Bossy

Ditto all the other advice so far about sitting nearby, coaching with more appropriate rephrasing, etc.

I have also taught my children to respect each others 'NO.' So, when older sib takes charges and makes the rules and organizes the search, and younger sib wants to chime in, he needs to learn to compromise and share ideas and incorporate those too, and if younger sib wants to opt out and not play that, then he has to respect the no answer too.

It makes for a lot of learning how to give and take on both ends. Older sib will still be a rather gifted negotiator in the long run.

"Now, let's try again and ask in a friendly way."

This is one of the pat phrases I use with my son and my preschool kids. They need to understand that the bossy commands aren't what works. My son is big at 'hinting' at this time ("I'm thirsty, I want..." ) too, and in both cases, be it at play or with parents, we want to encourage them to ask politely. I answer requests that are asked in a friendly way --sometimes they forget please, I don't make this a 'magic' word, but ask that their tone is friendly and respectful.

So, as much as you can, sit near them and provide coaching when they play. Olders are naturally more directive: they often have a more developed veision for the play, and more specific ideas. Also offer time for the older one to play at an activity alone, if this is a trouble spot for certain things, and find something else for the younger one to do.

And for me, the 'crux' of bossy is being told, not asked. That's why I try to use the asking of questions to change this habit. Good luck!

Just keep pointing out when he IS being bossy...I think a LOT of first born children come off this way, at some point in time. :)

I am a Mom/Auntie to 3 'sets' of siblings and ALL the first born children have had to be reminded to be not so bossy to their lil' siblings!

I think this is the roll of the oldest that lasts a lifetime. ;)

Bossiness comes with the territory.

Remind him that what he said was unfriendly and we all want to be friendly.
HAve him re-ask questions with please and thank you.
Model good manners with him.
No and stop mean NO and STOP. This is a hard lesson to learn when you are the older one.
Use positive statements when he is being friendly to the other one. Catch him being good.
I have two firstborns. My oldest was 6 when the "princess" was born, and he is bossy because he is so much older than the others, 6, 9 and 12 years older. She, on the other hand, feels like the world should bow down and kiss her feet. Don't get me wrong, I love her dearly, but we do have our moments and it is still a learning process. She is 15.

possibly have him repeat his request in a different way.

Instead of HEY, give it to me!

suggest, hey I sure could use that lego piece. Could you hand it to me please?

I know depending on age it will come out like HEY! PLEASE GIVE IT HERE! but that is still progress.

He's bossy because he's the oldest and we oldests know best. :-)

I don't think there is anything wrong with asking him to rephrase his requests in a nice way, but you should also celebrate his leadership abilities. Give him opportunities to be the leader, but also impress upon him that when you take a leadership role, you have greater responsibilities as well. And part of leadership sometimes is taking a backseat and letting others shine, or make their own mistakes. There are some really excellent books on birth order that can help understand your family's dynamics and help everyone excel with their strengths.