Birthday Party - Do I Have to Invite the Whole Class?

since they are 3 years old, I'd just go ahead and invite the other two kids. To me a "mean" three year old is someone that probably hasn't learned to share or communicate yet...not really mean at all, still learning social skills.

I would not leave 2 out of 7 children out, I just couldn't do it. I agree w/ the other moms that at 3 yo, "mean" probably does mean lack of social skills and sharing, which is right in line w/ this age group.

No you do not have to invite the whole class, however in such a small class of very young children, to exclude ONLY two children is probably not the best decision.

Blessings....

Invite all 7. I think she is too young to starting "icing out" other kids in her class. Kids at that age group learn to work on social skills and getting along with each other.

At my kids preschool, everyone gets invited to parties. If I found out that my son (also 3) and one other student were excluded from a party, I would be upset.

I think it would be a good chance to talk about kindness with your daughter - as another person posted - they probably arent mean, they are just learning social skills.

I am a kindergarten teacher and even if you send the invites in the mail the children will talk about the party and the two you don't invite will wind up being hurt. You should invite all or none. It is so sad to see children with hurt feelings, I've dealt with this a few times.

You don't have to But with only 7 kids in the class it is kind of tacky not to. Now having said that if those kids are mean to your daughter chances are they are going to say no anyway. And keep in mind you will be there for the whole party. So if things get dicey you can step in and say something. I agree with the mama who said it is a chance to make better friendships

in that small of a class, to exclude 2 children is pretty rude. the kids are gonna talk about it later, etc. if the kids don't like her, and they don't get along, they prob won't want to come anyways - and if they DO come, you may be able to get some insight into the relationships and give your little girl some pointers to improve the dynamic. you are certainly free to do as you wish, but i couldn't intentionally exclude a 3 year old from an activity knowing it's gonna lead to hurt feelings, they're just little kids...

If you are mailing invites, then I would say you don't have to invite the whole class. BUT, leaving only 2 of the kids out, would be kinda mean I think. I mean if the class was 25 students and you were inviting half the class or only girls that would be one thing. But not inviting just 2 seems kinda mean to me. Why not take this opportunity to show your daughter how to be nice and inviting even if she thinks the 2 are mean. Perhaps inviting the 2 kids would open them up to making friendships with your daughter.

Personally, if it were that small of a class and she really wants to NOT invite 2 of the kids, I would tell her OK then only pick her 2 closest friends from the class to invite. Better to exclude the majority than the minority. You can give her the choice, pick 2 or pick all. If she picks 2, it's easily explained. "I was only allowed to invite 2 kids from school." No one should feel personally slighted. You can talk to your daughter about not talking about her party at school since not everyone is invited. Make sure she knows that there will come a day when SHE will not be invited to something. No one gets invited to everything. You say you are having other friends from outside of school, and she is only 3. That would be enough kids for a party in my opinion for that age. I'd mail the preschool class invitations, but give a courtesy call to the Moms of the kids who will be getting the invites to let them know your daughter only invited 2 kids from her class, so please ask them to talk to their child about being discreet and not talking about the party at school so as not to hurt feelings. But don't expect word won't get around anyway. That's an awfully small school community. Good luck!

Normally you don't have to invite everyone, BUT...with so few kids in the class, it seems mean to leave just 2 out so I say you should invite them all. I heard of a school that had a policy -- invite fewer than half, or invite all. That way, there won't be one or two who are left out.

At 3 years old, one day they are mean and the next they are best friends, so I wouldn't leave anyone out.

I'm in the camp of inviting the extra 2... What you could do though - send those invitations on the late side. Is that horrible? I guess so but that way you've invited them but increased the chances they can't come bc they've made other plans. Otherwise, 2 more isn't a big deal and I agree that with such a small class, you kinda should invite them.

The rule at my daughter's preschool is if you invite one, you invite all. You may want to check the policy at her preschool before doing anything.

Send the invites in the mail and only invite those she wants there.

Children who are mean to others should not be included. And your daughter would not feel comfortable if they were there. If a teacher asks...just tell the truth.

At our school, IF you want to distribute invitations at school, then EVERYONE or ALL of the girls or boys have to be invited. If you're mailing them to the homes, you can do whatever you want.
Personally, I wouldn't exclude 2 of the 7 kids at age 3. I'd probably invite everyone. Next week, two others will probably be MEAN to her! LOL

Yes-you should invite the whole class-maybe the two that she doesn't get along with won't attend or if they do, maybe they'll get to know your daughter better and treat her differently

I know at our school they will only pass out invitations if you are inviting the whole class or all the girls or all the boys.

