Bullying and Suicide

Raise her Biblically. Kind and loving, even to her enemies. But strong enough to always stand up for what's right. Teach her to always stand up to bullies, no matter who they are picking on. Teach her to be there for her friends and never live in fear. Teach her that you'll always be there to back her up.

Unfortunately there will always be some horrible people out there.
When I had a problem with some bullies in 7th grade, my Mom tried to talk with their parents, and the parents told their kids to give it to me some more.
They have no sense of guilt or compassion and they think nothing of the pain they cause other people. They lack empathy and I have no idea how these kinds of people might gain it - short of locking them in stocks and having strangers lob rotten fruit at them in a display of public embarrassment. Perhaps they really need to experience humiliation first hand in order for them to learn not to inflict it on others.

Children need to be taught compassion and understand empathy. We also need to embrace EVERYONE.

Used to be African Americans were treated a certain way and we were told..
"That is just the way it is"..

Current day United States ~
Hispanics are now looked at as though they are all here illegally..
People only want English spoken.
No ask no tell in the Military.
No same sex marriages
No gays allowed to adopt children that straight people will not even adopt. Churches preach that being gay is a choice and "God" does not love certain people..

Hmmm.... these are all adults making these rules.. what does it say to their children?
Why are our children Bullies? Because their parents are bullies but do not recognize it because.. "That is just the way it is"

This is a terrifying trend! Just look at the rash of suicides by gay and lesbian teens recently. I think part of the problem is that the adults in our society act in such a way that the kids learn that it is somehow ok to put others down for being different in any way. What we all need to work on is teaching our kids to be accepting and tolerant of others, but first we have to look at ourselves and make sure we are doing the same.

Teach compassion--not how to be a doormat. But encourage her to express her ideas and beliefs. If she can relate to how other kids feel, I think she'll be less likely to be a bully.

To any child who is being bullied, gay or straight: IT GETS BETTER.

Watch the youtube videos for it gets better. http://www.youtube.com/user/itgetsbetterproject

Kids that are bullied at school cannot see beyond the 8am bell. It's horrendous. The day looms as large and as threatening as the iceberg was for the Titanic. Then you sink.

You want to raise your with with decency. Not a pushover, but not one who sees the need to belittle either. The easiest way to do that is be demonstrating it.

Meanwhile for the kids who are being bullied or ostracized at school. Make their life outside of school one of acceptance, love, grace. Lots of opportunities to have friends not associated with the school crowd. To do something meaningful without the school crowd. And don't be afraid to switch schools. It makes a HUGE difference.

I think we need to actually remember what bullying is and not call every hate crime 'bullying'. Bullying is picking on someone at school - dropping their books, slapping a sign on their backs, etc. Most of these recent events that have been gaining national attention are hate crimes, not just bullying. Yes, bullying is harmful, but rarely deadly. I was bullied alot in Jr High and High school but it 20 years later I'm friends with some of the kids who did it (they were teenage jerks who felt guiltly and apologized when they finally grew up). I think it made me a stronger, better person. Not that I'm condoning it in anyway because no one should be bullied. I'm just saying that there's a HUGE difference between bullying and a hate crime -- and the media NEEDS to start making that distinction again!

You raise your daughter to be kind but confident. Make sure she is proud of who she is, and carries herself knowing that she is a good person worth more than whatever life gives her, and that other people are, too. And make sure that she can tell you anything, tell you how she is feeling, tell you about her friends, about her mistakes and her successes, so that you will know if she is having trouble at school before it ever reaches the point of suicide. I worry about this too, every day. I am terrified for my kids, and they are still just babies. But my parents managed to raise me so that the small amount of bullying I experienced in my life really didn't change who I was - I had good friends and a strong sense of self, and although it hurt me, I can't even really remember specific instances, looking back. I am going to try to do the same for my kids. I believe it is possible. Good luck.

I believe that it's the improper reaction to fear in one form or another.

I say a picture of the girl who was mocked even in death and she was beautiful. She was also talented and smart according to her family. These wonderful traits that parents want in their children are also the traits that make them a threat to those who are not so confident in themselves. The ones who aren't lash out, they tease and bully. They aren't taught how to handle themselves or those around them.

As for the recent gay male suicides, it is also a reaction to an assumed threat. Young males that age are on rocky ground in their new found sexuality. To have someone come a long and make them question themselves is a threat and instead of looking for answers and seeing the truth in a way that will make them stronger they lash out at what makes them uncomfortable and afraid.

