Bully Kids-do You Think This Is Bullying?

Nope not bullying. Kids do this all the time. I see it on my fb with kids hacking their moms account and the other way around. If I left my fb page open I wouldnt put it past anyone to go and post something embarrasing on my page. He needs to realize that these kids arent as polite (I guess is the word Im looking for) If he doesnt like it then he needs to find some new friends. Was he mortified that you called the kid out and told them to delete it? I would be more embarrased at that because then they would make a bigger deal out of it.

I'd be more concerned with the homophobia. My son is young but I would hope that by the time he is 13, someone saying he is gay is not a big deal. Maybe he will be.

I don't know if I would say anything to the parents, I might mention it if there was an opening. I think I would be more likely to say something if there was more than one incident.

Hopefully by the time my 16 month old is 13, saying I'm gay will be like saying, I'm African American (we are)...who cares.

K., your 13 year old son shouldn't be hanging out with these guys. You need to put the kabosh on that. They are using him as the low man on the totem pole and are kind of "hazing" him.

What they did was cruel, and the fact that they think this is no big deal makes it obvious that he needs new friends.

If the mothers ask you why your son can no longer play with their boys, tell them why.

Dawn

Is it mean...hell yes. He could easily take it as bullying.

Bullying is defined (taken via http://www.stopbullying.gov)

as An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.

Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once.

Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.

ETA: I would speak to the parents...you have that option. I cannot/am not allowed to speak the parents of my daughters bully. Due to confidentiality...let's save the bully not the victim...is how I see our situation.

ETA: I have issues with people saying it's typical boy behavior...ours started out as "typical boy behavior" chasing a girl on the playground...next thing you know he chokes her three times. I firmly believe "typical behavior" is out the door and no longer should be used as an excuse.

It's mean, but I wouldn't call it bullying. Kids do this to each other all the time, not only on FB, but they get a hold of each others' phones and send fake/embarrassing texts. They think it's funny, but of course it's not funny when it happens to THEM :(
I'm sorry his feelings were hurt, but this is a good learning experience for your son, not only to pay attention to protecting his private space (FB is a vulnerable space that he needs to protect) but to question who he's hanging out with. After getting burned a few times he will likely look for new friends and that is a good thing!

I find the behavior of these boys to be the start of bullying. If the boys and their parents are not confronted now this could lead to more intense behavior. I would like to pose the question to those of you who feel this is typical teenage behavior...if this were YOUR child would you still feel the same way? I think not! All parents and teachers should visit the website below to become better informed about bullying.

http://www.stopbullying.gov/what-is-bullying/definition/i...

If they think it really was a joke, tell them to allow your son to post the same thing on their fb page, and see how they like it.

It doesn't sound like bullying to me. It sounds like a typical stunt that dumb 13 year old boys would play. It wasn't right, of course... but young teens play pranks on each other all the time. Some are in good fun and others are more mean spirited. This is the perfect opportunity to teach your son about the value of choosing good friends, and how not everyone he wants to hang out with is a nice person. I might mention it to the other moms, but wouldn't really expect them to do much other than tell their sons that it wasn't nice. If these two boys keep it up, or they harass your son at school, start rumors he's gay... well then, that would be bullying.

I don't think it's bullying...just typical "boy" behavior. It may not be "nice" but it's the kind of things guys do. In fact, this happens with "grown up" boys (men) too. A girlfriend's husband thinks it's hilarious to post strange links and status updates on his wife's FB. Co-workers will send emails/FB updates with things like "I love so-and-so".

Leave it alone for now. If the behavior escalates, THEN I would approach the moms.

I'm with Manda on this. My boys would hardly be phased by being accused of being gay, because that's like accusing someone of liking ice cream, what's the big deal?

Also, why does your 13yo have a facebook page? He's opening himself up to stuff like this, and he's obviously too young to handle it. Take it down.

Sounds like something my husband would have done with his brother, had there been facebook back then. This is why I don't want my kids on social media. It's a recipe for disaster. In my opinion, one incident does not make "bullying." If this incident goes further, spreading more rumors that he is gay, faking pictures, continuing to falsify his facebook, then that is bullying and actionable. Getting in the middle, though, can be problematic -- there's definitely a time to step in, but it's important he work it out for himself -- if he shows himself to be a good sport for a little teasing, it might make them accept him more, but if his mommy stands up and tells them to stop, it opens him up to real bullying. It's a fine line -- if the mom is approachable, I might ask to speak to her in confidence. But it may be a better plan to give your son the tools he needs to deal with situations like this himself and give him the courage to ignore it and/or stand up for himself. Good luck!

several great points here.

But in truth B is right, and you need to talk to the parents before they do something like this one to many times to someone.

Jokes can hurt, and most schools have policies about such things even if they happen off school grounds.

Bullying? No. Mean as hell? Yes.

Good learning experience. Explain that it doesn't matter what other people think....ever. As long as he is living authentically, he can sleep at night.

Talk with the parents. It could stop them from really hurting someone.

My kids are gentle souls and would never pull a prank like this. It's mean and to an over sensitive person, it could cause massive harm.

