. You can make it, hang in there!

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M.R.

answers from Colorado Springs on

I think you were somewhat lucky with your first child. I know MANY parents who would have given their eye-teeth to have their child learn to self-sooth when they were only 2 months of age.

The problem is that you have to consider not just your own schedule but your child's inner schedule. The child has no hidden agenda for his schedule; it's completely biologically driven. Yes, you are trying to train him to come around to your schedule but if you don't let him cry it out that doesn't mean that whatever other option you choose is to be labeled as teaching him you will always go to him or be at his beck and call.

You need to know your child's temperament. Like a previous post, my child was fine fussing for several minutes, but when it elevated to genuine wailing it only worked her up to the point where she was in hysterics and could not calm herself. If we could catch her before she reached the wailing point, we could calm her quickly and get back out of the room so she could actually then learn to self-soothe. She was sleeping 7 to 9 hours a night by 3 months, partly because we were lucky and partly because we could recognize her personality and when enough "crying it out" was enough.

I do, however, agree that a child will elevate their tactics to get you back to doing whatever you were previously doing when you try something new. So yes, you should be aware of that. But babies are very resilient, extremely smart and learn quickly once they feel secure. And I don't agree that long-term crying-it-out makes a baby feel secure.

If you are serious about trying something different, I would recommend the book, "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer", by Tracy Hogg. We used our discretion in following her advice, as I think everyone should do (once again, know your baby!), and we had a much easier time with the whole "getting baby into a routine" thing than we would have otherwise.

Good luck! We all know that babies are a lot of work, but they are so worth it!

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M.O.

answers from Denver on

I hope you have founf something that worked. You may be asking a little too much a little too seen of your little one, afterall he is only 5 mo.
I would try extra cereal (which seems to be working a little) and infant massage.

Good Luck!
Keep us updated!

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

A five month old will probably not sleep through the night. They need to be fed once a night, he is probably hungry! My son was a big baby and needed to eat at least once a night until he was 8 mos and my daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was 10 mos old. So don't expect him to sleep through the night for a while. Feed him when he cries and get him settled back to sleep. All kids are completely different and because one did don't expect the other too.
I wouldn't do the "crying it out" method until after 8 mos of age. He needs you.

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N.H.

answers from Missoula on

i have not read the other post and i know we ALL have our opinions on this issue but i just wanted to suggest. you may have to do something different with this little guy. my first cried it out for a week and then slept through. my second will not cry and then go to sleep she will just criy(like for the entire night, literally). for about a week at 4-5 mos, we just gave her exactly what she wanted to get her back to sleep(which in her case was a bottle in bed with me) i did this just so i could see what was soothing for her. then i began to adjust things from there. she also had lots of problems with gas and a rumbly tummy so we had to work all that out.she sleeps great now. I guess that was just a long way of saying: your second baby may just be different, and need different things to get him to sleep. i think if you take the time to do what works for this kid instead of going by a hard and fast rule, you will all be happier. and if you are doing what works for your family isn't that all that matters?

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A.M.

answers from Salt Lake City on

Do NOT go in and comfort every so often. That's how you teach a child to continue crying. In fact it teaches him to cry longer and harder until you give in. If you really want him to sleep through the night (and you are sure nothing is wrong health wise) than do NOT go in and comfort. Period. I do not think the cry it out method is mean and cruel. It worked for me and my kids were healthier because they learned how to sleep through the night.

Whenever you implement a new discipline or routine (no matter what age) you will experience an "extinction burst" meaning he'll cry louder and harder than ever before to get you to react the same way you were reacting. If you go give comfort than you teach him to cry louder and harder which may be why he's got a lot more persistence than your first child. But if you stick it out than he learns that crying for attention at night and THEN he'll learn to put himself to sleep. I'm not saying your child is bad, just confused. You will have to stick it out longer with this kid than with the last because he's learned to cry harder and longer. But DO NOT go in and comfort.

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L.L.

answers from Provo on

My baby JUST started sleeping through the night and he's 11 months old. He is a pretty big baby and just needed to nurse 1-3 times a night. I thought starting him on solids would do the trick as they digest slower. He started solids at 5 months old (cereal, strained baby food) and he still woke up at night. It wasn't until he started eating serious solids (crackers, fruit, soup, bread, etc.) that he was able to sleep through the night. He was waking up before because he was starving! Now he is able to sleep 8-12 hours at night without waking up.

I totally understand your frustration!! It doesn't feel like you get a good nights sleep if it's broken up into chunks. You've just got to power through it and be patient. Every baby has their own time table, even if it's not the one we would prefer! Good luck!

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M.W.

answers from Boise on

I recommend the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution." Not all babies can (or should) be forced to cry it out. Personally, I think the CIO method is cruel anyway. Try something else, and please be patient. Sleeping through the night is not the most important thing.

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