Birthday Phone call...or Lack Thereof :(

First of all, Happy Birthday! I share a birthday with you (+5 years), as does my twin sister - as does Prince Charles (tangent I know). :o)

I am in the same boat, although my mother calls a little more frequent than 3 times in 11 years. Yikes! My twin sis definitely takes it a little more personally than I do, but I also get a little upset. She usually remembers a few days past and apologizes up and down.

Although I haven't done it in a few years because money has been thin for us the past few years, I used to send HER flowers on my birthday as a thank you for giving birth to me! After all, she did all the hard work. She LOVED receiving the flowers and didn't forget to call then!!

So have I given you any good advice here? No, but just know that you're not alone and that you certainly have the right to say something to her. It might change things and it might not! What do you have to lose? ;o)

I know how you feel my mother is the same way. When I was younger she would call me around the exact time I was born and now I barely get a happy birthday. But let me tell you if I didnt make a big deal out of her birthday she gets very mad and lets me know.
The pain you feel is hard and real but I would tell her. She may have no idea how it makes you feel. If your relationship is good in all other ways then I would say she has no idea.

I can see how you would feel bad not hearing from your mom on your birthday. Each mom is so different. Where one would never miss a birthday, another just wouldn't think it would be that important to their child. Do you hear from your mom at other times? I am a grandma now and my grandsons other grandma has only seen him less than 10 times in two years. She is missing so much.Your mom is the one missing out on your birthday even more than you even though she doesn't realize it.

I know you've gotten lots of responses and I admit I didn't read them all, but...my experience was that my mother stopped calling once I got married. I assumed she thought I was "taken care of" at that point and that she kind of wasn't needed anymore. So, the birthday phone calls became kind of sporadic. Unfortunately, Alzheimer's had begun to set in and then the calls disappeared altogether. No one really knew what was going on at the time (all I knew was that it really really hurt not to have her call or send a card).

So, this is not to make you panic that something is up with your mom mentally. Obviously this was just my experience. I just wanted to throw that out there to show that sometimes there are circumstances of which you may not know the full extent. I'd definitely talk to her. Maybe come at it from that perspective..."Mom, you forgot my birthday! Is everything okay?" Hope this wasn't a downer--your post just really hit home as my mom's birthday (who passed away in '09) is in two days so I'm thinking about her a lot. Take care and I hope you can get some resolution to all this.

I think that you should bring it up to her and tell her how it makes you feel. I also think it depends on how the conversation goes...if it goes good & she understands then hopefully she will acknowledge your next birthday, or if it doesnt go so well then maybe you should try and let it go and not expect a birthday call again... I dont doubt that it urks you more and more every year which is why you should just approach the topic head on.
I agree with the post below though and not to do it when you are upset.

Omg, no, I would never do that to my daughter. She lives quite a ways from me as well and has for years but no, I would never not acknowledge her birthday. I consider it a very special day for me, too. Yes, I would tell her - maybe not when you're upset but at some point. I'm so glad your day was otherwise a good day and Happy Birthday to you, T.!

T.,
I think it is a big deal, but not a huge deal. It depends on the type of person that your mother is. Is she like this with everyone and with other occassions? My mother passed away a few years ago. She always called on my birthday and sent a card, but that was the type of person that she was. She sent me cards all the time. My grandmother always calls me the day before my birthday. She has it fixed in her mind that it is the day before, but it doesn't bother me.

I am learning at this point in life that you should not go around with repressed feelings. It is unhealthy. With that said, call your mother and calmly express to her how you feel about not being acknowledged on your birthday. Once you express it to her, dismiss it. Don't allow any additional energy to be put towards it. Expect her not to acknowledge it and it will be a lovely surprise when/if she does it. I pray all goes well for you in this situation.

My mom only remembers my birthday because my dad cares. If he weren't in the picture, I'm not sure I would ever hear from her. I know it hurts your feelings, it hurts mine too, but she's probably not going to change. My mom does it because she should never have had children and could really care less about us, sadly enough. She only cares when she thinks other people think she should. (for example, buying my daughter things because her sister and mom were, not because she wanted to)

My dad, OTOH, calls me every year the day after my birthday. For whatever reason, he thinks my birthday is the 30th, instead of the 29th. So last year, when I made a big deal about being 29 on the 29th, I am wondering if he's going to try to make a big deal about me being 30 on the 30th. :-)

My mom as well rarely acknowledges my birthday. I used to get upset about it but I'm 45 now and it's just the way it is. I've mentioned it to my mom sometimes but she does what she does. I think some moms think they're more entitled to get acknowledged than their children because they're the parent. My mom is just a more selfish person, a very "me" person. She loves me, cares about me, but feels she's somehow more entitled to the attention than her own children and others. That's just her. I can't change that so when I talk to her after my birthday I just tell her again, "Thanks for forgetting my birthday again! You'd think every September 14th would bring back memories of pain to remind you to call!" LOL She apologizes, gives her excuse that there were locusts and floods and I feel better that I remind her that she forgot.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Don't feel alone... mine was yesterday and again no phone call or card! You would think it wouldn't be so hard considering I made the only child she has alive. My brother was killed in 1981! But she's quite the narcissist.. but it still hurts!
I guess we have our own little club! This post is quite a few years old but Happy Birthday!

I feel so sorry for you that you are going through this. I haven't had this experience but why not confront her with this behavior. Sounds like she has some deep seeded psychological problems. Is your Dad around to talk to about this issue? How is your conversation when you call?
This is very hurtful behavior.
Good Luck.
M. G

My mom is the same way... She has forgotten my birthday many times, our first anniversary, my sons birthday. I never said anythig and it would eat me alive. My soul needed for me to speak up, and I did, and amazingly enough, she listened. I was so hurt and angry and I told her. It helps because 1) then she knows and 2) your soul needs you to speak up for yourself. You have to say something. For you. For your sanity and well being. Hope that helps. Feel free to send me a message if u want to chat more about it. I know how much it hurts. Good luck, :-) M.

Hi, T.:

You can ask her if she remembers when your birthday is?
What is the root of your pain? Is it you feel like she doesn't love
you. Why is not receiving a birhday card painful for you?
Just want to know.
D.

I understand!!! My mom doesnt acknowledge mine or my kids bdays, Christmas, Easter...nothing! But im suppose to listen to her for 3 hrs on the phone at the drop of a hat. Evil, some women should never be parents! Im sorry love, i know it hurts!!! You're not alone! 🤗