Bringing Passion Back

If there was one thing I know now that I WISH I had known then, it is to relax. It is very common to feel how you do, but even if it weren't, it's how YOU feel and that is what's important. Accept and honor your feelings and don't beat your self up (or worry about comparing where you are to where others are or appear to be). You're in place that's very difficult because everything is so new and so completely overwhelming. GIVE YOUR SELF A BREAK (in everything--not just intimacy). Don't be hard on yourself and just hold on. Things even out and get better in every aspect as your baby gets older and you get the hang of how to be the mom you want to be.

Very normal! You and he need to give you more time, it has only been 10 weeks! You also need to psych yourself up, as hard as it is. I remember I hated my body and I felt like my ONLY purpose in life was feeding the baby. I had a hard time getting to think of my body as anything but functional anymore. Take a nice long shower and a bottle of wine (you can pump and dump) and yes, you might need to plan it. Planning this stuff actually becomes necessary as icky as it might seem at first. Think back to what use to get you two going and try it again. I might be the only one to say this, but maybe a nice R rated movie or something? I would also plan on lubrication if you just can't get yourself into it but you want to be there for him. In any case, he should be more patient with you. My husband was just as tired as I was, so this wasn't an issue for us! I read all of Jenny Mccarthy's books and she said it took her 6 months to get back into things! Be patient and Congrats!!

YES, YES, YES. Very normal. If you said the baby was 10 MONTHS old, I'd say maybe you had a bit of cause for concern (although I know lots of women who'd still say so after that many months). But your child is only a couple of months old. You're still healing physically and emotionally, and I'm guessing you're not sleeping as much as you once did. That is exhausting for anyone. It takes time and patience. I am hoping your comment about your partner feeling "neglected" is your words and not his. In my opinion, 10 weeks post-baby is a little early for complaints about feeling neglected. Did he WITNESS what you went through during pregnancy, labor, and delivery to bring his son into the world?! I think you should tell him to suck it up and get over himself.
That being said, I know the feeling is not pleasant. You now have 2 men in your life and you are constantly trying to keep them both happy. It's not easy. It takes time and effort, but you really do have to be patient, find the time for romance/sex when it's POSSIBLE not necessarily when it's IDEAL. Babies do change everything.
I wish you luck in trying to rekindle yourself as a woman and balance that with life as a mommy. You will find you will always have to work harder to do that now. But it can be done. Be patient, be spontaneous, and give yourself a break. You just went through the toughest physical experience any human can have and are now the most important person in a child's life.

Hi L.....Do not worry.....it will come back but you have to innitiate it or be in control. You know what I did....I put on a record ( heh...it were records at that time....I'm 60) that we used to dance to...a romantic one and I imagined us being on a date, before long we were going at it......and it was not the back-seat of our car....although that wouldn't be bad either.Let your imagination go wild when you're dancing. I had 2 children and believe me after all that child-birth pain the last thing you want to do with the man that caused it .....is have sex. BUT......you love him more than life it self and you want the pleasure back so ...put on that romantic cd...light the candles and pretend he's george Clooney...that'll get you in bed.
Conny

I hope that I don't sound strange, but...just do it. Muster up the energy and try it out again.
When I had my daughter, none of my friends had children yet so no one understood what I was going through. I was so tired and sooo madly in love with her that there was no room in my heart for my husband. Poor guy! Lucky for me, we rode it out and little by little got back to having an intimate relationship.
Keep your chin up...there is a reason that you're together. Just try and remember it when you see him. Look him in the eye and kiss him for 5 seconds (no break)...and see what happens.
Good luck from a mom of two now who's been there. You'll work it out...just be patient with yourself. It's a lot of change all at once.
H.

I wish I could give you an answer. It has been hard for me, too. My daughter is 16 months now, and sex is rarely something that I'm interested in. But the good news is, that some days are better than others (in that department). Give your body and mind time to heal. If you are breastfeeding, it's your body's natural response so you don't get pregnant again. You're not wanting it is natural. Explain to your husband what you're going through. Ask him to be patient and work with you through this. Ask him to try to romance you. It works much better that way.

Don't worry, this is normal.... especially if you are nursing as well. It takes time. You definitely need to sit down and have a talk w your partner... let them know that this is normal and you are still in love with them. Books are a wonderful resource - get one to give to them to read. Read it yourself as well... The one thing you need to remember is that you are still a woman and not just a Mom now. Being a Mom for the first time is similar to being in a twilight zone. so don't loose yourself. Make sure to make time for yourself so that you can be a better Mom and Wife. :-) good luck!

Moms work, clean, take care of the baby, cooks then our partner wants love. Are we superwomen. LOL. I have a 18 month old and the way me and my husband got back into the swing of things is have a "date night". Maybe dinner or a movie if you have a sitter. passion is not about sex. take a bubble bath and talk or shower. lay in bed and just discuss anything and everything EXCEPT the baby. Trust me it works. Good luck getting your groove back.

YES IT"S NORMAL! Don't feel bad about not feeling anything as your hormones and emotions are running on high due to the birth. I felt the same way and have found this to be a common issue with my friends as well. If your breast feeding I have found from my experience and others that you really don't want your breasts touched for numerous reasons. The least of which is that they not longer serve the roll for sex but for nourishing your newborn baby. I suggest you take time with your partner away from the baby. Just one on one time. Not with the intention of sex but some much needed one on one conversation, holding hands, etc. Then schedule a time for sex...YES schedule it! This way you can prepare your self emotional and physically. Take a shower, do your hair, etc...you know as if you were going out on a first date. (this helps you feel good about yourself and more like a woman instead of a mom). Once you do this a few times you will feel a little more for your partner each time. Also the first couple of months for a mom and baby are really intense. So know that you will wake from this fog called being a new mommy soon. You will still have the strong emotions and love for your baby, but it's like the sun comes out and you didn't even know it was gone :). Good luck..know that your relationship with your partner is the most important thing. You need it in order to be a good parent. So nourish it as much as you nourish your baby. (I know it's hard!!!) If you can manage it, a weekly date for a 1-2 hours is great for your relationship. Try for at least 2 times a month though. God Bless you and congratulations on your new baby!!

My suggestion is to be patient and ease into it slowly. After my first child we didn't do anything intimate for six months. I was so sore and tired that it was the last thing I wanted to do. My husband was very patient and understanding. After my second baby I was ready after only a few weeks. You and your body need to time to adjust. Your hormones are probably still out of wack too. Take it slow and keep trying. Have your husband give you a massage and use candles to set the mood. It may take some effort now but gradually you will be your old self again. The most important thing is to be honest with your husband and find ways to still be romantic with him until you are ready to go further. Good luck!