Teach your child how to come talk to you and how to be strong in herself. That what she is and who she is, is wonderful and beautiful. Help her not to be afraid of those who are different or to simply follow the crowd. Teach her how to teat people of all kinds with respect and kindness.

I think its a combination of things. I think that first kids are not taught to solve their own conflicts anymore. When I was little you had to work out your problems with your friends and other peers now kids run to the nearest adult and expect them to make everything okay, second kids don't seem to get the proper discipline anymore so the kid that is doing the wrong thing gets just a tap on the hand or nothing at all so of course if you aren't punished for misbehaving then why not do it.

I know this suicide thing is so freaky. I do believe the media has a lot to do with it. It's a trend just like the piercings and the tats. Bullys have been around forever and so has suicide. I think because the media has focused on it so much that it just makes it seem like its happening more but I bet it really isnt.... but with all the attention it gets it's telling the kids that it's just another "choice" that's out there just like being sexually promiscuous with both genders, the media shows it all the time and so kids think it's an okay choice to make. It's been said for many, many years that TV is an evil machine and I believe it to be true. Of course it's never gonna go away and it's something we have to live with, even if you dont have one in your home your kids will get exposed to it eventually.
The best thing you can do for your kids is give them a good sense of self, a great faith base so they know that God is watching them at every moment so they wont ever have to feel alone, and just make sure they know how much you love them and how much it would hurt you if anything were to ever happen to them. I think a lot of the kids that are killing themselves have no deep family or friend or faith link to guilt them out of doing such a permanent and drastic thing. Kids are not to be left to their own devices, they need parental guidance the entire way through life. Thats why people need to really be ready to have kids because if you want to be good at it you really have to be prepared for the job. Raising kids has never been easy. Each generation had its worldly problems and Grandma's always say "How can they bring kids into this cruel world?", but we've continued to do it for generation after generation.
I know this wasnt an answer, obviously no one has the real answer.
The answer is in the book tho, and these evil times are upon us and the best thing you can do is be spiritually prepared for it, it's the only tool we ultimately need.

Keeping quiet about bullying allows it to continue to happen. I teach my children to speak up when someone is bothering them or hurting someone else. Call attention to it. Tell me, their dad, teachers, friends, Sunday school teachers and anyone who will listen. Why it is happening? Bullying has always happened. My mom tells me horror stories of some of the things that went on when she was in school and back then no one really did much about it. Bullying will only continue to be a problem if we sit back and do nothing. We have to stand up for our kids and teach them to stand up for themselves. Call out the bullies and make them accountable.

I absolutely blame the lack of discipline in kids today. It used to be mainly the abused kids doing the bullying, now it's also in very large part the spoiled ones. They grow up with hardly any boundaries, bossing their parents around, disrespecting their parents, and getting away with hostile behavior with "positive logical consequences they learn on their own (only they don't)" and never being "punished for wrong actions (taboo)" and suddenly, kids with everything are MEAN with no respect or boundaries and no fear of their parents as teens. No one can say this problem has DECREASED with the increase in popularity of skipping discipline. I see potential bullies in some toddlers I know.

My kids are well disciplined AND kind, and that's how I was raised as well. Giving your kids firm boundaries and enforcing right AND WRONG is essential for them to be strong and ethical for themselves later. If they don't respect you, they won't respect anyone.

We are putting our daughter in tae kwon do as soon as shes old enough to do it. She just turned 3 & you have to be 4 at this particular school. But there whe will learn respect, self discipline, she will get exercise but also self defense. It really helps cover all the bases. :) If she's respectful she isn't likely going to be the one bullying and if she knows martial arts there's not a lot of people that will mess with her either.

Hi J.,

There are so many issues that go into play here. Yes, your child needs to be strong, and kind, and self confident but not prideful. Those things have to be taught at home. The community, i.e. school, neighbors, even churches, are not following through with what they did when we were kids. Then, there is the complication of all the meds these kids are on and the contraindications with all the other chemicals in our food supply, our water, our homes in our bath and body products and cleaning supplies. Those things will desensitize them and then, add the violence and the glorification of vengeance on TV and you have a toxic cocktail.

We were very fortunate that we homeschooled and limited TV and avoided meds. We even detoxed our home. Not everyone has that luxury however it is something that everyone can aspire to do. It's not that difficult if you really desire it. The woman that said raise your children Biblically is right. I know the most important thing we did with our girls was to show them their self worth. The Bible says that we are wonderfully made and we should hold onto that. If we have taught our children that they are worth something and they really KNOW it, then nothing can shake that, not even bullying.

