Hello Mamas-
Quick question for you all. My daughter's birthday is the day before Easter. I invited all of our family over for dinner to celebrate, but became frustrated when several suggested we just celebrate on Easter instead of having a separate celebration (we did this last year, and I don't think my daughter should never have a separate function for her birthday, just because it is close to Easter). Anyway, with everyone having different schedules and opinions about how to celebrate, I ended up asking my daughter what she wanted to do, and she states she wanted to go to a buffet restaurant to celebrate-- not my choice but this is what will be special to her on her day. I sent out messages to all the family stating that we were going to go to this restaurant, and that anyone who wanted to join us could do so. I stated in the messages that anyone who wanted to come just pay for themselves, and if anyone didn't want to come for dinner they could come over afterwards to our home to sing and have cake. My husband was horrified that I told everyone this about paying for themselves. He felt we should be paying for everyone's dinners (it is about $14 a person, which obviously adds up). Please tell me truthfully, fellow moms-- have I embarassed myself? Should we be paying? Thanks!!
I don't think you should pay for adults. I think if there are any kids her age, you could pay for them, but adults should definitely pay for themselves. And I think it is great that you insist on giving her her own birthday celebration separated of Easter!!!
Since it is family I don't think it should be a big deal, especially since you gave advance notice that they would have to pay their own way. If I were in that situation I would just take my immediate family out and invite everyone else to my house afterward for cake.
I completely agree that your daughter should have an event separate from Easter.
As for paying for themselves, I can understand your husband being upset. The original plan was that you were going to provide dinner, and now your not. However, I wouldn't be worried about it, you told everyone upfront what the plan was and now they can make their decission as to whether or not they wish to come for dinner.
We do this all the time in my family and even with all of our friends. An email is sent out stating when and where. Nothing is ever said about paying because everyone just knows they are paying for themselves. I have never gone out to a birthday dinner thinking the "guest of honor" would be paying for my meal.
I don't think you should have to pay for any guests that may or may not show up or feel embarassed. You offered to have everyone over to your house for dinner, where they would have gotten a free meal, but instead of thinking of your daughter and making sure she has her special day some people only thought of themselves. I say go where she wants to go and make it her day regardless of who does or does not show up!
My family does that all the time for birthdays! Someone will organize it, send out the email and put something along the lines of everyone being responsible for their own meals and pitching in a few extra $$ to cover the birthday person's meal.
No I don't think you should be paying. If anyone wants to come then they pay for themselves. You already told them that you are having cake afterwards so if they don't want to come to dinner they can just show up at the house. Depending on how many people show up that could be very costly. Plus if you pay for it more people will probably show up just for the free meal not because it's your daughter's birthday. I think what you did was just fine. Hope your daughter enjoys her night. I always loved it when my parents let me pick out the place to eat for a special event!
Yes you should be footing the bill for the party. You chose the place and invited the people. Sorry to be so blunt. We are celebrating my son's birthday on Easter because I did not want to drag people out two times to my house and I also did not want the hassle of having to throw two parties so close together. The cheap mom in me realizes I save a lot of money doing it this way.
We have done it both ways. In this economic time I don't think you should have to pay for adults. Maybe grandma and grandpa. To pay is a nicety not a necessity AND it is family. If it was at your home that would be very different. And you have given them the graceful option of just joining you at your home for celebration with cake. It is family......
And you are right to allow your daughter to have her own celebration. Anyone complaining is just that complaining. This is your child and I too think you are handling right!
Good luck family can be a challenge.
I would say, if you are inviting people to dinner for your daughters birthday, you probably should pay. if you can't afford it, don't invite them all. Have them over for the cake, and that's it. know what I mean?
as for the Easter situation... one good thing is that easter is a different date every year. So some years it may be a week or two before or after her birthday. My 5 year old (tomorrow!), was born 3 days after easter, but her 1st easter, she was almost 13 months old (it was very late the next year!). hahah!!!!
Our family goes dutch for this type of thing.. It is no big deal.. You are family.. I like the way you are handling it..
I've done that a few times for my 6 yo. His birthday is right before Christmas. If it was a party for just kids, I'd pay for it myself. I don't believe you have embarassed yourself by asking anyone who comes to pay their own way. I haven't been to a birthday dinner out where the family of the "guest of honor" has to pay.
Why not just have a party for immediate family on her Bday then do another one for family/friends a week later (or before) we have done that for my girls before. This year my middle daughter's Bday is on Mother's Day so we will do something special, just our household and my mom, that day for her and then have a party with her friends and family later...they love the fact that their birthdays are celebrated more than once :)
As for the paying for the meal, I see nothing wrong with how you sent it out, but if you are concerned with certain special family members unable to attend to do finances and you would like to cover their costs then call them and let them know that you had already planned on covering their costs b/c your daughter wanted them there and you just can't cover everyone's cost.