Talk to the other moms. They need to know what their sons are doing and nip this in the bud. As for threatening to beat your son up? Yes, tell the moms that if you ever hear another thing about the boys threatening or doing mean things to your son, you will file a police report and contact the school board. I am sure the board would want to know if they had negligent people on their payroll who condone bullying. I would do a police report if you have any more new problems.
What they did was horribly embarrassing for your son and I would encourage him to stay away from these boys. True friends wouldn't ever do that to their friend. Good luck.

What influences my answer is that you repeatedly are saying that this kid is mean. If this was a normal nice kid that everyone likes and you have no problem with then I would chalk it up to a normal joke. But it sounds like this kid's mean, and that's why I vote bullying.

I would talk to the "nicer of the two" kid's mom. I bet that kid thinks the mean kid is mean. Maybe your kid can find other kids to hang out with.

Or maybe your kid can go back on his FB page, post something like "hey (mean kid), I think you accidentally posted on my page. I hope you get things straightened out".

Good luck. I hope the situation doesn't get worse. I do think you should take it seriously.

I have an almost 14 year old and teasing each other by changing facebook status is pretty common. Her friends will post something on her wall like "I love chopped liver" and she posts back I've been HACKED. The point is it's a joke and no one is hurt.

What these boys did is intentionally try to hurt your son. The fact that it was on social media just makes it more public. He needs to decide if he wants to keep putting himself in that position. He has the power to find other friends. If he walks away and stops trying to socialize with the brats and they STILL persist in trying to hurt him then it becomes bullying.

First, I feel bad for your son but I hope he deleted the comment!! I wouldn't class this as bullying (YET!) but just a stupid attempt at trying to be funny. Which, of course, it is not!!!

I probably wouldn't say anything to the moms because that could make it worse. I know it's hard to stay out of stuff with your kids - trust me, I know!!! My daughter had an incident just the other day - she's 15 - was telling me about this girl picking on her - this wasn't the first time - my daughter was in tears and it was breaking my heart; I wanted to talk to the girls' mother sooooooooo badly, but my daughter asked me not to, so I didn't. I stayed out of it and things have been worked out.

HOWEVER, I would never hesitate to butt in if I thot ANY situation was dangerous or if any situation escalates to outright bullying.

At 13, your son technically isn't even supposed to be on FB; BUT I would make sure he changed his password (just in case!) and then just monitor what's happening on his FB account. I look at my kids FB accounts every once inawhile to see what's going on. If I see something I don't like, I ask them about it and either have them remove it or untag themselves.

Good luck!!!

I don't think I would call it "bullying" per se, though it certainly seems unkind. I have seen many similar posts by lots of my nieces/nephews friends/siblings. It is a really common prank. That said, my nieces/nephews are all 16+yo and the posts were made in fun, with followup posts (by the FB owner) saying "oops! I shouldn't have left my FB account open!" or something along those lines. I've even since this happen to my SIL.

Given your son's age and general sensitivity, it is probably more difficult to shake this off. I'm sorry it happened.

I was bullied growing up and I can honestly tell you the biggest culprits-parents worked for the school. The worst one who picked on me-Yeah, his dad was the school's superintendent and he thought of himself as a god at school. My life sucked.

BUT, my mom talked to the school about what was going on and I had a few allies, one being the assistant vice president. Anytime I needed to talk or get away, I was allowed to go to him and it helped. My mom also made a point of talking to the kid's parents when she could. Did it make a difference? No the kids still teased me and such BUT the teaching staff was aware of the situation and that did help.

Their idea of a joke-was a mean joke and kids are old enough to know the consequences of such an action. I wouldn't let it go. I'd take it to their parents.

I know your son is friends with these two boys and maybe it's time that he had the talk about choosing friends wisely. The meaner one is NOT his friend, the other one-ehh maybe but he needs to start separating himself from them.

Over time this will blow over but it may be awhile. I feel for your son.

Even if they were "nice" kids, Id say they probably were just joking around. Kids really rib each other sometimes and it's usually harmless. But if it upset your son that bad, I can see why you're upset.
I'd tell him to let it roll off his back. I do think tho that this is a good example of why kids should be allowed unlimited access to the iternet. Just another way to torment each other, wether it's vicsous or in good fun.
Just teach your son self respect, and to be brave enough to not tolerate bullying and come to you if he needs to!
And I wouldnt say anything to the mom, sounds like she wouldn't care much!

Leave your FB open someone will come along and play a 'joke'. I have had my own children do it to me, their friends do it to me, it happens.

Even the content for the age of the kids would be considered 'normal'. Your son has learned a life lesson, hopefully he will close out his FB when not at home.

Would I talk to the mom's? Depends, if this turns into a bigger issue and doesn't go away: yes. Then I would set up a meeting to see what we could do to reel it in. If this blows over, as a lot of teen drama does, then I would let it die out and chalk it up to kids being kids. Which we know at 13 isn't always the best thing in the world.

While embarrassing, this seems pretty typical for kids this age. I know your son was embarrassed, but he learned a valuable lesson about closing his facebook when done. I bet he won't make that mistake again.