Books for My Husband on Being a Dad

I appreciate what you are trying to do but how do you think he will take it?
I mean, if HE handed YOU a few books about "how to be a better mom" how would YOU take it?

I don't know of many men who are interested in reading books on how to be a better dad (and most of the men I know are well educated and successful.) It's just like putting stuff together, or asking for directions, it seems to be in their DNA to just "wing it."

He will learn over time what works and does not, and so will you. Hopefully the two of you have a fairly strong bond and agree on MOST things in the marriage/family arena. Though I really DO understand where you are coming from, my husband has always been much more of a pusher than me. But I can honestly say, SOMEtimes, he was right. Rarely, but still, lol :)

So your husbands ways are not your ways. If he is a good dad, leave things alone. He will soon learn the difficulty in teaching a child to count by 3's and give that up.

Anyway, I don't think a book on parenting will be received well. How would you feel if he got you one?

Rather than offer a book, gently guide your husband.

How Children Learn by John Holt

All about how to give children space and time to learn at their own pace in a way that they feel comfortable and safe.

I love this book.

Maybe read it yourself and tell your husband what you find interesting instead of giving him a book to "improve" his parenting - which I agree could be taken the wrong way.

Dr. Sears has an EXCELLENT article on his website just for dads. Actually, it's in his book too (Discipline: How to Have a Better Behaved Child from birth to age ten) , but he has a lot of his book chapters on his website. It sounds like it would be perfect for your husband to read:

Just for Dad's section:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/child-rearing-and-developmen...

Discipline and Communication tips
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

As for the specifics, if kids and dad have a pretty strong bond, then pushing them isn't too bad. But if the kids are obviously stressed by it, then it's possible it can backfire later. The key is to develop a strong and happy relationship now.

I think Playful Parenting is a GREAT book for dads. It's written by a dad, and it's all about connecting with your kids through play, even through rough-housing. So it's kind of a "language" that men understand.

i agree that if he's not the one asking for help no book in the world will make a difference. you say he's a great dad, so i don't know, but in my situation, my husband had NO idea what to do with our little one. he was constantly trying to logically explain to him why doing what dad says is right and doing what he was doing was wrong - this to a 2 year old who had NO idea what he was talking about. then he'd get frustrated and all the drama would start. he had waaaay too high expectations of what a small child could understand or even was capable of.

what really worked for us was just stubborn determination on my part, to throw them together constantly. i tried to "coach" my husband along the way. we ended up going to my pastor for some marriage advice and it helped him see others' point of view on many things, and that helped. but mostly, he needed to spend time with our son and learn for himself what worked and what didn't. it was a combination of things.

in the end he has to realize that what he's doing isn't working, and be open to other ways of dealing with his son. good luck!

My husband sounds very similar, except for the 'count by 3s' thing. My husband would NEVER read a book to self-improve. Would your husband? I don't think you should waste your money if it'll sit there and collect dust. He needs a mentor-dad to help him. Maybe a men's group at church? Or present him with "facts". My husband only listens to the facts.

THink about why you want him to have a book. What is it really that is the issue.

My son is 6 years older than my daughter. In 4th grade he was doing multiplication tables. At dinner he would say to my 3 yo "What's 3x3?" When she couldn't answer he would say "It's 9 dummy."
It boiled my blood, Until one day he said "What's 7x4?" and my 3 year old piped up "It's 28, dummy."
His constant poking at her backfired bigtime for him. For her, she was multiplying most of her numbers before kindergarten. He also did it with his spelling words. When he missed a word we were practicing on, and she laughed, he would say "You spell it." It was pretty funny to hear a 3 yo spell b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l.

Kids are smarter than we adults think. WHen I counted with the kids I always counted by 1's, 2's, 3's, 5's and 10's. I did this when they were babies.
I sang the state song to them as a lullaby. Before they entered school my kids could say all 50 states in alphabetical order.
We have a power of 2 song. My 5th grader (homeschooled) knew it as a little guy and all of a sudden we are working on powers of 2 and he just sings his song and can give you 2 to the 6 with no problems.

There is a book The 5 Love Languages for Children and Teens. It talks about loving the children. If he loves them unconditionally they will learn to play his games.
And my dad is a HS math teacher, In 2nd grade he said Let's do Algebra!! SO my sister and I were doing Algebra concepts in early elementary school.
I completely blame him for my minor in Math and my inability to understand why people "just dont' get it", like my own daughter.

If your husband is spending time with your son it will not backfire as a teen.

Bringing up Boys, great book!!

Would your husband like some books to read? There are a lot of men who would never say this out loud but think, "My wife thinks I'm a dummy and a loser. She keeps giving me these books to *improve* me!"

Does he know other dads? Good ones? He might take better advice (and book suggestions) from them.