Now for my opinion :-) Personally I think if you are inviting 5 out of the 7 than you should invite all 7. It might bridge a gap between your daughter and these two. If they get to know her outside of school it might make for better play at school. If these two actually have a problem with your daughter they may not come. Finally I think that 'writing them off' at this early age is not teaching your daughter how to navigate social situations and she has a looooong way to go.

Do you HAVE to? No
Might the other parents of the left out kids get their feathers ruffled over it?
Maybe.
It's a tough situation because the class is so small and you are inviting the majority of them.

Sorry - I know that wasn't really an answer. You have to weigh the pros over the possible consequences.

You'll probably have to go with your gut on this one.

At age 3, I'm not sure the two kids would really be aware that they were being left out. I don't think there would be that many hurt feelings. As long as you can hand out the invitations outside of school, you can probably get away with only inviting the children your daughter wants to have there.

On the flip side, you could invite the whole class and use this as a teaching opportunity for your daughter about including everyone. You could ask her how she would feel if everyone in the class was going somewhere and she wasn't invited.

I know that having a lot of preschoolers at a party can be daunting, but in all likelihood not all 7 kids will come anyways. For my oldest daughter's 4th birthday I invited her whole preschool class (14 kids) and I think 9 or 10 came. So out of 7 kids, you are likely to have a few kids not show up.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

I have always invited all of the same gender in the class and by class I mean grade. Last year we had 22 girls spend the night, argh!

Only my boys had mean kids in their classes and what I found was if you invited them they didn't come anyway.

So take that for what it is worth. :)

I guess I'm in the minority on this one, but I say you absolutely do not have to invite all of the kids if you don't want to, and the reasoning behind it really doesn't matter, shouldn't come into play, & isn't any of the parents' business. This is especially ok if you've already planned on mailing out the invitations. The kids are 3, not 13, so if the party is on a Saturday it's fairly likely the kids won't still be talking about it by Monday when they're back in school.

i would invite the other 2. You can supervise to make sure they are not mean to her. You know if the other 2 hear the other 5 talking about the party, they'd probably be mean to her for that too. It's always so hard!!

You don't have to invite them, just be prepared that 3 year olds talk and even if your daughter doesn't mention something (which she probably will, 3 year olds love to talk about parties), one of the invitees will mention it. Are they mean to her consistently or just on occasion. Sometimes my daughter will have a disagreement with a kid one day and say they are mean, then the next day they are friends again.

I say invite all 7. Chances are that not all 7 will come. If she wanted to only invite 1 or 2, that would be different but NOT inviting 1 or 2 is not appropriate. If you plan to hand them at at or through the preschool then you definately have to invite them all.

I would talk to the teahers though and see if they are aware of any problems w/ these two and your daughter. Sometimes it could be a one day event/something happened but other times it could be a reoccuring issue that needs to be addressed. And then again, you aren't always going to be friends with EVERYBODY.

Hi, Mom:
Do you think that is the kind thing to do, teaching your child
to start excluding her classmates?
If the children are mean to her, then having them attend would be ideal.
You can me a mediator between them and hold them accountable for their
behavior towards your child.
Just a thought.
Good luck.
D.

I would say, go ahead and give the invitations out to all seven at school. My experience is that a lot from school won't be there or even RSVP. It is hard to deal with mean people, but something we have to do our entire lives.

Okay.
So while in Preschool my son was invited to a B-Day party. Not the entire class was invited.
No one was bothered about it.

Then speaking for myself. I have 2 kids. We, have never invited an ENTIRE class to their parties. Never. We only invited, my kids' friends. Which also includes, friends from outside of Preschool/school. And it was fine.
We have never had a Teacher, that said, that parents HAVE TO invite an entire classroom.

Another option is: you can always bring some cupcakes or something, to the classroom, for your Daughter's B-day. But then, the kids might ask "Are you going to have a party?" type thing.

To me, at least per my kids... they were not "icing out" other kids from their party. THEY only felt comfortable, inviting their friends. Whom they know and play with regularly. But it was never a large party anyway.

Then per my kids' Teachers, they always instruct parents not to openly pass out invitations. To give it to the Teacher directly. And then the Teacher.... will give it to the parent. Themselves. Discreetly.

Our preschool requires that all the children be invited. You might want to check your parent's handbook to verify that you don't need to invite the whole class if that's the direction you're leaning towards. If it were me I'd invite the whole class. I think it is a good lesson for your daughter and it will give you an opportunity to observe the interations between your daughter and the "mean" kids. Having a better understanding will help you help your daughter navigate the meanness.

We're in birthday season right now. My almost 4 year old is in a preschool with about 19 kids. The birthday parties we've been invited to, all the the kids in the class have been invited. For one party, there was one child who was left off accidentally and it was bad. The child was upset because kids TALK and the parent was also upset since she felt they was purposely left out. In a class of 7, I say invite all of them. At this age one day's best friend, is the next day's mean girl.