The girls that were laughing are pitiful. I feel terribly sorry for anyone that thinks they are better than someone else!

God bless you and your efforts!

M.

The number one absolute all around answer is the lack of God in the homes, schools and society. Scriptures have all answers to life. Parents do not teach their children, are not in tune to their behaviors and do not communicate with them. Teach your children well, it's our job. Base everything off of scriptures. We have the luxury right now to homeschool and peer pressure and bullying is at a minimum but not nonexistant. My children all know to come to me or my husband with any problem, and they know when enough is enough with children/people harming them improperly. They also know to stick up for what is right and if they notice others being bullied it is their responsibility to be a good Samaritan. They also know from a scriptural standpoint that bullying someone is unacceptable to us parents, and also unacceptable to the Father. This society is out of control and has a major lack of discipline because we have shoved our Creator out of our lives. Plain and simple.

I think a lack of supervision and family time is a contributing factor. My son is an 18 year old high school senior. He is smart, has Asperger's autism, and is overweight. He is also bullied. We got him counselling and the Izzy Kalman Bullies to Buddies program made a big diffrence in reducing the bullying incidents. http://www.bullies2buddies.com/ is the website. He ahs been suicidal. What we do is - monitor his facebook, etc. and teach him not to reply to people who are not kind and trying to rile him up - he has unfriended people like that. Also we always eat supper together as a family and all share about our day. Good things and bad things. Nothing is taboo. He knows that we love him and have his back, we will go to bat for him with the school officials if needed. Also, when we have him look at the bullies situation, a lot of times they are the ones who have parents who are too busy to spend time with them, and I think they are jealous of that. He is in a new school this year and that has also helped.
But in this day abd age, if your child is being bullied,, cannot just say it happens to everyone and learn to deal with it. It may be a matter of life and death.

I've been doing extensive research on bullying for a work project, & I simply think too many kids today never have any quality time spent with them. Their parents teach them nothing & expect the schools to pick up their slack. We need to teach empathy for others to our children. The schools are so afraid of being sued they're letting all the wrong people get away with things. Kids are also allowed tp watch horribly violent and death filled things on tv from horribly early ages. Parents simply must go back to actually teaching their kids some lessons! Sure tv is easy, but try to give a damn about what your kids are exposed to! If you get a comment of bullying about your kid, sit down and talk to them, don't just jump u and say, "my kid would never..." we also don't punish our kids or make them feel shame anymore which is a gross misstep. I'm not saying you need to beat your kids or give them complexes, but there is nothing wrong w/ much harsher punisent than time out or in telling your kid when they're acting abyssmally that they ought to be ashamed of themselves! These bullies are lacking parental time & teaching.

Raise her to be kind, and to stick up for herself.

"Tough" is just a hard cover for insecurity. You don't want to raise a kid to be tough.

I think the best defense to your child being a victim to something like this is that they have a awesome sense of who they are and that they are confident in their own skin. Being nice really has nothing to do with being soft or weak. Just the same as the one bullying is not the tough one at all but in reality the weak. Being wise and knowing the difference makes all the difference in the world for children and adults.
I agree that this string of deaths is horrible and it really saddens my heart. I think that this is one of many problems I have with schools. School is SO much more than education and we all know that when/if we went to school. Children are too young to deal with the issues that they are dealing with in there. They don't know the reality of the world and scale of things. In other words, their world is small and they tend to live for the moment. I think children should have a good healthy dose of acceptance from their family while they are young before going out into the world to give them the foundation for the future to stand on. Please don't get me wrong, I understand that not all are able to be at home with their children during those formative years. I stay at home with my children and I choose to home school and I realize that I am blessed to be able to. My husband and I made this decision long before having any children and this is one of the many reasons for it. I remember school very well. I learned alot there and most was not academic. I think for the well rounded education eager student success can be found in the classroom setting today but not all students fit this category. Why in the world would anyone teach and treat all students the same when we try to strive and teach them about all of our differences? I'm sad that we failed these poor young souls and that they will never get to realize that time moves forward and things pass.
Sorry to be so long winded here.
Best Regards,
C.

Great answers already. I won't repeat them, as I agree with a lot said.

But I read a book recently by Jodi Picoult (fiction, but she does great research. great author. wrote "My Sister's Keeper" which became hit movie). Her book "Nineteen Minutes" deals with bullying. Not suicide really - but high school kids, bullying, emotions of all kids involved, and school shootings (think Columbine). Good book. Emotional - eyeopening, esp when you realize that kids like these characters really do exist.